Mkingdon's Blog

Stick it!

04/04/201104/04/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I apologise for the late posting, and missing my usual Sunday tea time slot. I was humbled to see a surge in visits around that time expecting a new post! A busy weekend and Mother’s Day led to the missing of the deadline. Hence me rattling this out over a lunch time sarnie at my desk.

USB Stick — I hate you, I hate you , I hate you!

To be honest, it was more a mild rage last night that led me to not feel inclined to blog. What earth shattering event led to such a rage? Homework! You may well think that I am a little old for such things, but no, I have found that homework these days is “fun” for all the family, and unless I have kids who are severely educationally challenged, it seems that most homework is now so involved that it would be impossible for the young folk to complete it without help.

To be fair to school, Rebecca had done the usual trick of having been given two weeks to complete a project, she had taken that as a signal that she could leave it in her school bag for one week and six days and then have a thrash at it on the Sunday before it is due. I gave her a very rare rollocking for this one, and having done so, did what I shouldn’t, and helped her out with it. So through Sunday afternoon we cracked off two weeks’ worth of project, and it was looking pretty good.

Work was stopped whilst Grandparents visited for Mother’s Day celebrations, and then when Rebecca took to the laptop once more to finish it off in the evening, the law of sod struck and rendered the USB drive upon which our labours were stored useless. I wrestled with it for hours, googling for solutions, and even using the tried and tested violence on both laptop and stick, but to no avail. The work was lost.

At this point the dark clouds descended, and I have to say I was mightily upset. Louise had the good sense to leave me to it, and Rebecca retreated upstairs for a shower. Safe to say I emailed the teacher involved, and explained that the work would be late due to technical issues, as we were not starting again at that time of night!! I can wallow with the best of them in a pool of victimisation, persecution and why me??

So a long explanation of the bloggage blockage.

The last week has been fairly mundane to be honest, and with all hotels booked for the holidays, the main fun of planning is over, which I am always gutted about. We are now making final preparations for the impending arrival of Rebecca’s German, with Louise redecorating the spare room. We’ve warned the girls that we cannot have the usual World War 3 style shenanigans of a morning where we have to shout, wrestle and throw things at them (well, to be honest Emily) in order to get them up, dressed and heading towards school. For ten days we shall have to live the text book family life shown in all cereal ads, where they all sit, perfectly dressed, around a breakfast table enjoying a meal it clearly took three hours to make, before bouncing off happily to their daily lives.

In reality, our house is a blur of last minute panic, shouting, loud music (to wake the girls up), and animal shepherding always resulting in leaving five minutes later than we should, with the girls cramming some sugary breakfast bar down their necks as a vague homage to a proper breakfast.

I wonder what “If you don’t get up now, I am going to sell your drum kit” is in German?

On Saturday, Louise went out on a rare girl’s night out with her work colleagues. As it is rare, she had of course to purchase a new outfit, the cost of which I am yet to fully understand, as it included the obligatory handbag and shoes, and more creams, lotions and potions than a Dark Arts class at Hogwarts. Add to that the meal, drinks, taxis and petrol and I think it is coming close to one of our mortgage payments!! As she arrived back home on Sunday morning, tired, and declaring she couldn’t do that every week, I could not agree more.

So what did I do on Saturday? Well, it was odd. I was home alone for the first time in years, with Louise on the razz, and the girls out and about for most of the evening; I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the peace and quiet. I usually spend Saturday nights with around seventeen teenagers in the house, praying for some peace and somewhere to sit down. So to make the most of this rare occasion I filled in our census online and watched Where Eagles Dare!!

I also corrected a long time wrong, and watched Wall Street…the first one. Nope I’d never seen it, and I don’t know why. I did enjoy it, and of course was incredulous as to how young Charlie Sheen looked! Now with all his millions in the bank, and having no job he needs to go to, I have to ask where did it all go wrong????

Sunday was dominated with lots of ironing, by me, as Louise was not back till lunch and she then had to prep the house for incoming oldies for a Mother’s Day tea. We had a relaxing meal, as it was mainly made by Louise’s Mum to be honest, and we ate whilst watching the Florida DVDs again, which my Dad particularly enjoyed, and he seemed to be a similar emotional wreck to me the week before, and began telling Louise’s Mum, for about the hundredth time, that she should go and it is the best holiday in the world!! Agreed.

I hope his return to full health comes quickly and that he is able to do Florida again soon.

We then sat back and watched the girls play Just Dance on the Wii for an hour, astounded by their apparent energy levels that seem to only apply of a weekend, and are sadly lacking at around 7am on a weekday.

And so begins another week, which brings us one week closer to the 27th of July, the official start of our next adventure. Between now and then, we have a German visit, Rebecca’s birthday (and she wants a house party!!), Emily’s GCSEs, her prom and her departure from school. So a few landmark events, and I am struggling to comprehend that she has finished full time school education already.

For anyone else with a child of GCSE age, I only hope it is not just us who only seem to talk to their child about revising, a lack of revising, not going out so they can revise, and some plans for revising. Are you getting the idea? I really have to remind myself to talk to her about other things, and have some fun; otherwise we could become enemies very quickly! Add to that Rebecca sitting on a two week project for the best of two weeks, and the mere mention of anything academic at the moment has me breaking out in a panic.

By the way, I have cheekily asked one of our IT chaps at work to see if he can rescue the contents of our defunct stick, and if he does I may just full on mouth kiss him in the middle of the office. Bloody computers!!

Onwards then into the week, with the consolation that I am off for most of the back end of April, making the most of the endless Bank holidays and weddings. I hope I can stay awake until then!

Till the next time…..

And that’s Magic!

27/03/201127/03/2011 by mkingdon, posted in dibb, mkingdon, Walt Disney World

With a new trip booked, we are all, to varying degrees, (me more than most I admit) thinking about another journey to our favourite state, Florida. Even the girls, who can be ambivalent to the (what seems to be an) annual event, have been chatting about it, and last Sunday night, Rebecca asked if we could watch “the Florida DVD”. This happens to be from our 2001 trip, which shamefully is the only one I have actually spent the time on to “cut it” into as working DVD, with music and everything.

So, not needing much encouragement to wallow in some magic we put it on.

Wow! Back in 2001 the girls were 6 and 4, and of course looked very different. There was a distinct lack of eye liner for a start!! I have to admit to feeling a little emotional about the whole thing, and of course Louise and I made the usual comments about time whizzing by, and understanding why Grandparents take such delight in their Grandkids, having missed their own kids growing up in a blur of careers, housework and day-to-day nonsense.

Rebecca Beaches and Cream — I need a spoon Daddy!

The DVD itself contained scenes from The Garden Grill, Fantasmic, and two lovely scenes, one from Beaches and Cream, where Rebecca’s face is a picture of wonderment contemplating the milk shake in front of her that is bigger than her head, and lastly, a scene in our All Stars Music hotel room, where the girls re-enact the parade, in their Cinderella and Belle dresses. I’m sure I’ve told you about this stuff before??

Emily had the Princess wave down to perfection, and was for those brief moments a Princess. You could see in her face that she absolutely believed it, and was beyond happiness.

Now in the context of just having booked yet another trip, and worrying ever so slightly about the creative ways in which we shall be affording such an extravagance, within the space of a few seconds of each other, both Louise and I said exactly the same thing, in slightly different words.

“Worth every penny!”

To be fair, I think Louise was referencing the ridiculous cost of the dresses we had bought them (and did every year until they got too big). For me, it was bigger than that. With every passing year, that DVD becomes more powerful. By the time they leave home, turn 21, or get married, I shall be a weeping uncontrollable mess before anyone presses Play!

Even uber cool Emily, at 15, updated her status on the bible of teens, Facebook saying that “Disney made her happy!” It does. I don’t know why. The whole brand wraps you in cotton wool, whispers in your ear that everything will be OK, and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. This state is how they get you to hand over such huge sums of money with a smile on your face.

I think that no other brand on the planet has this impact on its customers. Universal, in many ways very similar in terms of product, comes nowhere near the experience. Don’t get me wrong, Universal do lots of things very well, but it is just different.

As a brand, Disney get into the physce of their customers in a way that blows the mind. Add to that a product of such quality that no-one can compete, and it is a juggernaut that cannot be stopped. At a top-level, they do a few things very well –

Exceptional customer service as a given
Cater for all ages equally
Ensure things are always clean and neat

However that is moving towards far too clinical an analysis. If you start digging too deep into the theory of Disney, then you run the risk of unmasking the ugly corporate beast that lies beneath. From the very beginnings of the company, Walt was renowned as ruthless and incredibly focussed on success, and even today, the power of Disney is legendary. You only have to witness any sort of minor fall or accident in a park to see the “machine” in operation. Out of nowhere, multiple Cast Members appear, with audio ear pieces and walkie talkies, surrounding the “victim”, and whisking them away from the public gaze as quickly as possible.

This of course is no doubt the first stage in an operation to remove any risk of the member of the public suing Disney, but should the worst happen (from Disney’s point of view), then the aggression and quality of their legal power is again something of legend.

Remember, nobody dies on Disney property!!

I am open to the suggestion that my kids (and me) have been brainwashed in the past twelve (or 30 in my case) or so years, and that they are not a good stick by which to measure this, but I don’t think this totally explains the whole thing.

What this experience has reminded me is that –

a) The money on these trips is an investment to be repaid in later years.

b) I really must get my arse in gear and “do” the other half-dozen lots of video into a DVD.

What I fear is that I shall become an over emotional, weeping wreck whilst doing so. God help me if and when we ever have Grandkids. I will indeed be leading the charge up Main Street to Splash Mountain with young Gerard and Hayley (I’m guessing the girls will name their kids after their current musical heroes), with Louise raising her eyebrows and giving me her knowing look which tells me I am going all Chevy Chase again.

Well, bring it on. As long as the girls don’t bank on me leaving them any cash once I’ve gone to the big castle in the sky then all is well.

All of this may seem like an odd outburst for someone who is claiming that they won’t be stepping foot into a Disney park this year. Well, maybe, but I am confident we won’t. In fact to prove my resolve, it is probably timely to share our plans for our upcoming jaunt.

We fly out on the 28th of July at 8.30am. That’s an early flight at the best of times, but as we flying from Heathrow, it would be a little testing to make it from Bolton. So on the 27th we’ll load up the Mondeo and head on south to the luxurious Travelodge Heathrow Central. At an extravagant £27 for the four of us, I can safely say this will be the cheapest night of our plans.

I have booked parking at the Long Stay thing at T3, and handily that is where we fly from. A few hours later we touch down in Toronto, and after a couple of hours, we complete the journey down to Fort Lauderdale, arriving at around 5.30pm local time. One of the quandaries I have been wrestling with recently has been what to do upon arrival. I did not know whether we should hunker down in Fort Lauderdale for the night and then drive down south(er) the next morning, or to bite the bullet and endure a matchsticked eyelid drive down to Key Largo.

I have gone for the latter, embracing a “He who dares wins” attitude, and hoping for the usual adrenaline filled euphoria fuelling my body for the drive.

Hilton Key Largo — Lots of Hilton, no Paris!!

At Key Largo, we are booked into the Hilton. This was primarily driven by our lovely experience at Daytona last year, some good reviews on Trip Advisor, and the fact that it was on the beach. This is crucial for us throughout this trip, as the four of us have different tastes between pool and beach and it is lovely to have both next to each other so each can do their own thing. We have three nights there, and during that time we will drive down through the Keys to explore what is has to offer.

This takes us through to the 31st of July, and we then make the journey cross-country to Naples. Again through a mixture of google, trip advisor and inordinate amounts of time on the internet, I have plumped for Naples Beach Hotel and Golf Club. This again is right on the beach front, and hopefully is as nice as it looks. With five nights there, it had better be. During that time we are off to a baseball game on one evening. We are this time supporting the Fort Myers Miracles. Again, the value is incredible, at $8.50 each! Other than that we have loose plans to perhaps visit the zoo, but mainly, we will relax!

After these two new experiences we then head off to more familiar territory, with the next two nights at Vero Beach. Although we are not DVC members this place truly feels like coming home. Hopefully if the waves are performing I shall be showing off my world-renowned boogie boarding skills. You have been warned.

Then finally, we head “home” again, with our last five nights in Orlando. We have a villa booked now, at Lake Davenport, courtesy of course of yet another kind Dibber. Shamefully my planning for those last few days is centred mainly around our favourite eateries, and we should just have time to squeeze in –

Applebees
Bahama Breeze
Olive Garden
Romanos

We have also made arrangements to meet up with Jakki, Steve, Aodhan and Niamh, as is becoming a tradition now (probably much to their regret). As nice as it is to see them, this year, the fact that we can watch Wishes from BLT with them adds to the occasion!!

So as you can see we have no theme parks planned, and certainly nothing Disney on the cards (OK, OK, Wishes is sort of Disney but we’re cadging it for free courtesy of Jakki and Steve!!). We MIGHT go for Universal if funds allow nearer the time, as it would require a night at the Hard Rock, as we just couldn’t do it without FOTL I’m afraid. We’ve been spoilt.

So there you go, if your internet has been a bit slow over the last few weeks, that would have been me using it all up, reading and researching these new things and areas we are visiting, and I have a bit more to do. However, it is nice to have the basics in place now.

For anyone not able to go this year, I can can only apolgise for the planning orgy!!!

Till the next time…..

Hospital, Hearts and Horror Stories

20/03/201121/03/2011 by mkingdon, posted in dibb, mkingdon, Walt Disney World

It has been another quiet, uneventful week in the World of Williams.

I am of course being sarcastic, as the major event was a worrying turn of events for my Dad. He went into hospital on Wednesday for a routine operation, which involved a bit of keyhole, his liver and some graphic detail best skipped over here. All appeared to have gone well, and he was back on the ward recovering.

You always know when your phone rings at 2.20am that the news isn’t that good. My Mum phoned me asking if I would mind taking her to hospital, as they had just phoned her, saying that he was having some chest pain, and had been taken to the coronary care unit. Dad has a history of heart issues, and has had a stent fitted in the past. Fearing the news to be less than good, we travelled the few miles to hospital in double-quick time, and once on the ward had both the nurse and doctor tell us that it looked like he was having a heart attack, and that he would be going across to Manchester Royal Infirmary to have an angiogram.

Being full of morphine following his op, Dad was pretty oblivious to everything but the pain he was having, and we were advised to go home, let him go and have the procedure and call in the morning.

To cut to the chase, it turns out his stent had moved and/or got a bit blocked, hence the heart trouble. They sorted this, and he was fine. So he’s staying in over the weekend, but looks good to come home early next week, and begin his recovery from his operation. As I said, another quiet week then!

Many of you will “know” my Dad if you have read the trip reports in which he features. Whether it be The Six Gain Flab in Disney Tour (2004) or The Back, Sack and Hi-Jack Tour 2005 or the more recent The Chronicles of Nana (and Grandad) in 2008 you will have gathered that he is somewhat of a character, and a gold mine for someone like me looking to find amusing incidents to write about.

Hopefully then with this operation out of the way, and his stent fixed he can get himself right for the upcoming golf season.

I have to say, seeing my Dad in that situation is not going to make it into my all time Top Ten things.

Speaking of holidays (what a seamless segueway), I haven’t done that much planning this week, other than reading a few trip reports from others who have done the Keys, Naples thing. I also thoroughly enjoyed Bonzo’s report which was based in and around Orlando, but still flagged up something we will hopefully do in our few days in the area.

Bonzo made me aware of a Segway tour of Celebration which looks great. I had half an idea to visit Celebration again anyway, so the added attraction of doing it on some sort of big boy’s toy has sealed the deal. I mentioned this to the girls, and they burst into hysterical laughter. Once they had composed themselves enough to talk, I asked why they found it so funny. A simple answer….”The thought of Mum doing it!” they said, and again collapsed in laughter.

Anyone who saw Louise’s attempts at boogie boarding at Vero Beach may indeed agree that the potential for calamity when you mix Louise and a Segway is quite large.

Emily was glad of the light relief as she is currently buried in coursework for her GCSEs. This week, the main thrust was Media Studies, as she had to have all that submitted for Friday. I will say that her planning skills and time management left something to be desired, but she somehow got it done and in just in time.

One of the main things she had to do was to film, edit and produce a film trailer. Being a big horror film fan, it will not surprise you to see the work of art below courtesy of YouTube. It stars Emily’s friend Kirsty as the main character (victim) and Rebecca as “the baddie”.

Bless them, it took hours of filming in freezing temperatures to get enough footage to make the minute and half’s worth of trailer. It also involved Rebecca wearing a lovely mixture of jam and water all down her face for hours on end! My O Levels were slightly less interesting, with me spending weeks learning about truncated spurs and the French Revolution!!

So here is to a quieter week next week, with Dad home and healthy, and I’ll settle for work being tolerable. Emily is moving on to her English essay, and I shall moving onto her back to make sure she doesn’t leave it until the last-minute again.

I hope all yours are healthy dear reader, and as usual,

Till the next time……

My Daughters are the new Paxman!

13/03/201118/03/2011 by mkingdon, posted in dibb, mkingdon, Walt Disney World

It’s been a bit of a week all things considered.

It seems a little trite and inconsequential for me to witter on about the unimportant events in my life, with the catastrophic events in Japan and beyond this week. It is something I can’t really get my head around, and so I can only express my horror about it all, and send my thoughts and best wishes to anyone connected to these tragic events.

Returning to banality, much has happened in my little world this week. I shall quote myself from last Sunday.

“For now I have resigned myself to a sort of defeat on the flights front. I have not given up, and will not of course, but March brought with it an increase to the already silly prices. I had been banking on Thomas Cook, but they have put their prices up, and even when they were lower, by the time you click-through to book and find that you need to add-on those optional extras like luggage allowance and in flight oxygen, they were not much different from everyone else, albeit direct.

So I’m playing the waiting game, holding my nerve until either I or the airlines blink.”

Who then could have predicted the strange events of the following day? There was I sat at work minding my own business, when an email lands in my Inbox from Ocean Florida. I had asked for a quote a few days earlier, and chuckled at the returned prices, as they were in line with the other silly ones I had seen.

This email promised much, but as I get lots of emails that do that, I was about to delete it along with the ones for those blue pills, and the claims to make things longer. But wait, it said there was a one day only sale, and they had unbeatable prices for all July and August dates. Expecting to fall foul of the usual trick where the actual price quoted is three times that in the email, I called anyway, as it was either that or do some work.

Canada, O Canada!

When I called, the staff at Ocean seemed genuinely excited, and a bit busy. After a bit of chat it seems that they suspected some sort of system blip, with prices available that were just unheard of for school holiday dates. We threw some options around, but at the end of it all, I had a price that started with a 5 for a flight into Fort Lauderdale for fifteen nights. We could have gone into Orlando, but it suited us not to, as we want a different trip this time. We fly back out from Orlando on the way home though. Both legs have connections in Canada, Toronto on the way out and Montreal on the return.

A slight drawback is a departure from Heathrow, but even with the now booked Travelodge (£27) the night before and some petrol, it made sense.

So confronted with a price that I knew was fantastic, and a chap on the phone telling me that these seats were literally vanishing before his eyes, I bit the bullet and went for it. Job done. Funny how things can change in 24 hours then.

So Monday was eventful enough then, without what then followed that evening. Emily and Rebecca had been asked to film a question for David Cameron whilst they were in Manchester on Monday evening. They had gone in as a last-minute decision trying to get a wristband for a One Direction signing. Emily is obsessed with one of the anonymous haircuts within their number. Whilst waiting (fruitlessly it turned out) a Producer approached them and they committed a question to camera, after only a dozen or so takes. The giggles took hold!!

So after signing a quick consent form on Tuesday, we waited to see if they made the final cut on The One Show that evening. Having had to endure nearly all of the show, we had almost given up on it, and then, right at the last moment, they were shown.

A small gathering had, well, gathered upstairs as the girls and friends huddled round a TV upstairs. As the clip began, the screams were heard, and what sounded like a herd of elephants danced around above us. Once the hysteria calmed down, Sky+ was hammered as they played it back a few times. Fame at last for them. Dibbers around the land also recognised the girls it seems, and I suppose their fame has now progressed from the internet to TV!

So a hectic start to the week. Like many of you Florida obsessives out there, throughout the week, having secured flights, I have been pulling together the bare bones of a plan, and with this trip taking place right outside of my comfort zone, it is proving a little tricky. Research has been the name of the game, but here is the work in progress.

Most of the first week will be spent in South Florida, based in Key Largo for two days, then five days in Naples. The first booking to be made was for Vero Beach, a place we have all fallen in love with, and courtesy of Tom , yet another kind Dibber, points were rented, and two nights booked.

After that we drive up to Orlando, for the last five nights, and I am just in the process of securing a nice villa off the 27. There shall be no Disney theme parks this year, for two reasons.

1. It costs a fortune and we are on a budget

2. We’ve done it to death, and need a break.

We might do a night at the Hard Rock, and a couple of days in the parks there, but we’ll see how the funds go. The main focus of this trip will be sand, sea, pools and relaxing. Oh and food!

Getting in the way of vital planning and research this weekend was the arrival of our wardrobes! They took four weeks to come, and just so happened to arrive on the same day as Rebecca’s new bed. The bed was trivial when compared to the weight, hassle and complexity of the wardrobes. With spotlights, full mirrored doors and the weight of a small tank, it took me all of Saturday (literally) and then needed my Dad to help me finish, as the lifting needed more than little ole me.

They look good though. I on the other hand am an old aching mess.

It is funny how the arrival of one piece of furniture can trigger a chain reaction of things in the house. Rebecca’s new bed means that I had to dismantle, move and then rebuild her old bed into our (now) spare room, in preparation for “her German” in a few weeks. This meant that the PC and desk in there had to go up into the loft (plenty swearing…imagine camel and eye of needle stuff), and a general clear out of the wardrobes in the spare room, which was Rebecca’s room…still with me?

I’m tired just typing that lot.

So the weekend passes in a blur of Alan keys, screwdrivers and bits left over, followed by the obligatory trip visit with enough cardboard to construct a small village. I am off to bed now to see if I can somehow get to sleep despite the excitement of another week in work!

Till the next time…..

Everyone’s a winner, isn’t that right Charlie?

06/03/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

For now I have resigned myself to a sort of defeat on the flights front. I have not given up, and will not of course, but March brought with it an increase to the already silly prices. I had been banking on Thomas Cook, but they have put their prices up, and even when they were lower, by the time you click-through to book and find that you need to add-on those optional extras like luggage allowance and in flight oxygen, they were not much different from everyone else, albeit direct.

So I’m playing the waiting game, holding my nerve until either I or the airlines blink.

I had one of those weeks that fly by in about two seconds, which means that I am busy and getting old. No sooner had I got through the depressive state of Sunday night, than Monday melded into all the other days, and I was at Friday all over again. In a way of course I like the fact that the working week whizzes by, but I do worry that I’ll be dead before I know it, and I wouldn’t mind not wishing every week away.

(PLUG ALERT) I wrote some on this topic on my new outlet for middle-aged ranting and meandering here (PLUG OVER)

On Thursday night I attended Rebecca’s parent’s evening. I say evening, but it started at 4pm, and was over by 6pm. Last time I looked that was afternoon, and as long as it suits the teacher’s to hold it at this time then of course that is cool. The rest of us can just rearrange our lives to suit. Rebecca is doing fine at school, with the main thing being that (almost) all her teachers are reporting good effort, even if she won’t be breaking any records in the grades department. Later tonight we shall convene at the kitchen table to finally decide on her options for GCSE. Sadly for Rebecca the list does not contain GCSE courses in texting, My Chemical Romance or “fit boys”.

Emily is nearing the end of her GCSE courses, and again, no doubt much like every other Year 11, isn’t doing enough revision, course work or stuff that doesn’t involve the things listed above in Rebecca’s GCSE course wish list. Ritually though we go through the motions of giving her a hard time about it, in the vain hope and belief that it makes the slightest difference.

In other non Williams news this week, it seems it is de rigeur to be coming spectacularly off the rails and in most cases straight into rehab. Charlie Sheen, Demi Lovato and Dougie off of McFly all seem to be doing their best to take their privileged lives and piss them up against the nearest wall.

Having never been rich and/or famous I cannot of course empathise with their plights, and it is very easy for someone who actually has a normal job to imagine why someone with more money than they will ever require, in jobs they presumably love, then proceed to try very hard to knacker it all up by drinking/drugging and Sheen’s case winning it all away. Is it too simple to tell them to pull themselves together? Perhaps we should place them into shock therapy, and transplant them until further notice into a regular life. Take away their money, pay them an average wage and have them battle with normal issues, like paying the mortgage, and wondering if they can afford a holiday this year. Once they have done a few weeks in a monotonous nine to five, and realised that it lacks glamour, interest or stimulation, it might make them realise that it is these folk, the professional worriers, that need the drink and drugs, and not they, as their lives should be cool enough without external stimulants.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Charlie Sheen, (I love Two and a Half Men) have tolerated Lovato on TV, and have been known to tap a toe to a McFly track, but I don’t have that much sympathy for them as they crash and burn into rehab or law suits.

Meanwhile I’ll see you all on the commute tomorrow, at the start of another week of work. Mind you now that I have topped the 200 mark on Twitter followers, and write for another website, surely I qualify as famous now? So, by Wednesday I’ll have overdosed on Costa Coffee, Millie’s Cookies and anything else they sell in the Lowry Outlet at Salford Quays (office is next door), and I’ll be tweeting absolute nonsense in a Sheen style. Hmm, not much will have changed then.

Onwards to winning and not whinging!

Till the next time….

A flight, a flight, my “Kingdon” for a Flight.

27/02/201127/02/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

To the chaps who look after the servers and stuff that support the Kayak website I apologise. I fear I have given your infrastructure a bit of a beating this week, not only from the laptop, but also from your excellent iPhone app. I can report that all is functioning correctly, apart from one element. No matter what bizarre combination of dates and departure and arrival airports the resultant figures displayed do not please me.

So as you can probably guess, we are still looking for flights. The best we can seem to find are with Thomas Cook, direct to Sanford in August. They come in at £619 each but do mean that we have no seat back TVs and a seat pitch so small that you have to stand up all the way, like one of those standy up rollercoasters! The rotters are charging £419 three days later!!

Even if we do end up in Florida, the deal is that we do not do the Disney theme parks. Universal is on the cards, with a stay at the Hard Rock, but our Disney fix would be limited to Downtown Disney, and a look around a couple of resorts. I am Ok with this, as we don’t need to do the WDW parks again, after eleven years on the trot, and a bit more relaxing would be a nice change as long as the girls can cope with the inertia. In theory this shouldn’t be an issue, as when they are at home it takes a small incendiary device to get them to do anything at all. If we do a villa, with the internet, a pool and a TV then they can amuse themselves much as they do at home. Crucially, unlike at home, I won’t have to drag my sagging body out of bed at silly times, sit in traffic and drizzle for an hour to then sit in an office I don’t want to be in, doing things I don’t want to do.

Instead I could drag my sagging frame to the pool, unleash the guns on the neighbours and eat high fat nonsense, whilst occasionally dipping in the pool. Outings consisting of –

Shopping – To enhance my position of Husband/Dad of the Century

Mini Golf – Fantasia Gardens is overdue as the kids were 4 and 2 the last time I inflicted humiliating defeat upon them (it still counts)

WDW Resorts – Always a favourite past time of mine, and even the girls can put up with it, as it will probably involve “cute American boys”.

Eating – As you may know from my trip reports, we are pretty good at this, and in fact our days have often been constructed around our plans for food!

Should keep us from getting too bored, and with a few days at Universal with FOTL privileges, and then some time on a beach, it sounds like I have given this plan some thought!! As if. By the way, for the coast bit, I may be in the market for some DVC points for a bit of Vero action should anyone have any going spare?

Still, until someone is willing to carry us across the Atlantic for something less than the ridiculous sums being quoted, all this expert planning is for naught.

Away from holiday planning, the week has been fairly normal. Thankfully, it has been without medical emergency. It has been half term up here, and Louise took the chance to take Emily to look for her prom dress. One was found, and I was despatched on Saturday to pick it up. I shall refrain from any photos at this point, but fear not, at the time she actually wears it, I shall bombard you with proud Dad photos! I haven’t yet told Rebecca that due to the cost of the dress she’ll have to wear it too, and if at all possible both may get married in the bugger too!

Saturday evening saw us out together as a family. This took some organising. I had to book the girls well in advance, and it was nice to do the family thing. We went to the local cinema and watched Paul. Having not been to the cinema for a while, I made the most of it with both a three scoop Ben and Jerrys, and soupcon of Pick n Mix. Of course I felt sick, but as they say, no pain no gain. I can recommend Chunky Monkey, Phish Food and Cookie Dough as a combo made in heaven.

With Louise’s famous New York Cheesecake in preparation for tea, I fear my meager efforts at exercise this weekend may be in vain! We (well, Louise) has purchased a rowing machine, and I expended more sweat erecting the thing than actually using it, and I suppose there is a common issue for men of my age! All the effort in getting it up, meant that the time actually “in action” was brief. Enough? OK.

Back to the film. Paul is great. I have liked pretty much everything Simon Pegg has done, and I wasn’t disappointed at all. It is funny and entertaining, and if you can forgive the language (the girls hear worse during my DIY sessions), it is fun for all the family, unless your kids are toddlers!!

I have to go now, as preparation of the Sunday roast is down to me today. I have to say these Sunday roasts are not my favourite. The enormous effort involved in actually cooking stuff properly never lives up to the minutes it takes to eat them. In fact I may nip down to the cinema and get my triple scoop combo instead, and follow that with some cheesecake!

Let me finish with a plug. I was very flattered to be asked to contribute to a new web site called www.nottheface.co.uk this week. So I did, and my first “effort” is now up there, so please click along and have a read….not my bit necessarily, as there is much goodness there, but if you don’t read mine I will hold it against you!! If you all comment on mine too, it will make me look urbane, insightful and popular all at the same time. It won’t surprise you in terms of content and style I’m sure!!

Right, let’s be having these roasties and veg then….

Till the next time……

Fly my pretties. Not at those prices!!!

20/02/2011 by mkingdon, posted in dibb, mkingdon, Walt Disney World

It is a constant inconvenience that I live on the wrong continent. Yep, you guessed it, the annual addiction has kicked in, and both Louise and I have reached the “Goddam it, we need a holiday” point simultaneously.

I have therefore spent my week using a Kayak, and I don’t mean one of these.

It is therefore a thorn in our collective sides that there is a huge piece of water between us and our desired destination. Well I say our…I may have conceded that another trip to Disney is not on the cards, but my continent of choice is still North America. When asked why, I can only shrug my shoulders, reference the TV programmes Benidorm, and Shameless, and explain that if I wished to live in either, I am close enough to the dodgier parts of Manchester to do so.

This chunk of water is a right pain, as it takes an even bigger chunk of cash to sling shot our collective frames across it, and this, at this point seems to be a blocker. The complete lack of any budget at all is also a slight blocker, but still it doesn’t hurt to look does it? Well, I’ll tell you it bloody does hurt, as it rubs your untanned nose in it, that you have no chance of getting to your desired destination unless you either take the kids out of school (let’s not have a debate!) or simply leave them at home.

Should we be able to overcome the budgetary crisis and aviate ourselves to the US, our tentative, yet futile plans are quite loose. We are considering either a West Coast trip, or a return to Florida, but bypassing the routine of theme parks for a jaunt further south, to the beaches of the East Cost, and maybe the Keys.

Anyhow, I may as well be planning a quick trip around the moon. Both are equally likely.

In terms of the flight prices we are seeing, well the average is around £750, which when you times it by four is just north of way too much for us. I don’t know why I do it to myself, but if I nudge our dates out by a day or two, until just after the girls have to be back at school, the prices fall mockingly into our “that’s reasonable” bracket. Education is over rated I think, however, at the ages they are, there is no longer the option to take them out of school. Emily will be starting sixth form next September (Yes, I know, incredible!) and Rebecca Year 10. Back when they were at Infant and Junior School I think we did take them out for a day or two, and they managed to catch up with the colouring in OK.

Louise is less precious about the destination, and just wants some sun and relaxing. I’m up for that, but I fear we have created a monster with the girl’s expectations of a holiday, and after about four days “sun bathing” they may be climbing the walls, and be on the verge of mass murder for an internet connection.

A quick look at other cheaper, non US options shows that a private villa in somewhere like Spain would be do-able, but I think even Louise would admit that this is a definite Plan B, and one we shall keep as that until all other avenues are exhausted.

Another Saturday night has passed without the correct sequence of balls (this is merely a lottery reference!!), and so we trundle on, battering the internet, hoping that some combination of inputs may make the page throw up some numbers that start with an acceptable figure. Perhaps if we fly into Alaska and drive down?? Believe me, I have looked at flight options similar to that.

Am I hopeful that we shall find what we need? Not really. I fear the flights will price us out of a trip this time around, and as much I will absolutely grumble, I shouldn’t. We’ve had a good run, and a year off would not be reason enough to herrumph through the year, spitefully cursing the financial crisis, rising fuel costs, and my lack of lottery win.

Finally, in other better news, I passed a Twitter milestone this weekend, and hit 200 followers. I appreciate this is not Stephen Fry like, but I am pleased nonetheless. If you follow me, thank you, and if you don’t, that’s probably wise, as the next few weeks may be full of flight price induced rage.

So if anyone spots a flight from Manchester to anywhere vaguely American, sometime in late August, that starts with something less than a six, give me a shout??

Till the next time….

Giles Coren won’t go to Haslingden

13/02/201113/02/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

What a bobbins week on the work front. I won’t bore you with the un-pleasantries, but it has been full of busy, late nights, frustration and missed deadlines. So after opening with the customary moan, let us move on to better things.

A few weeks ago, I somehow got wind of something called a Taste Card. I think it was from the Martin Lewis email, but I can’t remember to be honest. Anywho, there was a three-month free trial, and it entitled the holder to half price food in lots of restaurants. Those of you who know me, even in the slightest, would know that this combo would be a winner with me, so I signed up.

The card came last week, and it was timed quite nicely as with Valentine’s approaching, on Saturday we wanted to go out for a meal. Not wanting to break the romantic mood by seeming cheap…er than usual, I mentioned the Taste Card concept to Louise with trepidation. Louise believes that if you pay the maximum amount possible for something, it guarantees it to be the best it can possibly be. So me saying I can get us half price food for our Valentine’s jaunt was a risky strategy.

Sykeside Country House Hotel — Well, it *looks* OK....

Still, as all our wealth for the next twenty years is sunk into our new bedroom, it was recognised that any saving would be welcome, and I began to scour the Taste Card website and iPhone app to see which restaurants we could go to. A lot of them don’t “do” the scheme on a Saturday so our choices were a little limited, and we ended up choosing, well I did, a place in Haslingden. This is about half an hour from us, and The Ridings restaurant was situated in the Sykeside Country House Hotel, which all sounded very promising.

With a table booked for 7.30, Louise started to get ready just that five minutes too late to avoid me pacing the hall looking at my watch getting stressed, as my aversion to being late kicked in. Leaving a house full of teenagers behind us we set off through the likes of Ramsbottom and Stubbins, which are not unlike the lands in Lord of the Rings really, and amazingly, no doubt due to my impressive Mondeo manoeuvres, we arrived in the car park at 7.30 on the nail.

The car park looked fairly empty, and at this point I was a little worried I must admit. The place itself is a stunning old mill owner’s house, with lovely old decor, and impressively, once was home to William Roache from Corrie! I don’t think he owned the mill though.

We are welcomed into the bar, and we order a drink and take a seat in a comfy couch near the fire. As we look over the menus we are presented with some horses douvres by an amazingly polite young waitress. So far so good.

We are soon ushered through to our table, and the real fun begins. The food arrives. Wow!

To start I ordered the Gateaux of black pudding served with crushed potatoes and leeks, drizzled with a light grain mustard sauce.

Starter — The German for gateaux is kirschtorte!!

I know it looks like a dessert but I think this is the idea, hence the name. It is black pudding top and bottom, with mash in the middle, topped off with a poached egg done to perfection. The mustard sauce is just superb too. Silence descended as we tucked in.

Louise? Oh, yes she ate too. She ordered the Mushroom and Gruyere Tartlette.

Louise's starter — and I'm Filo fine....

This too was declared wonderful.

At this point I’m just relieved that my choice looks to be going OK.

Our main course were equally delightful, but alas, our enthusiasm meant no photos were taken. For the record we had…

Me – A chicken breast served on a black pudding potato cake.

Louise – Some deep-fried goat’s cheese thing.

This was served with lovely veg, including some deep-fried cauliflower. Marvellous.

Just to make sure two courses were not a fluke I volunteered to test out the desserts, and went for the profiteroles.

Just wonderful, so no, the first two courses were not a fluke.

Add to all this lovely food, the fantastic service and we had a great time. So much so that as we retired to the bar for another drink, I felt almost guilty using the Taste Card as what we had just eaten was worth every penny at full price. However, with the Taste Card discount, all of that cost us £38, including three glasses of wine, a beer and a diet coke!!

We rolled home very satisfied, vowing to return very soon.

So apologies for the food review style of this week’s post, but we were blown away with the place, and for those local enough to try it, you must! For those not local, then the least you should do is get to the Taste Card website and sign up the free trial, if it is still on, or just get one.

We haven’t eaten much today to be honest, mainly as we had a long lie in, and since then we’ve been busy, me finishing off the wooden floor with my Dad. Well, to be honest I was handing him stuff whilst he did it, and Louise has been doing the big shop, and is now ironing. Rebecca has been busy though, and our reward for yet another weekend with a house like a youth hostel is a cheesecake made by her own fair hand for after tea. She is also as I type chopping stuff for our Shepherd’s Pie. Poor Shepherd!

I look forward to a better week at work, and a very yummy tea!!

Louise needs an early night I think as she looks a little peaky to me.

Till the next time…….

Flat Pack, you are the devil’s spawn.

07/02/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Often on a Monday morning, offices around the country are full of the question, “Did you have a nice weekend?”. Pardon my cynical view, but in most cases the person asking that couldn’t really give a rat’s ass, and is just expecting back the usual banal answer of “Yes, it was lovely, You?”

Nobody asked me that question this morning. Either they follow me on Twitter (and you should!), or they could tell from my smacked arse face, and exhausted haunted look that the answer was likely to be in the negative.

OK, so in the grand scheme of things, as ever, things aren’t so bad, but my finely tuned sense of persecution is currently in overdrive, with every phone call, conversation or activity seemingly being a new problem to deal with. So the weekend just gone was not restful or relaxing to be honest. However it was preceded by more worrying issues with another trip to hospital for Louise on Thursday.

She had a very bad night on Wednesday, with lots of pain and not much sleep. With Thursday being her day off, she took herself off to the emergency doctor, who quickly referred her to hospital. So, via text, I was getting updates from Louise during the morning, whilst enjoying a meeting at work, telling me that she was off to hospital.

I joined her there in the early afternoon, and we (well she) went through the usual procession of elimination techniques that we are very familiar with now. Bloods and wee tested, x-rays done, and still nobody is any the wiser. A consultant turns up, and orders a CT scan for the following day. So Louise spends another night in hospital, and my biggest challenge is ensuring the girls have clean socks for the following day at school!! A challenge to which I rose impressively.

Friday passes, a CT scan reveals nothing, and Louise is sent home at tea time, pain gone, but still totally in the dark as to what is going on. Groundhog day.

With that auspicious start, the other highlights of the weekend were –

A full day of flat pack assembly on Sunday, and this was just for two quite simple bedside cabinets. Handy Andy I ain’t. I am happy to accept that the length of time needed to complete this was down to my incompetence, but the fact that my Dad helped, and it still took ages, tells me that the instructions were bobbins. My Dad has worked in the building/roofing trade for forty years!

The utterance of every swear word known to man, and a few new ones too, on Saturday evening, when we discovered a new water feature in the kitchen. The silly amounts of rain were obviously too much for our kitchen roof, and therefore a fair amount of that rain found itself onto our kitchen floor, via our light fitting. This was a particular low ebb, I must say. I sulked quite a bit about this it has to be said. I thank Louise for her patience in this regard, and for not tripping over my bottom lip.

My Dad’s involvement in the roofing trade means that we had a man on our roof today (it’s who you know!), and I am only a little bit scared to find out what the damage is, both structurally and financially. As is often the case, anyone enquiring if we have booked our next holiday yet, may be met with a complete sense of humour failure at the moment. We are some way of simply being skint, and indeed, I aspire to just being a little short of cash, I dream of being a little tight of the green stuff. You get the idea? We are going nowhere!

Still, on the plus side, I love our new bedroom, I could spend a full day in our new shower (stop those rude thoughts!), and whilst I have plastic in my wallet, we will have food on the table! Add to all of that, the fact I can now enjoy and even discuss football, thanks to the return of the King to Liverpool, as I said right up top, in the grand scheme of things, it could all be a lot worse. Repeat until it sounds convincing!

This is no way alters the fact that I shall still no doubt sulk, swear and bemoan every new problem and crisis in my usual grisly manner. I defend my right to do so.

Full of repressed anger and resentment at our leaky roof, we retreated to bed on Saturday night with Clive Owen. I am quite open-minded about the whole thing really, and don’t feel threatened at all. Anyway, he can’t be all that as Louise was asleep within five minutes, leaving me and Clive to it!

I of course refer to Shoot Em Up, the “classic” action flick starring Clive. Can you really be a film star when you are called Clive?

We seem to be on a roll where films are concerned at the moment, and not a good one at that. My benchmark for a film being far-fetched is, and I thought always would be Con Air…I have told you this before. Well, I may have a new standard by which to judge. This was a cracker, in all the wrong ways.

My favourite part of the film was when Clive dived from a rooftop, through a window into an apartment, escaping some baddies. Doesn’t sound so far-fetched does it? Well, if you add in the fact that he had a new-born baby tucked under one arm, this, in the first ten minutes of the film, set the tone of what was to follow. Later, as he drives towards a truck load of baddies, he shoots out his windscreen, undoes his seatbelt, so that upon impact he is thrown through the front window, through the truck’s front window, forward rolls in midair and lands in the back of the truck, and is thus able to shoot all six or seven baddies before they realise what has happened. He did not have the baby under his arm at that point though.

This standard is relentless all the way through the film, and can only be believed by witnessing it for yourself. Go on, I dare you.

So hopefully, financial ruin aside, things can only get better from here on in, and I look forward to a better week ahead. I know I have to go to work, but apart from that!!

For DIY induced swearing fans, you can look forward to the delivery of our new wardrobe in a week or two, for the full extent of vocabulary to be tested. If the bedside cabinets are anything to go by, this could be a good one. They have mirrors for doors, and spotlights and everything. It could all get very nasty.

For fans of overweight balding forty year olds, you only have until Thursday to sneak a peek of my impressive frame through our bedroom window, as our custom (translates to expensive) blinds are to be installed. The crowds outside are becoming a minor pest to the neighbours, so that is a relief all round.

I am going to wander off now, to look after the chip on my shoulder, and have a tantrum. I feel it is deserved.

Till the next time….

A week full of emulsion.

30/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in Garage Conversion, mkingdon

It has been a while since I have commented on our viewing habits, courtesy of our Tesco DVD Rental deliveries.

This week, we were pretty happy to get two titles that looked promising. We usually like our weekend DVDs to be of a blockbuster style, nothing too challenging (subtitles are a no go), and sit back and let them entertain us.

With this in mind, Knight and Day and The Expendables seemed likely to tick all those boxes. Both had a decent star quota and had been advertised to death upon release.

They were both atrocious!!

Knight & Day was slightly better, and we did manage to get all the way through it. The Expendables however was absolutely shockingly bad. It takes a lot for me to abandon a film before the end, but I simply had to. Louise had long since fallen asleep, as we watched it on our new TV in our new bedroom (I’ll come to this shortly), and I waded through about an hour before realising that my mind was wandering, and I really could not give a toss what happened next.

The script was so cringingly crass and hackneyed I was almost predicting the next line, and the story was cheesy, predictable and had been done a million times before. The cinematography was of the type where everything is dark, so you can never really tell what is going on, and with Sly Stallone in the lead role, most of the audio was so unintelligible that you had to have the volume at max, only then to be blown away by the next explosion or gun shot.

Knight & Day was OK. Again, a premise that had been done a million times. An agent who is indestructible, amazing at fighting, shooting and stuff, with a good-looking blonde tagging along. It had all the ingredients for a decent action/romcom, but something about it just didn’t work for me. The story was weak, and of course some of the action was so far-fetched it rivalled Con Air!!

These few hours being my only break from the paint brush since Wednesday made their crapness a real bugger!! I have a right arm like Popeye’s, but not for the reasons you may think. No, I have been painting stuff for so long, my arm keeps moving whilst I sleep. I have glossed the equivalent of a football pitch. We have more wood in our house than the Playboy mansion on party night!

My estimate of the decorating taking two days, leaving me Friday to relax was so off the mark, it made Andy Gray’s views look accurate.

Anyway, I get ahead of myself. This was the week when the garage officially became our bedroom.

My brain has been wrecked with the best part of five days of intense paint fumes, so the final stages of the project have become a little hazy, but last night, for the first time we slept in our new bedroom. It all felt a bit odd to be honest, and after what seems like forever from when we kicked this off, to be finally in did not quite sink in.

I had christened th’en suite shower earlier (not like that!!), and what great pleasure I took from it (I said not like that!). Washing away days of engrained gloss and emotion, I mean emulsion, and with them the aches and pains of painting ceilings and all sorts of nooks and crannies at weird angles, felt very good.

The one slight pain point in our new bedroom is that we do not as yet have anything to cover the windows!! Our custom-made blinds are two weeks away yet, and so getting in and out of bed requires a very impressive commando roll on to the floor, where I quickly assume my dressing gown. Don’t get me wrong, if the neighbours want to see me in all my glory then they are welcome. I am only thinking of them believe me!! Our new window is so HUUGGEE that we cannot buy mere mortal window coverings, no, we have to drop a massive wad on custom made blinds.

Anyway, in my decorating marathon, I have realised there are a set of rules for it –

1. You will never buy enough paint and have to go to the shop covered in paint with just a little bit left to do

2. No matter whether you think glossing or emulsioning first is the right thing to do, you will think you made the wrong decision when you have to cut in the latter application to the former.

3. No matter how many times you stand back to check your work, before packing everything away, it is only when you have cleaned all the brushes, put them away and had a shower that you will see that bit you missed

4. Your partner coming home from work and criticising a small element of your eight hours of painting is likely to result in divorce at best, and cold-blooded murder at worst.

5. You will find gloss under your fingernails for the next three weeks.

6. You will somehow end up with more paint on your clothes than on the walls.

Anyway, I am finally done, and all we need now is a set of wardrobes to complete the room, and this will allow us to move all our stuff downstairs. Rebecca has moved in to our old room upstairs and is loving the extra room. She is as I type painting stuff on her walls. I think it is getting a Hello Kitty treatment, but to be honest if I see another paint brush this side of Christmas I will not be responsible for my actions.

So a landmark week in the Williams household. I must say that if you fancy something else where your garage currently is, and you live near me then you should consider the chaps who did ours, Nuspace. They were excellent!

But, something that tops all these events, something that should be recorded in history. Emily is out tonight at a gig at the Apollo in Manchester. She is watching A Day to Remember. Who??

That is not the event to which I refer. No, after said gig, someone else is picking her up and bringing her home. I know!! I could not quite believe it myself. I shall still have to wait up for her, but I think I shall embarrass her by waiting in bed and then jumping up as she arrives and waving frantically at the window. I may even wave my hands too.

So it is back to work tomorrow after three days off last week, and my Inbox looks horrific. I looked at it earlier but did not have the heart to actually do anything about it. For now, I have realxing to do.

Till the next time…..

A tale of two convertibles…..

23/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in Garage Conversion

Work has been inconveniently busy and stressful this week. It isn’t enough that I turn up every (most) days whether I want to or not. It seems in exchange for the money that arrives in my bank each month, they need to me to actually do stuff. Stuff this week, seems to have been in the form of an endless conveyor belt of problems and panics, that to me don’t really sit with me to fix, but no bugger else seems to be having a go at, and so it has fallen into my lap.

This has severely restricted my ability to monitor the football transfer window via Tweetdeck, and all this having to attend, and pay attention in meetings is nothing short of just downright inconvenient.

Still without work, I would not be able to fund the runaway budget of our new bedroom. See how I did not use the word garage there? It can no longer be described as anything close to a garage, as it has electric, a window, and an ensuite that is all but ready to oblute all over. I enjoy a good oblute.

A week ago the chaps working on it were telling me that it would all come together very quickly and they expected to be done in a week. I laughed at this suggestion (not to their faces of course, they are big builder types), as it still looked like four walls and a lot of dirt. True to their word, we have been drawing up snag lists for their last day on site tomorrow. It did appear that every workman in the North West was at our house towards the end of last week, with electricians, joiners and plumbers falling over each other.

So the journey is almost complete…

This positive news is however tinged with sadness, as it inevitably follows that now, the decorating must begin. A choice between decorating and sitting on a hot poker would be a tricky choice for me, so to make sure I get on with it, yesterday we went out and ordered the carpet. We have asked for it to be fitted on Friday of next week so that I have no option but to struggle on through the horror of turps and stiff brushes. Not wanting to waste the next four weekends, I have booked three days off from work, so I can just get it done.

For those three days I can wear pants that display a spectacular builder’s arse, a T-shirt that is far too tight for wearing outside, but is fine for getting full of paint, and pretend that I am a manual worker, and not the office based, soft handed, namby pamby wuss that I really am. I shall drink strong tea with six sugars, listen to the radio all day, eat steak pudding chips and peas for lunch and then present Louise with an extortionate bill.

To get a head start the work began today, and I have –

Hoovered (or should I say Dysoned) the room, trying to suck up weeks worth of dust and stuff
Put paste all over the newly plastered walls. This was a tip from the builder, so either it will make the painting easier, or it is just something he tells idiots like me who work in an office to cheer up his working day
Glossed all the skirting boards and doors.

So with a decent effort on Wednesday and Thursday I can have it done, and then give the Xbox some hammer on Friday whilst awaiting the carpet delivery.

Speaking of delivery, finally, after a ridiculous wait for the new insurance documents, Louise got to pick up her new car on Thursday evening. Here we sit in the 21st Century, and still Tesco Insurance tell me they cannot email, or would you believe even fax the new documents to me, and I had to wait for first class post to take four days to get to us. I then scanned it in, emailed it to the garage, and picked the car up on the same day!!

Car — Louise's convertible....the cat converts into a nuisance very easily

Thursday night was a stinker weather wise, and the final journey in the Mini was pretty horrible, and it seemed to take forever to get to the garage. Half way there, Rebecca started to feel very unwell, with a lot of stomach pain based around that regular female event. This added nicely to the pleasure of the journey, and upon arriving at the garage she was surrounded by every female member of staff in the building, offering hot drinks, seats and lots of advice. Two strong pain killers and a hot drink helped, whilst I cracked on with the signature marathon that is the purchase of a new car.

How can it be so complex? I must have signed a dozen documents, and been there the best part of an hour. Daft!

Finally, Louise was let loose on the new car, and we set off for home. After the marathon journey and signature fest, we decided to call in at Nandos near the Reebok Stadium for tea. That helped. I’m not good without food.

Upon leaving, we needed “some bits” from Asda around the corner, so Louise gave in to the girl’s pleadings to drop the roof. Now, it was a very, very cold night, and by the time Louise hit second gear, the girls were pleading with her to stop and put the top back up again!! The two minute journey resulted in frozen snot candles on them both, and a lesson learned that the top stays up until Easter at the earliest.

So here I sit, aching and sore from all my painting efforts, the girls are out a party somewhere, and Louise is starting the tea. Tomorrow, I am in that there London for a meeting I could well do without to be honest. I’m off to see a major sports brand in London, a brand that have sports bars, and I am more interested really in the fact that they are based in a Disney building, and all of the meeting rooms are themed. I’m hoping for the Lion King room personally!!

Before all that, I have to be up at some silly hour to get the train from Manchester at 7.30. The joy!! I think I’d rather be decorating.

Till the next time….

Genius by appointment

16/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

Many of you who read this rubbish have come to do so through the common interest of Florida holidays and more specifically Walt Disney World.

For me, when it all boils down, one of THE most important factors for my enjoyment of the happiest place on earth is the customer service. Calling it that seems to be a bit of an understatement really, as it goes beyond that, and I suppose, it is their ability to make their customers feel special that sets them apart even from their similar neighbours at Universal.

What I have found though is that now I have been spoiled by this experience, you tend to find yourself having to lower your bar of expectations when you are anywhere but on Disney property. Certainly in the UK, service that makes you remember it is so infrequent, you can’t remember it!!

This week, I experienced such customer service, but first some back story.

Previous blogs here have outlined my chagrin with my mobile phone. I say my mobile phone, but they aren’t really. They are supplied by work, as you know I would be far too tight to throw around hundreds of pounds on such devices. My HTC Desire was lovely, but it fell out with my Mondeo’s bluetooth, so I had to say goodbye to that, and the only other model in the dusty cupboard was an old HTC 2 (Windows not Android alas), with a screen like an iMax, and the speed of Anne Widdicombe.

I have endured it for a few weeks now, and was beginning to really fall out with it, when all of a sudden, fortunately, someone at work left, leaving a vacant iPhone. I expressed my disgust one last time at my current handset, and outlined the upcoming availability of said iPhone. Luckily it was all agreed, and last Friday one the Helpdesk boys brought it it over to my desk.

“It just need activating with iTunes” he says.

Sounds easy thought I, and I proceeded to abandon all work for the next few hours (as it turned out) in an attempt to make it work. It didn’t so I returned to the IT folk and became lost in meetings for most of the day. On my return, it was very broken indeed, and the real prospect of being stuck with my current phone filled me with dread.

“I can send it away to get fixed” he says, ” or you could just take it to an Apple store and see if the Genius Bar can fix it”.

Here’s me thinking that the IT chap’s job was to supply working kit to employees. I did run an IT department for a while with my last employer, and if only I had known I could have abdicated fixing stuff to the staff.

“Yeh, the server’s gone down, but there’s a couple of screwdrivers and a manual in that drawer. Let me know how you get on”.

Spurred on by my abhorrence for the HTC, I left work early (I wasn’t going in my own time!) and made the short journey from Salford Quays to the Trafford Centre. I Dad walked to the Apple store, and joined the disciples of shiny in the shop. The Genius Bar at the back looked nice and empty, so I approached. Before I get anywhere near my tales of iPhone woe I am told I need an appointment. Oh!

I had visions of being booked in three weeks on Wednesday, but no there was a free one in twenty minutes. So I spent that time playing with shiny things in the shop, and funnily enough googling the specific error code my iPhone kept throwing at me, 1015.

There were lots of fixes offered, but they are all aimed at people who actually know what they are doing. Folk that have Jail broke it or something, and as I only understood about one word in four, I told myself I was in the right place for sure. My appointment time rolled around, and I was greeted by my Genius, and I outlined the issue.

I was hoping he’d say, “Oh yes, error 1015, we know that one, I just have to jigger this pokery and you are all set”. Alas no, he set the iPhone up, linking it to a laptop that probably cost as much as my car, and slowly and deliberately kept me abreast of everything he was doing. Having scanned my iPhone’s serial number he assured me it was within warranty, and they would sort it out whatever the issue was.

Within about two minutes he two was confronted with 1015, and confirmed that indeed, something was wrong.

So what was his fix? Simple, he walked to a drawer, pulled out a brand new iPhone, and gave it to me!

Now as Genius goes, I’m not saying this fix needs the brain the size of a planet, but in terms of customer satisfaction it is a gem. Not only did I walk away with a shiny new product, that works, the chap even apologised to me for having to come all the way to the shop to get it fixed!!

As I walked out of the shop, I closed my eyes and imagine I would emerge onto Main Street. Instead, I joined the hoards of Mancs getting in each other’s way on their way to New Look and Schuh, but still, it took all my will not to turn my warm glow of customer satisfaction into a mass spending spree between the rear of the shop and the exit.

It wasn’t just the quick replacement of something faulty, it was the way in which it was dealt with. With courtesy, speed, and an absolute determination to make sure the customer was not put out, or disappointed in any way.

As we encounter service like this so seldom, we tend to forget what impact it can have on a brand. I am not one of the Apple addicts that I have encountered, but I like their stuff. However, if this is the way they treat their customers, I may just hand over my salary every month and cut out the middle man.

So Friday evening was spent getting to know the iPhone again, and reveling in the ease of use, plethora of apps, and all round goodiness of it. Setting stuff like email up is simple, it is intuitive to get anywhere, and I remembered why it is the standard to which all other such devices aspire. I like it! The Desire was pretty much equal, but the lack of the handsfree funtioning was it’s down fall for me.

The week just gone doesn’t have much else to report other than this. The garage is more bedroom than garage now, which is good. We have four walls, and most of them are plastered. They even started tiling the en suite this week so we must be getting somewhere close to finished now. We’re at the stage now where we need to go and look at carpets, wardrobes, paint, and we did a bit of this on Saturday. The net result of that was to be astonished at the price of the paint that goes into the Dulux Paint Pod machine!!

Rebecca Party — Can we stop time please?

Saturday evening, Rebecca went off to a “proper” party in a function room and everything. This required a dress, shoes destined to cripple her and her looking about 23. It also required us to drop off and pick up her and her friend, again!! Anyway, by half nine she was ready to come home as those shoes were causing her long-term mobility issues.

Emily’s news this week were her Mock GCSE results. They were OK, enough to get her into the sixth form college, were they to be the same in the summer, but she was a little disappointed to be honest, and hopefully now she will realise that she can’t just turn up and get the grades she is capable of.

I live in hope anyway. “I have been revising” roughly translates into, I had my books out on the bed whilst conducting seven facebook chats, and listening to my iPod.

The summer of my O levels cruelly coincided with the World Cup, so I know all about distractions for revision. I remember vividly watching some crucial match whilst trying to understand truncated spurs (Geography) and how to ask for Black Forest Gateaux in German.

There are ever more distractions now, so I’ve threatened to bin her laptop should I not see suitable evidence of learning stuff. Victorian Dad, that’s me.

Right, I’m off to play with my phone for a bit.

Till the next time……

Premature Declaration

11/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

What’s this? A mid week bloggage?? Fear not, it is a brief one, just to update and correct weekend bloggage, where events have now moved on a little.

It would appear that my last post, declaring the new addition to the Williams household to be a Hyundai Coupe, did not take into consideration the ever true concept of a woman having the perogative to change her mind.

After sleeping on our decision (or not in Louise’s case) in truth neither of us felt 100% right about the choice of car, and I found Louise glued to the laptop on Sunday morning, pining over photos of other types of cars, and regretting our haste in plumping for the Hyundai.

This pondering continued over Sunday and into Monday, and I can’t explain the not feeling quite right-i-ness, but it was there. It just did not feel like our car.

Absolutely not on work’s time, I googled a little to see if the sort of car Louise had been salivating over was anywhere near our budget, half hoping it would not be. Alas, but then again, happily, it did seem to be. A text and a call to Louise confirmed my suspicions that she wasn’t convinced at all on the Hyundai and her willingness to make the journey to Wigan on a horrible cold rainy night seemed to suggest she was definitely having second thoughts.

With such a car identified as available at another branch of the same dealer which we had paid our deposit too, I made the call to our sales chap for the Hyundai and explained the situation, blaming Louise for the fickle indecisive nature of our dither.

I called the other branch, and arranged to go over straight after work to take a look, reasoning to ourselves that we may still stick with our original choice, but had to get this out of our system to make sure it was the right choice. After a long, dark, wet drive to Wigan (side note: there is no simple and/or quick trip to Wigan from North Bolton), we got well and truly lost, despite Louise having lived in Wigan for some years.

We of course fell out over the course of driving around aimlessly, until we called the garage for help and were eventually “talked down” by the receptionist. “Yes, SCS is on my right…..no, I can’t see a Chinese…oh wait there it is…etc etc”

All I can say is that, we knew immediately and this new (as in different, not new) car just felt right as soon as we saw it and sat in it. Louise was very impressed by the whole foldy roof thing, (despite the fact that the bloke showing us did it wrong and it got stuck halfway on his first go) and the fact that the wing mirrors also fold in and out, all automatic like. Add to this, that it looks a little less Starsky and Hutch than the Hyundai, has much better mpg, and is several insurance groups lower too, then it makes perfect sense.

The negotiation process was a whole lot easier too, and this particular branch made the whole thing nice and simple, and we all got to the figures we were happy with very quickly. We had to really as I hadn’t had my tea and I was starving!!

As an added bonus I managed to negotiate the inclusion of a two-year warranty, and two years servicing and MOTs in the price too. Result. The idea of two years worry free motoring really appeals after paying out for a new windscreen and front tyre for the mini in recent weeks….of course these perishable items will not be covered, but if we are to have a big end fail on us then we all know how crucial that can be!!

So with both Louise and I feeling a lot better about the whole thing, in about a week’s time Louise will be taking ownership of one of these, well in fact, this very one….

307 — You should see her with her top off!!

The fact that it ticks few of the criteria Louise laid out to the sales chappie at the weekend should be ignored of course!!

Knowing the girls (and Louise), next week you should be on the look out for a silver convertible with the roof off, inhabited by three females in bobble hats, gloves, scarfs and frozen smiles, determined to make most use of the foldy roof despite the complete absence of anything like suitable weather.

Apologies for this unusual mid-week update in blog land, and as we don’t buy cars every week, thank goodness, normal service should be resumed shortly.

Till the next time…..

Beep Beep, Beep Beep….Yeah??

09/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It’s been a funny old week. What with it being only four days at work, but feeling like forty, and all those awkward new year greetings and hand shakes from the folks at work, make it one of my least favourite times of the year.

Snowy morning — The snowy barren wastelands of suburbia

So last Monday night was the mother of all Sunday nights if you know what I mean. Full of all those horrid back to school feelings suffered at school, with your post bath glow on, in your freshly ironed pajamas. Oh, this is just me then? Sleep was not good, and when Louise greeted me in the morning with those immortal words…

“It’s been bloody snowing again, and the roads look like sh..” well you get the picture, I was not best pleased.

The ritual of checking the school website began, and they seemed very bullish about everyone being able to get there. They obviously don’t live on our hill. Already I could see the main road was bumper to bumper which meant that I was in for a two hour commute and the girls were walking to school, as that would be quicker than the car!

With girls off on their way, I made the very wise choice to work from home, saving myself four hours of driving, well sitting still in a car anyway.

As the snow seemed to have been localised to a mile radius of my house, work colleagues were a little dubious about my plight!! Being stuck at home saw me surrounded in the kitchen by a fridge and cupboards groaning in their own contradictions. Their was plenty of the new year, mandatory healthy stuff, but alongside it was the last of the rich decadent goo that was left over from Christmas. So I compromised and had a wholemeal bread sandwich…of After Eight mints!

So the week started badly. It trundled on as they tend to do, and was punctuated with an evening at school with Rebecca on Thursday night, for her options open evening. This is where all the teachers pitch their subjects to pupils and parents alike, hoping to entice enough pupils on their rostas to avoid having to teach remedial English in their free periods.

Rebecca seems fairly settled in her choices, with the only variable being whether to take History or Child Development!!

Friday then came along at last, and I had a full day of meetings which played havoc with my stomach. Having not been without food for longer than the time it takes to walk from the couch to the kitchen for weeks, the discipline of only eating at mealtimes was a stretch. So after a breakfast at 7.30am on Friday, I next saw food at 2pm, once all these meetings were done. I have no idea what the last half hour of the meetings were about as I was feeling faint and hallucinating that the conference call phone on the desk was a huge sandwich!!

Full again, I attacked the Inbox in the afternoon, only to get a call from Louise who was in a bit of a state.

“(Insert a few swear words here) my bloody wheel has just fallen off my car!!”

Immediately, large recovery and car repair bills appear before my eyes. After understanding that she had managed to get the car off the road, and that everyone was safe, I called our recovery people. Not that I have such people, but I have one of these special bank accounts with all these benefits that you never use. I only ever use the free travel insurance, but thankfully, the free roadside recovery came in very handy, and a man with a Green Flag and a tow truck was with Louise within half an hour.

I had spoken to recovery man whilst he was on his way, and he told me that as the wheel had come off he had set off in his special “when wheels fall off I need this truck” truck, which was significantly different from his “when wheels don’t fall off I need this truck” truck.

Imagine his delight when he arrived to find that there was no axle snapping disaster to greet him, just a flat tyre that had run off the wheel rim!! Oh how we laughed. Anyway, he took the car to the garage, they fitted a new tyre the next day, and relieved me of £77. It could all have been a lot worse!!

As you may have gathered from the above, cars are not my specialist subject. I am the furthest away from a petrol head you can imagine. So when Louise declared (not for the first time in recent months) that she was sick of her bloody car going wrong, and wanted a change, it seemed the little thing had had it’s day.

The Mini has been good fun, and was indeed my best ever Christmas surprise two years ago, when I somehow managed to trade in Louise’s old car and have the mini on the drive on xmas morning, without her suspecting a thing, but we have had a catalogue of errors with it recently, from non working heating, a coolant tank that empties within minutes, and an ugly bump all down the offside where Louise fell out with an Audi in last year’s snow.

So it was time to either bite the bullet and get all these things fixed, or throw it in and see what we could get instead.

So yesterday, we set off on that quest. I HATE buying cars. No matter how well I negotiate, and even if I left a garage with a car, and them giving me money, I would still have the nagging doubt that I had been shafted, and they are all high fiving and laughing at me in the showroom as I pull away in my rusting pile of crap.

So after a drive round and about three garages, we came to one that had something fitting Louise’s exacting technical specifications.

Fast
Black
Looks good
Sporty

Now with a budget as tight as ours, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see them offer Louise a night out with Linford Christie, (which she may have indeed been happy with) but no, they did tick all those boxes.

It was a car I would never have though of looking for, and I had been trying to steer Louise to some sort of sensible, second car run around, along the lines of a Fiesta, Focus or some such. Louise laughed in my face, and the contenders during yesterday were a Saab convertible (too old, too expensive, and shocking maintenance costs) a black Audi TT (too old, too many miles, the kids would have to walk everywhere) and now, a sporty looking Hyundai Coupe SE.

Hyundai — Couldn't afford a front number plate

So we had a test drive, and then the bit that always strikes me as strange kicked in, the negotiations!!

What drives me mad, is that the bloke who has been dealing with you has no power whatsoever in these negotiations. There is some all-seeing power somewhere out back who controls everything like some car related Wizard of Oz. After going through the usual hackneyed sales tactics that were invented in the early 70s, we played the game and said OK, let’s look at some figures.

He wandered off to speak to the all powerful Oz, and returned with a set of figures so silly that I very nearly got up and walked out. So then we go through the painful and slow process of whittling away at the numbers until they are somewhere close to realistic, and with the amount of time he had invested in us, he was by now keen to close a deal.

We talk of nipping next door to look at what they have to offer (it was a car showroom, don’t worry we weren’t telling him we’d be looking at kitchens!), and this resulted in the Wizard lumping some more from the numbers. I thanked them, looked at my watch and said we had to go as our daughter need to be picked up. Not strictly true, but we did have to be home soon to get the kids fed and ready for a party they were off to.

This induced panic in the showroom, and he went away again behind the curtain, and returned with a deal that was “only available today” and if we came back tomorrow would not be on the table. Of course it would, but I had no intention of wasting more petrol to find out.

Did we get a good deal? Who knows. The car may be a rusting tub of problems, but one of the things I insisted on in the price was a two-year warranty, so we should be OK. Did I get them to give me their best deal, who can ever tell, but I do know that the figure we shook hands on was 30% less than the first one put in front of me. So yes, they start high have lots of fat in their figures etc, but we shook hands anyway.

Again, I imagined wild parties and celebrations as the whole showroom celebrate hitting their annual target purely from the massively over egged price I have agreed to, but what can you do? On the plus side they are getting a mini with a running dint all down one side, a heater that doesn’t work and some sort of leak in the radiator which causes the coolant to empty quicker than Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool!

I shall let you know how the car goes once we pick it up!! If you have had one and know they are rubbish, then having put a deposit on it, I’m not sure if I want to know or not…I suppose I do.

The Garage/bedroom rumbles on as ever. It has been stuttering progress for weeks now due to snow, Christmas and builder illness, but at least we are at last water tight now. Next week should see a large surge in progress as they intend to finish boarding out and then plaster everything. This should then lead on to exciting stuff like the en suite stuff going in, and it starting to look and feel like a room at last.

I am off now to make tea for us all, which if you are interested is Chicken Fajitas. The good intentioned diet hasn’t been stuck too as rigidly as my post xmas bulge had incentivised me too, but a return to something like normal eating has seen a couple of pounds fall away all by themselves. So only about another 28 to go!!!

Till the next time….

2010 in review…could do better!

02/01/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

WordPress sent me this summary of my bloggage in 2010. Well, I found it interesting anyway…….

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

About 3 million people visit the Taj Mahal every year. This blog was viewed about 28,000 times in 2010. If it were the Taj Mahal, it would take about 3 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 51 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 62 posts. There were 146 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 54mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was November 2nd with 328 views. The most popular post that day was About mkingdon.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were thedibb.co.uk, twitter.com, mail.yahoo.com, facebook.com, and mail.live.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for mkingdon, mkingdon.com, paramore, mkingdon blog, and http://www.mkingdon.com.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

About mkingdon November 2009
11 comments

Trip Reports December 2009
14 comments

My Dog’s Anal Glands are Expensive. (No really!) August 2010
11 comments

Euston, we have a problem. November 2010
5 comments

It’s the little things, the incidentals… October 2010
10 comments

Holidays, Sofas and Fitness DVDs.

31/12/2010 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Is it right to be all rebellious at 40?

I don’t mean I am on the streets, caving in Currys shop window and liberating TVs. I do though find myself with a massive resistance to the corporate conditioning that seems to be happening. What do I mean?

Well, if the TV is to be obeyed, right around now I should have booked next year’s holiday, bought a new sofa from a shop consisting of any three letters you want to choose (DFS, CSL, JLS, WTF) and taken ownership of the latest fitness DVD from (insert minor celebrity name here). This isn’t quite George Orwell stuff, but the “laboratory mice” feeling is gaining momentum with me.

The mass distraction tactics of X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing are done for this year, so what will the masses do of a weekend once we are all back to our normal routines next week? Whatever it is, I can guarantee that Sunday nights will include at least one costume drama. Then we’ll have a three month build up to the Royal Wedding, as it is used to distract everyone from the endless round of cuts and disasters. How exciting!

Herrumph!!

So since we met last, the snow has finally gone, the garage has moved no further towards being a bedroom, as the builders are off enjoying the xmas break, and yes we have had the festivities.

The girls were up at a very sensible hour on the day itself, which is a real benefit of having teenagers. Their main presents were, a new bass guitar for Rebecca, and a Blackberry (a phone, not fruit) for Emily.

After having the usual conversation with Louise pre xmas about not getting each other anything big, she of course ignored that, and after giving me a Two and a Half Men box set, went on to surprise me with another gift. I am once again the proud owner of a bass guitar myself, after a break of what must be fifteen years. I have been laying down some tasty licks, and awesome riffage these past few days I can tell you!! I am a little rusty it has to be said.

I got Louise the Les Miserables 25th anniversary concert DVD, as a holding present, as the real one (I ignored the conversation too) is still stuck in some overseas postal hub!! I cannot say what it is, as Louise doesn’t know what it is yet of course. It may be here for easter.

On the subject of that Les Mis DVD, it is superb. We watched all three hours of it on Boxing Day, and loved it all.

Christmas day itself saw my Mum & Dad and Louise’s Mum at ours, and everything went pretty well from a catering point of view, and indeed it was not possible for us to have eaten any more in one day. My Dad won the prize though, by accepting a turkey sandwich in the early evening when everyone else was struggling to even get liquids down!!

Even Henry got into the spirit of over eating by trying to will a chocolate out of the bowl and into his mouth!

I am afraid to say that the tree came down the day after boxing day. A combination of central heating, and eternal dust clouds from the building work saw it come to an early demise. Wrestling the bugger out of the front room, and to its new attractive position under the front window was fun I must say. The pines were so dry and brittle that handling it required protective gloves and eye wear.

The girls got cash from many relatives, and so, trundled off into Manchester to squander it as quickly as possible. Clothes were procured, with the highlight being this little number.

Baby grows — Emily, Danni, Rebecca and Kirsty in their new outfits!

I was back to work on the 29th, but took the decision to work from home for those three days. None of my team were due to be in the office so I had no-one to manage as such, and anything I needed to cover could be done from home. Louise too has been back to the grind. Boob photography waits for no man it seems.

Just to be serious for a second, if any ladies reading are considering not going for their boob photo when they are summoned, I must encourage you to do so. A few weeks ago, my Mum had the letter, and it was really only the fact that Louise works in the breast unit that encouraged her to go along.

To cut a long story short, something was found, operated on, and irradicated within days just before xmas. My mum could very easily have ignored the letter, thinking it to be a hassle etc, and who knows what would have happened. Go, let them photo your boobs. You know it makes sense, and if you go to Bolton hospital, Louise may be the one to do so!!

We don’t have major plans for New Year’s Eve. A curry out somewhere, and with that done, the probability of falling asleep pre midnight is quite high. New Years Day sees us at Louise’s Mums for a meal in the afternoon, and the festivities will be rounded off with a visit to Mike and Amanda’s on Sunday night, where it seems we are being given Pheasant. This will be a first for us, but I have known for some time that Mike is a renowned Pheasant Plucker.

My hopes for next year (beyond the usual wishes for good health for all) consist of a quickly completed garage conversion, decent GCSE results for Emily, an end to Louise’s health issues, and a decent holiday come the summer. As an extra, if someone is looking to pay enormous money for someone to write them some lyrics, then that would be swell too. I wouldn’t mind having a go at that for a living. Anyway, as news of my major rock riffage spreads, I am bound to be invited on tour by some major star. Aren’t I?

Have good times, and I wish you all well for 2011, and as ever thanks for coming here to read this stuff.

Till the next time…..

I blame George Michael!

23/12/201029/12/2010 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Not that I watched it, but I think that Armageddon was on telly recently. This is a film which plays out a scenario of the world being threatened by a giant haemorrhoid, sorry I mean asteroid, whilst Steven Tyler screams in the background. There are many films about the end of the world, and being from Hollywood they tend to use scenarios that are ideal for the big screen. Deep Impact, if I remember correctly was an almost identical film released around the same time.

I suspect when the end of the world comes it won’t be battled by Bruce Willis, and accompanied by an aging rocker. In reality, I suspect it will present itself in a more subtle way, that may well sneak up on us all.

Perhaps that sneaking has already started, or maybe it is just Christmas proving to be too much for our over stretched infrastructure, fraught nerves and creaking overdrafts? Or is that just me?

Whether this is the end of the world, or just a slight over reaction from me (never!) things are looking a little worrying right now.

We are all painfully aware of the financial meltdown of recent years, and what could be a more telling sign of impending doom than Woolworths going bust? Surely a portent of darker times ahead? In response to that a new government have been elected, who have immediately used the “oh it was all a lot worse than we thought” line to rip up anything said pre-election, and begin to undertake all the usual actions that we saw last time they were in, but had promised not to this time around. I don’t want to make this a political thing, as I’m sure that whoever had the poisoned chalice this time around would be doing very nasty stuff to us.

Other signs that Bruce better get his vest on are more subtle than this. It is clear then, isn’t it that the eco-system is on the blink, as we have had several flakes of snow country wide, and this naturally has been more disabling in the UK than real disasters are around the globe. Earthquakes in LA, bush fires in Australia and floods in Asia get around seven seconds on the news, but if it ices over somewhere near BBC HQ, we have 24 hour rolling coverage of events for seven days.

Soon, the BBC and ITV will have large chunks of themselves in Manchester at Media City. This is just over the road from my desk/office, so I look forward to such coverage of the chaos and disaster in years to come at Salford Quays when the temperature dips below zero. Bound to happen right?

All the chaos from the snow has been heightened of course by the on rush of Christmas, and the madness that this brings. Without extreme weather (well, it is just snow but hey ho) Christmas will make most people behave strangely. We’ve all fallen victim to the last minute panic buys in the run up to the big day haven’t we? The shops will be shut for around 36 hours, but still, if we don’t get that jar of Hollandaise sauce, then the whole festive season will be a disaster.

Airports around the country are full of people wanting to be somewhere else, and it seems six inches of snow disables the entire travel network. Families sleeping in foil sheets in public buildings would surely be a scene from a “The Day After Tomorrow” sequel? The Day After, the Day After Tomorrow….this time it affects Christmas!! I copywrite that idea immediately, and expect to get a greenlight on that project sometime in the new year from Spielberg.

Then add in smaller catastrophes, like Skype not working. This, I admit, is not in itself a disaster. Indeed some of you may not even know what it is. However, the time of year again heightens the impact of this thing breaking down, when it seems to have been running fine for ever. Skype is basically an online tool for talking to people, over the internet, for nothing. Those with relatives around the country and indeed globe, will be relying on Skype to communicate with those over Christmas, mainly as the poor buggers can’t travel home as the entire travel infrastructure is broken.

So either the end of the world is nigh, or Christmas is just a bridge too far for our fragile, overly complicated world these days. (By the way, as long as A Bridge Too Far is on telly over the festive period then all is well with the world again, no matter what else happens!!)

I have a theory though. Perhaps all of this is a sign from God (or whoever you believe in) to give us a message, nay a warning. And what might that warning be?

I can’t say for sure, but I think he is saying something like….

“Armageddon really bored of the same dozen Christmas songs being played back to back for four weeks again, and I am going to keep breaking things until you abandon them or you cancel Christmas altogether”.

So this is something for Noddy Holder, Mariah Carey, Shakin Stevens, Wizard and all you other one time a year PRS cheque getting types to think about. Please, let’s retire these “classics”, even for a year or two. Why not hire the brightest and best songwriters we have, like you know, The Cheeky Girls or David Guetta to write some new ones.

If we don’t, then each year will only get worse and we only have George Michael to blame.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas, I am only sulking mildly this year as I have no holidays left to take, and have to work through it, whereas in the past I take a full two weeks off. In a way, what is there not to like about it? It is a time of year when overeating is mandatory, and you get given stuff for free. Right up my street, I think you will agree, but really if I hear Noddy tell me “It’s Chrrrrriiisstttmas” one more time, I may have to track him down and undertake some sort of dirty protest on his Christmas lunch table.

Apologies for the inevitable return to Meldrew-esque ranting……I put this Humbug style post down to the horror of being in work right up until the day, the stress of living in a scene from Auf Wiedersehn Pet, and having no definitive plans for (or chance of) a summer holiday. I’ll get my coat…..

Till the next time…..

Perfume just smells nice!

19/12/201007/06/2020 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

As mentioned last weekend, we had guests to stay, and we had a lovely time, in good company, with great food.

After lunch on Saturday we had a drive out to Whalley. A pootle round the shops, and an overly expensive coffee in Maureen Cooksons. This isn’t some old dear we visited, but a rare thing, an independent department store with a coffee shop where a coffee is a similar price to an item of clothing. All was well though as Steve paid!! The highlight had to be the hot chocolate shot. It was, as it sounds, sickly, overly sweet, and likely to remove a tooth or two, so it was right up my street.

Xmas House — There's a light that never goes out....

Steve and Di took us to a mutual friend’s house, (they live in Whalley, the mutual friends,not Steve and Di) via a local landmark. The saving grace for this house is that they do it each year for a hospice I think, so it is just about excusable.

A brief stroll later, we stopped for a drink of varying degrees of softness depending upon who was driving (that would be me), and a good chuckle at Mark’s (chap of the house) failing attempts to get his outside xmas lights to work! How ironic when around the corner, the other house don’t seem to know how to turn them off!

We returned to Bolton, and partook in a Chinese of enormous proportions as promised. This catering option is not totally driven by our lack of culinary skills, but more by Steve’s hankering for a decent Chinese takeaway. They live “in the sticks” and their nearest take out is a good twenty minute drive away.

The rest of the evening was spent chatting and playing games on the Wii and Xbox. Not Black Ops of course, not with mixed company so we resorted to Scene It instead. It isn’t important, but I won. Just saying!

Again, pre-empted by a series of moany tweets, Sunday night saw me happily picking the girls up from the Manchester Apollo, following a Youmeatsix gig. I ranted a little at certain parents being allergic to getting off their arse past seven o’clock to pick their kids up, and instead rely on others (always us) to do the honours. This is because we refuse to let a thirteen and fifteen year old get home from Manchester on public transport after 11pm, on a school night. Yes, I do sound 106, but I’m not bothered. That is just ridiculous.

They would rather they took this chance than not have a drink all night and go and pick up their daughter. Knowing all this they “offer” to drop them off at the train station on the outward journey. Gee, thanks.

On to the week, and as those who endure my tweetage will know, the weather conditions are having a detrimental effect on the garage conversion. I fully appreciate as ever, that the weather is both worse elsewhere, and affecting many more serious issues than us gaining a bedroom, however, I can only write of my own experiences!!

This week was all about removing the garage door, and replacing it with a window and wall. I guess now, we are right on the cusp of stopping calling it a garage, and starting to call it a bedroom. The construction of the front wall took three days rather than one, due to snow and frozen sand, but we are all but water tight now. Hopefully with the rest of the work being inside we can make good progress this next week.

I did learn this week, that the best directory of “workmen” is to be had by a relative being a member of a golf club. My Dad is, and whenever we have something that needs doing we usually give him a bell, as no doubt within the ranks of golfers there is at least one of every profession. This held true this week, as we needed an aerial sorting, quickly, for the new bedroom. It had to be done asap as we are wall mounting the TV, and so the cables had to be laid before they finished boarding the walls.

One call to my Dad, a referral to a Steve, and he was there the next day, doing his thing, for a very reasonable price.

With the project coming to a full head of steam now, it has been a bit of a shock to my system. The amount of money I have had to spend this week has been frankly quite distressing. It is all (more or less) budgeted for, but it appears that everything is required now. Bathroom stuff, tiles, TV, aerial for TV, the list is endless. Well, it isn’t really as it just ended, but you know what I mean. This outflow of cash goes against my natural instincts!

Christmas came a little early on Friday evening. With my brother going over to France to his house for the whole of Christmas and New Year, we had a family meal on Friday evening to exchange gifts. We had another Chinese, and I knew it was good as I was so full I was in considerable pain. The true sign of a good meal. As we headed for home the snow came. It was so bad that we couldn’t get the Mondeo up the hill to our house and had to park it up and walk the last few hundred yards. This was big snow, and it was to keep us housebound for all of Saturday!

Speaking of which, how can it have come to pass that I have made it to the ripe old age of 40 without ever seeing It’s a Wonderful Life? I know not, but that was the case until yesterday afternoon.

With more snow outside than backstage at a Depeche Mode gig, we literally could do little else yesterday than settle down to watch one of the many Christmas films that Sky were dusting off. Having sat through the first half hour of Home Alone 2 earlier with Rebecca, I marshalled Louise and Emily onto the couch, cracked open a box of Quality Street and settled in. For those wondering, Rebecca was going out with a friend to get their fringes wet in the snow.

its-a-wonderful-life — I'll never get my Mondeo up that hill in this weather!

I was, as you may have guessed delighted with it, and somewhat surprised at the way the comedy in it still works today. James Stewart is well, there aren’t words I can use to describe his performance. Classic.

Looking at Facebook later, it seemed half the western world were also tuned into the same film!

Now then, speaking of stuff on the TV, I have to comment upon something that bugs me more with every passing pre xmas day. I appreciate this is a propos of nothing, but I can make my own rules here.

What the hell is going on with these ridiculous perfume ads?? I have never come across such arty, pretentious, up it’s own arse drivel in my life.

I can only imagine the conversations around boardroom tables in advertising agencies across the land throughout August.

“So here’s my concept, we get some hairy bloke to dive off a cliff into water, and then as he gets out, he shakes his hair all sexy like, and flexes his love handles a bit. All the time he is being watched by some decent looking bint, and this will sell loads of toilet water”.

Even though diving into water would remove any smelly stuff from his flabby body, I can almost see a connection between the product “Cool Water” and him lobbing himself off a cliff into the sea.

However, my absolute favourite of this festive campaign is this nonsense….

From what I can make out this appears to be some sort of game of charades. This blonde piece is like some sort of modern-day Una Stubbs, acting out some sort of very long and complicated film. If you watch closely at one point she definitely does the sign for two syllables!! My guess is One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!

Even ones that seem to have a very good premise, which in this case is Charlize getting her baps out, they have to go and spoil it all by having her talk French.

Nearly every perfume ad is done in French, and based on my assumption that less than 5% of the UK population can speak French (well, why would you!) this cannot be a sensible ploy. You don’t see other products sold this way. It simply wouldn’t work.

Vous ne pouvez pas obtenir plus vite qu’un installateur ajustement kwik. Let’s see how sales go off the back of that ad campaign shall we?

So to all thick rimmed spectacle wearing, pink shirted, pointy shoed, £100 cuff link wearing twonks who work in advertising, (and I have met many in the line of duty) perfume makes you smell nice. It does not make you look like that berk on the cliff or give you jumblies like Charlize Theron, so please don’t insult and offend us with this constant stream of arty nonsense.

and breathe….

Till the next time……

Bob the Builder, can only build it in suitable temperatures.

10/12/2010 by mkingdon, posted in Garage Conversion, mkingdon

This week I learnt something. Apparently it is not possible to mix concrete if the temperature has the audacity to fall below freezing!

The cynic in me immediately assumed that the builders were simply work shy fops, who had some objection to working all day in the midst of snow and temperatures that would see monkeys “sans globes”. I could have checked this out via google or some such device, but felt better wallowing in my bitter pit of cynicism to be honest.

As the next stage of our garage conversion is the laying of the floor, apparently this concrete lark was pretty fundamental to progress. Hence, we lost two days, and I can’t tell you how depressing it was to stare at the same desolate scene in the garage for all that time, especially after witnessing significant changes in week one.

On Thursday a builder returned, somewhat reluctantly, and progressed the project a little. His day was spent trying to break up frozen sand. Nice.

My infantile mind could not reconcile these practical problems encountered by the builders with my reality of dealing with these super low temperatures. I have been moaning all week about having to walk three feet to my car, defrost my bloody car door handles, and thinking this was a major inconvenience. I then proceeded to moan that the builders didn’t turn up for two days!! I am an arse at times. (Comments neither required or welcome).

With the house resembling one on Coronation Street at the moment, we had a debate about whether to postpone a long-planned visit this weekend from our friends Steve and Di. I work with Steve, and have done for over ten years. We worked together at my last place, and I persuaded him to make the move to the new job with me too. They have also been lovely enough to be the source of DVC points for some of our prior visits to Florida. In addition to that, they have even looked after my snotty cocker, which isn’t something anyone could do! They are officially documented as being the nicest couple on the planet.

In the end, we decided to go ahead, and they are aware they must take us as they find us. These weekends normally take the form of much eating, some drinking, a visit “out” somewhere if the weather and season permit, and then a Chinese takeaway of illegal proportions, and a chat about Disney, the Universe and everything in between.

We last visited them back in the early summer, and this was documented here in the Sindery and Snot blog.

The reason for the earlyish posting of this here blog is that I expect not have time this weekend to squeeze it in.

Our plan for this weekend is to stay nice and local, and just have a wander around the Last Drop Village, which is about five minutes from us. The other suggestion was a trip to the German markets in Manchester, but we’ll see. The coldness will be a major factor in our decision, and there you go, once again, my cynical ramblings about work shy builders is highlighted for the hypocritical nonsense that it is.

I have also promised Steve that I will show him Call of Duty Black Ops on the Xbox as he does not own it yet. I am duty bound to honour his request as he is a guest in our house! I’m sure there will be some hours spare whilst the ladies ready themselves for something at some point.

Rebecca Bring me the horizon — Bring me, bring me the horizon

On Wednesday this week the girls were at yet another gig. The seem to spend as much time at the MEN arena as they do at school! This time the headline act was Bullet for My Valentine, supported by Bring Me The Horizon. Usually I can appreciate much of their musical choice, but these are both far too “screamo” for my tolerance. I can’t say I could name you a song from either, but I do know that when they girls put them on in the car, I really have to bite my tongue to avoid the classic Dadism of “who the hell are these jokers?”.

So the attendance of a gig, as usual, saw me in Manchester, at 10.30 on a school night, waiting in a sea of eyeliner and angst, to pick the girls and their friends up. One of these times, their friends parents will do the honours!! Sorry, did I say that out loud?

Rebecca had done herself some serious damage headbanging, and looked worse for wear all the way home. She was immediately despatched to bed with two paracetamol and a life lesson. Emily, ever the sensible one, had “mini moshed” as she put it, in between taking 666 (a number worthy of the hard rocking devil worshippers she was watching) photos, most of which look the same, but of course are crucially different to those in the know!

I got home around 11.30 after dropping off fringes all over Bolton.

Sunday sees them watching Youmeatsix at the same venue, and I can only hope some other parent will feel guilty enough to volunteer to taxi them around this time.

Emily’s mocks seem to be going OK. I ask every night how she has got on that day, and the standard answer is a shrug of the shoulders and “Meh”. Make of that what you will. She has had one mark back already for one of her Maths papers, and it was a good one, so I’m playing it cool and accepting “Meh” for now.

She’s also been filming her media studies project, and has roped in her friends to star in her production. It is inevitably a horror epic, and I look forward to seeing the full two-minute cinematic masterpiece shortly. Homework was never that much fun when I was at school. Dammit, I swore I’d never do “in my day”.

Rebecca's great great great uncle (I can't be sure I have the correct number of greats there) Rebecca has been working on a History project this week, and she needed to do a project on a soldier who served in World War One. Luckily for Rebecca my Dad has been researching our family tree since he retired, and was able to hand her the entire contents of her project on a plate. Well it was several sheets of A4 but you know what I mean! He has done a cracking job though, all the way back to the 1600s, and he has photos and documents of many of the family. It is also amazing that only two generations ago, having seven or eight kids seemed to be the norm! I shudder to think. For starters how would I get them all in the car after these gigs!! Looking at the photo of George here, puts my moans about concrete, trips to the MEN, and well, everything else I whinge about in perspective. He died aged 22, at Ypres in April of 1918. I can’t and don’t want to imagine what he went through and saw in the three years that he served in the war. So on that cheery note, I shall post this entry, and leave you to your weekends. I will see you back here next week, on the other side of some beer and possibly a Chinese takeaway so large it may endanger my health. Steve has an appetite to match mine, but he just manages to control it better….well control it some would be more accurate!! Till the next time….. Share this: X Facebook Print Email Reddit Pinterest Like Loading...

Germans & Trenches!

05/12/201007/12/2010 by mkingdon, posted in Garage Conversion, mkingdon

The highlight of the week was without doubt the return of Rebecca from Germany.

She had been a mixture of homesick, tearful, joyous and most things in between throughout the ten-day trip, and so we were very glad to welcome her home on Friday evening. She arrived with a case full of dirty clothes and presents from “her german’s” family. For some reason they were all ginger based, with several different variations on the theme of ginger cake. That is in no way a complaint, any gift ending with the word cake is welcome in our house.

She had of course “fallen in love” with a German boy whilst over there, and within hours of her return was missing him. Having longed to come home for half the trip, she was very soon wishing she was back over there!! This was not helped by an incident involving her phone. You may remember a few weeks ago that she got a new Nokia E5? Well, just before she left for Germany she reported issues with it, but we didn’t have time to get it sorted before her departure.

As 99% of her phone use is text based, which was working fine, she managed whilst away. On her return I phoned Orange and they diagnosed it as faulty, and impressively said a new one would be with us tomorrow. Saying that I called them at around 7.00pm, that was pretty good. So true to their word a new handset arrived the following morning, and we had to hand back the broken one. Retaining the battery, sim and memory card was however not enough to preserve all Rebecca’s contacts, and the text messages she had from Tom, the boy from Germany!

She was devastated! I felt awful, and she is now in the process of sourcing all her missing contacts, but can’t get her texts back. This was not a “Dad of the Year” moment I can tell you.

As is the way, she seems to have got over it now.

This week also saw the snow finally arrive in the North West. We have been a pocket of resistance against the seemingly unstoppable snow until the back end of the week. I wouldn’t claim to be snowed in, but even the threat of snow caused a two and a half hour journey to work on Monday (I travel twelve miles), so on Thursday with actual white stuff on the ground, I elected to work from home.

This wasn’t an option earlier in the week as the garage work has well and truly started, and this manifested itself, in the first day or so, in a complete lack of central heating, as the plumber moved the boiler to a new location. Had it stayed where it was, it would have been in our future shower!

Garage Trench — Our poo will go through that!

Safe in the knowledge that the house would be warm, Thursday at home was productive, if not dust filled, as the first week of the job, it turned out, involved lots of digging, to put in drains and soil pipes to remove our future ablutions. So watching this also made me very, very happy to be an office drone. Tedious it may be, but at least it is warm. Watching the chaps trying to dig a trench through a concrete floor in sub-zero temperatures more than convinced me that I am in the right place. Yes they may enjoy the four days of summer more than I, but the pay off is simply not worth it.

Temperatures were so low during this work that they broke three digger machine things!

Our house, it will not surprise you is a mess. The assurances that the work would be contained within the garage were ambitious. Dust gets everywhere, and we temporarily have a washer and dryer in the middle of the kitchen until they can replumb them into their future homes.

Saturday morning, early, I was out in my finest bobble hat, digging out Louise’s mini from the snow. The need for food was probably the only possible reason that I would undertake such work willingly. The mini was the weapon of choice as it seems to cope far better with these conditions than the marauding beast that is the Mondeo.

Louise returned a little later with enough food to survive a nuclear winter, so we should be OK should we get any more snow.

So with a house with a look of Beruit we naturally went out on Saturday to get our Christmas tree! After years of falsies, we went for a real one this year. The main driver behind this decision was that the good old fake one lived in the garage, and now with that becoming a bedroom, it had no home and had to go. It was about the same age as the kids, so it was time.

So battling road conditions, and the urge to stay in the warm, Louise and I went to the local Garden Centre, and picked one out. The cavernous world of the Mondeo boot proved essential once again, as it easily swallowed up the 6ft tree, and laughed in my face, as if this would be any sort of test. I’ll be finding pine needles in there for about six months.

The decoration of said tree took hardly any time at all. The lights worked first time, and crucially, and unusually, did not take the customary three hours to unravel. I always put them away wound up nice and neat, but at some point in the intervening months some bugger finds them and ties them into un-doable knots!

Louise had been to John Lewis earlier in the week and spent an obscene amount on specific baubles, so these are all that adorn the tree. Most years we have everything plus the kitchen sink on the old false one, as it was huge. The minimal look is a winner on all counts!

The Louise update this week is that she did not return to work as planned. The doctor wanted to do some more tests, for the “other thing” she may need an operation for, and therefore suggested she stay off until those are done, and they know what they are going to do. The plan now is for a return on the 14th of December. She did however get some good news this week. She had word from work that she has now completed her NVQ Level 3 Health. With her health woes this has been a fine achievement, and hopefully once back at work, will mean progression, and of course some more cash!!

Health wise she is pretty much fully operational now, as evidenced by her shopping ability. In fact having her back in work for four days a week may be welcome to restrict the amount of time available to her to demonstrate this in retail establishments around the North West.

To complete the family round up, Emily is building up for her mocks, and should be revising. She assures us she is, and only has two days left at school this term, as the rest of the time is taken up with the mocks themselves, or study days. Unluckily for her, Louise will be at home to make sure these are not Facebook and MSN days!! Life is cruel sometimes.

So with the weather looking like this outside….

The plan for this afternoon is to stay indoors with the TV and the Xbox, and enjoy some lunch which will no doubt involve something of a ginger nature.

Till the next time…..

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Crunchy numbers

Where did they come from?

Attractions in 2010

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