Category: mkingdon

There’s a scum on my decking what am I gonna do?

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It’s been a bit of a busy week.  During the week, work took me to Newcastle on Friday.  I was viewing office space and potential staff members for what will be the North Eastern part of our empire.  Both elements were successful, and with the opening of that office in a few weeks, I’ll be spending at least a day a week up there.  It could be worse of course, it could be Central London!

In other news, we have had an actual viewer for the house.  You may have forgotten that we are up for sale, as we’ve had absolutely no news at all in that regard for many weeks.  Not only have we had one viewing, they only went and came back today for a second one!  Never in the history of Williams kind has our house been as tidy as it was on those occasions.  They seem keen enough, asking lots of probing questions, and no doubt noticing all those things that we really should have upgraded, replaced, painted or improved, but we instead went on holiday.

I showed them the holiday pictures instead, so we’ll see if that helps!

Who knows what happens now.  We await a call from the agent to justify their football agent style fee tomorrow.

The second view was to be in broad daylight, and this meant they would be able to see the full horror of the back garden, which no human has set foot in since about October last year.  Drastic measures were called for, and so my Saturday was taken up by blasting scum off the decking.  It took an age and all the use from my right hand (from trigger pulling on the jet wash….get your mind out of the gutter!) to get the decking to state where you don’t have to wear ice skates to make it across in one piece.  It does tend to get a little mossy after six months of shite weather.

I even debarricaded the outdoor furniture from beneath the winter coat of tarpaulin and gave that a jet wash within an inch of its life.  By Sunday, and that all important second visit, our outside space looked almost like something from a house where someone hasn’t pissed away every spare penny on flights, villas and food.  It was almost worth the agony and stiffness I am enduring today.

On a more pleasant note, Saturday evening saw us out on the tiles.  We were at a family do to celebrate my niece’s 21st birthday.  This fact has officially confirmed that I am now 97 years old.  I was 20 when she was born, and at the party last night, my brother and sister-in-law had laid out lots of old photos of Sarah, which I thought were taken yesterday, but it would appear that is not the case.

Prep for the party started at around 4pm in our house, and looked like this.  I joined in with about twelve minutes to go before departure.

rebecca prep party
Four hours pre-party

and resulted in this….

rebecca at party
Party girl

We had a really lovely evening, and Sarah was overcome by her present which was a trip to New York for her and her boyfriend.  This was presented in a lovely speech from her Mum that even had Emily and Rebecca in tears at the end.

sarah's 21st cake
Sarah's birthday cake

We sloped off at 12.30, tired and full of Guinness (that last bit might just have been me) but I believe the festivities went on until 4.30am!!  When we did leave, we were carrying, high above our heads, the glorious prizes, and smug satisfaction only awarded to those who win the quiz. A quiz fittingly all about 1991 was held, and our team won.  I say team, I more or less single-handedly defeated all comers, mainly as I knew what was Number One on the day of Sarah’s birth.  (Chesney Hawkes, in case you were wondering).  Nothing improves an evening more than the sweet smell of victory, and the easter eggs awarded as prizes.

The other major news this week is that Louise has resigned from her job.  I know, I know.  How anyone could give up a job that involves handling boobs all day is a mystery, but she has had enough of it.  She leaves in four weeks to return to University to train to be a nurse.  This of course has been on the cards for some time, but under wraps until her place on the course, and the informing of work were done.  This dear readers is the one of the reasons why we shall not be jetting off to anywhere close to Florida this year, unless my balls drop.  Lottery, not the twins.

Today, once our viewing was done, has been a relaxed affair as we are all feeling the effects, to varying degrees of last night and a very busy weekend of chores.  I popped round to my Mum’s with present and card, returned home to watch half of The Help (Louise’s mother’s day gift “from the girls”) some footy, and then prepared and ate one of the largest Sunday roasts known to man.  I sit typing this now, in the discomfort and glow of an overly full stomach, and the mild concern that with all that Guinness and today’s eating, I’ll be attending work with my shirt unbuttoned to the waist to avoid discomfort.

So, who knows what the coming days will bring.  An offer on the house?  Maybe.  The start of the living hell of actually then having to move house.  Who knows?  The need to diet to avoid the next notch on the belt?  Absolutely!!

Whatever it is, I’ll waffle about it here so…

Till the next time…..

Entertaining Wees and Some Cold Turkey!

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

Regular readers know that on the odd occasion that I have to go to London, I do so with a heavy heart and a desire to get in and out as quickly as possible.  Last week was no different.  It was the first journey to the capital with the new company, and so had added elements of dread as I am still very much in the zone of trying not to look like a right tit as much as is possible.

Upon reaching London I do go a bit touristy to be honest, and with a new company comes a new office venue, and this one in the heart of the West End.  As you might imagine, the streets in this part of London, are filled with hundreds of theatre types dancing on top of taxis in pink leg warmers, the dancers in leg warmers, not the taxis!  We stopped for a £7 coffee in Haymarket, and had to wait ages for Bob Hoskins, Julie Walters and Robert De Niro to decide whether they wanted a croissant or a skinny muffin.

So having walked with slack jaw past Eros, those large boards with Coke on that you see on the telly (and I don’t mean Frankie Cocozza’s dressing table) and a myriad of theatres I got to the offices and proceeded to blag my way through a series of meetings, nodding when everyone else did, and somehow fumbling my way through a presentation or two.

The reason for all this pre-amble is that during a break in proceedings I had a wee, and I think it may be a contender for an award for The Wee with the Best View in Britain!

london wee view
A loo with a view

These are the perks of working in the heart of the capital I imagine.  A nice as it is to look at the London Eye whilst peeing all over your shoes, it does not (for me) make the daily use of the tube anything like bearable.  I am much happier sat in first gear for an hour traveling the twelve miles or so to the office!!

So the day was pretty much a success, as the meetings went well and I was back home before 8pm.

The highlight of the day, without doubt though was the phone call I got from Emily on the way down.  She was due to pick up her GCSE results for her Maths re-take.  Having inherited the Williams aversion to Maths, she too did not pass it first time around.  This is a family tradition, and having retook it recently she had not exuded confidence about passing this time either.  I do admit to being a little nervy for the first hour of the journey, whist trying to engage in jaunty badinage with the boss next to me, but once she’d called the trip seemed a little more bearable all round.

Thankfully, her call to me was a joyous one, as she had passed, and we were all absolutely delighted.  Having mastered algebra and isosceles triangles she can now forget them forever and just wave her certificate at employers.

One downside of the journey down south was that I missed Rebecca perform in her GCSE Dance group that evening.  One of the very few school performances I have missed since they started being sheep in the nativity in nursery!  She did very well according to Louise, as a zebra!  I imagine it very similar to the Lion King Show in the Animal Kingdom!

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful, my Mum’s birthday aside today.  We popped round with a present and a card, and I spent a comfy hour in the restful grip of my Dad’s brand new “ladyboy” chair.  Only the die hard long standing trip report readers amongst you may get that reference!!

We are now in the full maelstrom of March which is officially the busiest and most expensive month of the year in the world of Williams.  It contains four family birthdays and three Mother’s days.  Yes that’s three.  My Mum of course, Louise’s Mum and Louise.  As grown up as the girls are they still seem incapable of finding their way to a shop and procuring their Mum a pressie.

In other news, I, no we, as I include Louise in this, are in the full grip of WDW cold turkey.  Like the full-blown addiction it is, we are metaphorically rocking ourselves slowly in the corner, quietly whispering random words such as Philharmagic, Applebees, Epcot, and overdraft.  I cannot lie to you, we have both this week spent time on websites that contain flight searches.  This has not helped, and in fact only reinforced how much we cannot afford to go this year.  This makes me sad, in more ways than one.

So our house is like some scene from Trainspotting, but the train in question circles the Magic Kingdom. I made the very big mistake earlier this week of re-reading one of my trip reports as someone had just commented on it.  In light of the coldness of my turkey, this was not a wise thing to do.  It did reinforce my thinking that the writing of these trip reports is well worth the effort at the time, as reading them some years later really does allow you to transport yourself to the exact time and place.  Let’s face it, that’s a lot cheaper than paying for flights.

Till the next time…..

 

 

Spring has sprung and inevitable events.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

It is always nice to get comments to these posts, and last week I was inundated with a comment, expressing a view that there haven’t been any Oli pictures and videos recently.

It is a difficult one, to know what to drone on about here.  Having said that, I seem to have managed to drone about work for the last few posts (I won’t this week!) so I thought I’d share some recent pictures.  For fans of Oli, I can point you in the direction of Pinterest, which is the latest social media site which has appeared to add to the collection of sites that are a distraction from doing anything productive.  On Pinterest I have a board dedicated to Oli, so if you are feeling the need for a fix of smelly mammoth, that’s your destination.

Anyway, here come the pics….

Oli
Yesterday after I walked him (again)
Oli 2
Looking for *that* toy
Oli 3
Making a mess of the couch

So there you go with your Oli fix.  He’s still behaving himself, unless you happen to be a cat, in which case he is constantly making every waking second a living hell.

There has been a distinct change in the weather over the past week, with the actual appearance of the sun.  Granted, it is still freezing, and there has been some snow in parts of the country, but actual sunshine has an immediate effect on the country and certainly me.  I am self diagnosed with SAD, so the dark cold winter months are not my favourite times, so at the first glimpse of the yellow round thing, inevitable events happen.

These events mean, unfortunately, that I immediately drop into “I want a holiday” mode, and my fingers are drawn inexorably to the keyboard, whereby I find them typing in letters such as K A Y A K.  This is NOT a good thing.  It matters not that I know we can’t go this summer, it simply cannot stop me trying endless configurations of flights, eventually even those via the Ukraine, in the hope of an Easyjet style price for a Trans Atlantic journey.

I also start to make other internet journeys, watching videos of the parks, and drooling over resorts and their fine dining menus.  This really is bordering upon an illness.

This is not one of my usual posts were I moan about flight prices, and then two posts later you discover in a flurry of gloating and guilt that  I have booked anyway.  Alas,unexpected inheritances from long lost relatives or lottery wins aside, we REALLY will not be going this year.  Really, I mean it!

This makes me sad.  I miss Florida, and I am truly sorry that we won’t be going on one of our adventures this year.  There is nothing that beats the thrill and excitement of that early morning at the airport on your way to WDW, when everyone is full of excitement, anticipation and over priced airport food.  The world is literally your lobster as the days ahead of you shine as brightly as your brand new white trainers with endless possibilities and about one million calories.

So as much as I accept our fate, I don’t have to like it!  There will be times a plenty in the future to get over there, and I assure you, we’ll be there as soon as is humanly possible, if not sooner.

I don’t know if we’ll go somewhere else instead to be honest.  This is for two reasons –

  1. I cannot summon any enthusiasm for other destinations
  2. I begrudge spending any cash on other destinations as it means we can’t use that cash to go where I want to go.

Hey ho, musn’t grumble and all that.  There are many worse off than us, who have never experienced the holidays we have, and probably aren’t likely to.  I understand that, but I still want to lie on the floor and kick and scream until I’m sick.

The week ahead has a trip to London in store on Wednesday, and as the streets there are paved with gold, I’ll just dig up a couple of blocks and that should sort us out for the holiday we want!

Till the next time….

Winning Reds and A Woman in Black

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It has been a traumatic afternoon.  It has not quite equalled the overly emotional and absolutely draining evening in May 2005, when the mighty reds lifted their fifth European Cup (yes, that’s five!), but it has been an afternoon nonetheless of roller coaster emotions, intermittent outbursts of joy, mixed with more than a few exasperated gasps.

Liverpool Winners
That's a relief

But, as with 2005, it all turned out fine in the end.  I have no finger nails left, and as Louise attempted to talk to me during the final throes, I am probably going to find all my belongings on the lawn.  Watching a high-profile Liverpool game and holding a civil conversation are two tasks that I find to be mutually exclusive.  I become so engrossed and (as it is Liverpool) highly frustrated that I only have enough concentration for one thing at a time.

So a successful end to the weekend.

Last week flashed by for me.  Week two of the new place, and amazingly I retain the thin veneer of credibility, and may even make it to my first pay-day.  Louise’s week on the other hand experienced a whole different type of flash in the pan.  An infection of an unmentionable organ that starts with b and rhymes with vowel has meant most of the week off work, and a pretty rotten time.  Anyway, enough talking about someone else, let’s get back to more about me.

You may remember my bemoaning of my telephonic technology, having left my iPhone with all my angst, anger and bad memories of the old place.  The Nokia E5 was just fit for purpose, barely, but the amount of times I had my finger hovering over the Order button for a shiny iPhone 4S was many.  Anyway, last week I did order a new iPhone, but in a very unlikely act of generosity it wasn’t for me.

Emily’s contract had been up just before Christmas, but being destitute and unsure of employment plans, we had avoided the extra monthlies to get her onto an iPhone.  Now, with literally minutes of stable employment under my belt, it seemed right and proper to do the decent thing.  There you have the ultimate demonstration of unconditional love.  I have two children enjoying and iPhone 4s whilst I have a handset that may be better employed propping up an uneven table.

But wait, all is not lost.  Due to a long winding route, and some work we are doing with a popular fruit based phone company (alas, not THAT one) we have been sent some handsets to “test” with, and I have craftily nicked the best one, and adopted it as my own.  So, the star of the most recent Blackberry adverts is now mine to trial for a very long time.

It is a Blackberry 9900 Bold, and for someone who in the past just could not get on with a Blackberry it is pretty nice to be honest, and certainly good enough to prevent me from blowing a chunk of change getting the other fruit based handset….for now!!  Whatever drugs those at Apple are sneaking into the water, they appear to be working.

Going back to the start of the weekend, we spent Friday evening at the cinema.  I spent most of the film laughing at the girls jumping out of their seats at regular intervals.  You may have worked out that we were not watching The Muppets, but instead The Woman in Black.  I thought it was OK, and the girls enjoyed it but Louise was a little disappointed that it wasn’t more scary.  For a 12A I thought it punched above its weight scary wise, but Louise lives with me, so her scary thresholds have been set pretty high.  Seeing me strut around the bedroom in my thong style underwear pretty much makes any attempts at fear Daniel Radcliffe can throw at her meaningless.

woman in black
BOO!

It did bring back memories of those Friday evenings in my childhood watching Hammer Horror films.  As expected Emily did not sleep at all on Friday night, which is pretty much what happens after every scary film she sees.  This makes you wonder why she enjoys watching them so much?

It may have been excitement rather than fear, as Saturday morning was all about One Direction.  I do find it odd that Emily is obsessed with them, as they fall way outside her usual compass of musical taste, but obsess about them she does.  By 8.45am, I was on the laptop with every known ticket website known to man open.  Louise and the girls had a phone number each and were ready with the redial button.

By 8.55 I was refreshing all the sites to find most had already ground to a halt under the enormous traffic levels, but one seemed to be not only up, but selling tickets even though it was still pre 9am.  As the girls got nowhere near getting through to anyone, I seemed to be moving effortlessly through the purchase process on Ticketline.  Thinking it too good to be true I kept quiet until the magic confirmation appeared, and I declared the tickets secured before 9am had struck.

I was briefly elevated to hero status.  It didn’t last of course.  So the girls just have thirteen months to wait now to go and see them.

A bit of dog walking, tidying, a haircut and a film or two aside that’s been events in the Williams house.  This is better than watching the news isn’t it??

Till the next time…..

All that (Honda) Jazz

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon
tartan paint
Not even Amazon sell it

Being the new boy at work, the early parts of this week were spent having my head dunked in the toilets, being sent out to buy some tartan paint,and being told to go out for a long stand.  With it being all new, the working week has not been full of the usual soul-destroying dread that precedes every other day in recent times.

It has been quite interesting, trying to get to grips with new people, new things and not looking like a complete numpty all at the same time.  It is a very small company, so I have absolutely enjoyed the complete lack of politics that seemed to cripple the last place into incompetence and inaction, so I really hope that can remain so as we grow.

I am under no illusions that as I settle in, that feeling of impending doom may creep back into Sunday evenings, but for now I’d settle for a feeling of mild disappointment at the thought of work.  Imagine if you will, that feeling you get when your progress along the road is interrupted when a Honda Jazz pulls out in front of you and you know you won’t see any thing north of 24 miles per hour for the next few miles.  You get the picture?

In the meantime, I shall make the most of this feeling of newness, and hope that I live up to any expectations of me, or failing that quickly learn how to blag things well enough never to be rumbled.  I have based my entire “career” on that principle thus far, so I am hopeful I shall be able to continue.

There has been no progress on the “other opportunity” with a Mexican stand-off in full swing.  Ironically, the job does not involve Mexico at all.  I am not for budging on my position, and they are exploring other candidates who will work for the package they are offering.  Should they not be satisfactory then they may return to me.  Not that I want to be explored by anyone ay any time, but I think the chances of being so are now very slim indeed, and have consigned this to a burner so far back that I can’t even see it on the hob.

Now, I’m not one to moan!  When life gives me lemons I simply whinge that I wanted limes.  However, this week saw Louise’s car go into the garage for an MOT, Service and seemingly gold plating.  The level of remuneration given to the garage cannot be written here.  I tried, but my keyboard ran out of numbers half way through.  What was to be a one day stay turned into three, as it seems, they took it apart, rebuilt and/or replaced every single component with a new one, made of titanium and diamonds.  So the bill was painful plus labour and VAT.  Luckily, money is no object for us…oh no, wait, it is a very large object!

Still, on the bright side, things like having working brakes all four wheels should make Louise’s driving experience a lot smoother and safer.

Having all of our disposable income for the foreseeable future sat on our drive, the weekend hasn’t been full of wild and exciting activities.  It started well with Oli greeting us on Friday morning by depositing his insides all over our duvet.  That meant we got up nice and early in time for work, and helped keep the local dry cleaners in business.

Rebecca went to a party last night, which I have to be honest fills me with dread every time.  I of course want her to have lots of friends, an enjoyable social life, and to learn how to interact with people of all kinds.  On the other hand, I also want to lock her in her room until her early twenties until she meets a vicar and gets married.

As tends to happen, she emerged from her room after literally hours of prep looking nearer 24 than 14.  She was planning on sleeping out at a friend’s, but as often happens I got a text close to midnight asking if I was up and could I pick her up as she was tiered and wanted her own bed rather than her friend’s bedroom floor.  Luckily for her I was, and I have to admit I felt a whole lot better to have her home.  Especially as she regaled with me tales of the police arriving at the party, and everyone being sent home!!  You can imagine how delighted I was about that.

Today has seen the appearance of something not seen for a long time, and very welcome.  That is the sun.  Albeit still cold, the sun has shone today, reminding me that a time other than Winter exists, and making me look forward to the week’s worth of summer that we normally get in May.  Bring it on!  I took full advantage and Oli and I went out for a decent walk earlier, and it seems the mood has gripped the girls too, as Rebecca has also had him out, with Emily threatening to do the same very shortly.  The poor lad won’t have a clue what is going on.

Rebecca and Louise are now backing some scones, so it is a good job I walked off those 80 or so calories on my walk earlier!

honda jazzI’m off to watch some footy now.  Should my team not progress then I shall be feeling more upset than when a Honda Jazz pulls out in front of me.  It will be more like being cut up by a 51 reg Nissan Micra, that has a trilby and a box of tissues on the back shelf, whilst finding that every radio station on the dial is locked into some sort of Coldplay homage.

Till the next time….

A Brazillian With A Sword…Ouch!

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

So I am between jobs.  Albeit for 48 hours, but nevertheless, as intended I left the old place on Friday in a blaze of apathy, and am now having my loins girded for the enslaught of a new challenge tomorrow.

My working time at the old place fizzled out predictably, reflecting my appropriate levels of enthusiasm for the place.  The “leaving do” was a cosy lunch for three at the local Beefeater, where indeed I ate beef.  Luckily one of the three was my boss, and so as work etiquette dictates, those that earn the most pay the bill.  Being a Beefeater we did of course have the option of their set menu, that being –

Prawn Cocktail

Steak

Black Forest Gateaux

However, time was against us, so one course it was, as I had to get back to the office to do some more browsing of the internet to make sure it was all correct.  It wasn’t.

The evening saw me out on the tiles in Manchester for the first time in…well…ever.  This was not my leaving do I hasten to add.  I was driving as my attendance was a last minute decision.  Several colleagues from former employees were out and about, and I decided to tag along, mainly on the promise of a Rusholme curry.

Again, I was thwarted, as by the time we (one other colleague from present place was also going) had set off, the plans had changed, and we were going to eat in central Manchester at three times the price and half the enthusiasm.  Anyway, we started in some aircraft hangar like post modern bar in Piccaddilly (Kro Bar I think…do you get it??) and I willingly handed over the best part of a tenner for a pint of Fosters and a coke.  Colleagues arrived, we chatted, moved on to other bars, I drank more coke, and basically just counted down the minutes until food.  Slightly unfair that as it was good to catch up with folks I hadn’t seen in quite a while.

It turns out we were to be treated to a Brazillian.  I’m all for being neat and tidy but I fear this to be overkill!!

We also ate at a place called Bem Brasil.

bem brasil
With an s not a z

For those familiar with the Floridian equivalent of Texas De Brazil, you will be aware of the idea behind this restaurant.  You pay a set price that you expect to include a week’s accomodation, fill yourself up on cheap salad and soup and then watch blokes walk round with their swords out.

To be fair, it was very nice.  As I was eating with eight drunken blokes, it did turn into an episode of Man Vs Food very quickly, with the last to turn their coaster from green to red deemed the winner.  I counted myself the winner, despite not even bothering the scorers with my volume of food intake,  as shortly after getting to full, I threw (a lot of) some notes onto the table said my goodbyes, and then went to give a nearby car park my next mortgage payment.  There ended my leaving day!  The others I fear went on to who knows what and a large headache!

My one pint of Guinness and all that protein have stayed with me throughout the weekend, but I shall not elaborate on that here.

The other major event linked to my leaving is the lack of IT in the house.  Having handed back my state of the art (ahem) Dell laptop, and my iPhone, the house is bereft of decent devices with which to interact with the internet.  I am typing these words up in the converted loft, on a three year old PC, that has taken all of Saturday to catch up with the world, by way of installing updates for everything on it, and a few for things we don’t have.  We don’t use it a lot these days, and it shows.

We do have other laptops and computers shoved into various cupboards, but they are so old that the porn on them involves not a plumber coming to fix a fridge, but a blacksmith coming round to sort a horse out with his anvil.  I think I might copyright that film idea right there.

So until I turn up tomorrow we have had to endure the loft PC, and I am using Rebecca’s old phone, a Nokia E5.  I’m sure it is fit for purpose and all that, but let me tell you it is crap!!  It still has a good few months to run on the contract, but the chances of me sticking with it for all of those is pretty slim I must say.

For those who can remember as far back as last week, I had been cryptically referring to another job opportunity.  Well, it still exists, and negotiations have been ongoing over the weekend between my people (me) and their people (expensive recruitment agent).  Alas, as we stand we are some way apart on the valuation of me, and amazingly it is I who think I am worth more than they currently offer.  The reason for the oddness of this opportunity is it would involve me working overseas.

So, the compensation for doing so has to be huge, and right now, it isn’t huge enough, so it rests on the back burner and will remain so unless they come back with a number very close to the one I sent back in the last email, with more than a hint of disdain for their offer.  This all sounds very high powered business doesn’t it.  If I had hair, I’d slick it back, put some red braces on and shout agressively into a phone the size of a house brick.  Well, that Nokia E5 is pretty much as much use as one.

Until the opportunity is either finally buried or definitely on, I won’t bore you with any further details, which I’m sure is a blessing all round.

So what has been a very stressful time is hopefully coming to an end.  I just want to know what job I am doing, so I can commit to it, and deal with the relative ups and downs of whichever one it is.  I’m sure I’ll get this “closure” in the next day or so which will be a relief, not least for you dear reader, who is no doubt bored stupid hearing of it, on a blog where I keep saying I don’t do work stuff!!

So I shall leave you now, as Rebecca and I are home alone this evening.  Emily is out at a friends having pizza, sweets and DVDs, which is an odd meal in anyone’s book, and Louise is out at a friend from work’s wedding.  Yes Sunday is an odd day for a wedding, but the bride is up the duff and I suppose time is of the essence!  Either that or Louise is out at Dem Brasil with Dr Kildare from work, admiring the swords on show.

As an aside, for technical reasons that are beyond me, the spell check feature on this here WordPress blog thingy, does not work on this crappy PC, so I apologise now for any glaring errors you have just waded through.

Till the next time…..

Seven Tears, Two Trains and Too many tweets.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I fear that I may have been over active on the media of Twitter and Facebook, especially on Thursday.  I’m afraid this is what happens when you trap me in a steel tube for four hours with only the internet for amusement.  Due to these over frequent updates, you will no doubt have gathered that I was in the capital this week for a “meeting” regarding an “opportunity”.  The existence of those speech marks is probably irrelevant.

There is nothing secret about this opportunity, as I have as you also know already resigned and am preparing to start my new job next week.  However, I just don’t want to jinx anything by talking about it before it is anywhere close to being in the same vicinity as my bag, never mind in that bag.  I will say that the meeting seemed to go OK, and I have just heard that I am through to the next stage of the process next week, again in frickin London, so location aside, that’s pleasing.  This opportunity is quite different to the job I have accepted in many ways, and it would make a significant difference to us as a family in all sorts of ways.  First priority is to get the offer, then decide if it is the thing to do.

Regular readers will know that I am not a fan of these trips to the capital.  By some quirk of the ticket web site I had managed to secure First Class tickets for pence more than standard, so it was slightly more bearable.  Your ticket involves food and WiFi access.  Having done the bare minimum amount of work in the first few moments of the journey down, I was then in the unusual situation of having spare time and the internet.  Usually, whenever I’m on the internet I’m “doing something”, like work, writing stuff for here or the WDW Dads, or looking stuff up.

Having all that time, and all of the internet at my disposal I was a bit lost to be honest.  Discounting all those web sites that men have been known to visit when alone, as this was probably not suitable for the carriage, I found my way to Youtube.  Alas, the internet access was pants, and I spent about two hours buffering.  Now, as I said, I avoided those web sites that usually involve any sort of “buffering”, and doing that for two hours would improbable and impressive in equal measure, so I do mean that the videos were taking an age to load and then freezing half way through.  Very frustrating, as I could easily have busied myself for hours looking at all the sad 80’s bands that I used to love.

You’d be amazed at how many Goombay Dance Band videos you can find!  There simply isn’t enough fire eating in pop these days.

If you do watch that video clip, what a superb week that was in the charts.  So many iconic 80’s songs in the Top Ten in one week.  Most were crap of course, but still iconic.  Haircut One Hundred, The Associates, Tight Fit, ABC…..all songs that are still known and played today.  All topped off of course by the permed fire eating power house that led the Dancers of Goombay.

I shall leave you to ponder which of those songs and artists I actually do like, and which I offer in jest!

In other more important news, Louise’s Mum is on the mend.  She is something close to her old self now, but we are not kidding ourselves that she is out of the woods, so we continue to keep a very close eye on her.  This typically takes the form of Louise spending long periods of time on the phone with her, being told the same tale seventeen times, and then fighting the urge to stick a sharp object in her own eye afterwards.

The week ended with the annual disabling of the entire country by a few flakes of snow.  As well as earning every weather person and reporter invaluable overtime as they stand outside some random location, delivering tales of chaos and calamity, it also introduced Oli to the white stuff for the first time.  He is obsessed!!  He’s spent nearly every waking minute in the back garden, charging around, rolling in it and shoving his nose into it.

Oli snow nose
He nose it's snowing

There are hours of endless fun available now by watching him charge around, slipping and sliding his way from one pile of snow to another, a bit like Frankie Cocozza on a night out I suppose.

So I shall leave you to dig yourselves out of the snow, should you have it, as we are going out tonight.  Due to the complete absence of cash since all this job nonsense started back in November we haven’t been out in ages.  So the plan, Louise tells me, is to go and have some tea somewhere and then the cinema.  We did have a minor disagreement when she came out with the statement “Cos then we won’t need sweets for the cinema”.  I countered with the only phrase that was apt in the face of such lunacy, “Are you out of your mind?”.

I shall be a picking and a mixing tonight.

Till the next time….

 

That was the week that was…bobbins.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

I have to confess to not really being in the mood for my usual jovial glance back at the week just gone.

We’ve had a tough one, starting literally with the week, when Louise’s Mum called us early on Monday morning to say “she wasn’t feeling very well”.  I’m not going to go into loads of detail, but Louise hasn’t stopped all week, backwards and forwards to hospital, after two admissions in the week.  The diagnosis is still quite unclear, ranging from some sort of stroke to meningitis and although she is out of hospital, much the better for the medication, she’s far from right to be honest.

Louise’s Mum stayed with us here one night, in between admissions, and she’s now recuperating with another family member until everyone, including her, feel she is more ready to be home alone.

Add to all this that two other folk I know, one virtually, and one originally virtually but now also in real life, have also had pretty rotten weeks too.  It isn’t my place to outline their events, or even really comment, but the sooner the week is over the better all round I think.  Many of you will know who they are I’m sure.

Other events over the last week then pale into insignificance, and therefore I’ll refrain from rambling on about them here.  Not even a pleasing week of football results can rescue it from the bottom of the league table of weeks.  I can summarise events in one sentence.  Work, waney lap repair success and walking the dog.  To lighten the tone of this post, here is my mate Oli, now six months old, and becoming a very handsome young man, pictured on Saturday morning.

Oli six months
My mate

This may of course lead to a very short entry here, and me feeling that I’m short-changing anyone that cares.  Imagining that anyone does care, and may well be feeling short-changed of anything, I have posted a new article over at The WDW Dads website.  So please head on over there, and have a read by clicking this here link.  It deals with the oft discussed topic of what age is the best to first take your kids to WDW.  Consider it an attempt to inject some magic into a week bereft of any.

So with a respectful nod to friends with crappy news this past week, and a wish for Mary’s return to full health, I give this last week a two-fingered salute and one of my stares.

Onwards and upwards into a new week which will hopefully deliver closure on which bloody job I’ll be doing, and some improvements all round.

Till the next time….

 

Britain’s Got Nothing Better To Do?

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

It’s been a right old week.  As much as it is nice (and welcome) to be popular, this multiple job thing is a toughie.

So I’m working really hard at trying to look busy at the old place, smiling at all the right things, feigning the appropriate level of concern at others, and above all else trying to keep up the thin charade that I really give a rat’s ass.  On top of that, I’ve been to see my new place a couple of times, and despite not getting paid by them for some weeks, I’ve picked some work from there, which is hampered mainly by the fact that I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing in new world yet.

Add to all of that a week of second and third interviews, and ridiculous psychometric tests at my other “opportunity”, and all the brain power needed to think about which job I’d take where I to get both, I’ve certainly had less stressful weeks.  With me, stress does not deliver handy side benefits like not eating so that I emerge some weeks later with the body of Russell Brand.  No, stress for me represents itself in the form of binge eating and acne!!  Yes, acne!!  So despite turning up for these interviews looking like some plague ridden fatty, somehow I managed to get myself a second job offer.

That really put the cat amongst the pigeons.  However, after due consideration, I stuck with my original offer, and politely turned the second one down.  Financially both were similar, but the second one, frankly, sounded really hard, and so, like the big girl’s blouse that I am, I opted for what appears to be the path of least resistance.

You’d think having two offers was more than enough for anyone in these tough times, and believe me I have no clue how this has happened.  For many weeks prior to this employers were literally making a point of not urinating on me despite being metaphorically on fire.  Then, of course, to continue the overuse of metaphors, three come along at once.

What’s that?  Three you say?  Well nearly.  I have one last iron in the fire which won’t come to fruition for a couple of weeks, and this one truly is a game changer in many ways, not least salary wise, but also in lots of other ways which I won’t bore anyone with until (and if) it becomes relevant.  I suspect it won’t!

This hectic week was rounded off back in the office on Friday, where the normally fairly quiet and peaceful vistas of Salford Quays were overrun with badly dressed disillusioned Jeremy Kylers, as Ant ‘n’ Dec had brought the Britain’s Got Talent juggernaut to my offices.  I work in a seven storey building right opposite the Lowry Theatre, and in reception is a “function room” which had for the day been converted into a holding pen for the intellectually challenged folks trying to get Cowell’s attention by passing coat hangers through their nasal cavity or similar.  After being kept waiting in this corporate wasteland for several hours they were then escorted across the plaza into the theatre itself to perform.

BGT Q
BGT Q

As much as this made any lunch time outings an assault course, it did mean that the three-hour sales meeting in the morning had a welcome distraction, as I could giggle at the seemingly endless hordes of no hopers willing to stand in the absolutely persistent rain that did not let up for one second.

This made the meeting go quite quickly if I’m honest.  I will admit that me taking photos out of the window may have given the game away that I wasn’t giving the subject at hand all my attention, but hey, what are they gonna do, sack me?

At lunch time I did venture out, and the entire area was like a cross between some scene from The Lord of The Rings and a Jerry Springer marathon.  Some “acts” had animals with them, some family were pushing some huge “thing” up the side of the theatre, with two young kids, obviously wearing some spangly affair under the coats.  Lord knows what they would be doing.  Hopefully it was some sort of Weapon of Mass Destruction to be unleashed on Cowell whenever he deigned to appear later into the day.

The first seven or eight hours seems to be run by hundreds of “Crew” who had an average age of around fourteen, but all had headsets and earnest expressions as they herded Albert the Spoon Playing Albino Dwarf across the slippery concrete expanse outside the Lowry Theatre.  That’s showbiz.

Even as I left (which to be honest, was a little earlier than I should have), it was still ram packed all around, with the surrounding restaurants doing a roaring trade.  It will take them days to sweep up all the glitter from those dance troops though.

I will say that the mechanics of it all it very impressive, and how they get a rabble like that into any sort of order to milk hours of TV out of it, I’ll never know.  It may be crass, intelligence insulting bilge, but it is well organised crass, intelligence insulting bilge.

I wonder how many of today’s true global superstars can say their careers started off in a drizzly, windy and cold Salford under an umbrella.

BGT Q2
BGT Q2

Still, just think, these auditions may uncover a new star, maybe the next Coldplay?  I rest my case!!

Till the next time…..

 

Wake me up when it’s over!

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

They say that the most stressful things in life are divorce, changing jobs and moving house.   Never ones to do things by half, it would appear we’re attempting two of those three at the same time.  I shall leave you to guess which two.  Depending on how these two go, we may end up with a full house anyway!!

It has been a badly veiled secret that I have not been in love with my job for some time, and without overtly stating it here, it will have been obvious to everyone and anyone that I’ve been assessing my options!  Having been at this whole assessing lark since late November I have established the following truths –

1.  Most recruitment agents are absolute teapot du chocolat style wastages of air. (For balance I have come across a couple who are also outstanding, professional, knowledgable and very well-connected, and I thank them!!)

2.  Searching for a new job is a full-time job.

3.  I am sick to death of talking about myself endlessly in a bid to convince someone to give me lots of money.

resignHowever, after all this effort, some fool has agreed to pay me money to turn up at their offices, and their offer is more attractive to me than my current one, which to be honest didn’t take a lot.  So last  week I resigned.  It felt goooooood.

I have been sworn to secrecy until work can come up with a plan of how to communicate this to the troops, and have some sort of plan in place for the future.  Having had to bite my tongue all last week, and keep up the (very thin) charade of giving a toss, I’m bored now, and should some work related folks stumble across this here blog then so be it.

Having badly broken my promise of not doing work stuff in this blog, I won’t go into details of who I’ll be working for.  Firstly, no-one really cares, but also selfishly, I have some other irons in the fire over the next week or so which may result in me having a choice, so I don’t want to jump any guns until the plump lady has cleared her throat for a rendition of  “You can shove your job up your arse!”

Last Friday saw the last few folks affected by the recent redundancies that started my job hunt, leave the business, and I am really chuffed that they have nearly all found alternate/better employment.  There are a couple still looking, and it can only be a matter of time as they are excellent at what they do!

So, amidst all the rigmarole of trying to find employment elsewhere, Louise and I have come to the conclusion that we need to move house.  I would dearly love to do just that, and pick our house up and put it where we want to move to, but alas, that is not possible.  We need to be only a mile or so down the road, nearer to schools and parents for lots of logistical reasons, so it looks like we will have to endure the horrors of moving house.

for sale signWe have been valued (again, as we’ve tried this before), and today has been a solid twelve hours of cleansing, clearing and preening the house ready for the photos to be taken tomorrow.  This must be like being Peter Andre, and having OK round snapping your house.  The only difference is that he uses someone else’s house that has been professionally cleaned!! Plus of course I have a better physique!

I am now of course on first name terms with the high vis guy at the local tip who tells everyone which container to shove stuff, and Louise hasn’t stopped today. Even now I can hear the distant hum of the Dyson, as she removes evidence of the house ever being lived in.

So there we go, that is how we have come to undertake two of the most stressful things in life at the same time.  We have a track record in this regard, as many years ago, it all came to a head (literally) as Rebecca was born three days before we moved, so that was a calm relaxed time too!

Having moaned, I must say that me not changing my job would have been stressful in a different way, so I’m not complaining about that bit.  I will complain lots about every aspect of moving house as I hate it with a passion.  However, it is a necessary evil, and in the end it will simplify and de-stress our day-to-day lives if we can get somewhere suitable within walking distance of school, and as close as possible to our parents, so that we can look after them, as required in years to come, and in the meantime they can help with the kids and the dog!  Seems like a fair trade to me.

It seems not eighteen months since you last had to endure me working my notice, and I apologise that you must go through that again so soon.  On the bright side, I need only work one month of notice this time rather than three, so that should give us all a decent chance of getting through it with our mental health intact.  Let us hope that we need never speak of such things again for quite some time once this is done.

So having already today, painted, visited the tip, been to Tesco, taken Emily to take some more photos for her coursework, made the tea (a fine Sunday roast even if I say so myself), arranged a babysitter for Oli tomorrow so he doesn’t eat the estate agent, tidied a bit and written this, I still have stuff to do so I must leave you.

Till the next time…..

 

Waney Lap…whoever he is.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

As I settle down to write this week’s blog, you may be intrigued to learn that I’m very stiff.  Before your minds run away with you, and my female readers implode in a frenzy of mental images and hot sweats, this is because this weekend I have done my first bit of exercise for many a month.

This onslaught was brought on of course by the excess of Christmas, but it was brought into sharp focus this week, when I had to wear a tie for the first time in about four years.  Ties have long since been surplus to requirements as part of my working life, but I had to go somewhere this week that required one.  This formal occasion was sort of work related, and will hopefully expedite my escape from the morale and sanity sapping existence I endure Monday to Friday right now.

So having spent the usual few minutes getting showered and dressed in preparation, it then took about another half hour to actually fasten my top button!  Once I’d woken from the blood loss induced coma, I then struggled through the day without turning my head!  This episode sort of brought it home that I need to shed a few pounds…probably a couple of dozen.  So, even though I hate being part of the cliché that is a new year diet regime, I’m in it, and I’ve eaten just a little bit less.  With a workout on Saturday and a long walk with Oli today, the scales are showing a slightly lower number than last week, so that’s a relief.  A long, long way to go though.

So I’ve continued to work on my escape plan, and although I always say I don’t do work stuff here, it will be no surprise to you that I’m exploring opportunities elsewhere, and hope to have positive news shortly.

The first week back at work, as horrific as it was, was softened by it only being for four days, and having traffic on the roads that would be very tolerable were that to be the norm.  Add to that the progress made with a couple of escape routes, and it could have been a lot worse.  The girls have been off all week too, and this has added to the gentle introduction to the new working year.  Not having to wrench them from their pits at a silly hour means the early morning routine is much less stressful.  With them at home, it also means I don’t have to walk the dog before work, as in theory they are at home to walk him.  That theory sometimes needs a little encouragement!

Tomorrow may well be a shock to their systems as the last time they did not wake up of their own volition was December the 23rd!

It was my Dad’s birthday this week, and I do feel sorry for him, as it tends to get a little lost in the end of Xmas, decoration removing, diet starting apocalypse.  I popped round with his customary golf related gift and card, pleased to see he’s more or less recovered from his proper man flu that besmirched his New Year.

We’ve had quite a relaxing weekend, which you could translate to, we don’t have any cash to do anything exciting.  As a result of the excessive wind of late, we were missing  a panel of fencing in the back garden.  I have since birth (or shortly afterwards) understood this type of fencing to be called Waney Lat.  It is only the writing of this blog entry that has taken me to google to find out how to spell it properly, and it would appear that the correct technical term is Waney Lap.  Now that makes no sense whatsoever, but I sit, stiffly corrected.

Waney Lap Fence
Yes of course this is our garden!

My first job today was to effect a repair otherwise Oli would be leaving deposits in next door’s garden, and with the size of him now, they don’t want that.  It takes two people to clear them up!

I think they could introduce this activity into the Olympics this summer.  I’m sure had any of the neighbours been watching from a window, they would have been highly entertained as I attempted to slot the bugger back into place all on my own.  Imagine if you will, a portly bald fella holding a fencing panel across his body, waddling around the garden at the behest of every breath of wind, trying desperately to lift it high enough to slot it into the grooves on either side.  Now, imagine every swear word you have ever known, and them being shouted loudly as it falls back to the ground for the sixth time.

Should it become an Olympic event, it shall be yet another sport at which I have not been naturally blessed.  I returned to the warmth of the house some many minutes later, with grazed knuckles, dirty pants (yes, soiled, but not in a bad way), and muddy shoes.  Oli had spent this time exploring next door for the last time before his escape route was cruelly shut off.

With that one job off my task list, it barely made a dent in the long list of stuff that is currently either slightly or totally broken in our house.  We have a temperamental shower, a fridge with a door averse to shutting, a broken lamp, several bulbs that need replacing and Louise’s car is in for a service/Mot/Highway robbery in a couple of weeks with a list of minor issues to investigate.

So having missed all of Dancing on Ice by writing this, I consider that job done.  Now, on our telly, I’m watching two vacuous effeminate chaps trying to groom three women into looking like Beyonce.Yes, that’s correct they have commissioned such a programme.  The three contenders look like Beyonce about as much as I do, and of the three frankly I have the nicest bum.  The programme appears to be called Bigger than Beyonce and I can confirm that indeed all the contestants are, by quite some margin.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….TV will eat itself, and judging by these hopefuls, it is about the only thing they haven’t yet eaten.  I appreciate I sit within a very glass house in that respect, but I am not flouting myself on national TV in some sort of looky likey travesty.  If I were, then maybe Bigger than Brian Glover may be more appropriate?  Go on, Google him.  Although Louise always says I look like Gok Wan.  If that isn’t grounds for divorce then I don’t know what is.

Till the next time…..

 

2011 in review – thanks to all who came along.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for my blog.  Silly numbers, and I thank everyone who bothered to come and read this stuff.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 44,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 16 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

The longest break between food has been whilst writing this….

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

I appear to have blinked and missed Christmas.  I know I am of an age now, but wow, it flashed by in a blur of calories and crap telly.  All of a sudden it is Wednesday, my holiday is half over (or only half gone depending on your outlook on life I suppose) and I am well into my second stone of weight gain.

As brief as it seemed it was very enjoyable, with Christmas Eve Eve spent with a takeaway, my annual Baileys and the new Peter Kay DVD.  He is still one of the few comedians who can make me laugh out loud.  Being more or less exactly the same age, and from the same town some of his references to his childhood etc do strike very close to home.  We did have a very similar childhood!

From that point on, I have never let my belly get any less than half full.

If we thought for one second that now we have very grown up teenagers that the excitement levels would diminish in the run up, we were very wrong.  Rebecca was excited enough for the two of them in the days preceding the big day, and having asked what time she was allowed to get up on Christmas morning, she arrived at our door at exactly 7.00am!  Emily was behind her, doing her level best to cope with the early hour whilst remaining something close to festive.  As usual no-one is allowed in the front room until Dad has been in to “make sure he’s been”, and to switch on the lights.

So, what was months of build up, present planning and buying, came to fruition in thirty second  frenzy of wrapping paper, especially from Rebecca’s side of the room.

Rebecca's presents
All present and correct

She is a full blown force of nature when it comes to opening presents.  Emily is much more measured.  Whether they have been aged fourteen and sixteen or four and six, this has always been the case.

Emily's presents
Ooh my piles!

One thing that has changed is that these piles are getting smaller.  These days they tend to contain fewer more expensive presents, whereas a decade ago, they literally had half of the room each filled with endless dolls and tat that I would then spend all day un-packaging.

This year, the main gifts were an iPhone 4S for Rebecca and a new “proper” camera for Emily, a Nikon D3000.  As ever, the look of proper shock and surprise from both upon opening these was worth the expense.  Yep, Louise and I are a collective soft touch.

We also had a new family member to buy for!

Once he’d got bored with that present, he looked around for entertainment elsewhere.

The day then went like this.

Breakfast was with my Mum and Dad, where once again I bedazzled everyone with the Benediction of some eggs.  They left us around lunch time, to enable us to either start making “the dinner” or sit and watch telly drinking a gin and tonic.  I shall let you draw your own conclusions as to which option I went for.

Louise’s mum joined us mid afternoon, and with a few minutes to go, I ventured into the kitchen to do manly things like carve some meat, and pick the best seat at the table.  The meal itself was a delight, and from our cocktail of prawns (a Grandma tradition), through the traditional turkey fest and onto the unneccessary yet obligatory dessert, I showed great stamina to keep going to the very end, however I fell at the final hurdle made of cheese and crackers.

The evening consisted of a walk of the dog, and a bum on the couch.  I endured as much of Downtown as I could, before making a run for the hills (bed) when I realised it was a two-hour “spectacular”.  There are only so many stiff uppers I can stomach in one go.  So I read my book (a present from Louise) for a while before placing my stomach on the mattress next to me and drifting off to a dream about leftovers.

Muddy Oli
His head was the clean bit....

On Boxing Day, we didn’t do much to be honest, other than take Oli out for a bracing and lengthy walk around a local reservoir.  He got a bit muddy.

So after an hour’s walk, there then followed a bath of around the same length.  From that point on, we’ve pretty much not done a great deal.  Louise did somehow manage to persuade me to go into town yesterday, as she had some vouchers to spend with a 24 hour expiry period (apparently).  We survived, albeit with a very close call on me spending a silly amount of money on a new coat.  It was on the wrong rack, and so the price I thought I’d be paying was almost double that amount when I got to the till.  I declined, almost politely.

Today, alas Louise was back in work (ah the perils of serving the public) so I spent the morning doing a couple of errands, and some washing (yes, I am THAT considerate), before settling in for a lengthy session my newly acquired Modern Warfare 3.  A Christmas tradition for me.

So here I sit, surrounded by sweets of all kinds, having just polished off some cheese and biscuits that I clearly didn’t need, after necking a large tea only a couple of hours before.  Somebody stop me!!!

So I have to go now to plan my outfit for the New Year’s Eve extravaganza celebration which will involve a helicopter arrival at some star-studded do, rubbing shoulders with celebs whilst quaffing expensive bubbly and posh nibbly food that isn’t from Iceland!!  Either that or I’ll be sat on my couch berating the shocking quality of telly on New Year’s Eve whilst increasing my waistline by another belt notch or two.  Don’t be jealous.  I hope your celebrations go well, and your new year even better.

Till the next time….

It turns out, I am not the voice.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

Another week filled with medical news and hospital updates for us.  After another four days sat waiting for further scannage, my Mum is finally home.  Hopefully now, she can enjoy a pain-free, non A&E Christmas!!  Let’s hope I need blog of hospitals, doctors or the like for quite some time now.

Oli at 8 weeks
He used to look like this.....

You haven’t had an Oli update for at least a few hours so I’ve done some videos of him for today’s post.  I am aware that I am becoming a bit of a bore when it comes to Oli.  We were out last night (more of that later) and I found myself showing folks photos and videos of him on my phone.  If that was you I apologise, and the search for my life continues!

Yesterday Oli and I ventured out onto the local park in the freezing cold and snow to get him nice and dirty ready for his bath when we got back in.  Post bath, once he’s shaken himself over every inch of the house we then always put the fire on so he can dry off nicely!  It makes him all sleepy!

Once he’d had a little nod and got all nice and fluffy again, he was ready for a roll around on the rug, and if you have the patience to stick with this one till the end, he does like to torment a cat or two when he’s in the mood.

Enough of me being a dog bore!!  Let’s move on to me being a bore about other subjects!

We had a night out last night.  That in itself is quite unusual, but in light of recent events and malcontent, it turned out to be what’s called a “nice change”, even if we were perhaps not the world’s most exciting company.  Our lack of practice at this stuff meant that Louise and I were ready for bed at around 10pm, and had to dig deep for a second wind, which spookily I rediscovered this morning on the loo after too much Guinness!

The evening started off with chatter, some lovely food, and drinkies.  It slid inexorably towards silliness through a Christmas quiz, boys versus girls, in which the male types prevailed (what do you mean I shouldn’t have been Googling for answers on my phone?  that’s called being resourceful), a brief stop at Pass the Parcel, which somehow involved taking shots on board with every layer removed, and then inevitably towards the messy car crash that was SingStar.

Having avoided the microphone quite well for some time, the fickle finger picked me out eventually, and as a decent representation of my luck right now, it was no easy ballad in my key (Wandering Star would have been nice) I was landed with a song that no male on the planet is able to sing without surgical alteration.

Thankfully, by this time, everybody was on the wrong side of sober, and didn’t notice me miming like some sort of slightly flabby, paler Milli Vanilli.  I then bowed out gracefully to witness renditions of true Karaoke classics, rounded off by the loudest version of Never Forget since the last time someone did it on Karaoke.  Somehow it became 2am, and we taxied ourselves home and fell into bed.

So today is one of those lazy days with Christmas films on the telly right now (The Grinch currently), with Emily and her friend Laura regressing from sixteen to six again.  Rebecca has gone back to bed after her night out at a party last night, and Louise also seems to have retreated under the duvet, having told me she doesn’t know why she is hung over!!  I suppose if you get so drunk that you can’t remember you were drunk then that makes sense??

I finish for Christmas on Thursday and never have I been so happy to not be at work, as I will be at that time.  I continue to work on my escape plan.  Next Sunday is the big day, and that means there shall be no bloggage on that day.  I warn you of that fact as I know you’d all be rushing to your computers to read it otherwise, sacrificing the Queen’s Speech for Mkingdon nonsense.  What else would you be doing?

As I’m going to be off work for the duration, you will never know when one of these inane posts will appear over the festive period.  It shall be like some unwelcome relative turning up on your doorstep unannounced.  You have been warned.

Till the next time….

There is a light that always goes out….

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Being of an OCD nature, with more than a hint of Virgo, I apparently seek perfection in all things, and I am not comfortable with things being incomplete or broken.

I plead guilty to most of that to be honest.

So, already feeling that the Gods are toying with me at present, seeing what new wretchedness they can bestow upon me for their own pleasure, I have developed a theory, based solely upon our dining room light fitting.

It is relatively important to me that things function correctly, and are as they should be, so I am a slave to B&Q each time a bulb goes out around the house.  So this here dining room light fitting is currently funding the fat cat bonus of Messrs B & Q.  Every sodding time I replace one bulb, within twenty-four hours, the one next to it  (it’s always the one next to it) goes out.

light
It mocks me

So I now have two choices.  I can either throw another three quid down the swanny, (as they do not sell bulbs in single packs) whilst octogenarian shop assistants chuckle under their breath at the B&Q warehouse, or I can simply never again look upwards in our dining room.  Thinking about it, I bought the bloody light fitting from B&Q too, so have they devised an ingenious money-making scam, where the sale of a fitting continues to generate revenue for them on a weekly basis?  I both hate and envy them in equal measure.

For now, let’s see who blinks first in this stand-off where I am refusing to buy another bloody bulb any time soon.

It has been a relatively uneventful and unjoyful week, as most of it was spent in work, uncovering fresh misery upon misery each and every day.  To add to this nonsense and the light bulb persecution, our potentially restful Sunday was hijacked at around lunchtime.  I was due to pick my Dad up from his golf club after his annual “whiskey do”.

This whiskey do involves a round of golf where the winners of each hole take a shot of whiskey.  Then back in the clubhouse the whiskey continues to flow, guaranteeing that those participating will be in no fit state to drive home.  As the weather has been shocking, I decided to call my Mum at lunchtime to see if the golf had been cancelled, meaning I wouldn’t need to make the trip and scrape my Dad off the nineteenth tee.

It turned out that she was having a recurrence of her troubles from last week, and requested that someone took her to the hospital.  So Louise did that, whilst I waited for Dad to phone after his golf to be collected.  Upon collecting him it soon became apparent that he’d had a successful round of golf, and taken on board a fair amount of whiskey.  I informed him that his planned afternoon of sleep and hangover cultivation was cancelled and we were headed for the A&E.

We met up with Louise and Mum there, and did us some waiting.  My Dad, having had fifteen whiskies was probably in the right place, because had I consumed that, I would need to go to A&E too.  He was definitely worse for wear, and I’m not convinced he really knew what was going on.  After some doctorage, we left them at the hospital for tests etc and went home.  Within half an hour of being home (it takes half an hour to drive to or from the hospital), Dad called saying that he didn’t feel great, and could we go and get him!!!  We did, with me dropping him at home, and Louise waiting with Mum.  Are you keeping up so far?

Eventually, some hours later, Louise has arrived home, leaving Mum for more testage and treatment.  She’ll need picking up later, but fear not, I have asked my brother if he’ll step up for that one, as frankly neither of us want to do that journey again today.

So, no-one knows what’s up with Mum right now, and I think that is the worst thing for her, as that causes more worry.  Hopefully they’ll get somewhere near to the bottom of it for the sake of her peace of mind.

I suspect come tomorrow morning, whatever the outcome at the hospital, my Dad will feel the worst of the two.  If the hangover doesn’t get him then my Mum will!!

I’m hopeful for a more positive and rewarding week to come, and surely on the law of averages, that has to happen sometime soon.

Till the next time…..

Deck my balls with boughs of holly….

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Alas the lottery balls have denied me the joy of telling work to place their job anywhere north of the sphincter.  The hope I invest in this each week is beyond sad, and until the balls drop on a Saturday evening, in my mind it is a valid route out of a Monday morning.

As you may have predicted the working week was spectacularly poor.  There have been smatterings of good news, with many of my guys affected quickly finding new jobs.  I have greeted these bits of news with a mixture of definite pleasure, and just a little jealousy.  Until I get that lucky, I am enslaved to “work through it”, so onwards I trudge.

My “no work here” rule is under strain, as I could quite easily wax lyrical for quite some time on the reasons that I would literally rather be anywhere else but at work tomorrow, but I shall resist.  No doubt many of you dear readers feel the same, so it would be selfish to do so.

With a veil thrown jauntily over the working week, other news this week was also on the bad side.  Late on Friday night, my Mum was taken into hospital.  She was suffering from some serious abdominal pains, and she was admitted for prodding and testage.  I popped up to see her today, and she seems much better, but is waiting for more scanning to see what on earth it was.  It seems the immediate problem has gone but it would be good of course to find out what the underlying problem was/is.

Having done the visiting thing for an hour or so, Emily I then picked up a new Christmas tree.  We binned our long serving model a couple of years ago, and had a real one last year, but the thought of having both a real xmas tree, and a four-month old puppy in the same house is perhaps not the most sensible idea.  So we’ve (heavily) invested in a new unreal tree.  To get suitable value from the investment, I shall expect my great grand children to be gathered around this bloody tree in decades to come!!

Really, it is just some metal rods with green bits stuck to it.  We left the decoration of the tree mainly to the girls this year, once I’d done the annual wrestle with the lights, and other erection grunt work.  Apologies for the very poor quality snap, but it looks pretty good (honest).

xmas tree
Less blurred in real life

As some sort of well-timed mood setter, it is now snowing outside.  All we need now is three pints of advocat and Shakin’ Stevens to turn up and it’s just like Christmas used to be in the good old days.

So Christmas is on officially, and I welcome its arrival with open arms for many reasons –

1.  I will be off work for almost two weeks

2.  It involves lots of food

3.  It signals the end of what is essentially four months solid of reality TV.

Plus, on January 2nd I like to see if I have won a favourite game of mine.  It is called, which tragic minor celeb has released a fitness DVD for 2012.  Amongst the Hoseasons adverts and that bloody Martine McCutcheon plugging some white gloop that does you good, there is always at least half a dozen Davina’s pushing their lycra clad exertions, with them air brushed within an inch of their lives on the DVD cover.

My predictions for 2012 are –

1.  Any one of the vacuous skin wastages from The Only Way is Essex.

2.  Fatima Whitbread, and by the way, I have an exclusive sneak peak of that one…..

 

3.  Russell Grant  (yes, he’ll milk this five minutes for all it’s worth).

What are your predictions then??

Till the next time…..

Woeful Weeks and other words starting with W.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Hello again.  I am back.

Apologies for my absence over the past week….what do you mean you hadn’t noticed???  In the great scheme of things, me missing a blog one week isn’t even a pimple on the arse end of the universe, but I just couldn’t bring myself to put fingers to keys last Sunday.  Why??  Well, I knew at that point that I was in for an awful, awful week at work, and my head and heart weren’t on anything else.

I already knew at that point that on Tuesday we were to deliver some horrible news to many folks at work, which would lead to them all having to find jobs elsewhere.  I too am affected, being officially “at risk”, but I have a role I have been invited to “apply for”, and so I know we will have funds coming in for the forseeable, albeit at a reduced rate than we are used to.  As I always say, I don’t do work stuff on here, so I’ll not continue the story.  I will say that the sheer horror of last week isn’t something I can capture here, or some of the very, very dark places it took me.  Thankfully it is behind me now, and I suppose next week can only be better, if only by small degrees.  I suppose you know when real life stuff gets tough, as my nonsense via Twitter and Facebook stop!!

I’ve been through this a few times before at my old place, but being a much bigger outfit, it felt very much like I was “processing” folks as I just didn’t know them that well.  I know that is awful, but simply true.  This time, the company is much smaller, and it is all very raw.

So as you can imagine, these events have pretty much dominated our lives for the last week or two, so I haven’t got much else to report.  However, we’ve been photographing more doors today, and we’ve been walking Oli some more.  Last weekend, we took him out around the Jumbles Reservoir, and half way round we gave him a go off the lead for the first time ever.   I had my young and athletic frame poised to chase the little bugger the three miles home.  Thankfully, for my wobbly bit’s sake, he was brill.

He just trotted alongside us, never ventured out of sight, and acted like he’d been doing exactly this for years.  Unless you are one of our three cats then he is pretty much the ideal dog.  As far as the cats go, well he is pretty much making their lives a misery!!  He does just want to be friendly, but as he is now three times the size of them, I can see how he could appear a little intimidating!!

It is good fun to watch anyway!!

Harry Styles
A fine dicky

In other news, it would appear that my obsessive nature is pretty much passed down a generation to Emily.  As you may have noticed, once I get an interest in something, I tend to fixate on it.  Hence over a decade of Disney obsession and trip reports.  Emily tends to do a similar thing with bands.  Usually it is some black clothed loons called Death Rot and Garbage, but right now, she is absolutely engrossed in One Direction!!  Reconcile that with the fact that her usual taste is My Chemical Romance, Asking Alexandra, Panic at the Disco and Paramore, with the odd brush with screamo crap along the lines of Bring Me The Horizon.

With hormones a raging, if Harry Styles were to be locked in a room with Emily I fear for his safety.  He happens to be a member of said One Direction.  Ah the follies of youth.  Imagine my fixation with Disney and multiply it by a hundred.  I figure that her obsession will burn a much shorter life than my Disney thing,  as that is here to stay, but I’ll hazard a guess it will cost her a lot less money!!

So next week is looking full of trying to help those affected find a job.  I did quite a bit of this last week too, and thankfully many are well on the way to something else.  Having recruited most of them, and worked with all of them for some time, calling up anyone I know who might be able to help, and getting agencies in to talk with them is easy to do, and pretty much the least I could do.  When I’m not doing that, I’m doing a fair bit of job searching myself, as I would be silly not to!!  Who knows now when the reaper will come calling for me!  I’ve got a pretty good idea when actually!

In addition to all of that, I’m also tasked with working out how we continue to do what we do today without all these folks being around!!  I think the term for that is insult to injury!!

So I’m very aware this week’s post is a bit “woe is me”, so I’m sorry about that.  No doubt as the days go on, and my head continues to wrap itself around all this, I’ll be back on form in terms of moany tweets, and sarcastic facebook updates.  You have been warned.

As they say, there is always someone worse off than yourself, and I’m absolutely sure that is the case, as I’m working with some of them at the moment.  As concerned as I am for our own fortunes, I have to tell myself it could have been a damn sight worse, and take the chance to proactively get a plan in place just in case this is going to be a death by a thousand cuts!

Right, enough of this stuff, it is what it is.  I shall rev my sarcasm and pithiness back up to ten, and perhaps watch the X factor later so I can tweet myself back to form.  I always feel better after being sarcastic and nasty about people who will never know or care about my opinion!!

Till the next time……

I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll photograph your door!

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

How’s your Sunday been?  I have spent mine taking photos of doors.  No, worse than that, I have spent mine watching someone take photos of doors!!

I’ve been driving Emily around trying to find her interesting doors to take photos off.  This isn’t some sort of Jim Morrison pilgrimage, no, it is for her Photography course.  Her first project is on the subject of doors.  You would not imagine the numerous ways, angles, scenarios and locations in which one can photograph a door.  I do.

I have had to explain several times to worried looking residents/park keepers/pub owners that we are not casing the joint in any way.  We are not some sort of Kick Ass style father and daughter crime team.  Instead, I have a daughter lucky enough to be able to study something she likes.

Anyway, here are a couple of my favourites.  I have no idea if they are any good from a technical point of view, but I like them.

Emily door 1

Emily Project 2

There are 136 others that I shall not share!!  By the way, both of those were taken at the local church were Louise and I were married!  Cute innit?  It was a new build back then.

Emily’s interest in photography is going to cost me, literally.  She feels she now needs to progress onto to a “proper camera” and get an SLR, rather than the bridge she has right now.  That’s her Christmas sorted out then.

For those of a photographic bent, she is probably going to get a Nikon D3000.  I’ve spent most of this week consulting with my vast army of photographic expert friends….both of them!!  The chances of me blowing one of my xmas gifts on something for school back in the day would have been nil.  This is mainly as I took History, Economics and English Lit!!  These new fandangled subjects!!

Rebecca is much more traditional in her giftage.  Yep, quite predictable really.  Just an iPhone 4S please Dad!!  Nice.

Oli’s growth continues in Digby style progress.  He doesn’t like going for baths, as evidenced by the look in his eyes here, which says, just wait until I’m bigger than you!!

Oli after bath
Revenge shall be mine!!

He really has become part of the family now.  I shall take a chance and declare him fully house trained!!  He has been for a good few weeks now, but the real proof was that we woke on Friday morning to find him lay at the side of our bed fast asleep.  Some idiot had left one of his cage doors open (dunno who that might have been!!) and he had at some point in the night wandered out and settled down in our bedroom.

Not one piddle or poop was had until we got up and let him out the back door.  He shall be allowed to stay after all.

Later tonight, the reality TV trilogy is complete with the arrival of the Jungle thing.  With Strictly, X Shambles and I’m a Celeb, there shall not be one inch of TV between now and Christmas without some celeb gyrating or eating something unmentionable or a celeb wannabe making something their own.  As you may have noticed, my tolerance for X Factor is very low, but now I am officially middle-aged I can tolerate Strictly most weeks, and, not that I will have a choice, but I can watch most of the Jungle stuff without poking my eyes out with a rusty fork.

I already know who we shall be supporting.  In our house it goes off who is “fit” and therefore Emily has declared that the Williams household shall be team Poynter.  For those who don’t know (yet) who he is, he plays bass in McFly.  It would seem that McFly have decided to embrace reality TV in a big way whilst still actually in the middle of their careers rather than after them.

Without getting too analytical about this (I don’t wish to appear sad!) but this is quite astute really.  As they mature, and leave behind some of the tweens they built their careers on, they now need to establish a wider fan base, who will buy their albums for the next ten years or so.  You may not remember that Danny off of McFly did the Popstar to Opera Star thing, Harry is currently in Strictly having to dance with that ugly bird with the bright coloured hair(!!), and now Dougie does the Jungle.

At the risk of extending this image of being a sad git, I quite like McFly.  They write some “proper songs” with  melodies and choruses, like in the good old days.  We are almost related too, as Danny’s Mum & Dad live around the corner from Louise’s Mum!!  I’m not one to name drop of course.  See, I can be in touch with the kid’s music in some instances.  However, in other instances, I can only shake my head at the ludicrous nature of the music industry, as evidenced best by the mere existence of Professor Green and his comedy rap accent.  He’s like a character off a comedy sketch show!!

As someone once said, Pop will eat itself.

Till the Next Time……

A party, and people looking at a pair of puppies.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

So as I come to fill another blank post with nonsense, I am on the couch, with Emily sat three feet from the TV, watching Peter Pan for the gabillionth time.  Her crush on the actor playing Peter is beyond measure.  The fact that he’s now 37, bald, and sixteen stone is something that I will keep from her for a little longer.

peter pan
and she hates Wendy!

I think that watching the same thing over and over is something that the generation younger than me have perfected.  It is only in the last ten to fifteen years that it has seemingly become acceptable to watch the same things again and again.  I suppose with advent of 24 hour TV and hundreds of channels, there would never be enough content to fill them all with unique stuff.  I admit to watching the odd episode of Champion the Wonder Horse more than once in my youth, but really, my girls have seen some films literally dozens of times, and still seem  happy to sit through them again.

It all started with Barney for us.  Every breakfast time, we were subjected to that overly sweet subject matter, and by the time they were ready to progress onto something slightly more mature, we’d seen every episode a good twenty times each.  As for episodes of stuff like The Suite Life of Hannah McGuire or whatever gets played on the Disney Channel, well, there are several episodes of those that I know all the words to.

We’ve just sat through most of Open Season, and all of the Grinch, as it seems today has been a relative day of rest following a very busy Saturday, and last few weeks.  This is because yesterday we hosted the party for Louise’s Mum’s 80th.  This involved over 40 folk cramming into our house for several hours.  It also involved about three weeks solid prep, and about six hours of the hardest work I’ve done in a while.  Constantly topping up everyone’s glass, warming and serving food, all whilst navigating a house made for four not forty is bloody hard work!

Mary's 80th party
See if you can spot me...

It all went very well to be honest, and the birthday girl was delighted.  All the guests seemed to enjoy themselves, and we kicked the last ones out (politely) at around 8pm, having opened the doors just after 1pm.  We were absolutely shattered!!

As you can imagine, this morning consisted of much tidying of all varieties.  We escaped with a small amount of collateral damage to the house it seems, and I’ll be ready to do it all again in another 80 years or so.

Today then, having reconstructed the house, returned the glasses we hired, and undertaken the big shop, the day has been quite restful.  This afternoon we went to a local park with Oli, and met up with my brother and his family, so that Oli could meet his cousin, Baxter.  He is a couple of weeks younger than Oli, and if Oli had a pocket, Baxter would quite easily fit inside it.

Still, they seemed to get on OK, after an initial bit of timidness on both sides.  Oli is a big softie, and when out for walks will sit down and wait for a car to pass as he isn’t keen on the noise.  This can make walks last about two weeks each.

Anyway, he doesn’t mind actually riding in a car, and here is about to set off for the park.  Ignore my hand showing at the top of the pic, I was trying to block out the low winter sun which was coming in right down the camera.

Oli at car
Mondeo Mutt

Once we got to the park, this is the calm, sedate way in which Oli and Baxter introduced themselves!!

With two little cuties with us, our walk around the park was constantly interrupted with folks wanting to have a look at the puppies and have a stroke.  Louise, and my sister-in-law Paula got very bored and quite chilly, and so declined most requests!!

So with my thanks to Ronnie Corbett for that last gag, I shall leave you again.  Frankly, I’m just too knackered to keep pressing these keys all the way down.  Luckily, work swings around again tomorrow, so that will make everything alright again.

Till the next time…..

 

Sid Owen vs Olly Murs, Discuss.

by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I worry myself sometimes.  The state of my mental health is a cause for concern.  It is a source of eternal puzzlement where the random thoughts that populate my noggin come from.

Today, whilst packing the shopping into bags at Asda, completely out of nowhere I had an internal discussion with myself about how it was suddenly blindingly obvious that Olly Murs is having Sid Owen’s career, but in reverse order.  I had not heard from or seen either of these minor celebs during the morning, but still this startling realisation came to me from nowhere.

It made perfect sense to me, which is perhaps a greater cause for concern than actually having the thought itself.  Allow me to explain.

Both of these allegedly talented Essex/London types have somehow overcome the hurdles of a total lack of star quality and talent to forge what seem to be quite lucrative careers.  Olly has lucked his way through a TV talent show, only to emerge a year later turning out turgid pseudo reggae pop.  Owen on the other hand must have known someone in casting at Eastenders, and played himself for many years before becoming every impersonators catchphrase when referencing Eastenders.

All together now  “RRRIIIICCCKKKKKEEEEEE!!!”

So what of my theory that they are living out each other’s careers in reverse.  Well this is the thought that came to me.  Sid Owen limped along in Eastenders for too many years before believing his agent’s promises of Number 1 singles and TV specials, which led to him throw away that steady and well paid contract on Stenders, to them move on and release what could well be the most insulting homage to reggae since Boris Gardner.

Don’t believe me?

Murs it seems has started his career with a similar two-fingered salute to the reggae genre, and it can only be a matter of time before the hits dry up, and he meanders through panto in Bognor, to eventually turn up in Eastenders as some long-lost relation of some character I am not aware of.  So you see, careers in reverse!

Made perfect sense to me at the checkout today.  As I said, I worry myself sometimes.  The fact that Sid Owen’s pop “career” is lurking in my subconscious is a reason to visit the doctors all by itself.

Anywho, now I have that off my chest, what have we been up to?

Jack
He knows that fringe won't last!!

It has been a busyish old week really.  It has been my nephew’s birthday, and Jack is now 18.  Having watched him dance naked by the Christmas tree some very short years ago, I cannot believe he is now officially an adult.  Mind you at 18, it is surely only a matter of time before he is again dancing naked by a Christmas tree, but this time he won’t be four, and he will be off his tits on tequila!!

Rebecca and George
Rebecca and George (other nephew)

To celebrate, we all went out to the Red Hot World Buffet in Manchester on Saturday afternoon.  I believe this to be a national chain, and I would encourage those unfamiliar with it to give it a go.  What it lacks in quality, it more than compensates for in quantity, and to be fair the quality is fine too.  I ate a lot.  Those four words should avoid me having to describe the endless procession of plates that graced my table.

A veil shall be drawn over the exact events.  Safe to say, I got my money’s worth, mainly as Jack’s Mum & Dad paid, so I guess I got their money’s worth.

So by tea time yesterday we were home, stuffed, and to be honest ready for bed.  Louise, to her credit then went on to decorate the downstairs loo.  By that, I do not mean that she undertook some sort of dirty protest following a buffet overload.  No, she actually was wallpapering and stuff.

All of this bleeding decorating is going on as next weekend we are hosting a special event for Louise’s Mum.  We are having 40 family and friends round to celebrate a landmark birthday.  She will be 80!!

So this has meant that all of those jobs that we have been putting off, like painting the kitchen, and re-papering the downstairs loo after the not so recent garage conversion meant one wall got re-plastered (it’s complicated), have had to be done as we have folks coming round.  We may even have to hoover too!

Having failed to benefit from the so-called extra hour in bed this morning, I used the extra time to put the final finishing touches to the kitchen, and once finished put the decorating stuff back in the shed where it will sit going stiff until we decorate again, and then realise we didn’t clean stuff well enough and have to go buy some more.  I had finished painting, had breakfast, showered and dressed before 9am.  Tragic.  No wonder my mind was playing tricks on me during the BIG SHOP.

I shall leave you with just a small insight into my buffet experience.

Desserts
Sweets Jesus!

You may be shocked by the contents of that plate.  I know, pathetic right.  This was Louise’s plate, I had twice as much as that!!

Till the next time……