A week full of emulsion.

It has been a while since I have commented on our viewing habits, courtesy of our Tesco DVD Rental deliveries.

This week, we were pretty happy to get two titles that looked promising.  We usually like our weekend DVDs to be of a blockbuster style, nothing too challenging (subtitles are a no go), and sit back and let them entertain us.

The Expendables
The Unwatchables

With this in mind, Knight and Day and The Expendables seemed likely to tick all those boxes.  Both had a decent star quota and had been advertised to death upon release.

They were both atrocious!!

Knight & Day was slightly better, and we did manage to get all the way through it.  The Expendables however was absolutely shockingly bad.  It takes a lot for me to abandon a film before the end, but I simply had to.  Louise had long since fallen asleep, as we watched it on our new TV in our new bedroom (I’ll come to this shortly), and I waded through about an hour before realising that my mind was wandering, and I really could not give a toss what happened next.

The script was so cringingly crass and hackneyed I was almost predicting the next line, and the story was cheesy, predictable and had been done a million times before.  The cinematography was of the type where everything is dark, so you can never really tell what is going on, and with Sly Stallone in the lead role, most of the audio was so unintelligible that you had to have the volume at max, only then to be blown away by the next explosion or gun shot.

Knight & Day was OK.  Again, a premise that had been done a million times.  An agent who is indestructible, amazing at fighting, shooting and stuff, with a good-looking blonde tagging along.  It had all the ingredients for a decent action/romcom, but something about it just didn’t work for me.  The story was weak, and of course some of the action was so far-fetched it rivalled Con Air!!

These few hours being my only break from the paint brush since Wednesday made their crapness a real bugger!!  I have a right arm like Popeye’s, but not for the reasons you may think.  No, I have been painting stuff for so long, my arm keeps moving whilst I sleep.  I have glossed the equivalent of a football pitch.  We have more wood in our house than the Playboy mansion on party night!

My estimate of the decorating taking two days, leaving me Friday to relax was so off the mark, it made Andy Gray’s views look accurate.

Anyway, I get ahead of myself.  This was the week when the garage officially became our bedroom.

My brain has been wrecked with the best part of five days of intense paint fumes, so the final stages of the project have become a little hazy, but last night, for the first time we slept in our new bedroom.  It all felt a bit odd to be honest, and after what seems like forever from when we kicked this off, to be finally in did not quite sink in.

I had christened th’en suite shower earlier (not like that!!), and what great pleasure I took from it (I said not like that!).  Washing away days of engrained gloss and emotion, I mean emulsion, and with them the aches and pains of painting ceilings and all sorts of nooks and crannies at weird angles, felt very good.

The one slight pain point in our new bedroom is that we do not as yet have anything to cover the windows!!  Our custom-made blinds are two weeks away yet, and so getting in and out of bed requires a very impressive commando roll on to the floor, where I quickly assume my dressing gown.  Don’t get me wrong, if the neighbours want to see me in all my glory then they are welcome.  I am only thinking of them believe me!!  Our new window is so HUUGGEE that we cannot buy mere mortal window coverings, no, we have to drop a massive wad on custom made blinds.

Room 1
Size isn't everything

Room 2
I commando roll from here

Room 3
Twinkly lights

Room 4
Where the magic happens!

Anyway, in my decorating marathon, I have realised there are a set of rules for it –

1.  You will never buy enough paint and have to go to the shop covered in paint with just a little bit left to do

2. No matter whether you think glossing or emulsioning first is the right thing to do, you will think you made the wrong decision when you have to cut in the latter application to the former.

3. No matter how many times you stand back to check your work, before packing everything away, it is only when you have cleaned all the brushes, put them away and had a shower that you will see that bit you missed

4. Your partner coming home from work and criticising a small element of your eight hours of painting is likely to result in divorce at best, and cold-blooded murder at worst.

5. You will find gloss under your fingernails for the next three weeks.

6. You will somehow end up with more paint on your clothes than on the walls.

Anyway, I am finally done, and all we need now is a set of wardrobes to complete the room, and this will allow us to move all our stuff downstairs.  Rebecca has moved in to our old room upstairs and is loving the extra room.  She is as I type painting stuff on her walls.  I think it is getting a Hello Kitty treatment, but to be honest if I see another paint brush this side of Christmas I will not be responsible for my actions.

So a landmark week in the Williams household.  I must say that if you fancy something else where your garage currently is, and you live near me then you should consider the chaps who did ours, Nuspace.  They were excellent!

But, something that tops all these events, something that should be recorded in history.  Emily is out tonight at a gig at the Apollo in Manchester.  She is watching A Day to Remember. Who??

That is not the event to which I refer.  No, after said gig, someone else is picking her up and bringing her home.  I know!!  I could not quite believe it myself.  I shall still have to wait up for her, but I think I shall embarrass her by waiting in bed and then jumping up as she arrives and waving frantically at the window.  I may even wave my hands too.

So it is back to work tomorrow after three days off last week, and my Inbox looks horrific.  I looked at it earlier but did not have the heart to actually do anything about it.  For now, I have realxing to do.

Till the next time…..

4 thoughts on “A week full of emulsion.

  1. Good to see you got the decorating finished, Just in time to start looking for a lovely, relaxing florida experience in the summer!!!!!!!!!! you know you want ! Lol

  2. Know what you mean about the Expendables. We lost a couple of hours of our lives that we will never get back again having lost the will to live and switch the wretched film off.

    Love reading your blog, always makes us laugh so thank you for your work – we are fans!

    This is where you start to loathe me though – can’t believe I am going to say this – there is a typo at the top of your page in the form of ‘occasonial’. I have tried so hard to resist this post and realise it makes me a total nerd but alas the urge to correct has finally taken over. My eyes flick over this word every time I open your blog. There! I’ve said it!

    Oh and by the way, your new room looks fab and the cutting in is very professional!

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