mkingdon – Page 18 – Mkingdon's Blog

Proms, Paracetamol and Plenty of stuff going wrong.

07/07/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

There can be little surprise about the subject of this week’s diatribe. Anyone even close to following or friending any of us will have guessed already.

That’s right, I have a cold. I am deep into day three of this hell, and there is little sign of any escape. I have barely mentioned it I know, but this is because I am as weak as the proverbial kitten and find it hard to press those tweeting buttons in this life threatening state.

Sure, the irony of having a cold on the hottest days of the year have not escaped me. I add to the ironic list of “crap” that has befallen us in recent times. Allow me my persecution complex, with the usual caveat that I’m lucky that these are my only troubles.

We’ve replaced a dishwasher, a shower, two tyres and paid for a prom and all it entails in the last two weeks, and today whilst out with the dog he’s gone and hurt his leg which will involve a costly visit to the vets no doubt, with a fee just nicely below the excess on his insurance policy. Sigh.

There is little worse than a me feeling sorry for himself, and the only thing that is, is a me feeling sorry for himself with a cold. Meh!

Speaking of paying for proms, I shan’t let this post descend into a gratuitous moan about the ridiculous sums parents (of girls especially) are pressurised into paying. Instead I shall celebrate the glorious glamour and maturity of my youngest daughter, much as I did with my eldest just a couple of years ago.

With literally months of preparation, the big day came last Thursday. How handy it was that another of these seismic landmarks happened the Thursday before (Emily passing her test) as Rebecca had an appointment list longer than Max Clifford at the BBC all day. She’d had her nails done, and needed a spray tan, hair appointment and to be at the pick up point at around 5pm.

Emily then was designated chauffeur for the day.

On that point, it does appear to be an epic summer event wise with leavings of schools, exams, driving tests, proms and if things carry on breaking, bankruptcy.

At around 4.30pm Rebecca emerged looking like a million dollars, which is ironic as it had cost……OK, I said wouldn’t do that.

She looked beautiful. I would say that even if she didn’t but she did.

We then all took her to the limo collection point, a friend’s house, where eighteen “kids” were gathered along with countless relatives and friends all keen to get the photographs and memories that they had invested so much in. (I’m having that one!).

Luckily it was a lovely evening, and after an hour or so of a multitude of dresses and suits arriving they were ready for the off. The limo parked up outside, and more photos happened.

Rebecca’s boyfriend Tom had come along to see her off.

The sense of relief as they all got into the limo and drove away was enormous. Mums and Dads all breathed huge collective sighs of relief. Thankfully with both mine now done that should be it till they get married. As I am insisting on Florida weddings for both that doesn’t bother me too much!

Of course it is odd and nostalgia filled to see your own child all grown up, leaving school and all of that but when you group together eighteen of them, most of which you’ve had at sleep overs, parties and all sorts of events for the past twelve years or so, it is fairly surreal. Most of the gathered parents waving off the limo were also stood together outside of nursery, primary school, brownies, guides and eternal school discos over the years.

It felt like we should have a prom to celebrate the fact we may never see each other again!

To cement and confirm my fast acceleration into my inevitable old age and death, at the end of the night, Emily drove to pick her up. I went with her as

She didn’t know where she was going
She had never driven in the dark before

It was just a surreal night all round as I sat next to my daughter in the car waiting for my youngest to appear. The night was declared “OK” with all the usual enthusiasm of a teenager, and with that the night was done.

Just the collection of A level and GCSE results to do, and our connection with the school will be done forever. Unless one of them becomes a teacher and works there which I have to say is an unlikely career choice for either of them, but you never know.

With those thoughts and wise words I am away to indulge myself in the fallacy that you should feed a cold. I for one am not likely to disobey such sound medical advice.

Pass me the Bourbons.

Till the next time….

Panic on the streets of Bolton

30/06/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

So we’ve had a bit of a landmark week. One of those events that everyone seems to remember as an important milestone on our hurtle towards death happened for Emily. She passed her driving test on Thursday!

Believe me, I was delighted and not unemotional when she came home with the news. Despite the enormous expense, which I won’t mention (rats, I failed) it has been a long old road, pun intended.

The few moments of hugging and jumping around quickly turned to horror as Rebecca suggested that Emily drive them both to McDonalds immediately. I did agree that it was a good idea to immediately get out and about, but the limitless fear of her being out on the big bad roads, along with my only other spawn was tangible.

I cheerily waved them off, and then watched her all the way via the Find My iPhone app whilst I sat trying to do some work. They returned soon enough unscathed and full of some sort of mocha frappe thing. Forget this being a landmark for Emily, this is just something else Louise and I can sit and fret about!

Fear aside I am very proud of her, and to have only incurred three minors (they are allowed fifteen before it becomes a fail) shows the high standard to which she drives. On our recent trips out before her test it was clear that she knew how to drive, and safely.

That of course does not mean that since passing she hasn’t already had a bit of a close shave with a Mini Cooper, but this is all part of the real learning that we all go through once we’ve passed. She’ll have a few more I’m sure.

It would appear that our luck was definitely in this week, and I find it only fair to declare that as I bemoan the opposite often enough. Louise had a hospital appointment, and having parked up, grabbed her coat from the back seat to hold over her head as protection from the persisting rain whilst feeding the parking machine an obscene amount of money.

She did so, went for her appointment and returned to the car. Whilst getting back into her car, she noticed something shiny in a puddle. Upon closer inspection she found that the shiny things were in fact her wedding, engagement and eternity rings that had fallen from coat pocket as she held it over her head.

She had put them in her pocket whilst doing something medical at work earlier in the week for which rings are not allowed otherwise you lose them somewhere less pleasant than a puddle.

To have spent an hour away from them, whilst they lay in the rain, and come back to find them there was probably the greatest amount of fortune ever to befall us. Incredible.

I don’t know if anyone had spotted them, but maybe they just didn’t like the look of Louise’s ring! Ah, the ring joke. Welcome back my long-lost friend.

In other good news news on the same day, we also heard that my niece, Sarah, had passed her first year at University. So Thursday was a good day all round.

The weekend has brought more ridiculous amounts of running around, with my errand count off the scale once again. Collecting altered prom dresses, taking Rebecca to work, the big shop and all sorts of other nonsense are just a flavour of my itinerary. When I have had contact with a seat I have taken an interest in Glastonbury. Even at my advanced age I can usually find something of interest. I used to be in a band you know!!

Alas, the bits I have caught have been woeful. Last night was soul-destroying for the future of music as a whole. I had the misfortune to stumble across Example during his “act”. My God, I have never heard so many notes not even close to where they should be in one collection of songs. This guys talent is never beginning.

I then watched the Rolling Stones, more out of curiosity than expectation, as I can’t say I’m a fan. It affirmed that this decision was correct, and that Charlie Watts could be the worst millionaire musician in the world.

There is a massive amount of Emperor’s new clothes about these old codgers and a multitude of other acts, with the media telling everyone they are great and so it is believed. I can only hope this brings down the curtain on their elongated and excruciating latter years of their career. Why they are still felt to be relevant when their last Number One single was before I was born I don’t know.

Next year, I am hoping for a headline slot from Brother Beyond to restore my faith in the music industry.

Till the next time…..

My Kingdom for a Cable.

23/06/201323/06/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So how’s my holiday time been?

Not very holiday like to be honest. I’ve ended up working more than not, and in hindsight should have seen that coming and postponed it till next week, but such is life.

I’ll reclaim some time back in the coming weeks no doubt.

Despite the intrusion of work into most of my days off so far, I did manage to fit in one of my regular games of golf. I play regularly, once or twice a year without fail, and on Friday my Dad took me up to his club for 18 holes.

As expected for someone who plays as often as I do, it was a mixed bag of good bad and embarrassing, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite the constant buzz in my pocket of work emails arriving on my phone!

I have tomorrow off too, so I’m without the usual Sunday syndrome of woe, which is nice.

As I mentioned last week, we stumbled across all our old “home movies” from our holidays to Florida. We’ve been watching them throughout the week with a mix of nostalgia, wonderment at the speed of the passing years and bewilderment at how Louise’s hair reacts to the Floridian climate.

Monica Friends Florida Hair — Louise + Florida

We’ve seen ourselves age, and watched our regular Disney friends again which was lovely. Be warned Jakki and Margaret, you and your families may well make the final edit.

For this is what Emily is to do with her summer off now that she has finally done her last exam. Luckily, my brother has a big posh shiny Mac with all the fancy dan editing stuff on it, so we’re “borrowing” that to make something that may be interesting, and a memento of our journey into insolvency.

Luckily, Emily has been using this kit for four years in her studies so I don’t have to learn how to. So with all the tapes watched, our thoughts turned to getting the footage off the camcorder and onto the Mac so Emily can work her magic.

Of course, the footage is on old style mini DV tapes, and despite both myself and my brother raiding our respective “cable collections” neither of us had the required one.

We’ve tried all sorts of cables, connectors, intermediary devices and a whole lot of googling to come to the conclusion that we need to give Amazon some more money for the only cable in existence that we do not possess. Amazon would do well to understand this process of exchanging money by the way…still no book funds from the buggers.

Compare this faff to the adverts you see from Microsoft and Apple, where someone records something, and then vaguely waves their camera device in the vicinity of the computer and in about four keystrokes it turns into a film epic that James Cameron would be proud of. Sequences may have been shortened? I should cocoa, by about three weeks.

Anyway, once this cable finds it way to our house Emily will be off and running, and can produce her masterpiece. As she spends most of her free time watching other folks Disney videos on You Tube, she intends to give something back by having her own channel where these shall be posted.

Don’t worry, as soon as there is something to see I shall have you know, several times, until you are sick of heating about it…sorry, more sick of hearing about it.

Speaking of great films, we watched Django Unchained last night. I know we are late to the game, but we really enjoyed it. It was superbly made of course, with some great acting, but the thing that really made it stand out to me was that it had a great story. That may sound obvious, but that isn’t always the case. An island of quality in a sea of nonsense like Made in Chelsea and TOWIE that infects and invades our TV all too often.

I bet Tarantino didn’t have to wait three days for a cable to arrive from Amazon so that he could edit his film though.

Anyway, to save Quentin a job when he buys the rights to my book, this week Jakki kindly provided a cast list for him as we’d been watching us all boogie boarding at Vero. Feel free to let me know who you’d see playing who too!!

Steve (Jakki’s husband) – Bruce Willis for obvious folically related reasons

Jakki – Halle Berry

Aodhan – Tom Cruise standing on a very tall box

Niamh – Scarlett Johansson as she’s blond and Niamh likes the Avengers

Louise – Jennifer Lopez as she can sing and act

Emily – Anne Hathaway as she’s a Disney girl and was in Les Miserables

Rebecca – Kourtney Kardashian as she’s glam and has a boyfriend

Lastly Jakki claims I need three actors – Dwayne the Rock Johnson / Jason Statham and Simon Pegg. I would have said more Alan Carr or the bloke who played Reg Holdsworth but there you go. I am often called “The Rock”. It sounds like that anyway.

I’d add to that list….

My Dad – Alan Alda

My Mum – Brenda Blethyn

Margaret – Julie Walters

Kathryn – Kirsten Dunst

Michael – Nicholas Hoult

Over to you.

Till the next time……

Inevitable Heartburn and Reality TV Rants

16/06/201316/06/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

You may think, today being what it is, that I would have been gently awoken with a delicious breakfast in bed, with enough food involved to sink several battle ships. Had I had waited for such an event I would have been both very hungry and sat in a moist and uncomfortable bed. At my age, eight hours between peeing is cause for a high-five and a twenty five minute wee.

Instead I had been downstairs for several hours, and undertaken lots of things I’d rather not have done, such as tidying the kitchen, before my beloved daughters actually graced me with their presence.

I did get a text late morning with some sort of Father’s Day wishes and a smiley face, but it was into the PM before they managed to actually get downstairs. I don’t begrudge them the lie in, as they had got me presents and a card, and I then made them pay me back for the long wait with extensive hugs, complete with my scratchy weekend no shaving chin.

The majority of my presents were, it will not surprise you to know, food based, and I shall lay waste to those this evening. My favourite sweets (Sports Mixture) and my favourite snack (Bombay Mix) shall ensure that I shall be awake for a week with heartburn but that is a price I’m willing to pay. After those treats the T shirt they also got me may have to go back for a bigger size!

Whilst I had them in the room I took the chance to tell them both how things have to change around the house now they have both finished school/college for the summer. They are your typical lazy, do the bare minimum teen types so we’ve outlined quite clearly what we expect them to do in between the endless episodes of Friends and Jersey Shore that shall be their companions this summer.

As well as boring household duties, I have also tasked Emily with using her Media and Film Studies learnings to turn the collection of video footage from the past decade of holidays into something watchable. If she finds the motivation, and the tapes themselves, watch for those coming to a You Tube channel near you soon(ish).

So they have their faults, but I’m proud of them and grateful that we’ve managed to produce two healthy, (usually) happy and normal teens. Things, I’m sure, could be a lot worse, and for parents of a sixteen and seventeen year old we don’t do so bad. You may need to remind us of that as we berate them yet again for not doing something they should or vice versa. Overall, I’m sure others have it much worse.

Speaking of which.

Contrast that with the car crash of a family that the girls like to watch on the TV. Surely, the most damning and woeful indictment on the reality TV, fifteen minutes of fame culture we are subject to. Well, this weekend these blerts popped out another member of their clan.

Who is this? The Kardashians. Normally, I try to let the vacuous nature of these types drift past me. Things like Big Brother, The Valleys and Jersey Shore are usually just a brief interruption to my Facebook timeline as those watching it pass comment.

However, the girls do like to watch the Kardashian stuff, so I often have to endure their whiny, always go up the end of sentences, IQ devoid nonsense. These clowns are the ultimate example of being famous for being famous. The way they are idolised is a worry though. The “mother” talks about how she manages their “careers” as if she had re-invented the wheel, when in effect she did the abhorrent thing of launching her daughter’s career by devising, probably directing and then promoting her daughter’s sex tape.

Am I just moaning because I resent them their money? Sure, of course. I am equally as untalented as they are, so why should they be the multi-gazillionaires they are whilst I actually work for a living?

Now, from the PR constructed relationship, they have begat another one of their spawn, and already the cogs will be turning to launch the baby clothes line, the Kardashian nappy, and in about eighteen years, no doubt another tawdry sex tape. How proud Grandma will be.

When every event in your life is just another line in a script, it must be difficult. However, the limitless cash, and fawning assistants will prevent them from having to deal with the real world any time soon.

Whenever I rant like this, I trot out the line that I clearly need a holiday, so I’m going to have one next week. I’m off from Wednesday until the following Tuesday, and I intend to use a lot of that time as an investment in me. Sleep, relaxing, walking of dogs, and maybe some long overdue exercise will be the order of the day(s), as I try to recover from what has been a very long slog since Christmas.

If that doesn’t work then expect next week’s blog to be a thousand word monologue about Rylan, his new teeth and how being crap at singing has launched a career destined to continue for several months, or at least until the pantomime season finishes….but that’s for next week.

Till the next time….

No Time for Number Twos and Other Stuff.

09/06/201309/06/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

This week I fully understood my poorness.

For once I am not bemoaning my lack of WDW funds. In fact this moan is not fiscally related at all. My poorness is of time.

I know we’re pretty much all the same, but once you take out of the week the stuff like commuting, working, and sleeping I appear to have about eleven minutes spare, and those are spent doing number twos! As much as that is time well invested, it doesn’t seem right does it?

This weekend, Saturday especially, was a great example of the madness of scheduling that is our life at the moment. Among dropping cars off for MOTs, taking the girls to work, collecting the car, then the girls, and in between fitting a trip to Bury, the morning was fully spoken for and then some.

I then had to move a dishwasher and fit it, which sounds nice and simple, but as with any DIY task in this house, it involved around ten times the length of time I estimated, it involved three seperate trips to B&Q, some of the finest swearing you could hope to hear, and resulted in my right hand bearing scars that will take weeks to heal.

My Saturday finally started around 6pm when my jobs were finally done. We then spent all evening watching Disney You Tube videos on the telly, courtesy of Emily. Kill or cure with these withdrawal symptoms! They were a mixture of the Phil, Emma and Ben ones and I saw World of Color (sic) at Disneyland for the first time too. This has established a West Coast trip firmly on my future “to do ” list. Like it wasn’t already!!

So what to do about the time poorness? I don’t hate my job, and I haven’t always been able to say that, but I can’t help feeling that it and other things are getting an unfair share of my time allowance.

But what is the remedy? Stopping work certainly isn’t it. Sure, I’d have loads of time on my hands, but I really would be in the number Twos in every other sense. You hear of these families that drop out of the rat race and go to live in a run down cottage in the Dordoigne, with the kids home schooled and the parents making a living recycling doilies.

Their clothes are made of dog spittle and grass, and they live off the land by learning to like the taste of soil. That’s not for us. I don’t think we are ever in a chance of winning the rat race, but our place in it is assured until I cop for my multi-million pound lottery win any week now. Either that, or my book will have become an essential text on the curriculum of every country on the planet, and I sell a couple of gabillion copies.

Speaking of my book, and being frank it has been far too long since I did so, it continues to sell. This astounds me as once the folk who knew me and knew of me felt obliged to humour me by buying a copy, I expected that to be that. Surely now these folk making the purchases are “real people”, with all due respect to those who bought it early doors! You know what I mean.

Book Image — In case you had forgotten what it looks like

This pleases me. There is also every chance that I might actually receive some money from Amazon this month. Yes, I know I released the book in March. Amazon don’t make enormous profits on which to pay no tax by accident!

Once those funds flood (trickle) into my account, I shall officially have been paid for writing something for the first time. This (in my own sad mind) makes me a writer!! Indulge me please.

It has thrown up one conundrum for the future though. Should we ever be able to fund another trip to the US, (and it won’t be courtesy of Amazon, I’ll tell you that) what to do with the trip report? Do I publish it online in the usual places? Do I put it up here on my blog, or do I do an e-book? I would feel guilty doing the latter, making folk go out of their way to read the thing, but what other material will I ever have for the making of books? Tis a quandry.

Thankfully, (or not) this is not an imminent problem to solve. Have I mentioned that we have no trip to announce for this year? This may well be the first June in over a decade when I am not able to bore you all with the minute details of my ticket purchases and meal itinerary. How upset you must be.

So I might invent a trip to plan just for the hell of it. That is half the fun isn’t it? Or is that just me? Alternatively, should anyone need a hand with theirs then let me know. All these WDW related web sites are missing me and my constant summer time research.

Right, I don’t have time for this anymore!

Till the next time…..

Booking a holiday and Unicorn Pubes

02/06/201302/06/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I booked a holiday this week.

This turn of events was not greeted with the usual elation and fuss that has been witnessed in previous years. This is mainly as this holiday booking was just me adding a few days to the holiday planner at work, and vowing to sleep for several days at home, rather than me punching the air as my smoking credit card lay next to an open Kayak website.

It probably won’t turn out to be the restful wonderland that I envisage, as I’ll no doubt be unable to sleep in, and be up checking work emails by 9am each day. Still, the intention is a good one.

The first week of work for Emily and Rebecca passed without major incident or dismissal, and I have enjoyed the obvious perk of the lovely cakes they have brought home too. That is one example of bringing your work home that I fully endorse.

Knowing they are now earning, before the first payment was earned they were already in debt, with Emily having purchased about thirty week’s wages worth of concert tickets, namely Paramore and One Direction.

Speaking of thirty week’s wages, we went to the cinema on Friday night to watch The Hangover Part III. It is always a sense of regret to have demolished my thirty quid’s worth of Ben & Jerrys before the adverts have finished. Luckily, the Pick n Mix saw me through to the natural conclusion. This was not the end of the film, just the onset of mild diabetes and nausea.

The film itself was ok. I know that is far from a Barry Norman review (ask your Dad), but it was enjoyable enough. I just found it odd that having established such a popular and successful premise that they then abandoned it for the third and final film.

The first two films were based on them waking up wrecked after a crazy night and having to unravel the trail of destruction. The third doesn’t do that, and I won’t spoil it for those yet to see it, but I think it was worse for not doing so. Don’t get me wrong, it was enjoyable and funny, just not quite as good as the first two.

If you do go to see it, you MUST stay for the credits. The final scene in those credits is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. Infantile and lude, but funny. Just the way I like it.

Speaking of films, last week, my sister-in-law posted on Facebook asking a few of her friends to nominate their Desert Island Discs top five DVDs. I went for the following (the more astute among you will notice I chose six, but this was an honest mistake) –

Band of Brothers
Star Wars (the full box set of six)
Me, Myself and Irene
A Bridge Too Far
Beauty and the Beast
Anchorman

As with all these things, as soon as other folks start naming theirs you wish you’d thought of that one, but I’m fairly happy to stick with that list to be honest. Especially as the island I will be stuck on is just off the coast of Florida….about thirty feet off, so I can paddle ashore when the mood takes me.

Have a think and comment with your five (or six if you must).

So another week wanders by, with yet again no lottery win email in my inbox, so on-wards to work I go again next week. Things could be worse, despite the lack of real holiday or the correct six dropping balls. I am soldiering on with a stiff upper lip and my chin(s) up, although I would just add that our shower broke today.

This may get missed on the national news and we are coping as best we can. I shall be establishing a Just Giving page shortly for international donations.

This is required as earlier today Louise took Rebecca to the Trafford Centre to hunt out her prom shoes. To add insult to bankruptcy, she also picked up a “clutch”. This is not some sort of medical complaint it turns out, instead a small handbag made from real diamonds and unicorn pubes….it would seem.

Whilst they were out Emily and I went for a drive, and I know I am biased but she was brill. In fact she drove better than a lot of the idiots and arse wipes she had to take evasive action around. Just think, if they are both working and earning cash, and Emily can drive, I’m not sure what my function in life might be!

Answers on a postcard.

Till the next time……

A quiche of the action.

26/05/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I have this week made my last ever packed lunch for the girls.

I haven’t made Emily one for a while as her college schedule allows her home for lunch, but Rebecca has been bound by both a uniform and lunches in school until just last week.

The busy nature of last week for me meant that I wasn’t able to mark the occasion as I might have wished. I would have liked to have created said sandwich with some sort of Samurai sword, and thirty-day aged steak, but my guess is Rebecca got cheese….again.

The fact that I am marking this landmark in this way is diametrically opposed to the way I often felt about having to undertake the task. It’s funny how that goes. Something along the lines of you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone I suppose.

Bar a few exams to attend that’s it for the girls now, and a journey which started in about 1999, when Emily started her first nursery is coming to an end.

As much as those years have zipped by in the growth of some love handles and the loss of more hair, they do still need their parents for some stuff, and as I still rely on mine too, I suppose they always will.

This was demonstrated this weekend in differing ways, reflecting the different types of young women we have created.

On Saturday morning Emily was up and about at 9am, which in itself is cause for concern or an ambulance, but this week she had good reason. Her One Direction obsession was the cause. Yes she is almost 18, but young at heart for sure. Disney and One Direction are her main interests, and in some ways, I am quite pleased about that. It could be worse.

So her early rise was to secure tickets for the recently announced massively over priced scream fest in a stadium near you. Not yet in possession of a credit card, she needed good old Dad to do the deed.

I wasn’t very hopeful to be honest. Having tried to get Beyonce tickets some weeks ago (for Rebecca) and failing in a blur of crashing websites and frustrated keyboard bashing, I expected the same with these lot.

We had two laptops up and running and Louise on the phone, and as the time came, right on cue all of the web sites we had loaded crashed. Ten minutes in I had mentally given in, but one last try of one site saw some actual pages working. A few brief clicks later and two tickets were in the bag.

Not having even looked at what type of tickets they were, we soon realised after the event that the seats were actually just outside of Birmingham.

Emily, bless her, was happy enough, and I toddled off to get on with my day. Moments later Emily informed me that extra dates were being added, and like a Dad on a mission I was back on the laptop. Long story short, two much better tickets were booked for the second date, and the two earlier ones sold.

Emily was best pleased.

Rebecca’s need for her Dad was a little less complex and expensive, but of a more urgent and pressing nature. With a BBQ planned later at her boyfriend’s house today, she appeared in her dressing gown with a look of horror on her face. She had run out of false tan!

An emergency dash to Asda sorted that one, and she was off again, pretending once again to be all independent and grown up.

Yet another milestone on the fast paced journey through life.

In other age related news, on Saturday I bought a quiche. Contained within its pastry base and cheese based filling were the essence of Radio 2 and the extract of tartan slippers.

My working week was beyond busy, and I didn’t get home on Friday until after 9pm, but it looks like we got done what needed to be done by hook or by crook, and I look forward to slightly less stressful weeks to come.

As I tweeted at one point last week, I do feel the need for a holiday, but I fear I will have to make do with a few days off at home. Having been hard at work without a break since last September even that will be very welcome. I just need someone to build a rollercoaster and an Applebees next door.

Enjoy your extra day off should you be lucky enough to have it, and I’ll see you back here next week for more savoury pastry chat. Don’t forget your tartan slippers.

Till the next time….

Ending Eras

19/05/201320/05/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Football isn’t a topic I cover here very often. This is because nobody can seem to discuss it on the internet without eventually turning into an arse. Besides, I’d always be right and everyone else would be wrong.

However, football has it seems come to the end of an era all of a sudden. I can’t remember so many retirements at one time, and it may take a while to sink in, but I don’t think many folk recognise the impact of all these eras that are about to end.

The likes of Beckham, Carragher, Scholes and Owen have been ever presents for what seems like forever, and they have all decided to call it a day at the same time. The fact that Fergie has joined in too means the new beginnings of next season are exciting, unknown and a breath of fresh air.

Jamie Carragher — He isn’t going to Carra on

I know it is only football, but you only have to have watched Twitter this afternoon to see the impact it has on people. Condolences to all Spurs fans by the way.

We too are staring down the barrel of an ending era. Both Emily and Rebecca are due to leave their secondary school this summer. Emily has been there since 2006, and Rebecca 2008, and it will be strange to have no connection with the school that I went to all those years ago too.

The seemingly endless parent’s evenings, school trips, projects that are always started too late and all that homework that simply could only be done with a large chunk of parental involvement. It’s all coming to an end.

Maybe.

Rebecca is hoping to study Media Make Up and Hair at college so no doubt I’ll be using my enormous knowledge about hair to help with her course! Emily is preparing to apply to Disney for the year-long Cultural Representative Programme, and hoping not to need a Plan B should she not be lucky enough to be accepted. It’s going to be very competitive but we’ll see how it goes.

Neither her or Louise and I have completely reconciled how difficult it would be to have Emily live overseas on her own for a year!! However, Emily’s impending adulthood also brings home just how quickly things are moving along.

To counter that, I do find it endearing and touching how you only have to sit Emily in front of Les Miserables for a couple of hours to see the little girl in her pouring out of both eyes. It gets to her every time, and the blubbering is guaranteed.

By the way, as I type this, we are watching the DVD for the second time this weekend.

I was very pleased last week as both of the girls secured part-time work in the same bakery. Frankly, they are becoming a very expensive hobby, and with this little bit of cash they may be able to start to support themselves a little. They start next Saturday, and as grown up as they seem it does feel strange knowing that they will be out in the big wide world. There speaks an over protective Dad.

Rebecca appears to be developing some sort of WAG lifestyle, with false tan, hair products galore and more make up than a Kiss tribute act. Once she starts to pay for some of these out of her earnings it will be interesting to see what she does.

On a personal note this next week sees the conclusion of a major project at work, and I know you will be sick of me referencing it, but believe me not as sick as me. Don’t get me wrong I am enjoying what I do, but this has been a long road and I just want to see the smegger done and dusted now.

This weekend has flown by in a whirl of DIY, dog grooming and dodgy European singers. Yes, last night we all endured and enjoyed the Eurovision, and it was the usual mix of madness and pure crap. Still, it is odd yet strangely reassuring to think that as I was posting pithy and annoying crap all over Facebook, somewhere out there in Azerbaijan or Belarus there was another similar balding overweight forty something doing the same thing. What he would have made of Bonnie Tyler I will never know, as frankly I wasn’t sure either.

Till the next time…..

We are Yorkshire Puddings.

12/05/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

We’ve had a lovely change this weekend, and spent it away with friends in Yorkshire. Our frequent lenders of DVC points Steve and Di had us over to their house in North Yorkshire, and we have only just arrived home, tired, but mainly full after Di served us so much food over the weekend that I’ll be in one of my post Florida shirts for work tomorrow!

We have been totally spoilt, waited on like royalty, and had a lovely time around some of the loveliest countryside in the country.

After arriving on Saturday and being served Quesadillas, grilled goat’s cheese on french bread and a paklava so delicious that I almost passed out, we went out for a wander around Sutton Bank.

This is home to a gliding club, and we timed it perfectly to see one take off. We also experienced some of the craziest and strongest winds possible. We were literally being blown sideways for just a few minutes until it suddenly just passed, leaving us to continue the walk, taking some snaps along the way.

However, Emily beat my attempts with this one.

Having walked off a dozen or so calories it was back home for another meal. This time, it was a delicious spicy chicken curry, with perfectly cooked fluffy rice, and just to make sure we liked it we had some more paklava too.

Steve and I took Oli out for a late night wander up deserted country lanes, introducing him to sheep of various colours and sizes. None of which he was particularly keen on to be honest. He’s just a big coward really.

Full of fine food, beer and wine we all soon fell into bed.

Having Oli with us proved to be OK for most of the time, but when he started playing with his purple squeaky ball at 3am, nobody was amused. I was going to join in, but thought better of it and put mine away.

Having vowed never to eat again twelve short hours earlier, nobody can explain why we were then tucking into a huge full English breakfast at around 9am. Only just able to walk we boarded the car, and set off to feed some local donkeys that Steve and Di like to spoil on a regular basis.

They like polos!

Next door to their field was Marmion Tower which we had a quick look around, but to be honest the stupidly low temperatures for May and the constant drizzle forced us back to the car sharpish.

We had a brief wander around a lovely town square in Masham, home to Black Sheep beer, bought Oli an ice cream cone, and then retreated to the warmth of the car once again.

After a short scenic drive through some lovely looking (but cold and wet) scenery, there was nothing else to do but eat again. Having put away enough to feed an army already this weekend, a light lunch was the sensible option.

Instead, we had a full Lamb Sunday dinner, with all the trimmings, followed by home-made Bread and Butter Pudding. I think you have put weight on simply by reading this blog.

At around 4pm we left Steve and Di in peace and made our way home, and once back over the Pennines the weather went up a good few notches on the crappy scale. We are all now lounging in various states of lethargy, and pretty much all in elasticated pants of one variety or another.

It has been so nice to do something different of a weekend, in what must be one the loveliest places in the country. The food wasn’t bad either!! We have been looked after fantastically and are just sad to be back in the real world again having to fend for ourselves!

I am off now to either vomit or start eating again….I’m not sure which yet.

Till the next time…..

These aren’t the ramblings you are looking for…..

05/05/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

It’s been a busy old week. A sure sign of a busy one is that it flashes by in the blink of an eye. I spent most of it doing something that has been the basis of my job for years now, and that is nerd herding.

Don’t for one second think that I use the term nerd in any sort of derogatory manner. I have a mixture of admiration and envy for those cleverer than myself who can make stuff appear on a computer from literally nothing more than a few strokes of the keyboard.

With this project (you know, the one you are sick of almost hearing about) reaching its crashing crescendo, I had the team of developers doing the actual work in the office with me for three days in an attempt to drag things over the line. They normally work down in the South West, and we communicate via email, web chat and telephone. Of course you cannot beat all being in the same room to get decisions made quickly.

There was an outstanding amount of stuff done, and lots and lots of hours worked, and not a lot of down time. Whilst I don’t do anything physical (aka real work) there is no doubt that working at this level of intensity can be exhausting. After such a week, on the end of a long, long project, it has proven difficult to draw a line under stuff for the weekend, and I’ve found myself working today, and thinking about all this stuff when I don’t want to be.

It will soon be over.

It won’t surprise you to know that I haven’t really done a great deal this weekend, for the second week on the trot. I did do the big shop, but that merely involved a laptop, some clicking and a bloke bringing stuff to the door.

Keeping the nerdy theme going, you would have to have been in a cave this weekend not to have seen some comedic genius posting some reference to “May the Fourth Be With You”. It’s a decent play on words, and has only lost its shine now that it has been used for the gabillionth time. Don’t let my cynical grumpiness distract us from the fact that this occasion looks to be a bloody marvelous thing to go to WDW for.

Through Twitter and more laterally You Tube, it has become clear to me that this is one of the things to add to my WDW wish list for the future. Top of that list of course is to get back there at all, at any time, but if we’re playing fantasy holidays then at some point in the future we’ll be there for this.

Handily, Rebecca has a birthday around this time (the 7th just so you know!), and we have already promised her that at some point in the future we shall be there for one of her birthdays. This won’t be for a while, mainly due to having less cash than a Greek banker, but also because schools and colleges tend to be in session at this time.

Once she is free from education, we’ll hopefully schedule a trip in May. Any excuse? Absolutely.

Why do I want to go? Lots of reasons, but just invest seven minutes or so watching this. For those of a geeky/nerd like persuasion the music alone is liable to cause arousal. Mix it with fireworks and WDW, and it’s like a cocktail of Viagra and rhino horn. Pass me my light saber!!

Extending the WDW theme, this week Emily is finishing up two of her A level photography projects. Ignoring the stress this introduces into the household, along with Rebecca’s twenty three pieces of GCSE coursework that are all due in the next four minutes, it also has introduced huge expense.

The cost of the backing card, endless photo prints, and of course the bloody mileage to take the photos, and it would be cheaper to just bribe the teacher for a decent grade.

Anyway, WDW was my point, and I shall get back to it. One of her projects was based on WDW, with her taking lots of photos on out last visit, and since returning she has taken many photos in Blackpool, the theme of the project being the contrast between the two.

There are far too many photos to post here, believe me, but this particular one is a good one, and she’s proud of it.

For someone who isn’t going any time soon I think I’ve done a good job of shoe horning WDW into this post, and not crying my eyes out whilst typing. Well, not a lot anyway.

Till the next time….

My Flip Flopping Mood

28/04/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I like where I work. Don’t get me wrong though, if I had the choice I’d rather not have a place to work, more a place to drink beer at the side of my Floridian pool in the lovely sunshine. But for as long as needs must the current place will do fine.

Having said that, this week I witnessed something that would strike fear and loathing into anyone’s heart. Whilst doing a nationwide tour of our different offices, we were blessed with some sunshine. By this I mean there was no snow, and I did not need twelve layers of clothes. So explain to me why then there were chaps in the office in flip-flops!

Myself and m’colleague (Steve) were delivering some training/a briefing on stuff, and had to continue our flawless delivery whilst confronted with white hairy legs (yep, they had shorts on too) topped off with flip-flops.

I am all for casual attire at work. Most days jeans are the order of the day, and on these balmy days that touched at least the mid sixties this week, I had a short-sleeved polo shirt on. I know, crazy right? But unless there is an abundance of sand or you are in a foreign country, flip-flops are hardly ever acceptable on a male, let alone in the workplace.

Maybe my aversion to these exposed body parts was driven by the exertion of the week’s extensive travelling, and the impending conclusion of this here project I’ve been working on since last September. As I drove home on Thursday night, I was metaphorically limping up the M6, dreaming of my own bed, and not having to give that same briefing again for a fifteenth time!

I collapsed into the weekend, grateful for its welcoming embrace. For the first time in ages, it has felt like a weekend too. This is because Louise’s placement has finished and she is now back in Uni for quite some time. This means the end to her shift work for now, and she is instead around at home. This in turn means that now Louise is not working all weekend I don’t have to do all the boring chores that she enjoys so much!

It has been so nice being able to relax a little, and today I have truly done hardly anything. Louise had the house tidy by the time the weekend started, I haven’t ironed or washed anything (other than myself, and that iron can sting a little), and Louise even made the tea tonight. Superb. To add joy to relaxation she also has a cheesecake in the oven as I type. I do not mean that I have shared my special seed again, I do mean that there is a cake with my name on it cooling in our oven.

So once I’ve done this, I’m taking Oli out and then reconnecting my backside with the chair for the rest of the evening. Next week, I am not away over night for the first time in about six weeks, and despite the continued stress of the project end, even that is looking like it might turn out alright.

Now don’t worry, you have not stumbled across the wrong blog. This is indeed a positive post. Make the most of it.

To add balance, I still don’t have a WDW trip booked, so things could always get better, but such is life.

So this sheep dog won’t walk himself. I’ll just put my flip-flops on and I’ll be off.

Till the next time…..

Boston.

21/04/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

The rolling news this week has had the look and feel of a Tom Cruise film. I’ve been frustratingly busy, so haven’t caught too much of the detail, but Boston has looked like something you might find unbelievable if you saw the film.

I can only try to imagine what it felt like in those suburban towns in which this all unfolded. Surreal would probably be an understatement.

Despite having to fight the urge to wonder what possesses senior policemen in the US to wear such silly hats, this has been one of those world events that we will all remember for many years I am sure.

Boston Policeman — Where did you get that hat?

Having witnessed a “police incident” on one of our trips to the US, the sheer scale and awesomeness of the fire power deployed in Boston was not too surprising, despite it being to find one 19-year-old.

Of course, we don’t know the full details, and who is to know if these two are the only ones involved or not, and of course the police, FBI and everyone else involved couldn’t know what they are dealing with. Having seen the US police deploy a tank and SWAT team for a bank raid, I would imagine the resources currently sat in Boston could invade a fairly large country if they so wished.

This week has also shown how different things are now, in terms of reporting these types of events. Rolling news can be great of course when you want to watch events unfold live, but when you’ve seen the Uncle of these two suspects shout at the press in his weird accent for the seventeenth time this hour, you get the impression that there isn’t actually a lot to report.

Boston suspect's uncle — Shouty shouty noise shout

The other big difference to events like these is of course that every observer can become a news reporter. We all have cameras in our pockets, handily attached to the internet, and this results in incredible images like this.

I know that this image is disturbing, and I apologise if you find it too much. If it were me, I would pin this picture on the wall of whatever institution the living suspect is being kept in. In fact, I’d make him meet this chap and look him in the eye.

Despite all the new developments in rolling news and images captured by observers, I imagine that this tragedy will fall into the same conspiracy theory category of 9/11, where we’ll all be looking at grainy images of weird goings on, and some no doubt will be certain that the two chaps held responsible were only part of a bigger master plan and organisation. To those killed and injured that will never matter.

Whenever I have to visit London, a tube journey now is never free from a wary glance around the carriage at my fellow passengers. No matter how hard I try though I just cannot imagine something actually happening like it did one July. I suppose I should be glad that I can’t!

Apologies for the sombre tone, but it felt wrong to be my usual glib self this week. The trouble is, every week there is some horror somewhere in the world like this, and I suppose it is only the level to which it is reported that affects the attention we give it.

I’ve added to the attention these idiots have received just by writing about it here, which is both annoying and sad.

Till the next time….

My Buddy Gyles Brandreth

14/04/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

All the kerfuffle over the last few weeks has brought quite a few new readers to these parts, so I sit here staring at the blank page all of a quiver at the extra pressure brought on by these newbies.

My regulars know and tolerate the quality to be expected here, so I merely wish to delay the disappointment of those brought here to read my ramblings. Here goes…

So last week saw me undertaking “executive travel” once again, with Tuesday in London, an overnight stay in the five-star, sorry I mean 0.5 star Prince of Wales in Marlow, and Wednesday in HQ in the same town.

As I’ve often said, I do appreciate London, in short doses and usually once back on the train with it shrinking into the distance. My meeting was in Piccadilly Circus, which as usual, saw this simple Northern Lad staring slack-jawed at the twinkly signs and all that stuff we only see on the telly. I did my best to avoid all eye contact on the tube, and to stand on the correct side of the escalators to avoid being mown down by some swarthy investment banker as he sweeps past on the way to his next bonus.

Like most northerners I assume that the streets of London are strewn with celebrities, and I often spot one or two in those brief few hours in which I enter and retreat SAS like from it’s smoggy grip.

Alas, this time, I only saw Gyles Brandreth. I was coming up out of the underground at Paddington to catch the train back to Marlow, and he was filming, I assume for The One Show. No doubt it was a twenty-minute piece on some crucial story such as who invented tin foil or the percentage of the population with a third nipple, as is the norm for The One Show.

I sauntered through shot all casual like, trying to act all blase, like getting on TV is something that happens every day. Do watch out for me on The One Show as I shall obviously feature heavily.

Our family of course are regulars on it!

The only other times I have appeared on TV were way back in earlier decades. Whilst working for Nat West, we “volunteered” to work on ITV’s telethon programme at Granada Studios in Manchester, and my legs and shoes appeared briefly on national TV behind Richard and Judy.

The other time was a close shave in more than way, as I was handing a drink to runners in the Bolton Marathon, and having spotted a camera, I risked life, limb and my childhood innocence by dashing through an army of runners to hand Jimmy Saville a drink. He was very gentle!

As claims to fame go, I suspect there are more impressive ones. Oh yes, I did also used to work with Howard Donald, from Take That…….’s cousin. I think I’ll stick with walking past Gyles Brandreth. Not something I would want as my epitaph or on my gravestone of course, unless someone wants to pay £10 million for my funeral in which case I would have a headstone that wouldn’t look out-of-place in Vegas.

I would never do politics here, but regardless of your views on our recently deceased ex leader, do we really need to spend £10m to put a box of skin and bone into the ground? I can think of better uses of that cash to be honest. I need a holiday for a start!

Friday night saw a rare night out for us (minus Rebecca of course who is constantly attached to her Tom). We went to the cinema, and it was one of those trips to the cinema which was more about having a night out, rather than seeing a particular film. In the end we decided upon Identity Thief, and it was better than I expected. It was, I thought, going to be another gross out comedy spawned by the Hangovers and Bridesmaids we’ve seen recently, and it was I suppose, but good all the same.

Identity Thief — Better during a sugar coma

The trailers before the film though confirmed that Hollywood is struggling for an original thought, as Hangover III was shown, along with another trailer straight after that for what looked like a Hangover Junior, you know, a bit like S Club Juniors when S Club 7 were starting to implode in a haze of weight loss tablets and in fighting.

I forget what it was called, but basically the similarities leave me hoping that it is actually a spin-off, and not being passed off as a standalone effort. Don’t get me wrong I’ll be watching Hangover III, and of course Anchor Man 2, but I wonder if we’ve used up all the original ideas in the world. God knows, I’ve used the same seven gags in ten years of trip reports so I speak from authority.

Anyway, we enjoyed the film, and I went for the double trouble option of Ben & Jerrys and Pick n Mix. Sugar induced nausea adds to the enjoyment of any film, and when asked to pay for my snacks, it also gave me another better use of that £10 million we’re spending on a funeral!

Till the next time….

PS – Buy my book!

Blissfully brief.

07/04/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I’m going to keep this short and sweet, as I am conscious that I have been very vocal virtually recently, and I need to give you all a break from me.

I will however thank you all again for your encouragement, support, purchases and patience with bad grammar and spelling with *that* book. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I thought of doing a book, but what has happened has certainly surpassed it. Just when I think I’ve seen the last of the purchases, more occur, and my ghasted is flabbered some more.

After the initial flurry of excitement and activity I now need to come up with ways to tackle the longer term push of the book without boring you all to death with constant tweets and posts about it. Once I’ve finished uploading my corrections that is!!

I have a very busy few weeks at work coming up with a massive project coming to its culmination, and I’m going to be away quite a bit too so it may have to wait until after that. I have also been giving some thought to what I do next writing wise. Of course I’d like my next bit of writing to be a trip report, but in the absence of that I may actually bite the bullet and force myself to have an original thought, and write something original and fictional.

We’ll see if that materialises.

So before I go back on my word and let this waffle continue, I shall leave you in peace. You probably have a book to read don’t you?

Till the next time…..

Just thank you!

31/03/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

So….it’s been a quiet weekend. How about you?

I just wanted to post a quick and simple thank you to anyone and everyone who took an interest, posted something or indeed bought my book.

I have been stunned at the support, encouragement and generosity of spirit of you all. At the risk of being sincere and serious for once, just thank you so much.

Yesterday was crazy. I just couldn’t keep up with the messages, tweets and posts, so if I missed anything from any body I apologise.

As I type, the book is number 1 on Amazon in the Family Travel category, number 4 in the Travel category and number 528 in the overall Kindle book category. It is hard to take that in really.

For those of you now reading the book, I apologise again for the grammar and spelling mistakes. Proof reading 350,000 words all on your ownsome is tough, as after a while you develop word blindness, and as I look through the book now on my tablet I see mistakes which drive me mad. I’m updating and correcting as quickly as I can and you may well get an alert from Amazon to get your hands on the update at some point.

For those who have reviewed the book, an extra thank you. Fourteen five-star reviews at the moment. Incredible.

So to stop me gushing any more I shall leave it there and get back to correcting stuff.

Just wow!

Till the next time….

That Book What I Wrote

30/03/201325/10/2013 by mkingdon, posted in dibb, mkingdon, Walt Disney World

What is this madness? A blog from me on a Saturday? Crazy I know, but these are not normal times we live in. For a start, it feels like a Sunday due to the Goodness of the Friday I just had.

What is the reason for this earth shattering deviation from the comforting grip of routine and normality? Well, I’ll tell you.

Some weeks ago, I undertook a detailed and extensive teaser marketing campaign, as I said…

“As some sort of teaser marketing campaign, I shall …..erm…tease you by letting you know that I am working on a “secret project” at the moment and at some point soon I may reveal it to you. As an added bonus one or two of you might even give a toss.”

All none of you picked up on this, and I was inundated with absolutely no enquiries as to what I was up to. As teaser marketing campaigns go, it may not have been the most successful in the history of advertising.

Weighed down by the massive sense of expectation this campaign created, I have been working hard on this project, and can now reveal all to you.

As I said at the time, sadly it is not the annual booking of our holiday. If it were that would be the least surprising reveal since Duncan from Blue announced he was gay. It is holiday related, and is in fact the news that I am now a published author!

That sounds grander than it actually is, as frankly anyone can be a published author as long as you can figure out the labyrinth of complexity involved in Amazon’s self publishing programme. But still, published I is.

So it is with great pleasure that I can reveal to you all my first (and probably only) book, Mkingdon’s Tales of Family, Food and Florida.

Don’t worry, I’m not trying to fund our next trip with the sales of this book. Believe me, once Amazon and the tax man have had their share I would need the population of China to buy a couple each to be able to fund more than the taxi to the airport!

It is more that I have been meaning to do this for a while now, mainly to preserve them forever on somewhere other than a certain Disney forum. Who knows when that might blow up or self-destruct in a fire-ball of reclining seats, tipping and right-wing views? If it did, all the work I had put into these would be lost and I couldn’t have that. I spend less and less time on there now, so felt that I needed to reclaim them for myself, and of course if I sell a couple (I have already bought one copy, so just one more sale to reach my target) at the same time then that would of course be lovely.

It’s a big book, and should represent decent value for the (random) price. (Amazon’s pricing engine is slightly more complex than space travel). With ten year’s worth of holidays in it, the page count is as impressive as the photo quality isn’t. Amazon’s file size restrictions mean they have to be a thumbnail of a thumbnail!

Some of the grammar and spelling will not win any awards. I have tidied them up a little, but you will still find typos and the like, but hey, that all adds to the charm, doesn’t it??

So, please tell your friends, and even your enemies that such a thing exists, and if any of you are kind enough to invest in a copy, that in itself would be incredible, but should you even enjoy it, then that is what the review system is for on Amazon so don’t be shy to add one!

So there we go, I finally got my arse in gear and created a book from stuff what I wrote. Enjoy! We all enjoyed making the holidays that are in it.

Till the next time….

I just Asda know..is my shopping coming?

24/03/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Being creatures of habit and routine it doesn’t take me much to upset our funk. A little bit of snow on Friday evening put our whole weekend out of whack. You may know that food is a central pillar of our lives, and so the delivery of the BIG SHOP on a Saturday morning is a critical part of our weekend.

Asda called us on Saturday morning saying that they had to cancel our delivery as there was “snow on the pavements”. Naturally then, if it were unsafe for their delicate drivers to make it out to our house then all the Asda stores in the country must be closed too, for fear of endangering the general public, who would be braving these treacherous footpaths to get themselves a loaf and a pint of milk?

No, it seems they were happy for the risk to be that of their customers. This upset was made worse as last week Louise did the big shop, and it was a contentious one. The girls and I thought it was bobbins, as we’d run out of drinks by Tuesday, and with no “real” food in the house by Thursday, the fact that we had no shop arriving on Saturday saw Emily resorting to “popping next door” to see Nana, and get some food whilst there!

I on the other hand got creative and my lunch on Saturday was made up of the shrapnel thrown to the back of the biscuit cupboard from the posh Christmas hamper I got from work. Those upscale, top of the range Cheddar infused crackers didn’t do much to dent the appetite.

Having collected Louise’s poorly car from the (now) wealthy garage owner at lunchtime, Louise was dispatched to forage for supplies in an actual shop. How quaint.

She returned some hours later with the ingredients to make a couple of recipes she’d spotted in a magazine earlier in the week. So we were safe at least until breakfast on Sunday.

I had called Asda back and asked them to re-arrange our order to be delivered on Sunday, but met with such stunningly apathetic and average customer service that our custom may well be finding its way elsewhere from here on in.

It took a while to get through to them as they employed the very customer friendly technique of a recorded message saying “We re busy, you will have to phone back later” before cutting me off. A master class in customer care if ever there was one.

I persevered, as after all, there was food at stake here. Upon reaching a human, I went through security checks similar to those undertaken at the safety deposit boxes in a Swiss bank, before being allowed to explain how I had been let down, and my wife had resorted to leaving the house, and was now baking some Jamie Oliver inspired dish that we’d both agree was pants at some point during Ant & Dec’s Takeaway later.

With zero empathy I was told that they were having “system issues” and were unable to rebook things at their end, but I could do it via the webs site. So, let me get this straight. The internal systems at Asda were broken, yet the web site was functioning fine, and would allow me to rebook?

I won’t bore you with what I do for a living, but it is something that allows me to smell a very large rat here. I suspect this translated to, we can take more calls if we refuse to help rebook orders, so we’ll spin some yarn about systems issues and let the mugs do it themselves.

“So” says I, “I just go online and re-schedule my order?”

“Erm, did you save your order as a list?”

“No, spookily I saved it as an order…as that was what I wanted it to be. You know, I order, you deliver, I give you money in return?”

“Ah, well then you’ll need to do the shop all over again. Goodbye.”

Stunned, I quickly browsed all and any supermarkets who deliver to see who had a slot for Sunday. No-one did, except Asda so I’m afraid I ordered there, probably for the last time. Our need for a shop was greater than my immediate need to protest.

So here we are again, scratching our heads at why an inch or two of snow, (believe me that is all we had here) can disrupt our lives so much. I feel immediately compelled to buy a Volvo, a turtle neck sweater and marry Ulrika Johnson. Sweden does snow without it being a national emergency.

I do appreciate that some parts of the UK have been very badly affected this weekend. Let’s face it the news has covered little else. It does puzzle me how these “roving reporters” seem to be able to navigate to any part of the country no matter how bad the weather and roads though.

It is vital to get an understanding of the fact that we have snow to have some berk stood on a country road mid blizzard with a big furry microphone. Otherwise we simply won’t believe the story!!

Sigh. All of this tells me that I need some sunshine, desperately. Yes of course I’d love to be telling you about an upcoming holiday, but right now I’d settle for some double-digit degrees here. With the weather like this it takes me so long to get ready to walk the dog that by the time I’m ready he’s gone to bed.

Oh for a few days where we don’t need the heating on, and the walk from the car park to the office is not like some scene from the Grinch.

It is becoming hard to believe that in this country we actually have days where I might be able to go outside without a coat on, never mind in daft things like shorts.

There is a condition I believe that is brought on by these dark, cold winter days. It is called being majorly pissed off and cold!

Till the next time…..

Now is the winter of our discontent.

17/03/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

The persistence of the winter weather is doing nothing for my lack of WDW blues. Or maybe the weather gods realise that as soon as I see daffodils and a couple of hours of sunshine I have to sacrifice a credit card at the altar that is Kayak.com.

My seasonal body clock is so conditioned to the spring booking of a holiday that maybe this prolonged winter is just God’s way of telling me that it isn’t to be this year. Or, perhaps we are now in a four-year long winter, like those off of Game of Thrones, and anytime soon I’ll be having dwarf sex and expressing my road rage by cleaving someone’s head from their incompetent shoulders with a huge sword fashioned from the bumper of a Ford Fiesta.

Strange days indeed. More strange happenings on Saturday when I found myself driving to the Trafford Centre, and I wasn’t at gun point. Instead, Emily and I were on a mission to deposit her CV and desire to work at the Disney Store there. The journey was horrific as someone had been incompetent enough to prang into each other on the M60 at a very inconvenient (to me) location.

Having taken much longer than it should, we battled our way through the throngs, using maximum body swervage and tuttage. A brief chat with a Cast Member, CV left, and we were off again back to the car, keen to spend as little time in that place as possible. If anyone happens to know the manager of said Trafford Centre Disney store do put in a good word.

On Friday evening, Emily and Rebecca went to watch One Direction at the MEN arena in Manchester. We booked the tickets well over a year ago, so the fact that band still existed was a bonus. Thankfully, at the ages of soon to be 16 and 18 they were more than capable of finding their own way there on the train.

Apparently, they had some obnoxious fellow travelers.

They wished they were not going in One Direction

Of course they loved the gig, had decent seats, and screamed a lot. Much as they did at the Jonas Brothers a year or two ago. Ah, whatever happened to them?

I of course was on pick up duty after the gig, and upon the girls texting me that the second to last song had started I joyfully trotted to the car and headed for Manchester at 10.20.

The fact that I didn’t get back home until 12.20am was a major cause of a sense of humour loss. Two hours you say? Why on earth would it take two hours? Well, the square mile around the MEN was at an absolute standstill. So there I sat amidst hundreds of other driver Dads in their slippers, looking at the 1Ders walking past us in the pouring rain and answering texts from impatient and cold daughters asking where the bloody hell we were.

I’ve done so many post gig pick ups over the years but this was the worst by a mile. Maybe EMO gig attendees walk home and don’t need Dads and Mums to pick them up? I suppose the average age at a 1D gig will mean that parents are more likely to drive them home, but I also noticed that the major road through the city centre had been pedestrianised since last I did this taxi run. At the risk of sounding like Alan Partridge, that didn’t help.

Can someone please reverse that before I have to pick them up from the MEN again please?

On the positive side, it meant that I missed a fair chunk of Comic Relief. Having had to dress up in 80’s fancy dress at work this week, and have “fun”, missing Lenny Henry’s “katanaga” for the twenty fifth year was welcome I can tell you. Me, miserable? Never. I don’t mind donating, just don’t inflict seven hours of folk being wacky and zany on me.

Does it make me a bad person that I really don’t want to hear Sharon from Huddersfield tell the nation she raised £300 by dressing up as a tampon and being dunked into a water tank?

The endless procession of Kevins from accounts dressed as teletubbies desperately trying to get into camera shot with oversized cheques just makes me want to self harm. No doubt I am going straight to hell, where I shall have to watch Davina McCall and Claudia Winkleman present inane tosh for eternity. It’ll be called Children in Red Noses Day.

Till the next time…..

A Smorgasbord of Success and a toilet.

10/03/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

This week this post will contain none of the usual bemoanment of woes, well not for the first few paragraphs anyway! This week has seen the Williams household bestowed with a cavalcade, a cornucopia, nay, a truck load of good news and success.

So bountiful has this week been, that I may have to resort to a bullet pointed list to record them….

Emily passed her driving theory test.
Rebecca got an A in a major piece of her Drama GCSE
Louise passed the first year of her nursing course, confirming that she can move onto the second year
Emily scored a C Grade in her Film Studies AS level

I am now just concerned that I’ve missed something off this list. You will note that I added not one jot to that list. I will have to be content with my natural every day state of awesomeness.

So yay, whoop and all those celebratory exclamations.

In other important news, Emily announced to us that a major attraction had made its debut at Walt Disney World. What is this major headliner attraction that had her all exited?

Was it a multi-million pound roller coaster? Was it the fantastically themed Be Our Guest restaurant in the new Fantasy Land?

No.

It was a new Tangled themed restroom.

Some of you may know that much of our WDW time can be spent in these places, hence the title of my first ever trip report, The Williams Tour of Florida Restrooms. So for some future point in time when we are able to return, this must now be crossed off our list of restrooms to visit.

To say that Emily is taking on the Disney obsession baton from me is an understatement. It is getting to the point now where she is my major source of WDW related news. From Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube, she is now a Disney knowledge sponge.

After our recent move over to Virgin for our TV services, with whom it is possible to sync your TV with your smart phone, enabling you to watch YouTube from your phone on the TV, she has done little else. Most viewings are WDW related.

So most of our Saturday evening was spent viewing a guided tour of these new loos, and less worryingly the new Be Our Guest place. Wow, what a reminder of how well Disney do this stuff. The quality and the detail of this themeing looks incredible, down to the snow falling outside of the large window.

Not having a trip on the horizon, I haven’t really paid much attention to the new Fantasy Land stuff. I sort of knew something was happening, but in sulky protest I have turned a cold shoulder to it. Emily to her credit is much less fickle, and is, as they say all over it or up in its grill.

For now it seems the pain of knowing she isn’t going any time soon is eased and not increased by watching it from afar. I am not so confident that I am the same way inclined.

This may be the first time that a child of mine acts more of a grown up than I. Actually, I’m sure that isn’t the case at all. Who am I trying to kid? It’s just one more step on the slow and steady journey to the girls wiping drool from my chin and changing my adult nappy. Hopefully we’ll get a chance to use the new Tangled restroom a couple of times before that happens.

Till the next time….

Cath Kidston and the £8 lunch

03/03/2013 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

This will be a blog free from slagging off all the bands and singers you like and I don’t! I promise.

It has been a fairly ordinary week to be honest. Work wise I was once again down south in Head Office in Marlow. As much as the 4am start to get there for the beginning of play is painful, at least the roads are quiet.

Of course by the time the working day is ending the body is telling you that it has been far too long a day too, but the upside to the couple of days away is that it really breaks up the working week.

After driving back home on Wednesday evening, the bulk of the working week is done, and the weekend is almost winking at you with flirty intent.

To add spice, interest and exhaustion to this trip down south, on Tuesday after driving down to Marlow, I had a meeting in central London to do too. Every day is a school day of course, and I learned that as posh as Marlow is, if you want to get a train anywhere other than Maidenhead from there you have to change!

To get into Paddington took an age, with the stress of a thirty-second slot to make the connection.

The meeting was at 2pm, and as I am wired this way, I of course arrived early. Having had breakfast at a ridiculous hour, by the time 12.30 rolled around I was sucking the front of my coat to absorb the remnants of lunches gone by that had no doubt found their way down the front.

Not to fear thought I. As soon as I emerge from the tube station in central London, everyone knows that every other shop is a Starbucks or Costa, so securing lunch would be a breeze.

My meeting was near Harley Street, so I tubed it to Regent Park station. Right then, let’s get lunch sorted. A cursory glance raised a concern. Lots of very nice looking buildings of course, but a distinct lack of java.

So I seemed to have found the only area of central London without a Starbucks on each corner. So I had to set off in search of food. A good fifteen minute walk took me to Marylebone High Street, so I’d soon be in business here surely?

Alas, being one of the bohemian and upper crust areas of London, the array of shops left me underwhelmed. It was all Fromageries and Cath Kidston. Had I wanted to lunch on guava and jalapeno marmalade with a dark rye poppy-seed foccacia my choices would have been unlimited. Frankly, I was looking for a golden arches for familiar food and free WiFi.

It took me half an hour to find a Starbucks which was too full, so after a free wee, I carried on the search for food. Almost back where I started, I finally stumbled across Entre Nous. This was as downbeat as it got around here.

It was trendily run down, and by this stage it would have to do.

Eight quid for a cheese sandwich and a coffee later, and I purposefully sat in there for a full hour, at least getting some value from their heating for my £8.

Feeling ever so regional and non cosmopolitan I took my absurd accent off to my meeting.

It went well, despite me being distracted at my £8 outlay, and I was soon back on the tube, and then trains to get back to Marlow just in time to end the working day. By this time, I was more than ready for a quick evening meal (thankfully on expenses) and a swift retirement to the exclusive five star country retreat in which we are always housed when away with work. Despite an early night, sleep was fitful and interrupted, as it always is in the crappy beds provided.

Whenever I get home from these adventures, it certainly makes me appreciate my own bed.

The joy of it all is that I am doing the whole thing again next week, but before that I have a wonderful visit to the dentist to look forward to on Monday. It involves drilling, and I’m not happy. It must have been that £8 cheese sandwich that did all the damage.

Such is life.

As some sort of teaser marketing campaign, I shall …..erm…tease you by letting you know that I am working on a “secret project” at the moment and at some point soon I may reveal it to you. As an added bonus one or two of you might even give a toss.

Either way, I’ll update you and inflict it upon you as and when it is complete. Don’t bother guessing, it won’t be that, and I can assure you all it is NOT planning for a holiday!

Till the next time…..

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