I don’t know how your week went, but as mine ended, I had to endure the dentists. I’d been for my check-up a few weeks ago and was told that as I am old and closing in on death, my gums are giving up and all my teeth will imminently fall out.
OK, I may be exaggerating but whatever they said it resulted in me sitting in the chair whilst the hygenist did unspeakable things to my mouth. I wouldn’t say it was painful as such. In fact, I could endure pain more easily and for longer than the feeling of raw sensitivity that whatever they do delivers. Within seconds I had my eyes screwed tightly closed and a sweat on.
I had told her that due to a savage dentist in my formative years, I had an irrational fear of dentists. Still, her empathy was lower than my pain threshold and she raked, scraped and jet-washed stuff with a determination and gusto reserved for mossy block paving.
I escaped with less money than when I went in and the promise of two further sessions in June where she will really get into the nitty-gritty apparently, so much so that I will need a local anaesthetic. I did ask, but apparently, a general is not available. Well, I’ll look forward to that then. The price I pay for that Hollywood smile.
I had root canal work back in my forties and honestly, I do not know how I got through that.
Anyway, enough unpleasantness. Last week I declared the start of my pre-holiday diet and it has gone OK. I never trust our scales as I can be many pounds different from one day to another even when I’m not trying to lose weight, but it seems I may have lost about four pounds.
I’ll need to keep going though as I can put that back on at the airport.
The other thing I mentioned last week was Hollywood Studios and that I had thoughts on it and the current state of it but that would be a whole other post. With that park celebrating its 35th birthday this week, it looks like this is a good time for me to talk about it in my usually ill-informed way.
On our last two trips to WDW, post Genie+ and the pandemic, DHS has been a problem child and has presented the worst symptoms of the fallout of both in my view. Let’s start with the problem before I tell Bob Iger how to fix it.
In simple terms, the park suffers from a lack of crowd soakers. By that I mean, things that can occupy people. That ratio is off, with Galaxy’s Edge drawing large crowds, but there not being enough other stuff to keep them busy whilst they inevitably cannot get on stuff in GE.
If you look back in history, the park was, I believe, envisaged as a half-day park, hence its smaller size etc but I think that was abandoned as the additions of Galaxy’s Edge and Toy Story Land recently have shown. It can’t be a half-day park nowadays as it can take you that long to ride one ride if you’re in standby for Slinky.
Anyway, I digress. Years ago you had things like the Back Lot Tour that would scoop up hundreds of guests and occupy them for half an hour or so at least. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was another crowd soaker up, alongside the Animation Tour and of course, the stunt show was a big crowd sponge. I’m old enough to remember the Hunchback of Notre Dame show that was there too, another one to have a large number of guests out of circulation for the other attractions.
Alongside those types of attractions, you also had a lot of street performers who would delay and distract guests from looking for the next ride.
In summary, I think the issue now is that there is very little like that so all guests seem to do is queue extensively for the handful of attractions on offer.
Having undertaken my usual ten seconds of research, attendance is not the issue. Visitor numbers, up to 2022 at least, are down on pre-Covid levels.
This supports my theory that the guest experience is worse than it used to be, due to the lack of attractions.
It’ll help to get the Little Mermaid back up and running as that will take a few hundred guests out of circulation for a while, but what we found on recent trips was that if you did not have Genie+ you had two choices.
- Wait in line for upwards of 90 minutes for anything you want to do
- Ride Star Tours and The Muppets all day with a couple of long pit stops at the Tap House, which is no fun for the kids.
We would literally sit refreshing the app in a depressed, stunned silence looking for anything that the kids could tolerate queuing for.
So what to do about it? As if I have a clue…..but there are some options I can dream up unencumbered by finances, reality and a great deal of the facts that I don’t possess.
The first is the one most deeply rooted in fantasy.
I have long wondered why WDW and all theme parks don’t just make all the queues virtual. Sure there will be technology challenges but they already exist for some rides. Why Disney and Universal want people to stand in lines for hours of their day I do not understand, as whilst they do, they cannot spend any money.
Do the parks literally not have the space to accommodate all the guests if nobody is waiting in line? It would make the guest experience better right? In DHS specifically, space may be an issue as it is one of the smaller parks, but WDW does not lack land to grow into.
I also think they should reinstate a lot of the “ad hoc” street entertainment to entertain folks as they wait to ride, who would be walking around instead of being contained in a queue but that would not be enough on its own, virtual queues or not. Those entertainers were also a large part of the magic of this park.
Adding stuff similar to long-since-gone, big-crowd attractions such as the ones I mentioned earlier would be ideal. I’m not saying on the scale of Fantasmic, but some attractions, like Indiana Jones, that can take thousands of guests out of circulation for a period of time. As a paying punter, I just want to feel that there is something to do for most of the day without queuing for over an hour and ideally without paying extra to avoid doing that.
Whether we will ever get virtual queues for all or most attractions aside, there is, in my view a fundamental issue at DHS and as it turns 35 it feels like it is having a mid-life crisis of sorts. It has lost its original reason for being as it is no longer a working studio, which was a huge part of its appeal and ethos and now only tips its hat to the film industry.
It may sound silly with the relatively recent additions of Galaxy’s Edge and Toy Story Land to say the park needs actual expansion, but the addition of those two lands alongside the removal of all the stuff I mentioned earlier is actually making the problem worse. Surely a constant wait time of over 90 minutes for Slinky Dog should be a clear sign that something in the park isn’t working as it should.
I don’t think our recent experiences have been unique but of course, we could have just been unlucky. Of all the parks in WDW, it is the one that I gird my loins most for in terms of actually getting much done, and that can’t be a good thing.
With an expansion recently announced at Magic Kingdom my hopes for another at DHS are low, but something needs to be done or it will get to the stage where people will vote with their feet and spend less time there which ironically would help to solve the issue at that park, but make it worse at the other three!
As ever, your thoughts and ridicule are welcome.
Till the next time…..
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