mkingdon – Page 17 – Mkingdon's Blog

Endless Entertainment and Crap Trains

24/11/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Sometimes these posts are just random rants and others they are very much a diary update (this is what it started out as way back in November 2009!). This one falls very much into the latter category as for once some stuff has happened this week! Rejoice!

The week just gone has been a veritable smorgasboard of cultural enlightenment and social interaction. Not all of it was welcome but you live and learn.

On Thursday evening I went to the Comedy Store in Manchester with some work colleagues for one of those team night out things. It is a sad sign of my advancing years that I was finding the prospect less than thrilling as Thursday rolled along, and the appeal of going home, getting warm and “seckled” seemed like the preferable option.

As is usually the case, after making the effort it was an enjoyable night. None of the comedians on the bill were household names of course, but that didn’t stop them being entertaining (on the whole) and I laughed a lot. I doff my imaginary cap to their bottle and bravery to do such a thing.

It would appear that some of the audience are regulars and attend to indulge in the sport known as heckling. It is a bit of a one-sided sport with the comedians having the microphone and all the wit but it was funny at times nonetheless.

As soon as the last act finished I and other “aged” colleague were off home leaving those with an age lower than my waist measurement to go off and do silly things like get drunk on a work night.

On Friday evening Louise, Emily and I went to the cinema to watch the Catching Fire (Hunger Games 2) film. My Pick N Mix intake of late has reached health threatening proportions. With Saving Mr Banks and a whole host of decent films coming out over Christmas I may be diabetic by January.

Despite a delayed start due to some broken heating in one of the theatres, we enjoyed the film a lot. It was Emily’s second viewing of it as she had gone to a midnight showing in the early hours of Thursday too. Being the second in a series of three (or is it four? I heard the last book will be two films) it ended in a weird place but a good sign was that the almost three hours flew by so it must have been entertaining.

As if two outings were not enough, on Saturday we decided to go to the German Christmas Markets in Manchester. In all the years it has been on we have never done so, and felt it was high time we did. In a very rare event, all four of us ventured out together on a family outing, Rebecca is nowadays more often than not doing boyfriend things, so that was a nice change.

We had decided to use public transport, namely a train, from our local station at Bromley Cross to Manchester. The service operated by Northern Rail was bordering on a risk to public safety. The number of people crammed into the train was incredible. You know that I am not one to complain about the cost of things, but at £32 return for the four of us, we could have flown to a European city off-peak for not much more.

Safe to say, especially after the journey from hell back home again we shall not be doing anything as silly again. We shall drive.

Upon arriving we of course ate. This was a Williams outing regardless of the venue.

Anyway, the markets themselves were busy too, and so it was difficult at times to even look at the stalls. We did the best we could, and combined the visit with my trip to the Apple Store for my Genius appointment. My iPhone had stopped liking Wi-Fi recently and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I had read on the internets that the latest version of the operating system was more than likely to blame, frying the Wi-Fi chip, and as much as the long-haired youth with a red T Shirt on didn’t want to confirm this, he did everything but.

Of course with my phone out of warranty, he offered me an option of a new handset for £150 at which I laughed. He suggested I go back to the retailer I bought it from, who under “Consumer Law” should replace or repair for free within two years.This was clearly an Apple script for dealing with that seems to be a massive fail on their part as the internet is full of the same problem, all after the upgrade to OS7. Of course the retailer did not wish to do any such thing, so I was brewing for a huge argument when I realised that my very posh bank account provides us with mobile phone insurance, so I called them today and a new handset will be with me tomorrow.

That, my friends, is a right result. So that went some way to make up for the horrific journey to and from Manchester at an extortionate price.

So how on earth in that whirlwind of a week have I found time to get “the book” up to 40,000 words? Well, each lunchtime I manage to crack off about 2,000 words, and then with some evening tweaking and a good solid session today, that is where I am. I’m rather pleased with that.

I don’t want to rush the thing, but I’m finding the discipline of doing so much each day really helping. Some of it will be crap of course as sometimes I just don’t feel like it, but that is all for correction and improvement later.

In other good news, last week I confirmed my holidays over the Christmas season, and I am more than delighted to say that I finish at lunch time on the 18th of December and do not darken work’s door again until the 6th of January. That dwarfs the previous right result, and is off the scale in terms of awesomeness. That will give me a really nice break from work, a chance to write, and to double my waist measurement in two and a bit weeks. Hooray.

Enough.

Till the next time….

Noddy Holder’s Letterbox

17/11/201329/11/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Somewhere in Birmingham, there is an elderly chap sat by his letterbox waiting for the Performing Rights Society cheques to arrive. His mutton-chop sideburns twitch in anticipation of the royalties from Now That’s What I Call The Same Christmas Songs Every Year 127 to land on his doormat. Noddy likes Christmas.

Yes, the supermarket ads are on, they are all shite, and will make absolutely no difference whatsoever to where I buy my matchmakers and celebratory Heroes this Christmas. Ant and Dec have sanctioned the murder of a Disney classic, John Lewis have gone all Watership Down and Asda haven’t really bothered at all.

It is mid November I may add, so anybody with their decorations up, should, much like those responsible for any minor car accident that causes me delay, be executed at the side of the road.

That seamless segue way into my traffic woes brings me to the over arching theme of last week. My soul-destroying, hope crushing commute to the office. It isn’t often the case that I have to do it five times a week, as I am often elsewhere for part of the week, so maybe that was part of the problem, but it was horrific.

Add to that woe the “fun” of Children In Need on Friday and I have had better weeks. Having to sit at my desk in my dressing gown, and how that helps some deprived child get help is beyond me, but that was the situation I found myself in. Not being able to (Pudsey) bear seven hours of Terry Wogan mis-reading an auto cue, we decided to go to the cinema instead.

We went and watched The Butler.

It was good. I know that sounds less than glowing, but we enjoyed it. It just wasn’t the life changing event it seems to have been built up to be. Oprah and Forrester were excellent in the leading roles, and it was easy to watch. I would describe it as a sort of black Forrest Gump, but not as light-hearted.

We returned home full of expensive snacks, and in my case the inevitable heart burn that Pick n Mix results in, just in time to see the only thing we were interested in on Children In Need. McBusted performed, and as we had secured tickets for their concert in May next year, we enjoyed it.

For those who have read Going Limp, (and thank you for all the five star reviews!) it may not surprise you to learn that when the intro to Year 3000 kicked in, Emily cried. As she explained, that was her childhood right there. Busted were the first band she liked, her first gig, and something which steered her musical taste to what it is today.

Rebecca is equally excited at the prospect of the gig, but managed not to cry at the first sight of them!

I have little shame in being a forty-three year old man who will be fourteen rows from the front at their concert. It will be a family outing full of nostalgia, and probably some unhealthy food. Why should I feel shame when people go and watch Coldplay, U2 and Fleetwood Mac all the time.

By next May, hopefully well before, I also hope to have my new book finished too. See how I used all that pre-amble to simply navigate you to another stroke of my literary ego? This week I passed the 25,000 words mark. That’s a lot, believe me, and I do kind of like it, whilst at times also hating it.

I’m probably about half way through the story as I understand it today, but the really fun part of writing, I have found in my extensive two-week writing career, is the way in which it develops a life of its own, and ideas just land out of the blue to get you out of a dead-end. My over arching worry, beyond my competence, is that I will somehow encounter a blind alley in the story and not be able to write myself out of it. If all else fails I’ll just have an asteroid hit the earth, and introduce a Bruce Willis character as that seems to work in a lot of films.

Anyway, I’m off to celebrate the fact that Downtown Abbey isn’t on tonight. Small victories.

Till the next time…..

That’s right, I write.

10/11/201310/11/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Reading last week’s post back a few days later I was struck with a sense of pomposity and over blown self-image, but hey, I is a writer now, so I guess that is how I roll!

Still, outing myself in that way was a good thing. It has made me write, and as I type I am up to just short of 12,000 words. That sounds like a lot, but I need to get about 80,000 which of course isn’t daunting at all.

There is nothing like completely winging something to get the juices flowing.

I did call upon two kind folks to read the first few chapters last week, (after Louise had read it) just to get some honest feedback as to whether I’d be better spending my time power washing the yard in my spare time. The content was very raw of course but their feedback was encouraging enough to get me to continue.

So if and when you do read this thing, I shall tell you who that was and you can send them hate mail!

I am enjoying it too. I do have frequent attacks of the “this is a heap of shite” but I shall carry on regardless, taking pleasure in the process as much as I can. The story is developing on the page and in my head, so I just hope it is good enough to hold someone’s attention.

Outside of writing stuff, the week has been filled with work of course and another stay in Marlow. M’colleague and I were delighted to discover that the heating was broken in our “hotel” upon our arrival, and so after consuming huge amounts of Chicken Saag and Naan bread we returned to the hotel where I slept in every item of clothing I had brought with me. Well, I say slept. I lay horizontal for a few hours until about 6am.

In a vague attempt at revenge I emptied the hotel room of anything that wasn’t nailed down and my laptop bag is still full of complimentary shortbread. Had I a bigger car, I’d have had the fridge and TV away too.

I don’t do cold very well.

Emily is working most days at our local Debenhams. She has a Christmas job in the cafe there and is quickly becoming a black belt at Lattes and operating a dishwasher. By the time she finishes at the start of January she will have about 80% burns and a bank balance she has no idea how to spend. I am calculating the due rent as we speak.

Rebecca continues on her course at college (Media Make Up and Hair), and is enjoying it very much. Her small ambition is to finish the course and then immediately start work doing the hair and make up on a major Hollywood movie. I see no reason why not.

Tonight, Louise and I are going on a date night. If memory serves that will involve finding a deserted car park and fiddling with her knockers for a few hours. Either that or we will go to the cinema. We haven’t decided yet.

If we do the latter I don’t know what we’ll see yet, but as long as it involves £20 of Pick N Mix it will be a date night of which dreams are made.

I only have to sell a few more books and that will be the Pick n Mix paid for, so thank you.

Oh yeh, BUY MY BOOK!!

Till the next time…..

The Hangover from the Hullabaloo

03/11/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Right then, I expect the exact same number of visitors and comments on every blog post from now on, or I will be demanding written explanations!!

Safe to say, my last post drew a few more readers and commenters, which I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised by. Everyone likes a bit of a kerfuffle from time to time. I could see a fair few referrals from new and different sources too, which you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out.

If you are a new reader, welcome along, and don’t get used to every post being so arsey and popular. I can slip right back into mediocre banality with great ease. Just watch.

When I wrote that last post I did have an undeniable feeling that I would regret doing so, and part of me does. To make such a fuss over something which is so trivial really isn’t my style, but, being frank I was really pissed off, albeit with a small majority.

On balance, I’m glad I got it off my chest though. If a few were brave enough to post those thoughts then maybe a lot more had similar feelings and I’m pleased to have a platform and a chance to have said my piece. Let’s not get into it again though.

The amount of feedback and support I received was incredible, amazing and totally unexpected. I thank every single person who left comments.

If you have enjoyed Going Limp and left a review on Amazon, that is very much appreciated too.

With nothing to write now, I start to get twitchy when I’m sat doing nothing, with a weird sensation that I should be doing something more productive. Yes, those six minutes every day when I have my free time are a real curse!

That is a problem for me in general to be honest. I am task and completion driven, and can find it hard to relax at times. I suppose this is part of why I love these holidays so much, as they are a hobby in themselves with all the planning and research that needs to go into them. Of course, most of the actual holiday involves doing rather than doing nothing so that suits me too. I like the idea of sitting on my arse and doing nothing but when it comes to it, I feel the need to be doing something. Clearly I need help.

This is not, I’m afraid to say, a prelude to me announcing our next trip. It couldn’t look further away to be honest. There’s more chance of Paul Gambacinni being booked for a children’s birthday party as far as I can see now, but as I always say there are many lottery draws between now and next summer. Never say never.

So with that task driven personality in mind, along with a gap where I used to sit and write something most days, plus the prospect of not planning a trip any further than Asda, I have decided to do something I keep saying I should.

The nonsense of last week also contributed to this, as I realised that rather than keep meaning to do it, and threatening to make time I should just start. If I am ever to justify the reasons why I said I was putting these reports in an eBook, then I need to just get on with it, and stop messing about. The flood of supportive comments also gave me a timely shove in what I hope is the right direction.

So what on earth am I doing? Starting a diet? God knows I should, but no I’m writing something. An idea came to me on Thursday, that for the first time felt solid enough to be a story worth reading. It was an extension of a theme or idea I’d had for years to be honest, but all of sudden out of nowhere some more layers to the story appeared, and I quickly threw down a plan on a piece of paper, and I’ve started.

In fact I’m 3,000 words in. Now of course 2,999 of them may be rubbish, but I’m going to try to be disciplined and do 1,000 words a day whenever I can. In those 3,000 words, at different stages I have already declared it everything from the best thing ever written to a shambolic illiterate mess, and I’ve only done three chapters. This could be an interesting exercise. Expect future posts to say I have thrown it in the bin, given it up as a hopeless exercise and maybe one or two claiming they will be building a Land themed on my book in Universal. Maybe not so much of the latter.

Anyway, it feels good to be doing something, and the whole reason for declaring it here, which is not something I would normally do, is to make sure that I keep doing it, and don’t let it fester on my computer as I did the last attempt several years ago. By outing myself as someone who has such delusions of grandeur as to actually write a work of fiction then I will hopefully feel the required pressure to get it done, and see what it turns out like.

Should it be OK, and I decide to publish it, I just hope that there won’t be a public outrage over me selling it for actual money!! Oh, no I said we wouldn’t go there again! Sorry.

Right, I’m off now to try and relax….again.

Till the next time…..

Trying to Write (sic) some wrongs

29/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I was pointed at something this week that concerned me. I thought long and hard about whether to give it further coverage here, and will probably, no undoubtedly, regret doing so, but I found it so wide of the mark that I felt I should.

It probably won’t make any difference, but this post is just an attempt to explain and correct some obvious misconceptions that are out there, held hopefully by just a small number of people.

I have been a member of an excellent Disney forum for ten years. Yes, ten years. I owe much of my knowledge of WDW to it, (outside of dozens of visits of course), I have had better holidays because of it and I have made some lovely friends on there, several of which I have met in real life. Indeed one of those is even a moderator there.

I hope to continue to be a part of that community, and visit most days as I do now to keep up to date on things and contribute where I can add value to the conversation. Unless this post gets me banned of course! I hope not. The forum cannot be responsible for the opinions of those using it, and I have no problem with the site itself, or those who put a lot of work into keeping it going. Indeed I promote it here and in real life regularly.

The only relevance of telling you about said forum is that these misconceptions were expressed there, and that is all.

So this kerfuffle was a discussion thread about the release of my latest book. (No link included so that nobody thinks I am promoting it again).

Some kind supportive user posted that it was out and a few more contributed to say they had got a copy. Some people however expressed views that concerned me and I’ll be honest, hurt me a little. Having an opinion that differs from mine or hurts me is fine, but not if the reasons behind it are wrong. So I need to explain some stuff.

I have to do it here as that thread has now been closed to prevent further debate. That is appreciated and probably wise. It is the first thread I have ever been involved in that got closed, and I didn’t even post in it!

Over that ten years of forum membership I have offered my advice where I felt it would help someone, and of course I have posted a decade’s worth of trip reports for people to read and hopefully in some cases enjoy.

As you will probably know, I put those reports into a book earlier this year, (again, no link to it, why would I want anyone to find it?) as an anthology. My reasons for doing so were as follows –

I like writing, and if time ever allows I may try to write a book. I wanted to understand how this self publishing thing worked so I tried it out.
I wanted my trip reports to be stored somewhere other than a forum on the internet. Who knows when the folks who run that site may lose interest, close the site or have it explode in a cloud of reclining seats and taking kids out of school debates.
People had left feedback on my trip reports each and every year telling me that I should put my trip reports into a book. So I did.

I am immeasurably grateful and astounded that some people bought that book, left me lovely reviews on Amazon and enjoyed reading it. It was a huge learning curve for me and I’m glad I did it.

You will notice that in my list of reasons for doing the book above, money is not mentioned. If anyone thinks that a self published book makes anything like an amount of money to justify the work and effort involved then they have never self published a book. Try it, let me know how you get on. Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

I earn a good living doing my real job. I don’t enjoy it half as much as my hobby, but who does? However, it pays the bills, and for stupidly expensive holidays most years. I don’t need an extra income, not that I would turn one down should it be offered of course. Who would?

I wouldn’t be so vulgar as to tell you what I earn from my real job, just as I won’t tell you how many pennies I have “made” from selling books. There is nothing to be gained from that, and frankly it is nobody’s business but mine.

Surely nobody else makes money from a hobby, like hand made cards or calendars or other such things. Why people should have to pay for those is silly right?

Let me make it really clear. The act of publishing these books is not about the money, it is about the writing, the publishing process and the exposure.

Just out of interest though, even if I were to make a fortune from writing stuff and selling it to folks willing to pay for it, why would that be an issue? Again, for clarity, this is NOT about the money and I am not making fortunes from it.

For a good few years I have been writing a (free) blog pretty much every week, full of nonsense, pithy comments and rants about life in general. It started small of course and was really intended as a diary for my own benefit. Much like learning about self publishing, I started a blog as, at the time, it was relatively new, and relevant to my job. I felt by doing one for a while I would learn some things that would help me in my job. I did and it has.

The readership of that blog has grown to a number I could never have imagined, and I’m guessing that is because people like reading it. Why would anyone subscribe to a blog they don’t like? That would be like following someone on Twitter or Liking a Facebook page that you didn’t really want to see updates from wouldn’t it?

So with that growing readership I thought, hey maybe I can use this to have a go at writing something these kind folks have never read before, and put that in a book. The first book was all content that was (and still is) freely available on the internet. Having worked hard to grow that blog readership over many years through regular posts with (hopefully) decent content, backed up by other social media activity, I had a potential audience to read the thing.

So when we booked our next holiday for August 2013, I wrestled long and hard with the idea of not posting it immediately on a forum, and instead putting it out as a book.

I felt conflicted, as my relationship with the Disney forum had given me the audience and readership I had developed. That is where most of my blog and book readers come from, I’m not stupid enough to think any different. However, I have never posted on that forum to promote anything I do or write which is for sold for money. That would be wrong, as they have a very good sponsor programme where advertiser’s can promote their wares. I respect that and I don’t have the budget or need for such a thing.

The forum is huge with thousands of users, and my not putting this trip report on there immediately would not even register any impact.

Indeed, I’m not naive enough to think that the trip reports I have posted (for free) in the past are to everyone’s taste or that everyone actually gives a toss whether they exist or not. I don’t like or rate some that I read, but I move on, and acknowledge the fact that somebody else probably will.

So I decided to take a risk, try something different, do the book first, and perhaps then post the trip report on the forum later. The format in which it needs to be for an eBook and a forum could not be more different. It would take time to reformat it all, but to post it was my intention. But hey, wouldn’t that upset all the folks who had parted with their £2 to buy the book? Probably, so this was a little bit of a rock and a hard place.

With that in mind whatever I did, I knew it would probably upset some people. Even before it was published, and probably even after releasing the last book, people who had previously been engaging, supportive and friendly via social media were now not so much. I felt a change in some of those relationships. That’s life. I don’t like everything other people do either and I react accordingly. We are all grown ups.

It does seem though that there is an incorrect perception that I am in some way just trying to make money out of these books (God forbid). Along with that comes a strong objection to me doing so, and this seems to have drawn out some strange comments. I came across some comments that this was a good way to fund my next trip. Wow.

I won’t bore anyone with the details of how this self publishing thing works. If you care about it that much then do the research I had to. Let me summarise by saying that after paying Amazon to deliver a 7MB file, pay Amazon their cut and then pay VAT, the surplus is in the pennies per copy.

Anyway, to fund my next trip with book sales I would need to sell, on rough calculations, a book to most of the UK, not a few blog readers, some of which are kind enough to fork out a couple of quid.

Either I am overpaying massively for my holidays or some folks are vastly over estimating how many of these I’m selling and the resultant profit margin.

I also noticed someone asking “Why should we pay to read something that was once free?”

Well, don’t. Honestly, if in some way you feel uncomfortable in doing so I insist you don’t. It won’t make an impact on my life and I truly hope it doesn’t on yours.

By the way, this particular content wasn’t once free. It is new. That is kind of the whole point of the exercise.

What I am trying to do, in my half-arsed way is to perhaps gain some sort of reputation and/or exposure as someone who could maybe do some proper writing for someone or something. Maybe by having a couple of books on Amazon, on a subject I know something about, somebody somewhere may take an interest.

This may be a ridiculous ambition and one way beyond my capability, but if you never try, you never know!

I have in the past written (for free) for other Disney sites just to get some exposure. It is all part of that half-arsed plan, but that has yet to come in for criticism, which is odd.

I don’t have a voracious sense of ambition in life, but to begrudge me that half-arsed plan seems petty to be honest. Especially from some of the folks who encouraged me to do just that for a decade.

If my updates about the book here and on other social media are not to your liking, I apologise. My experience from the last book taught me that one post won’t do it. People are busy, and their lives do not revolve around making sure they read every word I spout into a computer. So I send a few posts and tweets, at different times, on different days so that anyone who may be interested should see one.

There is an absolute direct relationship between me posting something about what I write and people reading it. Whether that is a blog post or book. It is not rocket science. You tell people it is there and they go and read it. My blog stats are crystal clear on that. What writer (of any standard or standing, even amateur old me) would want to write something that nobody then reads?

I try to warn folks when I’m going on a promo spree. If you don’t want to see these posts, tweets and updates please Unlike, Unfollow, hide, delete, whatever you need to do.

I appreciate every person who connects with me on-line, and I try to keep my posts, tweets and updates light, aspirationally humorous, and non invasive. Saying that you are tired of seeing content in these forms is like following me down the street in the real world and then complaining about my aftershave. You have the control, not me.

For the minority of those folks complaining about my decisions and choices, I respect their right to hold those opinions. I do object to them holding those opinions for all the wrong reasons, but there is little I can do about that aside from try to explain them here.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, that is life, and that it is most certainly the internet. All I hope is that opinions are formed on truth and not some invented sense of resentment or misunderstanding.

I’m trying something new, something that nobody else has tried from this particular community of Disney fans, and most people from that community have been absolutely lovely, supportive and generous. The length of this explanation is probably more than the minority who have not been deserve, but I do take massive exception to some of the suggestions around my motives and actions. If the lunch hour spent writing this clarifies anything then it was worth it.

For everyone else who has continued to support me when I honestly can see little reason to do so, thank you. I am my own worst critic, and your continued lovely comments, positive vibes and yes, your collection of £2’s mean a lot to me. Indeed I have brought forward my retirement plans purely on the book sales over the last week, and I move to my own private island shortly!! Sigh….

I’ll still be blogging each week whether the audience for it is just me or what I have now. As much as it can be a bind sometimes, I enjoy it.

The fact that I have dared to do something different seems to have ruffled some feathers, and I am sorry to see that. I don’t apologise but all of this is an attempt to at least explain why.

Those who think I am somehow cashing in will probably continue to do so, but at least I have had a chance to put forward the facts.

Hoping there is one….

Till the next time……

The Going Limp in Orlando Tour 2013

26/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

Clearly a blog post from me on a Saturday can only mean one thing.

I have a book out!!

(If you go back through my post history and find one on a Saturday when I didn’t have a book out, then I reserve the right to be wrong and to declare you sad).

This (probably) replaces your normal Sunday dose of blog.

Finally, after the most tedious teaser marketing campaign in the history of teasing, I am pleased to announce that the latest trip report is ready.

The Going Limp in Orlando Tour 2013 is available to download from Amazon right now!

Book Cover — The Going Limp in Orlando Tour 2013

If you do not own such technical frippery as a Kindle, then fear not. There is probably an app for that. If you own a smartphone, laptop, tablet or even PC, you can get a FREE Kindle app from your relevant App Store, and use that to download and read this thing.

As ever, I need to thank Louise, Emily and Rebecca for allowing me to flaunt their holiday all over the place and I especially need to apologise to Louise for the chocolate hostage situation. All will become clear in the book.

I also need to thank my volunteer proof reader, Janine (@disneynine on Twitter) for taking the time to flag up seemingly endless spelling mistakes and other errors.

No matter how often I read my own stuff, I still miss glaring stupidness, so having someone check this before release should make your reading a less frustrating experience. Proof reading has little effect on the actual quality or originality so that will be all my own fault.

I am also thankful that anyone gives enough of a toss to want to read this thing. I’d love to get your feedback if you do read it, either here as Comments, via Twitter (what do you mean you don’t follow me???) or the Facebook page.

If you feel inclined, any (nice) reviews will be very welcome on Amazon itself too! Any nasty reviews can be sent to me at donotwanttoknow@mkingdon.com.

If you aren’t sure what all this is about, and you want to try a bit before you download, then you can sample Day One here, to get a feel for the tone.

It has been very different writing this trip report in this way. Normally there is a mad rush to get each day posted as quickly as possible which of course led to the enormous number of typos in the other book which I then had to go through and correct after it “went live”. I only spotted them when I read it on my own Kindle, having been blind to them in Word or on the internet. I don’t do detail very well, and I suspect I didn’t correct them all.

Being able to write it all in one go has hopefully meant a more consistent standard (consistently poor) and a cleaner read (I don’t mean less smut). Of course, on that topic, not being subject to forum moderation (yet), I have not had to worry about rude words and close to the knuckle innuendo as much. Whether that is a good or bad thing I don’t know.

I hope those of you kind enough to download it enjoy “Going Limp” as much as we did. First to finish gets a prize. The glow of self satisfaction.

Till the next time…..

Being Brief About a Book

20/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

I am so grateful for and somewhat humbled by every single person that comes to read this stuff each week.

Sometimes, some weeks other stuff gets in the way of throwing these posts together and this is one of them.

1) I don’t have a great deal to say

2) We’ve been out at a Christening

Hence the lateness of this post. So I shall keep it brief.

On a similar note to the thanks above this week I passed two social media milestones this week, in that I passed 900 twitter followers and 600 likers (not lickers) on my Facebook page.

I know caring about these things makes me a shallow social media whore, but I embrace that and thank you all nonetheless.

The only other news to share is that the trip report is done. I typed the last word yesterday, and have despatched it to a fool silly enough to volunteer to proof read it. Three days have been proof read and I’ve had enough typo corrections back that there may be more words incorrect than correct. It was expected.

Hopefully this process won’t take long and I can get the thing out, but I can’t say exactly when as I can’t demand my proof reader gives up their other stuff, like having a life and family, just to point out my literary misgivings.

It won’t surprise you to know that you will hear about it when it is ready and I’ll be ramming it down your throats at regular intervals. Now I know the size of the eBook I can confirm that I’ll have to charge something for it. Amazon’s delivery charges really kick in for books over a certain size, and with all the pictures I am being kicked big time.

The minimum charge set is about $3 so it will be whatever the equivalent charge is in pounds, rounded to the nearest sensible amount. For those not wanting to pay (and I fully understand that) I will try to post it online at some point in the future.

Oh, and I did the cover yesterday, and it will look like this.

So with that I shall leave you in peace, recognising the fact that I shall be beyond annoying very shortly about the new eBook etc. I apologise in advance.

Till the next time…..

Tom Hanks 1 Simon Cowell 0

13/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

We are nearing the end folks. I committed to getting two days done this weekend and I did. Eleven and twelve are in the can (barring grammar corrections and tidying), and I only have one more full theme park day to do in Epcot. The last day of travelling is always a brief blur of angst, anger and airline food so it shouldn’t take long.

With a following wind, of which I have an endless supply we could be ready to roll in a week or two. So I am hoping not to drag out this tedious teaser campaign much longer and that is something we shall all be grateful for.

Day Eleven was a long one, as it covered probably the most memorable day of the trip as we did the Keys to the Kingdom tour and Be Our Guest. Day Twelve gave some balance as it was a rest day and so was quite brief. It ended as most of our rest days do, arriving home from a theme park at almost midnight!

Writing up these last few days is bitter-sweet. Going back there, on paper at least, is glorious, but the last few days of any trip are always a series of goodbyes as we visit parks for the final time, never knowing when we might return.

Yes, I know I always say we are not going next year. It is a tradition. All I can say is that I always believe that when I say it, and this year more than most I cannot see a way in which we will be booking again.

Work just gets busier, which in one way is good, but in another bad, as it interrupts my trippie time. The good element is that it shows that what I’m up to is going OK, and folks want more of it. Did I tell you I was a gigolo these days?

It must be how I am wired, but even when things are going well, the praise is flowing, and I’m being asked to do more, I still have this unshakable feeling that I am about to be found out at any moment. I shall retire with that feeling intact I am sure.

Louise is finishing her latest placement in A&E in style with a series of twelve-hour night shifts. This is undoubtedly hard work. Pretty much all she is doing is going to work of an evening, completing multiple hours of gruesome tasks and then coming home and snatching a few hours kip.

We will both be very glad when she finishes on Monday morning and returns to Uni until January. The student life of this being a nurse business is much easier than actually doing the nursing bit. By Monday evening, her hair will be in dreadlocks and she’ll be listening to The Smiths in a baggy jumper. Bloody students.

At least when Louise is working nights and sleeping during the day it puts an immediate end to any DIY that I may have to do. Anyone making any sound in our house at times such as these shall be subject to one of Louise’s nasty stares.

With Louise out at work last night and Rebecca at her boyfriend’s for a party, Emily got her way with the remote and we watched the X Factor. It is interesting, like rubber necking at a crash on the motorway, to see this thing wriggle and squirm as it dies a long painful death.

The contestants this year seem to be competing in a forgettability contest that makes me yearn for Jedward. The desperate tweaks to the format, and the final desperate attempts to make the final few million from it are so obvious it is an embarrassment.

Samsung devices everywhere, you know because all these singers just happened to be carrying the latest devices all from the same manufacturer, and the entire show now being constructed as a device to support the adverts that come up every six minutes. An 80’s night? Really. Based on what rationale?

Well I spotted a few, and that was all the 80s compilation albums being pushed in the breaks. The whole thing stinks of the tail wagging the dog, and I find it insulting.

As a form of antidote, straight after this shambles Jonathan Ross interviewed Tom Hanks. He is the absolute definition of class, talent, star quality and being a down right nice bloke. Long may he continue, and if Emily gets any more excited about watching Saving Mr Banks, she might not make it until its release.

Of course Mr Hanks has a head start for us, having voiced Woody, and been a huge part of the girls childhoods, and now about to play Walt Disney, he would have to do something really bad to make us not like him. Like be Simon Cowell.

Damn it, just one live X Factor show and it has drawn a rant from me already. Never mind, I feel better for it even if you don’t.

Till the next time….

D I Why?

06/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

What do you mean I have to write a blog? I have season five of Breaking Bad throbbing away on my Netflix account.

How inconvenient. This has pretty much been the story of my week. I have had more hair than free time, and I can think of no more extreme metaphor for my time poorness.

Work has been manic, and unexciting at the same time, and at home I have been a whirling dervish of DIY. Fed up at the crapness of the state of our house we made a list of stuff we should have done months ago, and resolved to do it.

These tasks involved more sweat and effort on my part than monetary investment, but should make the place look like it is owned by somebody who hasn’t squandered every last penny on ridiculous holidays.

I undertook one of those tasks that you try to put off until either you can afford to pay someone else to do it or death. I painted the hall, stairs and landing walls. The horror you are imagining is not sufficient to reflect the reality. We live in an old house, and in those days it seems the higher the walls the better.

As well as having to actually cover vast acres of wall with a roller I had to assume positions not seen since nine and a half weeks to get to those hard to reach spots.

I haven’t sweated as much since I last thought I might have to buy a round. With that complete, I did a bit of painting in Rebecca’s room, glossed our bedroom window sills (we inconveniently have two) and then took on my least favourite task of all….wallpapering.

We were to have a “feature wall” behind the headboard. Louise poo pooed my idea of diamante encrusted mirrors and a smoke machine, and instead chose some wallpaper which was both duck egg, and patterned. The latter fact was more important as it meant I had to swear to a much greater extent whilst up the ladder trying to match the bloody thing.

This here feature wall also had more light fittings and plugs on than a control desk at Cape Canaveral. The intricate snipping, cutting and manipulating of patterned bloody wallpaper led to more sweating, a load of swearing and the usual search for one of the cats to give it a good kick up the arse.

I couldn’t find it, but there’s a cat shaped air bubble under one piece of wallpaper.

Having taken Friday off to attack these tasks, they have stretched into the weekend, with some bathroom painting today hopefully finishing things off.

Next week we have a joiner and an electrician coming to resolve long-standing stuff in the house, so soon we may have somewhere you could class as habitable.

Speaking of the reason for the need of all this making good, our holidays, I have made very poor progress this week with the trip report. By the time I have returned from work each evening I have been crushed into a depressed husk by the commute home or football has been on. I got a solitary day done! Day Ten, consisting of the Animal Kingdom and Donut Burgers was done today.

It took some writing, but I actually enjoyed remembering the day. That’s the whole point I suppose.

The work commute has been spectacularly shite this week thanks to the Tories being gracious enough to visit the frozen North for their annual piss up. With most of the centre closed to stop folks murdering them for crimes against side partings, my route home took the brunt of the diversion and it took forever.

So here we are again butting up against Monday and it feels like I haven’t had time to draw breath.

This means that the plan tonight is to close this laptop very shortly, fire up Netflix, eat some crap, and watch as many Breaking Bads as possible before needing to sleep. Yo, bitches, let’s cook!

Till the next time….

Breaking Stuff and Blasts From the Past

29/09/201329/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It has been head down and keep typing this week. It has been as ever interrupted by work, as I was away in Marlow again for a couple of days, but having now completed day eight of the new trip report I am fairly satisfied with the progress.

Bearing in mind the inconvenience of having to work for a living and our Breaking Bad addiction, that is fairly impressive progress! Whether the quality matches the quantity, we’ll see I suppose.

At the risk of becoming a dental bore (in addition to being a bore in general), thankfully on Thursday my current teethy troubles came to an end. Another hour in the chair saw me sweating like a single man at a Barrymore pool party, but at last it was complete.

I do not want to darken their door again for at least six months.

It has been an odd weekend as Louise has been working some crazy shifts in A&E. She was off for three days last week, but has then worked Friday, and yesterday had to endure an 8 till 10 shift. Yes, that is 8 in the morning until 10 at night. She’s in again today from 2 until 10, with similar tomorrow until a well-earned day off on Tuesday.

There is no way on earth I could be a nurse. Even forgetting some of the horrific encounters with bodily fluids, which invariably are someone else’s, those shift patterns are not for me. I tip my proverbial hat to them, and yet reserve the right to moan about my own job whenever I feel like it!

It would appear that it is once again the season for an endless litany of stuff breaking and going wrong. This week alone has seen us spring for a new tumble dryer and for a chap to come and sort some problems out on our roof. We are also waiting for a plumber to come and attend to some boiler issues, and yesterday the electrics in the bathroom seem to have gone all temperamental. Of course I rise above these minor irritations with grace and good humour as usual.

In no way do I adopt a woe is me persecution complex and look for the nearest cat to take it out on. I think they recognise the signs of broken stuff now and make themselves very scarce.

But really, either we have bought a house which is the English equivalent of the Money Pit, or everyone has the same problems. To allow me to wang on about it, I refuse to believe the second option.

Earlier today my Mum came round with some photos she’s found whilst doing a clear out. It was great to see some from our early WDW trips, not only to prove that I once had a fringe but also to see how things have changed. There were also a number of the girls that just show how time flies.

This one shows Emily and two cousins. Emily is sporting a Phoenix Nights style painted face, but luckily hers came off.

This one is from the first time we took the girls in 1999.

Party like it's 1999 — Party like it’s 1999

Sarah, the blonde girl nearest the camera is now in her early twenties, lives with her boyfriend and is studying to be a teacher. Sigh.

At some point my Dad is going to scan in all these old photos to make sure they are safe, and hopefully then I’ll post a few more and you can marvel at my hairline and short shorts in some Disney photos from the late 80’s. Steady yourselves ladies.

There are even some “promo shots” from when I was in a band. It is all pouts and cheekbones. Yes, even I had some.

Right, I am on tea making duty, and there are teenagers faking death to pressure me into giving them food. Clearly they can’t locate the kitchen.

Till the next time…..

Teethy Traumas, Gorgeous Greeks and Breaking Bad.

22/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I seemed to be trapped in a vicious circle of harrowing dental work, groundhog day’s at work and a lack of lottery wins. I apologise for the upcoming repetition of toothy traumas.

I won’t go into too much detail about my root canal extravaganza on Thursday, except to say that it was horrendous, riddled with problems and broken apparatus, all of which led to me having to go back again this coming Thursday to get it finished.

I got home on Thursday feeling traumatised, battered, bruised with a feeling that I might just cry.

I am not the best with dentists I must admit. I blame my early experiences with a less than sympathetic dentist in my youth, which seems to have grown worse in my mind with each passing year. My current dentist is fine to be honest, but the mental scars are there, and I am a great big coward when it comes to strangers putting things in my mouth. If you know what I mean?

The rest of the week has been fairly quiet to be honest. On Friday afternoon I was taken out for lunch by work. They do a quarterly birthday lunch, taking out everyone who has celebrated a birthday in that period, which is just one example of why the company I work for is pretty damn good.

We went to a Greek restaurant in Manchester, and I went all left field and ordered Taramasalta and Moussaka. I like to push the boundaries. With that treat in mind I ventured to work on public transport on Friday morning. This wasn’t so that I could drink, but moreso that I didn’t want to take my car into the the city centre and try to find a parking spot that would cost less than my car.

Again, I am lucky that our office has secure free parking for staff, but if you venture into the actual centre of Manchester, car parking can cost you your first born child and a couple of internal organs.

It was a sobering lesson, and a reminder of why I am resigned to the car commute for the forseeable.

As we live within walking distance of the local train station, I wandered down at about 7.40 for the 7.50 train into Manchester. I only needed smelling salts and mild cardiac manipulation once I’d been asked to pay £8 to get to Manchester and back.

It doesn’t take a genius to multiply that by five days a week to know how unworkable that is. Having fought my way onto the train, and even having found a seat, about half an hour later I disembarked at Manchester Victoria. My office is less than conveniently placed for this journey, being on the outskirts of Manchester….the complete opposite outskirt from Victoria. So I set off for a thirty five minute walk, in the thankfully dry weather.

Having left the house at 7.40, I eventually graced my desk at 9.10, complete with an impressive film of sweat across my balding pate.

Safe to say, I shall be back in the car tomorrow, and no matter how soul destroying the gradual crawl into work is (and believe me it is soul destroying) it is infinitely better than the option on the tracks.

The reason I could not consider drinking myself into oblivion at the company’s expense was that I was picking Emily and her friend up from the MEN, sorry, the Phones 4 U Arena in Manchester. They were off to watch Paramore, and had a great time. Her social media output has been pretty much all Paramore since so if you like them seek her out.

Louise and I are now completely engrossed in and addicted to Breaking Bad, and have almost completed the first two series now. We haven’t watched any live telly all week to be honest, and I fear we may not again until we’ve made our way through the remaining 45 episodes that appear to be on Netflix.

I am hopeful (but not very) that Louise will forget all about Downton Abbey’s return this evening. I don’t know what it is, maybe another repressed childhood experience, but I associate these Sunday evening costume drama things with everything that is bad about the end of the weekend and the looming horror of the new working week.

Sat in my pajamas, fresh from the bath, squeezing every last minute from the weekend, and hoping that my Mum and Dad wouldn’t notice that I was still up. I would even sit through the South Bank Show if it meant I didn’t have to go to bed and admit the weekend was done. Why I was in my parent’s house in my pajamas last Sunday I don’t know.

Amidst all of the week’s events, and despite my Breaking Bad addiction, I have managed to make some progress with the trip report. I am currently working on day five. I consider this healthy progress, and at this rate it shouldn’t be as long as I thought it would be before it can be unleashed. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

I can tell you that if you enjoy the usual smut ridden old clap trap, you won’t be disappointed!

Right, time to get back to it.

Till the next time……

A Weekend of Dwarf Sex and Khaleesi Norks.

15/09/201315/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

The inevitable realisation that I am not going to wake up in Florida any time soon, and this apparent reality is going to be it for the forseeable is leading to a return of what some might call the mojo. Mojo may be a little strong. However, by the end of this working week, I had seemingly got back into work sufficiently to make some lists for me and others to do, and to care enough about work stuff to get on the front foot with some of it.

That’s as good as gets with me I’m afraid.

I started and completed Day Two of the trip report this week, and I was fairly happy with how it went to be honest. I started it well, and it felt like I was in full flow, but then work had to get in the way, and I finished it today, not quite with all guns ablazing.

This is one of the benefits of not spitting these out as soon as they are complete, as I can now take a break from it, read it again and hopefully improve stuff. I am sure that I will have missed a chance or two for a knob gag, and that would never do.

Anyway, hark at me talking about a collection of photos and innuendo like it is the second coming. Suffice to say it is going OK, if not a little slowly, and I shall try to up the pace to get it done asap.

My dental catastrophe continues, with another visit this week. They were testing to see if I needed root canal work. You will be amazed to discover I do, and I was offered two options. I could be referred to a specialist for a consultation and then treatment for the equivalent price of a small car, or I could just let my regular dentist have a go at it for about £50.

I may be toothless or dead on Thursday but at least Louise can still feed the kids if the worst happens.

Having done a couple of days in Marlow this week, with the tedious travelling that entails, by the time the weekend arrived I was knackered. It has been some time since there has been a normal weekend at home, and I was looking forward to it a lot.

To make it better I did a bit of internetting to see how we could watch Games of Thrones Season 3. We missed it when it went out as we are on Virgin, and they do not have Sky Atlantic. Louise punches me in the head twice a day to remind me what she thinks of my decision to switch from Sky.

Anyway, I found it, on Blinkbox and bought the whole series for about £16. So we’ve been in dwarf sex and sword swinging heaven since Friday evening. We are eight episodes in, with two to go this evening. The only disappointment was that it took until episode seven for any Khaleesi nudity. I have lodged a formal complaint to George Martin. He might have done good stuff with The Beatles but that is just poor form.

Due to a rather complex series of events involving my Dad and my Xbox Live Membership, we also now have Netflix. I don’t know why we’ve never looked into it before, probably because I’m tight, but at free (my Dad is paying the monthly fee in exchange for using my XBox Live Gold Membership) it is great value.

I am planning to watch Breaking Bad as this will allow me to understand what seems to be one in three tweets on my timeline that refers to this series. There is also 24, from the very start, and that’s another series I haven’t watched one second of.

This does not bode well for me spending time writing my trip report, but life is all about balance.

Speaking of which, having spent the last four weeks eating pretty much what I liked, I can now balance perfectly if I lie on my inflated stomach. Friday saw me take a lunchtime stroll for the first time since mid August, and this for me, is as close to exercise as I get. No doubt with that a regular occurrence I shall be back to my fighting weight in just a matter of days.

Louise is recovering from a week of nights, which seemed to be no fun whatsoever, and proved that the girls are incapable of being quiet and/or self-sufficient for an entire day. Rebecca’s need for a clean pair of socks seemed to outrank Louise’s need for more than three hours sleep.

This lack of sleep did not stop her from starting the crazy task of painting our dining room. Yes, I know this is madness, with us both so tired, but start she did. Emily helped, and my only involvement was to do the “high bits” this morning. I’d call that a result. That should satisfy my DIY quota until next spring.

Right, time to go. There is copulating, head chopping and swearing a plenty awaiting, and you never know if Khaleesi will get her norks out again. No spoliers!!

Till the next time….

The Going Limp In Orlando Tour 2013 – Day One – Sunday 18th August 2013

09/09/201310/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

As promised, here is Day One of this year’s trip report. I’m now intending to write the rest of it, and get it all out in the form of an eBook as quickly as possible. I reserve the right to change Day One between now and then as I’ll probably spot some mistakes in it!

I’ve been asked if I will post it on the Dibb as well, and the answer is maybe. I say maybe only because posting this thing in one format is time consuming enough, so to do it here, the Dibb and in an eBook is a mighty task. I don’t see much point in posting just one day there right now, with a huge gap until the rest is ready, so I’ll wait until it is complete and try to put the whole thing up in one go.

I am very open to feedback on where and how you’d prefer to read this thing (if at all!). Hopefully between the Dibb and eBook you can consume it in the manner that suits you best.

Enough caveats….here we go…..

The Cast

Craig aka mkingdon – On the cusp of 43, mental age of 3. Waist measurement slightly higher than that.

Louise – As ever, on the cusp of a greater age than me, student nurse, qualified mother, bad flyer, keen amateur red wine drinker.

Emily – Recently 18, the reason for this trip, Disney freak, One Direction obsessed and a beautiful creature.

Rebecca – 16 going on 26, boyfriend obsessed, with a makeup habit that would bankrupt a Sheik. Another beautiful creature.

Ryan – A rucksack whose growing fame is a constant source of confusion and mild resentment.

Introduction

This holiday was officially not happening for most of the preceding year. We had of course booked it, and had things planned, but we had kept all of this a secret, as it was to be a surprise present for Emily’s 18^th birthday at the end of July.

The determination, caution and downright luck in keeping things a secret were incalculable, but somehow we managed to do the big reveal to her on the evening of her birthday in front of all the family. There were tears and joy in equal measure. Emily blubbed a bit too.

If you want to see how that went, and an enormous amount of back story you can read it here.

The title of this year’s trip report is inspired by Louise and I being aged cripples. Louise has a long standing ankle problem which causes her grief on a regular basis. Indeed on our last trip she spent the last day being pushed around the Magic Kingdom in a wheelchair.

As I career at a frightening pace towards old age, my body too seems to hate me, and with about a week to go to this trip my right knee decided to play up. So the title is a reference to old age, but not the in the way you may think! The limp to which I refer are the ones carried by Louise and I through the trip. Not that you will hear me moan about it at any time.

Day One – Sunday 18^th August

There are many inescapable truths about undertaking a holiday to Orlando, and two of them I shall document now. The first is that no matter how far in advance you book, plan and prepare, you will always wish you’d spent more time doing so as you realise you have forgotten to do something or you have made a mistake.

The second is that the days leading up to your holiday will be some of the busiest of the year. Perhaps that is just me? Louise has a compulsion to rebuild our house before we leave, and will undertake cleaning tasks previously unheard of in our normal routine, that now become essential before the immovable deadline of our departure.

So, what planning disaster befell me? The day before our departure I had logged on to the American Airlines website in an excited mood, ready to do the online check in thing. I filled out all the required information, clicked the button and was greeted with a nasty red error message. I do not have the best track record with online check in to be honest and can’t remember too many (any) occasions when I have done it with any measure of success.

My failure this time was linked to my activity months ago, when I had entered our API information (Advanced Passenger Information) into the American Airlines site. I had made an error with one of the passport expiry dates (Louise’s) and when I entered the correct one during check in, the site spotted the conflict and immediately suspected I was plotting some terrorist activity.

SWAT teams dropped from helicopters outside of our house, my bank accounts were immediately frozen, and my own passport burst into flames in front of me. I actually didn’t mind the frozen bank accounts thing as it might stop Louise from spending any more money in Boots.

Despite some desperate pressing of buttons over and over, the result did not change. Louise offered some opinion on this but I shall not sully this report with it.

Deflated, I resigned myself to having to check in with the muggles at the actual airport in the morning.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of chores and tasks that I would rather not be doing, and we retired to bed staring at a 4am alarm call, which for once I didn’t mind at all.

It felt like not a lot of sleep happened before that alarm went off, and as Louise did whatever women folk do in the bathroom, Oli, our Old English Sheep dog jumped, well no, he stepped on to the bed, and lay on me for half an hour. I considered this his punishment for his impending trip to the kennels.

With three females to contend with, I was informed when my seventeen seconds of bathroom time had arrived and I used it wisely. Once I was dressed I continued with more chores and tasks that I didn’t want to do.

Putting the rubbish out, hoovering, and then hovering in bedrooms telling women folk that they needed to stop using their straighteners now as I had to cool the bloody things down and get them into a case this side of Christmas. By the time I had wrestled said cases into our not very spacious car, I had a nice sweat on. Nobody wants to be moist at 5am.

Of course, no matter how late we were, nothing stops me herding the girls into position for the traditional photo.

As would be the case for pretty much all of the holiday we were about half an hour behind (my) schedule. This meant the goodbye to Oli lasted about six seconds (He’s a dog, get in the car!) and we were at last on our way to Manchester airport.

With the car pretty much full to capacity, the journey was a gentle one, not wishing to snap an axle and we arrived at 6.30. I of course drove to the wrong car park, and had to carry out several illegal manoeuvres and some illegal language to get us back on track.

Once we were at the right place, it was a very smooth process. Terminal 3 Meet and Greet is to be recommended and commended. Basically it works like the hire car places at Orlando airport where you drive into a lane, grab your cases from the boot, drop your keys and head for the terminal. They give you a receipt that you won’t be able to find in two weeks’ time.

Terminal 3 is just a short walk across the road, and at this stage I was unable to contain myself and I arrived much sooner than Louise. This I believe is a medical condition and happens to everyone from time to time, and isn’t a big deal. Once we were reunited we took the lift up to Departures. I found the correct check in desk smoothly without any incompetence or the need to ask a disparaging American Airlines rep where check in was whilst I was stood right in front of it. The lost half hour caused by hair doing and woman faff had cost us our place at the front of the queue, and we were now disappointingly nestled in with other people.

After a security check and passport check in which we confirm that we are handling nothing incendiary aside from the contents of my underwear, we were then pointed at a self-serve kiosk and told to get on with it. Luckily, with me being a technical genius we flew through this without incident or help, and in no way needed some patronising member of staff to come over and ask why we were taking so long.

After dropping the cases off and breezing through security without the need for any cavity invasions, we were now free to tick the most important of pre-flight boxes, and that is food. Now they have these full body scanners, I leave several members of security in a state of admiration, awe and envy as they all review my scan for several minutes. “He certainly was packing heat” was what I thought they said as I walked away.

Being Terminal 3 virgins we wandered wide eyed, agog at the vast array of eating options. After looking at the one restaurant and the couple of shops we plumped for the former.

Louise has to release a chocolate hostage before anything else happened, so the girls and I grabbed a table and I took the brave step of ordering for Louise.

I tried to take some photos, but it was a bit early.

We had –

Me and Louise – Eggs Benedict

Not the best we’ve ever had, and made very difficult to eat by the frankly crap knife.

Emily and Rebecca – (Blurred) Berry Yoghurt Thing

Orange Juice all round, and coffee for the grownups.

Once food was ingested, everyone felt up to a photo.

The bill was £33, which was some £20 or so less than I was expecting for airport dining.

Whilst waiting for our food to arrive, we were chatting. Well to be exact, the girls were on their phones and occasionally giggling to themselves. Rebecca re-entered the real world for a second to share a photo with us of Beyonce’s new haircut.

Louise looked at the photo, and said. “I preferred her with a big bush”.

My views on Beyonce’s bush were unrecorded in my notes.

The Duty Free shop, which is pretty much anything but free, drew Louise in like Jimmy Saville to a school disco. There was lots of spraying, and thankfully no paying to be done.

We then called at Boots for “some essentials”. I stayed outside to be honest as it would have just resulted in a row. We have more Boots stock in our possession than they had in this shop, but still purchases were made.

WH Smiths took yet more of my meagre wealth, including the purchase of a colouring book for Rebecca. Yes, she is sixteen, and yes the book was six quid. I need my head examined.

Costa was next. The girls had one of those frozen crapachino things, and I think the adults had warm proper coffee. We found some seats to wait in, and then waited. Rebecca coloured in, Emily stared at her phone and I captured both.

Rebecca got her very lovely grown up top covered in very childish green felt tip pen. We are convinced that even on her wedding day she will get some sauce down the front of her dress.

When we were checking in (do you remember that far back?), we had been told that our flight to Chicago was delayed by an hour. I was already mentally preparing my multi-million dollar compensation claim when I spotted the departure boards now showing that it would depart on time. They were messing with my melon man!

We drank our coffees and Louise took some of her (legal) medication to help her get through the flight. I’m not saying it sends her a bit loopy or anything, but a few minutes later she did come out with the phrase, “Have I got coffee on my eyebrows?”

The more worrying part of that is that she did indeed have coffee on her eyebrows. Remember kids, the drugs don’t work.

At around 9.50 we wandered down to gate 55, and fortunately this was also where we would be flying from. The “on time” departure of 10.40 already looked unlikely to me as the staff were messing about paging folks for chats at the desk, and mostly not getting anyone on board the plane.

Boarding started around 10.40, which was when we were supposed to be setting off. They started boarding in groups with the first to board being those who were members of American Airline’s clubs, which included about seventeen different variations based on precious stones. There were calls for Sapphire Club Members, Diamond Club Members, Gold Club Members and I’m sure there was a Topaz Club in there somewhere. I boarded when Brassic Club members were called.

The sheer number of folks in these priority boarding clubs outnumbered the clubless scum which seems to me to devalue them somewhat. Luckily, despite our delayed boarding, there were still seats left for us. That was a relief.

We actually took off at about 11.40, which was the time they said we were delayed until at check in. Having only a two hour connection window in Chicago, I now knew that things would be tighter than a tight thing with us now being an hour behind. I therefore spent the next eight hours or so worrying about that.

Louise was now on the wrong end of 10mg of Diazepam, and for all she knew we could have been on a coach trip to Blackpool.

I’ll pay for including that!

She added a few red wines to that during the flight, so it was like flying with a cross between Oliver Reed and Pete Docherty.

We stared at quite a lot of this….

Until the food arrived.

It tasted better than it looked, and the carrot balls made Rebecca laugh for longer than it really should.

At this point the first film was about half way through. It was the Steve Carrell one about the magician. As we were seat back TV-less pretty much nobody actually noticed it starting and having missed half of it I certainly didn’t try to catch up.

The second film was disappointing to be honest. It was the Avenger’s Assemble one that’s been out for ages, so I thought that was quite poor to show that to be honest. In a desperate attempt to eat some time I watched about an hour of it.

In between heads passing the screen, and the reflective glare from the windows blocking the view, I gave up on Scarlett Johannsen and I then read for a bit.

Somehow Louise got her hands on the camera, with inevitable results.

It is often hard to convey the litany and boredom of a Trans-Atlantic flight, as you end up skipping about six hours of tedium by just saying that eventually we arrived.

So please stare at this for seven hours before proceeding.

After more food, which was a delightful bit of pizza, of which I may have had more than one piece, hoovering up those bits not required by offspring, eventually, we started to descend. As ever that took about four times as long as was estimated and hoped for. I have to say that I would not willingly connect in Chicago again. I had completely ignored the fact that Chicago is actually quite a long way from the east coast of the US, and added a considerable amount of flying time. New York or Philadelphia are preferable, and my all-time favourite connection destination is Atlanta.

As we were plummeting to the ground in a controlled manner one of the cabin staff made an announcement. Nobody heard her, so she tried again over the tannoy system and that worked a little better.

I heard the first bit, which told me that I really needed to listen to the rest of it. She started with something like, “For those making connections to the following flights, (she included Orlando), as your connection times are tight, there will be staff on hand to assist you make your connection….”

At this point Louise “drink and drugs” Williams turned to me and asked me what the hostess had said and what we had to. I tried to listen to the announcement and respond at the same time, failing at both. Louise took this to mean I was ignoring her, and took the right hump with me. I caught about half of the information I needed from the announcement and took the right hump too.

Obviously this in no way led to a falling out at this stage of the holiday. Louise of course quickly realised that she had been completely in the wrong, apologised and we moved on.

We landed at 1.50, with our onward flight to Orlando leaving at 2.50. This was going to be close. As we walked down the ramp from the plane we could hear a voice shouting “Orlando!” I am often mistaken for Mr Bloom, so I ignored this as best I could as I had no time for these crazy females throwing themselves at me.

Shortly, we found an airport person stood with a group of folks, and she too was shouting “Orlando”. I approached; she confirmed my last name and gave me a very important looking Express Connection folder which I was to have in my hands at all times.

Once she had collected all thirty two folks making the Orlando connection she had us all marching through the airport. She did allow a restroom stop, and I broke the world record for tutting as I watched those weak of mind and bladder take those vital minutes to do the do.

Onwards again, and we were marched to a VIP line at immigration, and almost immediately processed to the absolute disgust of the hordes of folks in the queue. I wafted my special orange envelope around a bit, and smiled at them smugly. This didn’t last long as the immigration officer processing us looked at our flight time to Orlando, shook her head and said good luck!

Next, on to the baggage reclaim. All the cases for Orlando were already out and lined up next to the carousel with our airport escort encouraging each passenger on to greater speed like some sort of relay coach at the Olympics.

We barely stopped, and headed for the customs check where they seem to frown upon you carrying six dozen burgers and a bag of sheep shit. Looking at the impressive orange coloured thing I had in my hand he waved us through.

We were then abandoned a little at the monorail to the correct terminal, and with barely minutes to spare, there was an element of panic at this stage. This wasn’t helped when the first monorail we boarded promptly broke down and we had to quickly transfer to another. Once off, we were stuck behind some folks who were inexplicably in no rush whatsoever, despite the fact that we knew them to be on our flight to Orlando. They stood still on every escalator and walkway rather than walking.

They were exposed to my most vicious stare.

Now it was security, and they gave not one toss what colour the thing in my hand was. We still had to more or less strip down to our undies and pass everything we were carrying through the X-Ray. At the other side of security our “assistant” appeared again, and pointed us towards our gate, which as she remarked with some irony, was the furthest one away.

We power walked, jogged and sprinted towards it, knowing that the scheduled departure time had already passed. As I got close to the gate I kicked on, to make sure they couldn’t close it. I’d wrestle folks if I had to.

I threw some boarding cards and other random pieces of paper at the chap on the desk, who found the right ones and handed me back some sweet wrappers and receipts. Louise and the girls caught up shortly afterwards and we knew we’d made it. As we sat down, one more family boarded after us and with that the door closed and we pushed back, basking in the loving stares of all the passengers we had just delayed. You’re welcome!

The whole Chicago airport experience was just an absolute blur, and an experience I do not want to repeat. For anyone doing this connection, you need at least two hours. We were rushed and prioritised through every stage and it still took us over an hour.

We left just fifteen minutes later than scheduled.

We were seated in two lots of two a few rows apart, and we could see Rebecca chatting away to an old bloke on the end of their row. No doubt he had a shared interest in make-up, fit boys and Beyonce’s bush.

For the next two hours we then looked at this and sighed in relief.

It was a little bumpy, and the pilot said he was having to fly around some weather in the Orlando area so we came in the scenic route via the coast. As ever it seemed to take an age to actually get down onto the ground, but we were off quickly, and immediately found a restroom for Emily as she had needed one about sixty miles out of Manchester.

Onwards now to the monorail to baggage reclaim, and after only a few minutes we had what we needed and took the elevator (not lift) to the car hire desks. After all this travelling, queuing and being processed, this was the longest queue of the entire journey. There were only two people in front of me and one being served, but there appeared to be only agent at the Thrifty desks, and for some reason, everyone apart from me seems to require an hour to sign a few forms and collect some car keys.

I shifted from foot to foot a few hundred times and sighed quite loudly as my form of protest. Finally a second member of staff showed up, and after an eternity I was being “served”. I’ve done the car hire thing a good few times now, and have encountered varying degrees of skulduggery to extract extra dollars, but this chap was at a whole new level.

He tapped at his keyboard and furrowed his brow. He said “You’ve only ordered an Economy???????” in a tone of voice that suggested I may have murdered some small animals.

“Yes, that’ll be fine for us” I said, quite patiently, considering I’d been awake for about twenty hours.

He then went on to tell me that this would be smaller than a Fiesta, and we would struggle to fit in. I told him, as calmly as I could that I had transported my family and luggage to the airport in a Peugeot 107, which would most likely fit in the trunk (I speaka da lingo) of whatever car I was going to get here.

He begrudgingly accepted defeat on that one.

As he was winding up, he casually slipped in that I wouldn’t have to worry about any tolls, as all that was prepaid.

“Oh, is it now?“ I asked him how much that was.

Reluctant to tell me, he muttered “$26 a week”.

I ever so politely told him that I didn’t intend to ride up and down through tolls for the entire holiday and we’d be fine to pay with cash.

Again, he reluctantly gave in, removed that charge and had me sign for the tank of gas, which is also a con, but at $45 not one I could be bothered arguing about now.

Feeling dirty and somehow invaded, I guided us across the road to the garage. Having waited an eternity to be almost fiscally raped at one desk, I could not understand why we now stood in another queue in the garage.

As we waited, Emily spied a car she hoped we’d have. I was less hopeful.

When served all they did was point us at the Economy row and tell me to pick one.

I would have, but the row was empty. I found an employee getting out of a car in the Compact row, and she told me to just take one of those instead! We chose the closest one to us, a white Ford Focus, the boot of which swallowed our luggage without noticing, and we were off. We should have chosen a different car, but all that will become clear a little later.

I never learn, and every year I am so keen to get where I am going that I set off without doing some basic essentials such as –

Getting the seat into a position from which I can actually drive the car
Working out what all the knobs and levers do
Especially working out how to work the wipers, as it ALWAYS rains on our drive from the airport

As some sort of cosmic irony, after paying for a couple of tolls with paper dollars (not coins) at manned booths, as we left the 428 we came to an unmanned, exact change only toll for 75 cents. We did not have 75 cents and so we sat staring at the thing for a couple of minutes wondering what to do.

Eventually I took one of the envelopes that would allow me to pay by post, drove off and watched the camera flash away as it recorded my crime.

The chap at Thrifty was laughing manically back at the airport.

As ever, all my navigational confidence flew out of the window once I was actually trying to find our destination, despite dozens of trips in the past. Eventually, I found Old Key West, passing some landmarks we recognised.

I parked up in the short term check in car park, and left the ladies in the car.

This was a much better experience than Thrifty. I had checked in online weeks ago, so all I had to was collect the room keys/charge cards, not be given the PIN to operate them for charging (I would return tomorrow to sort that, as I didn’t know that yet), and then be told to wait a second.

Out of the back comes a chap carrying several balloons and a birthday badge for Emily.

I called in the shop opposite reception to get some drinks, and it was about then that I understood that I had not been issued with a PIN for the charge cards. They somehow sensed my exhaustion and let me process the $9 order without one. Despite my incredible tiredness, I was quite intrigued by the new contactless payment pod things.

Upon returning to the car, this particular eighteen year old quickly regressed to a six year old, bouncing up and down on the back seat as she grasped her balloons.

I had been given (bad) directions to our building, but as we were approaching twenty two hours of awakeness now, my brain refused to compute them. After taking much longer than it should, we found our room and dragged our cases and weary bodies into it.

We quickly found our way around, the girls getting on the wireless within seconds of arriving, and collapsed into bed.

The room was lovely and as I’d been told, larger than your average Disney room. As we all enjoyed the sensation of being in bed, a massive thunderstorm was going on. It was so close and loud that it made the headboard shake. As soon as the kids were asleep, the headboard would be doing so again, no matter how tired I was. I do tend to snore quite violently when so tired.

It was good to be home.

I hope you enjoyed Day One. Should anyone reading this be new around here and by some strange quirk of fate you haven’t heard me prattling on about my book before, you may wish to go and buy it. You can find Mkingdon’s Tales of Family Food and Florida on Amazon, and it contains ten year’s worth of similar (very similar) reports going back to 2003.

Till the next time…..

Books, Blogging Again and Being Busy

08/09/201308/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It feels like a long time since I did my last proper blog. Some might argue that I have indeed never done a proper blog, and I for one would not be one to argue. However, I of course mean that it has been a good few weeks since one of these regular Sunday evening things.

The return to work was truly awful. I don’t mean that there was anything particularly bad this week, rather that it was just soul destroyingly boring and such a jarring contrast to the previous two weeks. It was about mid afternoon on my first day back when I sent Louise a text to tell her I wasn’t sure I could make it until the end of the day, never mind the next week, year or till retirement.

I did of course, as I have to. I’ve hated other jobs and companies far more than I do this one. In fact it is hard to fault where I am now, but of course it is still work, and I do still have to go.

Louise had her own challenges, being straight into irregular shifts at her new placement, this time in A&E. The highlight of the week for Louise has been to watch the removal of a couple of eyes for donation. She’s strange like that.

To make matters worse, after the first week back at work, I have been weekendless, as it just so happened that I had to go away with work. There was a launch event at Celtic Manor in Wales for our whole company, so from early Saturday morning until my about 3pm today that’s where I’ve been.

Celtic manor — To the Manor driven…on a coach

It’s a lovely venue, although I only got to see the inside of a conference room and my bedroom, but still it looked nice. Oh and Wales, let me know when you have a mobile phone signal and 3G and I may come back.

So life feels busy at the moment, and it is stopping me from cracking on with the trip report. I have started, and I think I got up to the part where we take off. So not very impressive progress.

Next week, I’m down in Marlow at head office for a couple of days, so getting anything done next week isn’t looking too good either. Real life does always seem to get in the way.

So far, I have been dodging a few questions about when I’ll post it and where. This is because I don’t know. Or at least I didn’t. Without even realising it, I seem to have sub consciously decided that it is going to be a book. This is because the format in which I started to write it is that, rather than for any forum. As I say, a decision made without me realising it.

This isn’t some attempt to make more millions of pounds from book sales (NOTE: I haven’t actually made millions of pounds from book sales). I think it will force me to do a better job, certainly in terms of spelling and grammar.

I don’t plan to charge for this book. However, Amazon do charge me for “delivering” the book, and as it will contain many photos, so I’ll just have to cover that. This does of course mean that it won’t be ready for a while.

What I might do is post Day One here when it is done. I hope that is OK?

In other news this week, Emily submitted her application for the Disney Cultural Representative Programme. For those that don’t know, this is the people you see in World Showcase in each of the pavilions. Emily has had this in her mind since about the age of 15, so it is a bit of a big deal.

Competition is fierce no doubt, but all she can do is give it her best shot and see what happens.

Rebecca starts her college course next week too. She will be studying Media Make Up and Hair at Bolton College. She has small ambitions to end up in Hollywood doing the make up for major movies and stars. Fingers crossed.

Based on my feelings about my last week at work, as ever, I just want them to find something to do that they enjoy and are passionate about. If you don’t, it sure ain’t fun.

So with a following wind and a bit of effort I should be able to get Day One posted at some point next week. If you read it one word a day, it might keep you going until I get the whole thing finished! Consider it the perfect stocking filler for that relative you don’t really like!

Till the next time….

The brief blog about being back

02/09/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So we’re back. It is as grim as you might imagine, and me booking today off was an absolute stroke of genius. Louise has not been so lucky and has started her new placement today at Chorley A&E.

We had a great time. Leaving this time felt (for Emily and I especially) even more sad than usual. There is a real malaise and sadness that I can’t shake, but I’m sure that will clear in the coming days….won’t it?

For Emily the end of this holiday signifies the end of her childhood in some respects, and that may explain her upset and sadness. What my excuse is I don’t know.

With this feeling hanging over me, each time I look at my notebook, and think about starting to write a trip report my heart sinks, and being honest I cannot bring myself to put fingers to keys right now.

One thing I have decided is that I’m not going to rush it. Normally, I write a day in about an hour or so, and get them posted as soon as possible. The endless correction of grammar and spelling I have (and still am) going through in my book has prompted me to make sure I take my time with this one and only post it when I’m happy.

If it does end up in an ebook sooner or later this will make my life easier and your reading less frustrating. For those of you who bought my book on day one I can only apologise for the mess it was in! It isn’t as bad if you buy it now!

Writing it more slowly and maybe even writing the whole thing might be the way to go, so please don’t be anticipating it any day soon.

So I’m off to lick my wounds, eat some more and try to prepare myself for the horror of the commute and work tomorrow.

The trouble with having great holidays like this is that the come down afterwards is worse than doing cold turkey off hard drugs (I imagine!).

Sigh

Till the next time…..

Final Fiddling and Fond Farewells

11/08/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So here we go with the final blog before our latest US adventure.

Judging by the glacial pace of last week, I am hopeful our two weeks in the States will feel like about seven, but I suspect not. One more long, long week to navigate at work before the fun begins.

Louise has finished now, and has all of next week to do all my packing. She is having a day off on Tuesday though to take the girls to Alton Towers for a pre-holiday theme park warm up. It’s fine, I’ll just go to work.

This weekend, I have checked and double checked all our documents, confirming for the one hundredth time that our passports are still valid. I have checked our seating on the various flights and even tweaked them on one leg. This is the final fiddling of a man desperate for the holiday to start. There is additional final fiddling that I shall keep secret just for now too.

As I mentioned last week, always at the back of my mind is the worry around the journey. I don’t think (like Louise) that we are nailed on to plummet to a fiery death somewhere over the Atlantic. My fears are more mundane and revolve around us missing a connection and it eating into valuable holiday time. It has happened before, and will no doubt happen again as long as we travel indirect, and that shall be the case until we do not need to fly at peak holiday times where direct flight prices seem to involve you actually buying your seat forever, rather than simply renting for around nine hours each way.

I am telling myself that should such things happen, they are outside of my control and I should not be upset or stressed about it. What do you think the chances are? Should we end up spending a night in Chicago, well that is all part of the adventure isn’t it, and should be treated as such. We’ll see.

I often feel, after months of waiting and counting down, a sense of panic that I have not only forgotten something, but have not planned enough to make the most of the holiday. It is silly I know, as we’ve not had a bad one yet, but such is the thought process for a planning Type A control freak such as myself.

This time next week we shall be in and around Chicago, about to undertake the final leg of our journey down to Orlando. This throws up the age-old question of when does your holiday start? Every year I tell myself to relax and enjoy the journey as much as possible. This is a life lesson I would do well to heed in general, as even though the long journey can be arduous, tiring and stressful, it is better than any other day when we are not heading for Florida!

I love the child like excitement and anticipation of the airport on departure day. It smells of bright white trainers, too much perfume, childhood memories and raw adrenaline. In Louise’s case the latter is pretty much all from her as she still finds flying a major challenge. The enormous breakfast, the visit to WH Smiths and in more recent years Starbucks are all part of the pre-flight routine that confirm that we are heading off for fun and sunshine.

Here comes the annual offer of in holiday updates should you wish to follow any or all of us. There are the links you need –

Me – @Mkingdon

Louise – @MrsMkingdon

Emily – @elmooose

Rebecca – @becky_willie

The advent of in park WiFi has changed things forever in my view. Travelling to the States just a few short years ago meant leaving your phone and/or laptop at home, and being blissfully disconnected for the majority of your time away. Now, you can get online all over the place, and this makes it much easier to taunt those stuck at home with photos and updates galore.

We will be pretty active on twitter I would imagine, but the trick is to remember to put the phone away (are you listening Emily?) and enjoy things in the old-fashioned way.

Jet lag dependent the next scheduled blog will be September 1st, but I make no guarantees. I may not be able to see the laptop over my enormous stomach for a start.

As ever it does not feel real that we shall be back home in a few short days, dining in our favourite places, and doing our favourite things, but I shall do my best to adjust to the idea over the next week, readying my body for the onslaught of calories, heat and Disney.

For those we may encounter over there, I look forward to meeting you, and I hope my sack does not disappoint.

See you on the other side.

Till the next time…..

Probably not as good as last week’s blog!

04/08/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So, last week’s blog went pretty well!

And now, normal service is resumed, both in terms of the lack of exciting content, and in terms of me being able to talk about plans for our upcoming WDW holiday.

We’ve been waiting so long for the reveal that I always thought once we’d done it, we’d be more or less setting off for the airport immediately. Unfortunately this is not the case, and the week since has been one of the slowest I can remember. We have two more to conquer and I don’t see them whizzing by either.

So as tradition dictates, my holiday clothes shopping started at around 10.30 on Saturday and ended two shops later at around 11.45. I have my bright white trainers, a new pair of “leezure pants” in which to travel, and some other bits and bobs. Done!

As usual, at this time of year I dust down Ryan, and check out whatever we left in him last year before he was tucked into hibernation for the year. It turns out he didn’t contain half of the things I hoped he did and so had to visit Amazon for some stuff essential to the modern traveler.

Rechargeable batteries for the camera
Four new plug adapters (for the vast array of electrical hair devices and phone chargers)
Some inflatable neck pillow things (who needs Business Class?)

The dollars were ordered this week. No doubt I could have gained an extra three dollars or so by studying the phases of the moon or Michelle Obama’s menstrual cycle, but instead I just ordered from Travelex for next day delivery and got on with my life. I am not cool and sophisticated enough to be able to resist counting my dollars and even having a quick sniff when they arrive though!

Now of course it is not unusual for all those pre-trip concerns to rear their head. Of course being on an indirect flight the main fear is that this will cause us trouble. The risk of one leg being delayed is a worry. Only on the way out really to be honest, as if we’re late coming home I can live with that.

The relief of getting to check in to find that everything is running to time is one I really look forward to. If it isn’t, be ready for one enormous sulk, and be thankful you are not travelling with me!

From everyone’s lovely comments and replies last week, it really does seem that half of the UK will be in Florida with us, most of whom seem to be staying at Old Key West. If you do see us there or anywhere else, please come and say hello, and I’ll do a collection of blog reader photos for a special blog when I return. I’ll even let you hold my sack! In fact, let’s make that a rule. To avoid any embarrassment of approaching some bald bloke of the internet you must introduce yourself by saying “Hi, I’d like to hold your sack”. That should be an ice breaker.

I see that I also picked up a number of new readers last week, so welcome to you all. You will quickly discover that last week’s exciting and emotional post isn’t something to expect every week. More likely you’ll find irrational rants and woe is me moaning, but hopefully you will stick around for a while.

You should know also that the rule is that if you have ever read one of my blogs you must buy my book. It’s the law, OK?

I’m off to watch the clock tick down some more and work out how the hell I can write a trip report that is in some different from all the ones before. That may take some thinking through.

Till the next time….

The Best Kept Big Fat Secret.

27/07/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So what on earth could I blog about today?

Depending upon your willingness to endure the tweets/facebook stati of me or any of the family, you may or may not have heard some exciting news. I thought I should confirm and finally confess that despite everything I have been saying for the past few months, we ARE going to WDW this year.

Firstly, I have to apologise that I can only reveal this now, as we actually booked back in early March. However there is a very good reason for this evil deception. If you feel bad that I have kept this from you, just imagine how Emily felt!

Emily only discovered that we were going this year on Friday evening as this “surprise” trip was always intended as an 18th birthday present for her. We were absolutely sure we would not be going this year…really….but earlier this year, as our thoughts turned to her upcoming 18th, we had been struggling to think of something to buy her to celebrate what we think of as one of two significant milestones, the other being a 21st birthday.

We talked about getting her an old banger, as she has recently passed her driving test, but to be honest we didn’t think she’d be too excited with that and wouldn’t use it as much as the investment in the insurance may merit. She’s glad she can drive, but not a driving fanatic if you know what I mean. Plus, we’d only just insured her on my car for the year, so that was a non starter really. We certainly couldn’t afford to insure her on two cars.

We thought about a theatre break in London. She would love to see Les Miserables or Wicked, but some research into that saw the costs quickly tot up to something that wouldn’t be worth it (in our view) for just 48 hours in the capital.

Of course, we also looked at DLP, to tick the Disney box, but as ever, for just a few short days those costs mounted up too, and we really struggle to see value in just a few days in unpredictable weather….and of course it is in France with French people.

So with all those discounted, what to do? After lots and lots of thought we asked ourselves a simple (loaded) question.

What one thing would she choose were she able to?

With that, there was only one possible answer, and so we bit the bullet and made the decision.

It always comes down to a comparison between the cost of something and the expected cost of going to WDW doesn’t it? All the other options were clocking up prices large enough to be compared to a WDW holiday and so that then became a consideration. Ultimately, I suppose we see better value for money despite the vast amounts involved.

This decision took enormous self-sacrifice of course as we’d have to go with her!! However, it did take lots of financial sacrifice as pretty much everything we wanted to do to the house has been put on indefinite hold.

To say that is has been difficult to keep this a secret for all these months would be a huge understatement, and the amount of times myself and Louise have almost let it slip is incalculable. Also, sitting watching Emily physically pine for Disney on a daily basis has been painful, knowing that we are going but not being able to tell her. It’s like having the antidote for an illness but not being allowed to administer it.

This was because we wanted to reveal her present on her birthday, obviously. We figured this would make the day memorable for her.

Since we booked in March Emily has spent much of her spare time watching a lot of You Tube videos on our telly all about Disney. There have been so many times when Louise or I have almost said things like “Oh we can do that when go” etc etc. How we made it to her birthday I will never know.

We were doing so well, but we made the fatal mistake of increasing the risk by telling other family members. With just over a week to go to the big reveal, Louise’s Mum came round to let us know that we needed to be careful as there had been an unusual number of burglaries in the area, and that we should close all our windows when we go out, and when we go away make sure everything is secure!!

With Emily in the room, Louise desperately tried to express via facial expressions that she’d dropped a clanger whilst verbally telling her of course we would do that if we were to go away ever, but we had no plans! Luckily I was not there at the time as rugby tackling a pensioner and wrestling them to the ground may be frowned upon by the authorities.

We also had the issue of when to tell Rebecca. We had kept her out of the loop for as long as we could, knowing how hard we were finding it not to let it slip out, as we knew it would only increase the risk further. But in early July we had to allow her into the “circle of trust”. This was because her boyfriend Tom was turning down offers of holidays from friends and family as he thought Rebecca was not going away this summer. So we told her, and after some initial upset and panic at the thought of Tom having missed out only now to find she would be away, all was well.

Tom did manage to arrange a holiday at more or less the same time that we would be away, and so love’s young dream was rescued. Rebecca’s excitement levels have been at “high” since and to her credit she has kept the whole thing to herself.

It has also been very difficult for me planning wise, as normally half the fun of these holidays is all the research and arranging of stuff, but of course only if you can share that across large parts of the internet. It has felt strange to know that we are going but to keep up the facade that we were not at all times. You may have noticed whenever I was asked if we were going this year I’d say something like “I can’t report any trip this year” or “No, I can’t say we are going this year”. So I didn’t really lie!!

The reveal itself was the subject of a fair bit of thought and planning, so I’ll cover that before I go into the details of the trip. All along we’d had an idea of putting together some sort of video montage of her growing up, culminating in the reveal of her present. This seemed more fitting than just handing her a card with a message in or just telling her.

So after going out for a celebratory meal on Friday…..

We came back to our house for the present giving, drinks and cake. Emily had specifically requested one of Louise’s cheesecakes and not some shop bought birthday cake!

We had earlier in the day given her a Pandora bracelet as her “present” and bless her she was thrilled. After she’d unwrapped everyone else’s presents once back from the meal we then told her we had something else to show her and settled down to watch this…it lasts a good few minutes and please make sure your speakers are on!

This slideshow created with Smilebox

So that you can get an idea of Emily’s reaction, I had Rebecca video her watching it. Don’t worry this is just a video of the last vital few seconds not her watching the whole thing!

The tears went on for quite some time, and not just from Emily.

It is almost impossible to put into words Emily’s level of love for WDW, and her passion and obsession seems to have grown knowing (or thinking) that we would not be going back this year. That video of her reaction is the very definition of joy.

So what does the plan look like?

Here we go with the booking back story.

With a green light to get stuff booked, but a severe lack of actual funds to do so, of course flights were the starting point, immediately followed by abject horror at the state of prices. You’d think with both girls out of school now we’d be picking up flights for ten bob as we are not strictly tied to term times. Alas no, Louise has taken up that mantle and her holiday dates from Uni have all the flexibility of sheet of polystyrene.

I can’t wait till Louise qualifies! We shall be going in the depths of February with flights for £7.35.

To cut a very long story short, at the time of searching (and there was a lot of searching) I found some flights for around £550, indirect, which was astonishingly good compared to the norm of £800+. The only catch was that we couldn’t get the exact dates we wanted/needed, as flying on the exact dates to get back for Louise’s new term meant the prices went silly. So these more reasonable flights came back on the right day but meant we’d have to fly out a day later than we wanted, so we would only be able to do thirteen days. However as this was a saving of around £1000 for the four of us it was just a no brainer. Literally going on the 17th rather than the 18th would have increased the flight costs by about a quarter.

Having watched my Kayak alerts email report ever more silly prices on a daily basis since booking, I do feel quite good about what we paid.

So we fly out via Chicago on the 18th of August and back on the 31st (my birthday) via JFK with American Airlines, booked through Orbitz.

Accommodation was fairly straight forward, as our (lack of) budget and the desire not to spend two weeks all in one room pointed us towards a villa for most of our stay.

When the girls were much smaller, all of us being in one room was very do-able. Now, with us being effectively four adults, and with three of them having a “getting ready” cycle measured in hours it just isn’t practical for any length of time, simply because we need more than one bathroom. With one bathroom between us, my sulking at not being at a theme park before lunch may ruin the whole holiday.

Add to that the sheer amount of electrical devices, lotions potions and powders involved, there physically wouldn’t be room for all of us in one room, and I’m not leaving any of my skin and hair care products at home for anyone.

I did fancy a few nights on site though, and we’d be happy to do one room for a night or two. Having rented some DVC points from a friendly (and very discrete) Dibber (Thank You Debbie), we tried to secure somewhere to stay. We did want Vero but there was just no suitable availability, and so we worked through what were quite limited options for WDW properties as we were fairly late to the party booking wise.

We were delighted to secure three nights at Old Key West to start the holiday. We’ve never stayed there before but heard lovely things about it from our DVC friends Steve and Di who have that as their home resort, having bought into DVC in about 1938 when it was the only resort available. Crucially I believe the rooms there to be slightly bigger than the more recent DVC resorts, and they actually have two real beds rather than one and a sofa bed. Again, a sofa bed for the girls at 16 and 18 is just a non starter.

Villa wise, we have gone for location first as ever, and secured a lovely looking place on Lindfields for ten nights. We have stayed on Lindfields several times before, and along with Sunset Lakes is probably the best location in our opinion for our needs.

Some months later, as often happens, a less than inspiring day at work led to my mind wandering to the holiday, and the plan, and the addition of a night away at the beach. We have previously loved an impromptu stay at the Hilton at Daytona, and with a little bit of internet and a smattering of Quidco I found a room for the very reasonable sum of less than £70! Another no brainer, and that means two lovely days at the beach.

Park tickets were a simple affair, and this was just a matter of finding the cheapest 14 day ultimate on offer and that was done and dusted. Quidco again…Kha-ching!

Car hire too was straight forward. US Rent a Car is my usual port of call, and again it proved to be very reasonable, and allows you to secure a car with just a deposit.

A meet was arranged with Jakki and her family as usual (thank you too for the secrecy!), and we’ll be meeting up for a meal at Roaring Forks and a watch of Wishes from the spectacular and impressive bar at the top of Bay Lake Tower. It does indeed pay to have friends in high places. This will be on our first day and their last. Spare yourself any feelings of pity for them as they will have been on holiday for around seven months by then!

Dining wise, you may know that in recent trips our on site ADRs have been few and far between. We don’t do the Dining Plan, (we simply couldn’t eat that much food you know!) and we love so many off site eateries that we’d feel like we were missing out. However, there was one place we had to try to get into, and it wouldn’t be easy. Be Our Guest had become an obsession of Emily’s since the opening of the new Fantasy Land, and believe me we’ve watched every video of it on You Tube.

A small amount of research told me that getting a reservation would be harder than having a sensible debate on the Dibb without the usual clowns getting the thread closed. The date upon which we could book ADRs had long since passed, and so, one lunchtime I was messing about on the WDW web site and app, looking up stuff and I wandered into the dining reservation bit.

With little to lose other than time and my job, I tried a few date and time combinations for Be Our Guest all to no avail. However, one last try brought success, and I quickly completed the booking hardly able to believe my luck. Maybe it was meant to be?

Our only other ADR is at the Mexico place in Epcot on our last night. We’ll be there so I can cry uncontrollably at Reflections of Earth, so I’ve got us in at around 6.45 to save us having to drive off site to find food.

Our other eating plans involve the usual suspects, and these old faithfuls are just such a part of our trips that we cannot bear to miss them –

Olive Garden – The Lasagne is probably Emily’s favourite meal on the planet.

Applebees – I would wrestle anyone who comes between me and my Ultimate Trio.

Bahama Breeze – We have never had less than a superb experience here.

Romanos Macaroni Grill – A hidden gem.

Outback – A first night tradition.

We may stumble into Beaches and Cream at some point too for another fight with the Kitchen Sink. The current score is Williams family 1 Kitchen Sink 0.

So we now have, or at least can finally display, our shortest ever countdown to a trip. In just three short weeks we will be on our way. All this secrecy has meant that mentally I haven’t quite come to grips with the fact that we are indeed going again, but I’ll be working hard to do so very quickly now.

Will I be doing a trip report? I would think yes. This is your pre-trip report by the way! I’m not sure where to put it yet, but there will be a collection of knob gags and turtle heads somewhere on the internet…probably the usual places.

So again, apologies for the blatant lies, but hopefully you can understand why and be forgiving. Let the countdown commence!

Till the next time….

It’s Been Fur Too Hot for Oli

21/07/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

A bit of early bloggage this week, as I don’t want to be writing this thing at the normal time today as I will be watching the golf.

In the on-going soap opera that is the Williams way, it has been a fairly uneventful week to be honest, with the major events being as exciting as me being away with work for a couple of days, and Oli having a haircut.

With the weather as it has been for while now, what you don’t want to be is an Old English Sheepdog. As cute as he looks with a fuller plume, by the time he had kept Louise awake for three nights panting the hair had to go. I suffered a similar fate back in the late nineties and have never been the same since.

A few months ago, we invested in some decent clippers for Oli, as we were fed up of paying enormous fees to dog groomers. Having now shaved him twice, we understand that they are probably underpaid!

The right kit probably helps, as he is a wriggly bugger, and has some real issues with you shaving his legs. So after doing the easy bits on his body he then spends a couple of hours looking like he’s wearing wooly chaps. I can say there end the similarities between Oli and myself. My chaps are leather.

So it took both Louise and I all of Saturday morning to get him to an acceptable state. We then had more hair on us than Oli ever did.

Of course now he’s all ready for the heatwave, today it has been overcast and cool and he’s been snuggling up to anything with a temperature to keep warm. I suspect we are not in his good books.

I’d like to do the same to both cats. Not because they are hot, I’d just like to.

I timed my night away from home well. It was officially the hottest day of the year, and to compound matters I was down south in Marlow, where everyone knows it is always at least five degrees hotter then the frozen north.

As I arrived at my hotel on Wednesday evening, it was very hot outside. However as I opened my door it took me back to that first blast of Florida heat as you first leave the airport. It appears that the central heating was on, and had been for some time. With the outside temperature being over thirty degrees, inside it must have been knocking forty.

I wrestled with the radiators for a while to get them off, opened the windows, and stripped down to my undies. Imagine a sumo wrestler on a single bed watching the telly.

With no breeze coming through the window I had to eventually leave the room and go for a walk as the outside temperature was refreshing compared to my room. I did a good hours walk, worked up a nice sweat and went back to my room to find the place no better. I stood in a cold shower for twenty minutes before going to bed where I enjoyed a good half hour or so of uninterrupted sleep.

My walk did allow me to discover a lot more of Marlow than I ever have before, which has pretty much been the office, my hotel room and Pizza Express, and it really is a beautiful place. I couldn’t however even afford to look in the estate agent’s window.

I was back home Thursday evening, and we’ve been planning Emily’s birthday celebrations since. We’re all out for a meal on Friday evening (about fifteen of us) once everyone has finished work, and then it will be a “gathering” back at our house for her to open her presents.

No doubt next week’s blog shall share the details with you, plus a few photos.

Right, time for golf.

Till the next time…..

Teen Angst and Healing Hugs

14/07/201314/07/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Life is random and unpredictable. The more foolish amongst you may think that I have these posts planned days in advance, and come to the keyboard with thoughts fully formed.

Those knowing me better may guess that I often stare at this white page after Sunday tea without a thought in my head, which is indeed no different to any other time of the week.

So up until this morning I had nothing and would have waffled on about some inane stuff, as usual, but events, as they often do have given me cause to press the keys.

As is becoming more the norm these days, I am getting my news via Twitter. This morning I was doing just that having woken far too early to be acceptable for a Sunday. The very sad news that I saw was that an actor from Glee had been found dead in a hotel room. Cory Monteith it seems, has joined the ever-growing list of those who have found fame, fortune and the perils that accompany it at a young age, and although nothing has been announced yet, and we must not assume, looks to have died as a result.

Now, I am no Gleek. To be fair, I thought the first series was original and watchable, and had all the best intentions. Later series seem to have forgotten why it existed and instead of having the collection of “wrong uns”, have drifted towards a cast of the young and beautiful instead, which sort of defeated the object of the whole thing.

Anyway, Glee is one of those programmes were it is non negotiable that we watch. Emily loves it, and lives it.

Having taken in the news of his sad passing, it then dawned on me what the impact of this may be on Emily. Nearly eighteen she might be, but this was bound to hit her hard.

An hour or so later, she appeared downstairs and literally collapsed in tears. She has been very fortunate in that in her eighteen years on the planet, she hasn’t yet really experienced the loss of a close relative, and the closest thing to date had been the loss of our Cocker Spaniel a couple of years ago.

Such was her affection for the programme and its cast, she has taken this news as if she had lost a family member.

Some may say she should grow up, or get some perspective, but it is easy to forget the attachments you make to things as you grow up, and all we can be is supportive I suppose.

In a way I’d rather she were vulnerable, emotional and maybe even a little young for age, as the alternative is a little bleak.

She continues to mourn in her way, and has just made it downstairs after a full day in bed, red-eyed and weary, and sits hugging a cushion and her phone on the couch. If there was a way to take her pain away I would, but only time will do that I suppose. Dad’s hugs can only do so much!

Although of course, this young actor’s death hasn’t left me in bits, as I am old, wizened and devoid of that youthfulness she possesses, I do feel for his family and friends, not only having to deal with loss, but also with the media frenzy. If it does turn out to be another death from “abuse” of some substance or other, I will struggle to be over sympathetic. You may recall my disdain when Amy Winehouse died? I of course just do not understand the “celebrity” world, and why these talented wealthy individuals have to shove stuff up their noses and veins in order to get through the day. They need to try working for a living instead. It’s a miracle that my daily commute hasn’t led me to Class A drugs or a murderous rampage yet.

Well, I suppose as they do not understand the daily grind, I of course do not understand the pressures and pitfalls of fame.

Onto more serious stuff. My illness lingers. I have had a bobbins week, full of snot, coughing, aches and snot. Whilst I am now seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I could still wallpaper a large room with the contents of my nasal passages.

I’d like to thank all those who enquired after my health this week. I’d like to, but, well you know the rest.

Looking ahead, we are now entering the final countdown. Not like most years when at this stage I am bouncing of several walls at the promise of our two weeks in WDW. Alas, no, I cannot relay that excitement. This countdown is to the end of Emily’s childhood. She turns 18 on the 26th of July, and we are thinking of suitable ways to mark the occasion. Hopefully she will have recovered from her broken heart in time.

This coming week she resumes work on these here WDW home movies I have been teasing for the past few weeks. To add the required kick up the arse she may need to get out of bed in the AM, the You Tube channel has now been set up, and should you wish to subscribe that would perhaps add the required pressure to have her complete one and post it. So please, click through and subscribe folks.

Right, Glee’s on the telly, I may be required to dispense a hug or two.

Till the next time…..

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The Cast

Introduction

Day One – Sunday 18th August

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Day One – Sunday 18^th August