mkingdon – Page 22 – Mkingdon's Blog

The longest break between food has been whilst writing this….

28/12/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

I appear to have blinked and missed Christmas. I know I am of an age now, but wow, it flashed by in a blur of calories and crap telly. All of a sudden it is Wednesday, my holiday is half over (or only half gone depending on your outlook on life I suppose) and I am well into my second stone of weight gain.

As brief as it seemed it was very enjoyable, with Christmas Eve Eve spent with a takeaway, my annual Baileys and the new Peter Kay DVD. He is still one of the few comedians who can make me laugh out loud. Being more or less exactly the same age, and from the same town some of his references to his childhood etc do strike very close to home. We did have a very similar childhood!

From that point on, I have never let my belly get any less than half full.

If we thought for one second that now we have very grown up teenagers that the excitement levels would diminish in the run up, we were very wrong. Rebecca was excited enough for the two of them in the days preceding the big day, and having asked what time she was allowed to get up on Christmas morning, she arrived at our door at exactly 7.00am! Emily was behind her, doing her level best to cope with the early hour whilst remaining something close to festive. As usual no-one is allowed in the front room until Dad has been in to “make sure he’s been”, and to switch on the lights.

So, what was months of build up, present planning and buying, came to fruition in thirty second frenzy of wrapping paper, especially from Rebecca’s side of the room.

Rebecca's presents — All present and correct

She is a full blown force of nature when it comes to opening presents. Emily is much more measured. Whether they have been aged fourteen and sixteen or four and six, this has always been the case.

One thing that has changed is that these piles are getting smaller. These days they tend to contain fewer more expensive presents, whereas a decade ago, they literally had half of the room each filled with endless dolls and tat that I would then spend all day un-packaging.

This year, the main gifts were an iPhone 4S for Rebecca and a new “proper” camera for Emily, a Nikon D3000. As ever, the look of proper shock and surprise from both upon opening these was worth the expense. Yep, Louise and I are a collective soft touch.

We also had a new family member to buy for!

Once he’d got bored with that present, he looked around for entertainment elsewhere.

The day then went like this.

Breakfast was with my Mum and Dad, where once again I bedazzled everyone with the Benediction of some eggs. They left us around lunch time, to enable us to either start making “the dinner” or sit and watch telly drinking a gin and tonic. I shall let you draw your own conclusions as to which option I went for.

Louise’s mum joined us mid afternoon, and with a few minutes to go, I ventured into the kitchen to do manly things like carve some meat, and pick the best seat at the table. The meal itself was a delight, and from our cocktail of prawns (a Grandma tradition), through the traditional turkey fest and onto the unneccessary yet obligatory dessert, I showed great stamina to keep going to the very end, however I fell at the final hurdle made of cheese and crackers.

The evening consisted of a walk of the dog, and a bum on the couch. I endured as much of Downtown as I could, before making a run for the hills (bed) when I realised it was a two-hour “spectacular”. There are only so many stiff uppers I can stomach in one go. So I read my book (a present from Louise) for a while before placing my stomach on the mattress next to me and drifting off to a dream about leftovers.

Muddy Oli — His head was the clean bit....

On Boxing Day, we didn’t do much to be honest, other than take Oli out for a bracing and lengthy walk around a local reservoir. He got a bit muddy.

So after an hour’s walk, there then followed a bath of around the same length. From that point on, we’ve pretty much not done a great deal. Louise did somehow manage to persuade me to go into town yesterday, as she had some vouchers to spend with a 24 hour expiry period (apparently). We survived, albeit with a very close call on me spending a silly amount of money on a new coat. It was on the wrong rack, and so the price I thought I’d be paying was almost double that amount when I got to the till. I declined, almost politely.

Today, alas Louise was back in work (ah the perils of serving the public) so I spent the morning doing a couple of errands, and some washing (yes, I am THAT considerate), before settling in for a lengthy session my newly acquired Modern Warfare 3. A Christmas tradition for me.

So here I sit, surrounded by sweets of all kinds, having just polished off some cheese and biscuits that I clearly didn’t need, after necking a large tea only a couple of hours before. Somebody stop me!!!

So I have to go now to plan my outfit for the New Year’s Eve extravaganza celebration which will involve a helicopter arrival at some star-studded do, rubbing shoulders with celebs whilst quaffing expensive bubbly and posh nibbly food that isn’t from Iceland!! Either that or I’ll be sat on my couch berating the shocking quality of telly on New Year’s Eve whilst increasing my waistline by another belt notch or two. Don’t be jealous. I hope your celebrations go well, and your new year even better.

Till the next time….

It turns out, I am not the voice.

18/12/201118/12/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

Another week filled with medical news and hospital updates for us. After another four days sat waiting for further scannage, my Mum is finally home. Hopefully now, she can enjoy a pain-free, non A&E Christmas!! Let’s hope I need blog of hospitals, doctors or the like for quite some time now.

Oli at 8 weeks — He used to look like this.....

You haven’t had an Oli update for at least a few hours so I’ve done some videos of him for today’s post. I am aware that I am becoming a bit of a bore when it comes to Oli. We were out last night (more of that later) and I found myself showing folks photos and videos of him on my phone. If that was you I apologise, and the search for my life continues!

Yesterday Oli and I ventured out onto the local park in the freezing cold and snow to get him nice and dirty ready for his bath when we got back in. Post bath, once he’s shaken himself over every inch of the house we then always put the fire on so he can dry off nicely! It makes him all sleepy!

Once he’d had a little nod and got all nice and fluffy again, he was ready for a roll around on the rug, and if you have the patience to stick with this one till the end, he does like to torment a cat or two when he’s in the mood.

Enough of me being a dog bore!! Let’s move on to me being a bore about other subjects!

We had a night out last night. That in itself is quite unusual, but in light of recent events and malcontent, it turned out to be what’s called a “nice change”, even if we were perhaps not the world’s most exciting company. Our lack of practice at this stuff meant that Louise and I were ready for bed at around 10pm, and had to dig deep for a second wind, which spookily I rediscovered this morning on the loo after too much Guinness!

The evening started off with chatter, some lovely food, and drinkies. It slid inexorably towards silliness through a Christmas quiz, boys versus girls, in which the male types prevailed (what do you mean I shouldn’t have been Googling for answers on my phone? that’s called being resourceful), a brief stop at Pass the Parcel, which somehow involved taking shots on board with every layer removed, and then inevitably towards the messy car crash that was SingStar.

Having avoided the microphone quite well for some time, the fickle finger picked me out eventually, and as a decent representation of my luck right now, it was no easy ballad in my key (Wandering Star would have been nice) I was landed with a song that no male on the planet is able to sing without surgical alteration.

Thankfully, by this time, everybody was on the wrong side of sober, and didn’t notice me miming like some sort of slightly flabby, paler Milli Vanilli. I then bowed out gracefully to witness renditions of true Karaoke classics, rounded off by the loudest version of Never Forget since the last time someone did it on Karaoke. Somehow it became 2am, and we taxied ourselves home and fell into bed.

So today is one of those lazy days with Christmas films on the telly right now (The Grinch currently), with Emily and her friend Laura regressing from sixteen to six again. Rebecca has gone back to bed after her night out at a party last night, and Louise also seems to have retreated under the duvet, having told me she doesn’t know why she is hung over!! I suppose if you get so drunk that you can’t remember you were drunk then that makes sense??

I finish for Christmas on Thursday and never have I been so happy to not be at work, as I will be at that time. I continue to work on my escape plan. Next Sunday is the big day, and that means there shall be no bloggage on that day. I warn you of that fact as I know you’d all be rushing to your computers to read it otherwise, sacrificing the Queen’s Speech for Mkingdon nonsense. What else would you be doing?

As I’m going to be off work for the duration, you will never know when one of these inane posts will appear over the festive period. It shall be like some unwelcome relative turning up on your doorstep unannounced. You have been warned.

Till the next time….

There is a light that always goes out….

11/12/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Being of an OCD nature, with more than a hint of Virgo, I apparently seek perfection in all things, and I am not comfortable with things being incomplete or broken.

I plead guilty to most of that to be honest.

So, already feeling that the Gods are toying with me at present, seeing what new wretchedness they can bestow upon me for their own pleasure, I have developed a theory, based solely upon our dining room light fitting.

It is relatively important to me that things function correctly, and are as they should be, so I am a slave to B&Q each time a bulb goes out around the house. So this here dining room light fitting is currently funding the fat cat bonus of Messrs B & Q. Every sodding time I replace one bulb, within twenty-four hours, the one next to it (it’s always the one next to it) goes out.

So I now have two choices. I can either throw another three quid down the swanny, (as they do not sell bulbs in single packs) whilst octogenarian shop assistants chuckle under their breath at the B&Q warehouse, or I can simply never again look upwards in our dining room. Thinking about it, I bought the bloody light fitting from B&Q too, so have they devised an ingenious money-making scam, where the sale of a fitting continues to generate revenue for them on a weekly basis? I both hate and envy them in equal measure.

For now, let’s see who blinks first in this stand-off where I am refusing to buy another bloody bulb any time soon.

It has been a relatively uneventful and unjoyful week, as most of it was spent in work, uncovering fresh misery upon misery each and every day. To add to this nonsense and the light bulb persecution, our potentially restful Sunday was hijacked at around lunchtime. I was due to pick my Dad up from his golf club after his annual “whiskey do”.

This whiskey do involves a round of golf where the winners of each hole take a shot of whiskey. Then back in the clubhouse the whiskey continues to flow, guaranteeing that those participating will be in no fit state to drive home. As the weather has been shocking, I decided to call my Mum at lunchtime to see if the golf had been cancelled, meaning I wouldn’t need to make the trip and scrape my Dad off the nineteenth tee.

It turned out that she was having a recurrence of her troubles from last week, and requested that someone took her to the hospital. So Louise did that, whilst I waited for Dad to phone after his golf to be collected. Upon collecting him it soon became apparent that he’d had a successful round of golf, and taken on board a fair amount of whiskey. I informed him that his planned afternoon of sleep and hangover cultivation was cancelled and we were headed for the A&E.

We met up with Louise and Mum there, and did us some waiting. My Dad, having had fifteen whiskies was probably in the right place, because had I consumed that, I would need to go to A&E too. He was definitely worse for wear, and I’m not convinced he really knew what was going on. After some doctorage, we left them at the hospital for tests etc and went home. Within half an hour of being home (it takes half an hour to drive to or from the hospital), Dad called saying that he didn’t feel great, and could we go and get him!!! We did, with me dropping him at home, and Louise waiting with Mum. Are you keeping up so far?

Eventually, some hours later, Louise has arrived home, leaving Mum for more testage and treatment. She’ll need picking up later, but fear not, I have asked my brother if he’ll step up for that one, as frankly neither of us want to do that journey again today.

So, no-one knows what’s up with Mum right now, and I think that is the worst thing for her, as that causes more worry. Hopefully they’ll get somewhere near to the bottom of it for the sake of her peace of mind.

I suspect come tomorrow morning, whatever the outcome at the hospital, my Dad will feel the worst of the two. If the hangover doesn’t get him then my Mum will!!

I’m hopeful for a more positive and rewarding week to come, and surely on the law of averages, that has to happen sometime soon.

Till the next time…..

Deck my balls with boughs of holly….

04/12/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Alas the lottery balls have denied me the joy of telling work to place their job anywhere north of the sphincter. The hope I invest in this each week is beyond sad, and until the balls drop on a Saturday evening, in my mind it is a valid route out of a Monday morning.

As you may have predicted the working week was spectacularly poor. There have been smatterings of good news, with many of my guys affected quickly finding new jobs. I have greeted these bits of news with a mixture of definite pleasure, and just a little jealousy. Until I get that lucky, I am enslaved to “work through it”, so onwards I trudge.

My “no work here” rule is under strain, as I could quite easily wax lyrical for quite some time on the reasons that I would literally rather be anywhere else but at work tomorrow, but I shall resist. No doubt many of you dear readers feel the same, so it would be selfish to do so.

With a veil thrown jauntily over the working week, other news this week was also on the bad side. Late on Friday night, my Mum was taken into hospital. She was suffering from some serious abdominal pains, and she was admitted for prodding and testage. I popped up to see her today, and she seems much better, but is waiting for more scanning to see what on earth it was. It seems the immediate problem has gone but it would be good of course to find out what the underlying problem was/is.

Having done the visiting thing for an hour or so, Emily I then picked up a new Christmas tree. We binned our long serving model a couple of years ago, and had a real one last year, but the thought of having both a real xmas tree, and a four-month old puppy in the same house is perhaps not the most sensible idea. So we’ve (heavily) invested in a new unreal tree. To get suitable value from the investment, I shall expect my great grand children to be gathered around this bloody tree in decades to come!!

Really, it is just some metal rods with green bits stuck to it. We left the decoration of the tree mainly to the girls this year, once I’d done the annual wrestle with the lights, and other erection grunt work. Apologies for the very poor quality snap, but it looks pretty good (honest).

As some sort of well-timed mood setter, it is now snowing outside. All we need now is three pints of advocat and Shakin’ Stevens to turn up and it’s just like Christmas used to be in the good old days.

So Christmas is on officially, and I welcome its arrival with open arms for many reasons –

1. I will be off work for almost two weeks

2. It involves lots of food

3. It signals the end of what is essentially four months solid of reality TV.

Plus, on January 2nd I like to see if I have won a favourite game of mine. It is called, which tragic minor celeb has released a fitness DVD for 2012. Amongst the Hoseasons adverts and that bloody Martine McCutcheon plugging some white gloop that does you good, there is always at least half a dozen Davina’s pushing their lycra clad exertions, with them air brushed within an inch of their lives on the DVD cover.

My predictions for 2012 are –

1. Any one of the vacuous skin wastages from The Only Way is Essex.

2. Fatima Whitbread, and by the way, I have an exclusive sneak peak of that one…..

3. Russell Grant (yes, he’ll milk this five minutes for all it’s worth).

What are your predictions then??

Till the next time…..

Woeful Weeks and other words starting with W.

27/11/201127/11/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Hello again. I am back.

Apologies for my absence over the past week….what do you mean you hadn’t noticed??? In the great scheme of things, me missing a blog one week isn’t even a pimple on the arse end of the universe, but I just couldn’t bring myself to put fingers to keys last Sunday. Why?? Well, I knew at that point that I was in for an awful, awful week at work, and my head and heart weren’t on anything else.

I already knew at that point that on Tuesday we were to deliver some horrible news to many folks at work, which would lead to them all having to find jobs elsewhere. I too am affected, being officially “at risk”, but I have a role I have been invited to “apply for”, and so I know we will have funds coming in for the forseeable, albeit at a reduced rate than we are used to. As I always say, I don’t do work stuff on here, so I’ll not continue the story. I will say that the sheer horror of last week isn’t something I can capture here, or some of the very, very dark places it took me. Thankfully it is behind me now, and I suppose next week can only be better, if only by small degrees. I suppose you know when real life stuff gets tough, as my nonsense via Twitter and Facebook stop!!

I’ve been through this a few times before at my old place, but being a much bigger outfit, it felt very much like I was “processing” folks as I just didn’t know them that well. I know that is awful, but simply true. This time, the company is much smaller, and it is all very raw.

So as you can imagine, these events have pretty much dominated our lives for the last week or two, so I haven’t got much else to report. However, we’ve been photographing more doors today, and we’ve been walking Oli some more. Last weekend, we took him out around the Jumbles Reservoir, and half way round we gave him a go off the lead for the first time ever. I had my young and athletic frame poised to chase the little bugger the three miles home. Thankfully, for my wobbly bit’s sake, he was brill.

He just trotted alongside us, never ventured out of sight, and acted like he’d been doing exactly this for years. Unless you are one of our three cats then he is pretty much the ideal dog. As far as the cats go, well he is pretty much making their lives a misery!! He does just want to be friendly, but as he is now three times the size of them, I can see how he could appear a little intimidating!!

It is good fun to watch anyway!!

In other news, it would appear that my obsessive nature is pretty much passed down a generation to Emily. As you may have noticed, once I get an interest in something, I tend to fixate on it. Hence over a decade of Disney obsession and trip reports. Emily tends to do a similar thing with bands. Usually it is some black clothed loons called Death Rot and Garbage, but right now, she is absolutely engrossed in One Direction!! Reconcile that with the fact that her usual taste is My Chemical Romance, Asking Alexandra, Panic at the Disco and Paramore, with the odd brush with screamo crap along the lines of Bring Me The Horizon.

With hormones a raging, if Harry Styles were to be locked in a room with Emily I fear for his safety. He happens to be a member of said One Direction. Ah the follies of youth. Imagine my fixation with Disney and multiply it by a hundred. I figure that her obsession will burn a much shorter life than my Disney thing, as that is here to stay, but I’ll hazard a guess it will cost her a lot less money!!

So next week is looking full of trying to help those affected find a job. I did quite a bit of this last week too, and thankfully many are well on the way to something else. Having recruited most of them, and worked with all of them for some time, calling up anyone I know who might be able to help, and getting agencies in to talk with them is easy to do, and pretty much the least I could do. When I’m not doing that, I’m doing a fair bit of job searching myself, as I would be silly not to!! Who knows now when the reaper will come calling for me! I’ve got a pretty good idea when actually!

In addition to all of that, I’m also tasked with working out how we continue to do what we do today without all these folks being around!! I think the term for that is insult to injury!!

So I’m very aware this week’s post is a bit “woe is me”, so I’m sorry about that. No doubt as the days go on, and my head continues to wrap itself around all this, I’ll be back on form in terms of moany tweets, and sarcastic facebook updates. You have been warned.

As they say, there is always someone worse off than yourself, and I’m absolutely sure that is the case, as I’m working with some of them at the moment. As concerned as I am for our own fortunes, I have to tell myself it could have been a damn sight worse, and take the chance to proactively get a plan in place just in case this is going to be a death by a thousand cuts!

Right, enough of this stuff, it is what it is. I shall rev my sarcasm and pithiness back up to ten, and perhaps watch the X factor later so I can tweet myself back to form. I always feel better after being sarcastic and nasty about people who will never know or care about my opinion!!

Till the next time……

I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll photograph your door!

13/11/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

How’s your Sunday been? I have spent mine taking photos of doors. No, worse than that, I have spent mine watching someone take photos of doors!!

I’ve been driving Emily around trying to find her interesting doors to take photos off. This isn’t some sort of Jim Morrison pilgrimage, no, it is for her Photography course. Her first project is on the subject of doors. You would not imagine the numerous ways, angles, scenarios and locations in which one can photograph a door. I do.

I have had to explain several times to worried looking residents/park keepers/pub owners that we are not casing the joint in any way. We are not some sort of Kick Ass style father and daughter crime team. Instead, I have a daughter lucky enough to be able to study something she likes.

Anyway, here are a couple of my favourites. I have no idea if they are any good from a technical point of view, but I like them.

Emily door 1

Emily Project 2

There are 136 others that I shall not share!! By the way, both of those were taken at the local church were Louise and I were married! Cute innit? It was a new build back then.

Emily’s interest in photography is going to cost me, literally. She feels she now needs to progress onto to a “proper camera” and get an SLR, rather than the bridge she has right now. That’s her Christmas sorted out then.

For those of a photographic bent, she is probably going to get a Nikon D3000. I’ve spent most of this week consulting with my vast army of photographic expert friends….both of them!! The chances of me blowing one of my xmas gifts on something for school back in the day would have been nil. This is mainly as I took History, Economics and English Lit!! These new fandangled subjects!!

Rebecca is much more traditional in her giftage. Yep, quite predictable really. Just an iPhone 4S please Dad!! Nice.

Oli’s growth continues in Digby style progress. He doesn’t like going for baths, as evidenced by the look in his eyes here, which says, just wait until I’m bigger than you!!

Oli after bath — Revenge shall be mine!!

He really has become part of the family now. I shall take a chance and declare him fully house trained!! He has been for a good few weeks now, but the real proof was that we woke on Friday morning to find him lay at the side of our bed fast asleep. Some idiot had left one of his cage doors open (dunno who that might have been!!) and he had at some point in the night wandered out and settled down in our bedroom.

Not one piddle or poop was had until we got up and let him out the back door. He shall be allowed to stay after all.

Later tonight, the reality TV trilogy is complete with the arrival of the Jungle thing. With Strictly, X Shambles and I’m a Celeb, there shall not be one inch of TV between now and Christmas without some celeb gyrating or eating something unmentionable or a celeb wannabe making something their own. As you may have noticed, my tolerance for X Factor is very low, but now I am officially middle-aged I can tolerate Strictly most weeks, and, not that I will have a choice, but I can watch most of the Jungle stuff without poking my eyes out with a rusty fork.

I already know who we shall be supporting. In our house it goes off who is “fit” and therefore Emily has declared that the Williams household shall be team Poynter. For those who don’t know (yet) who he is, he plays bass in McFly. It would seem that McFly have decided to embrace reality TV in a big way whilst still actually in the middle of their careers rather than after them.

Without getting too analytical about this (I don’t wish to appear sad!) but this is quite astute really. As they mature, and leave behind some of the tweens they built their careers on, they now need to establish a wider fan base, who will buy their albums for the next ten years or so. You may not remember that Danny off of McFly did the Popstar to Opera Star thing, Harry is currently in Strictly having to dance with that ugly bird with the bright coloured hair(!!), and now Dougie does the Jungle.

At the risk of extending this image of being a sad git, I quite like McFly. They write some “proper songs” with melodies and choruses, like in the good old days. We are almost related too, as Danny’s Mum & Dad live around the corner from Louise’s Mum!! I’m not one to name drop of course. See, I can be in touch with the kid’s music in some instances. However, in other instances, I can only shake my head at the ludicrous nature of the music industry, as evidenced best by the mere existence of Professor Green and his comedy rap accent. He’s like a character off a comedy sketch show!!

As someone once said, Pop will eat itself.

Till the Next Time……

A party, and people looking at a pair of puppies.

06/11/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

So as I come to fill another blank post with nonsense, I am on the couch, with Emily sat three feet from the TV, watching Peter Pan for the gabillionth time. Her crush on the actor playing Peter is beyond measure. The fact that he’s now 37, bald, and sixteen stone is something that I will keep from her for a little longer.

I think that watching the same thing over and over is something that the generation younger than me have perfected. It is only in the last ten to fifteen years that it has seemingly become acceptable to watch the same things again and again. I suppose with advent of 24 hour TV and hundreds of channels, there would never be enough content to fill them all with unique stuff. I admit to watching the odd episode of Champion the Wonder Horse more than once in my youth, but really, my girls have seen some films literally dozens of times, and still seem happy to sit through them again.

It all started with Barney for us. Every breakfast time, we were subjected to that overly sweet subject matter, and by the time they were ready to progress onto something slightly more mature, we’d seen every episode a good twenty times each. As for episodes of stuff like The Suite Life of Hannah McGuire or whatever gets played on the Disney Channel, well, there are several episodes of those that I know all the words to.

We’ve just sat through most of Open Season, and all of the Grinch, as it seems today has been a relative day of rest following a very busy Saturday, and last few weeks. This is because yesterday we hosted the party for Louise’s Mum’s 80th. This involved over 40 folk cramming into our house for several hours. It also involved about three weeks solid prep, and about six hours of the hardest work I’ve done in a while. Constantly topping up everyone’s glass, warming and serving food, all whilst navigating a house made for four not forty is bloody hard work!

Mary's 80th party — See if you can spot me...

It all went very well to be honest, and the birthday girl was delighted. All the guests seemed to enjoy themselves, and we kicked the last ones out (politely) at around 8pm, having opened the doors just after 1pm. We were absolutely shattered!!

As you can imagine, this morning consisted of much tidying of all varieties. We escaped with a small amount of collateral damage to the house it seems, and I’ll be ready to do it all again in another 80 years or so.

Today then, having reconstructed the house, returned the glasses we hired, and undertaken the big shop, the day has been quite restful. This afternoon we went to a local park with Oli, and met up with my brother and his family, so that Oli could meet his cousin, Baxter. He is a couple of weeks younger than Oli, and if Oli had a pocket, Baxter would quite easily fit inside it.

Still, they seemed to get on OK, after an initial bit of timidness on both sides. Oli is a big softie, and when out for walks will sit down and wait for a car to pass as he isn’t keen on the noise. This can make walks last about two weeks each.

Anyway, he doesn’t mind actually riding in a car, and here is about to set off for the park. Ignore my hand showing at the top of the pic, I was trying to block out the low winter sun which was coming in right down the camera.

Once we got to the park, this is the calm, sedate way in which Oli and Baxter introduced themselves!!

With two little cuties with us, our walk around the park was constantly interrupted with folks wanting to have a look at the puppies and have a stroke. Louise, and my sister-in-law Paula got very bored and quite chilly, and so declined most requests!!

So with my thanks to Ronnie Corbett for that last gag, I shall leave you again. Frankly, I’m just too knackered to keep pressing these keys all the way down. Luckily, work swings around again tomorrow, so that will make everything alright again.

Till the next time…..

Sid Owen vs Olly Murs, Discuss.

30/10/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I worry myself sometimes. The state of my mental health is a cause for concern. It is a source of eternal puzzlement where the random thoughts that populate my noggin come from.

Today, whilst packing the shopping into bags at Asda, completely out of nowhere I had an internal discussion with myself about how it was suddenly blindingly obvious that Olly Murs is having Sid Owen’s career, but in reverse order. I had not heard from or seen either of these minor celebs during the morning, but still this startling realisation came to me from nowhere.

It made perfect sense to me, which is perhaps a greater cause for concern than actually having the thought itself. Allow me to explain.

Both of these allegedly talented Essex/London types have somehow overcome the hurdles of a total lack of star quality and talent to forge what seem to be quite lucrative careers. Olly has lucked his way through a TV talent show, only to emerge a year later turning out turgid pseudo reggae pop. Owen on the other hand must have known someone in casting at Eastenders, and played himself for many years before becoming every impersonators catchphrase when referencing Eastenders.

All together now “RRRIIIICCCKKKKKEEEEEE!!!”

So what of my theory that they are living out each other’s careers in reverse. Well this is the thought that came to me. Sid Owen limped along in Eastenders for too many years before believing his agent’s promises of Number 1 singles and TV specials, which led to him throw away that steady and well paid contract on Stenders, to them move on and release what could well be the most insulting homage to reggae since Boris Gardner.

Don’t believe me?

Murs it seems has started his career with a similar two-fingered salute to the reggae genre, and it can only be a matter of time before the hits dry up, and he meanders through panto in Bognor, to eventually turn up in Eastenders as some long-lost relation of some character I am not aware of. So you see, careers in reverse!

Made perfect sense to me at the checkout today. As I said, I worry myself sometimes. The fact that Sid Owen’s pop “career” is lurking in my subconscious is a reason to visit the doctors all by itself.

Anywho, now I have that off my chest, what have we been up to?

It has been a busyish old week really. It has been my nephew’s birthday, and Jack is now 18. Having watched him dance naked by the Christmas tree some very short years ago, I cannot believe he is now officially an adult. Mind you at 18, it is surely only a matter of time before he is again dancing naked by a Christmas tree, but this time he won’t be four, and he will be off his tits on tequila!!

To celebrate, we all went out to the Red Hot World Buffet in Manchester on Saturday afternoon. I believe this to be a national chain, and I would encourage those unfamiliar with it to give it a go. What it lacks in quality, it more than compensates for in quantity, and to be fair the quality is fine too. I ate a lot. Those four words should avoid me having to describe the endless procession of plates that graced my table.

A veil shall be drawn over the exact events. Safe to say, I got my money’s worth, mainly as Jack’s Mum & Dad paid, so I guess I got their money’s worth.

So by tea time yesterday we were home, stuffed, and to be honest ready for bed. Louise, to her credit then went on to decorate the downstairs loo. By that, I do not mean that she undertook some sort of dirty protest following a buffet overload. No, she actually was wallpapering and stuff.

All of this bleeding decorating is going on as next weekend we are hosting a special event for Louise’s Mum. We are having 40 family and friends round to celebrate a landmark birthday. She will be 80!!

So this has meant that all of those jobs that we have been putting off, like painting the kitchen, and re-papering the downstairs loo after the not so recent garage conversion meant one wall got re-plastered (it’s complicated), have had to be done as we have folks coming round. We may even have to hoover too!

Having failed to benefit from the so-called extra hour in bed this morning, I used the extra time to put the final finishing touches to the kitchen, and once finished put the decorating stuff back in the shed where it will sit going stiff until we decorate again, and then realise we didn’t clean stuff well enough and have to go buy some more. I had finished painting, had breakfast, showered and dressed before 9am. Tragic. No wonder my mind was playing tricks on me during the BIG SHOP.

I shall leave you with just a small insight into my buffet experience.

You may be shocked by the contents of that plate. I know, pathetic right. This was Louise’s plate, I had twice as much as that!!

Till the next time……

This lack of WDW is clearly affecting my health!

23/10/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Having had Emily at home all last week due to a nasty bout of tonsillitis, it would seem that the baton of grottiness has now been passed on to me. I wouldn’t mind being ill so much, if I were able to be off work with it, but in the current circumstances that will not be an option, certainly on Monday anyway. Is it every company that devotes most of Monday to meetings at which, if you are not there to present, the earth will cease to turn upon its axis?

I also have a new starter turning up tomorrow, so not to be there would be very bad form. How much better it will be that I drag my sorry carcus into the office, and infect him with my illness so he can have time off later on in his first week!

Other than lots of work, which means stress, hassle and problems, in the usual seemingly unending stream of nonsense, the only other thing to report this week is that Oli has been out for his first walks. With Emily too ill, Rebecca and I took him out around the block on Wednesday night, and he did surprisingly well to be honest. He obviously hasn’t got the rules yet, and does tend to spend most of the time eating his lead or sitting down, but he could be a lot worse.

On subsequent days he has ventured further afield, and discovered that he really doesn’t like cars, and feels compelled to chase every leaf that moves! I’m sure he’ll get used to everything. On Saturday Emily and I had him on the local park for the first time, and then Rebecca had him down to my Mum’s. This eagerness to walk him won’t last with the girls I’m sure, but it is good whilst it lasts.

Rebecca’s willingness to be out with the dog is based on the amount of attention he attracts. If Oli brings “cute boys” into any sort of conversation with her then he will have served his purpose. She’d better make the most of it though, as at the rate he is growing, it will soon take all four of us to manage him on the lead, which will cramp her style just a little.

With half term on the horizon, we’ll see how willing they are to have him out when the inevitable lashing rain and icy winds kick in next week.

On Friday evening, Louise and I went out for tea, and the biggest plus to come out of that was that we were then able to spend Saturday night watching the programmes we Sky plussed on Friday night, rather than endure the seven hour marathon that is the X Factor. Modern Family and An Idiot Abroad are two of our favourite programmes, so not being able to watch them on Friday made for a much more palatable Saturday. My decreasing health levels, having to pick Emily up after a gig, and not much sleep last night have led to a Sunday of extreme couchiness for me.

Louise has had to do the BIG SHOP, and the ironing, added to a load of decorating yesterday. Yes, it continues. It might sound like we have a kitchen and dining room the size of Surrey, but we haven’t. It is very nearly done now!!

Before I slumped into this life threatening cold, I did manage to splurge some random words out for the WDW Dads site. Feel free to go have a read if you are so inclined. It covers one of my favourite subjects, food!!

It does seem that most of the other WDW Dads spend 90% of their daily lives inside one of the parks, which makes me sick in a whole different way!! Their constant tweetage from these places is both informative and depressing in equal measure. Jealousy isn’t pretty, but then again I never claimed to be in any way pretty.

So that’s your lot for this week, my illness obviously is affecting my ability for bloggage, and I need to go and feel sorry for myself some more. It is funny but in dozens of trips now I have never been ill on US soil, and never had so much as a sniffle inside a Disney theme park. For the sake of my health, and the NHS it is my duty to be there as much and as often as possible. You know it makes sense.

Till the next time…..

Woah, what a feeling, when I’m rollering the ceiling!!

16/10/201117/10/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

If you are likely to be bored by updates on the growth of Oli, then this week’s bloggage may not be for you.

I’m taking photos and video to track his growth, as this is something we didn’t have with Henry our last dog. This was because the technology was much clunkier back then in the good old days of 1997, and at the time we had a new-born baby and an eighteen month old. So add a new puppy to that and we barely had time for our nervous breakdowns.

Here is the little (big) chap playing on Saturday afternoon. All the female folk were out clothes shopping. Rebecca needed a new winter coat and Emily yet more jeans. I stayed home with the big fella and watched the footy with him.

I keep telling myself, that it is too early to say what I’m about to, as it will surely bite me on the arse, but he does seem to be house trained now. We have to still make sure we have him outside regularly, but he knows to wait until we do, so as silly as it might be to assume the worst it over, it looks like it might be.

Again, at the risk of premature announciation, he is also very good generally. He’s fairly calm for a puppy, doesn’t mind spending time alone in his crate when he needs to, and generally is pretty chilled. Cue the next week being the one where he destroys the house and undertakes some sort of dirty protest!

Thursday sees him being walkable. I know of course that I’ll be the idiot out with him at 6am every day once the novelty of day three has worn off, but it will make it easier all round.

The decorating of the kitchen has continued this weekend, and my contribution has been to paint the ceiling. I have a sore neck and a desire never to paint again. Louise has worked really hard on the rest, and it needs just the finishing touches now. It looks lots better of course, but nothing will ever justify the living hell of undertaking any decorating whatsoever. What do you mean that may be an over exaggeration??

Poor Emily is ill. She’s got tonsils like space hoppers and a snot filled nose. She is rubbish at being ill though as she struggles to swallow tablets. Anyway, she’s been to the doctors and got some antibiotics. She is gutted though as normally (since she was a toddler) she has had banana flavoured medicine. For some reason this time it is strawberry and tastes, and I quote, “grim”. Yes, she is 16!!

Sunday has seen me finally put the 2011 trip report to bed. It is a relief to be honest. My oft mentioned OCD about stuff being an incomplete state has not made this easy. To return from holiday on the 13th of August, and not complete the trippie until mid October is something of a new record, but hey, I’m busy!!

I do need to thank everyone (again) for the reading of the trip reports and these ramblings. As much as keeping up with stuff is a pain, I do enjoy writing, and would, given any sort of chance, like to have a go at it for a living of course, but I suspect that turtle head jokes and knob gags are slightly less in demand than whatever it is I currently get paid for. Anyway, having folk read what I come out with is welcome, so thank you.

The posting of the last day is often greeted with questions around another trip. Well, as ever, right now, we’re going nowhere, and look unlikely to do so by next summer. However I am long enough in the tooth to know that these things change, so we’ll see.

In the mean time, I have teeth to grit and endless working weeks to endure, which currently mean lovely twelve-hour days, and working some of the weekend too. It’s a good job I love what I do so much isn’t it? I’m knackered and I must look it, as Louise refused to let me do any more of the decorating as I “looked like crap”. Well, every cloud has a silver lining then eh?

Oh look, the X Factor is on now. Must go and throw things at the telly.

Till the next time….

Decorating and Digby the Dulux Dog

10/10/201110/10/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I suspect it is often quite easy to get a feel for my state of mind and mood by reading both in between and on the lines of these blog updates. You could search every word for hidden meanings, and every sentence structure for implied nuances. This week it is really easy to judge my state because….

I have been decorating!

Those four words tell you all that you need to know. Now, before you have images of me buried in roll upon roll of wall paper, weeks into endless stripping, priming (I never prime by the way) and sanding, I must confess that I did about two hours worth of painting on Sunday afternoon.

The amount of time spent is not the point. The fact that decorating is even happening gets to me. Being a control freak Virgo with hints of OCD, the mere existence of disruption in the house makes me uneasy. I like to make omelettes without breaking eggs if at all possible, and the kitchen and dining room being “upside down” whilst we give it a lick of paint is enough to drive me to drink!!

Louise has done most of the work, and I probably spent more time putting the room back together than actually painting yesterday, but I felt better once the room was as normal as we can get it.

So that is how the weekend finished. It started with me going to the pub with a group of teenage girls. This is not, as it may sound, some mid-life crisis episode. Instead it was me, Emily, Rebecca and several of their friends going to the Railway Pub to see my brother’s band Mustard!

Emily and Rebecca have never seen them so it was overdue. However, after feeling bruised battered and beaten following the usual working week, topped off with a Friday to beat them all, I did not feel like going. Louise declined the outing based on the fact that if she were more than four feet from our toilet things might get unpleasant. So it was left to me to either tell the puppy eyed daughters that I could not be arsed venturing out into the rain, or to bite the bullet and take them and their mates to the pub.

The evening was good once we were there of course. Rebecca and her friend danced all the way through the first set, which in a pub which was not yet packed, takes more bottle than I ever possessed at 14, hell, even now to be honest. Our milkman is quite confident though!

Surviving on nothing but pints of Diet Coke, I coaxed my tired frame through to midnight, and the final “Thank you and Goodnight”. Louise had been home minding Oli, so she may have had the more tiring time of it.

Oli Growing — Not the best photo I know, but if you watch it long enough you will see him grow!

Speaking of Oli, he grows literally by the hour. Normally when you see someone or something every day you can’t see a difference, but each morning he seems to have added inches and pounds over night. Those of a certain age will remember the Digby film? I’m quite concerned at this stage.

Generally though he’s been very good so far. I do not want to talk too soon, but we are someway down the path now with the house training stuff. This success has been built on the premise that he now knows that every evacuation, of any variety earns him a puppy treat. So he is currently “going” about 27 times a day. This may of course be fuelling the growth we are seeing, but I don’t care if it keeps the house wee free!

He has recently started “wanting to go out” rather than just deciding to do it where he stands, so this is a breakthrough. Other than a few times when he has a mental half hour, and anyone in a mile radius of his needle like teeth is at risk, he has been very calm and well-behaved. He is also fully injected up now, so from a week on Thursday he can go out into the big bad world. We can’t wait. The girls, as they want to show him off, and I, as it will get them off their backsides and doing some exercise, and it will burn off some of his energy, which might stop the bugger growing!

When we got Oli, my brother and his family came to see him, and their daughter (the one in the photo last week with Kelly remember) fell in love and asked if they could get a dog. The expected responses of absolutely not were heard, but some two weeks later, they were as strong as I was in their stance, and they picked up Baxter on Saturday!

He is a cross between a Westie and a Shitzu (I think you spell it like that). We popped round to see him, and he is indeed as cute as, well, a puppy!! I’m sure he and Oli will be great friends over the years!

Baxter — In a glass box of emotion (Anchorman reference!)

On Sunday I edged closer to the completion of the latest trip report too. It has taken forever I know. We left for this holiday in late July for goodness sake. But work, the writing of stuff for WDW Dads and this blog have all eaten up time, as well of course as having a real life to do, and a new puppy, so I have plenty of excuses.

I have one day left to do, and it is usually the hardest as it involves the journey home, and the summing up of the trip. It is at this point that I always say to myself that this report shall be the last, and the online world may heave a huge sigh of relief as they are saved from the onslaught of turtle head and toilet gags. I don’t know, we’ll see. It probably won’t matter all that much as we are more likely to visit the moon next year than Florida. But as you all know, I’ve said that before…probably about ten times in the past ten years. Anyway, I am stealing my own thunder for the trippie.

For those still interested, I’ll try to get that posted this week, and then my Virgo OCD side can relax knowing that loop is complete, that loose end snipped off, and one more thing is tidy and complete. I’ll feel better for that!

Now, just the decorating to get finished….

Till the next time…..

Plants, leaves and 30p wees

02/10/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

I had a bit of a rant this morning. This I think is a direct reaction to the ridiculous nature of work at the moment. Each week sort of flashes by in a blink of hectic and chaotic nonsense, filled with insurmountable issues and impossible challenges, mixed with constant reminders of just how unbelievably stupid folk can be.

So the nature of the rant was the level of help given by the girls around the house. I was not ranting about them doing too much, but I think you guessed that. I won’t bore you with the details of said rant, but I was shocked to find that it might have worked…a bit….for now. Rebecca spent the day cleaning. She hoovered upstairs, tidied and cleaned the bathroom, and not only sorted her room out, but also rearranged all her furniture resulting in a room I do not recognise for all sorts of reasons.

Emily too has helped put the big shop away, hoovered downstairs, and although she doesn’t realise it yet is about to make sandwiches for everyone’s lunch tomorrow!

It isn’t too often that I lay down the law like this, but a mixture of being worked to within an inch of my life, and a realisation that they actually don’t do a great deal around the house led to this line in the sand. How long it will last who knows, but at the age they are, it is literally the least they can do.

If you have not yet heard it on the national news, our back lawn has been conquered. Following a solid few hours of sunshine last week, well, a lack of rain anyway, Louise made a start on Friday, helped by our neighbour, and I finished the job yesterday aided by a new strimmer. This new implement, like most things we seem to buy did not work at first attempt, as a crucial bit was missing, so I had to drag it back to B&Q on Saturday to have one provided from another box on the shelf. So next week some other poor sod will buy that one, go back the next day with a missing bit, take that bit from another box, and well….you see where I’m going.

We do not so much garden, in our back garden, more go to war on unending and vicious plant life. The guy who owned our house before us was a Biology teacher, and some of the plant life he had growing just refuses to die. Every summer for the last nine years, we have battled, chopped, removed, and in some cases burnt all sorts of odd-looking growths, which I’m sure are catnip for them botanists, but for those who just want to look at, and weather permitting sit in their garden, this constant over growing nonsense is just crap!

In other non plant news, I was in London last Tuesday for a pretty pointless but unavoidable meeting, and as impressive as the now only two-hour journey is, I still hate it. With a meeting late in the afternoon, I chose to save the company some cash and travel off-peak, leaving Manchester at 11.30, and leaving Euston on the return at 7pm…the first off-peak train of the evening. What a mistake.

The journey down was OK, but the return leg was horrific. The stampeding crowds hurtling towards the platform as soon as it was revealed on the boards was incredible. I was half way through my Burger King tea when I was almost trampled Lion King style by sweaty blokes in suits, sweaty students in converse and demonic looking silver foxes, heading North to see India, their horse riding, ballet dancing grandchild. Ok, I can’t be sure of the last bit I admit.

I took my sweet time walking to the train as I knew I had a seat reserved. Alas, not in First Class, as that extra £40 would have sent the company into immediate administration, but in standard. Following an ill-timed call from the boss just before I caught the train, I now had at least two hours work to do on the way home, so I looked on in despair at my seat, and its lack of power for the laptop, and room for both my arse cheeks. For some reason no-one took up the seat next to me, despite some folk sat on the floor near the loos, and a couple standing. Perhaps I was one of the sweaty blokes in suits then?

Instead, I balanced the laptop on the envelope sized tray table, completed forty-six minutes of work until my battery gave up and spent all the journey trying to block out the screaming kids in the seats in front of me, who both it seemed had whooping-cough or rickets or some other medieval disease. By Stoke, I was so uncomfortable that I vowed there and then never to travel like this again.

As I described this journey to my boss the following day, in between telling him why he only had forty-six minutes worth of what he asked for, he did tell me to book first class next time, as the adverts say, because I’m worth it. This is good news of course, but no reason at all to rush into making any more trips to London until it is absolutely necessary.

All this, plus having two 30p wees at either end of the journey made for not a great Tuesday. At Manchester this meant finding a cash machine, then buying a drink from a shop, only to find I still didn’t have the right change. I then had to find a change machine, and break £1 into crappy shrapnel, to then reach the turnstile to find someone had put too much in before me, and I could have had a 10p after all.

Seeing that the loos were just around the corner from the turnstiles, I did consider making my point by seeing if I could hit them from this side of the turnstiles, thus saving 10p. Maybe in my younger days, but at my age I’m lucky to hit the back of the loo from point-blank range.

This week also saw my Dad return briefly to hospital for a planned stay. He has something that it seems needs regular draining. The details of which are not for here I think, but he again got through it OK, and was in fine spirits when I took my Mum to see him on Wednesday evening. So much so that he was most upset that his request for a Kit Kat had been ignored/forgotten by Mum, so I had to seek out the WRVS shop to prevent it turning nasty. He seemed quite settled, with his Sudoku book, personal telly and Horlicks being served to him bedside at supper time. When asked when he’d be coming home by Mum he pointed out that the healing process could not be rushed. The fact that he would be unable to golf at weekend meant he was in no real rush to be home, and was quite prepared to be waited on for a few more days.

However, I’m sure he was glad to be turfed out on Friday, and is doing fine apart from a little soreness.

Oli’s week has been one where he has certainly grown both in size and confidence. He is terrorising the cats, and has taken probably two steps back after his one forward on the house training front, but I guess this was always going to happen. We just need to be patient and consistent I think. Either that or Louise is going to tie a knot in it! A threat with which I am familiar.

So another week looms, bearing who knows what delights. If at any point you’d rather do anything than work, have a wander over to WDW Dads where I added my third article this week. It is all about a friend of mine who had a birthday.

Till the next time…..

And Oli makes five.

26/09/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Oli

I still haven’t managed to mow the back lawn.

I trust you have all been enjoying the wonderful British autumn? What was it that some famous poet bloke once said (I got an A at English Literature O level you know), it is the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness? My arse. Once we get into September it is just one long grey miserable drizzle filled mess until the snow comes. I am sick to death of everything just being moist, dank and grey.

There are rumours of an Indian summer to come this week, which probably means a half day break in the drizzle.

There is only one topic this week to blog about and that would be the new arrival into the Williams household. After four weeks of waiting, Tuesday evening crept around, and with the girls more excited than a hundred Christmases combined, we set off to the darkest recesses of East Lancashire to collect our new Old English Sheepdog. The four weeks since we had seen him had resulted in him doubling in both size and cuteness. His name has been settled since before we even chose him. Emily had decided upon Oli. Not Ollie, or Olly, certainly not Oliver but Oli. This is important, as he is named after someone called Oli Sykes. I include a photo so you can get some appreciation of what Emily’s bedrooms walls are like!

With a nervy drive home behind us (no-one wants a wee soaked Mondeo), we introduced him to this new house, and to be honest, he settled in straight away. We were all ready for an interrupted night’s sleep, well, Louise was, as she had taken a few days off to help him get used to us, we did not hear a peep out of him all night.

This was partly due to the fact that Louise and I were not in for most of it. Louise had been suffering with a painful foot for a day or two, and it chose tonight to flare up into what turned out to be a severe bout of tendonitis. At around 2.30am, I joined Louise in being awake, and we toddled off to receive the necessary medical attention, in the form of an xray and medication. If you do need to go to A&E, I would recommend 3.00am on a Wednesday morning as we were seen straight away, and with not one drunk in sight.

After getting a luxurious hour or so of sleep on our return, I zombied my way to work and somehow ambled through the day. Louise began the constant supervision of Oli. To be fair to Emily she was up at 6.30am that morning to look after him, and has been every day since. Her body is in shock, and this can’t last forever!!

My main fear in getting a new puppy (I say main, as I had a few) was the horror of house training. We’re still under a week in, so I don’t want to jinx anything, but the little fella is doing alright. We are extremely vigilant in making sure he is taken outside at all the right times, but he is getting the hang of knowing when and where to do stuff. He is also doing fine during the night in his crate. All in all it could be a lot worse!

Aside from the chores of looking after him, it is safe to say we have all fallen for him, along with the extended family, and we’ve never had so many visitors as we’ve had in the past few days. As you can see from the photos he is so cute that he doesn’t look real, and in real life he is all that cute and more.

My Dad in particular seems smitten, mainly as it brings back lovely memories of Kelly, the Old English we had when I was still at school. I, like Emily, promised to look after her, and so by default, she became my Dad’s dog!!

Dad came round to see Oli, and brought with him a photo of Kelly, with my niece Sarah, who is now twenty years old by the way!!

The red fridge magnet is a recent addition, as that is where the photo now lives!! Standby for Oli overload!

Louise’s foot has improved a little during the week so she’s been able to chase after him well enough. I’ve spent more time on our decking in the past week than in the previous several years since we had it built. It has been drizzling for every single minute of that, and applauding and cheering at every “movement” could be viewed as a little odd, but it is, so I read, a key process in the training of your puppy! I’ve also learnt that drizzle covered decking allows me to put on my own Bolero most evenings, as I skate around the thing, trying not to triple salco into the latest pile of “Success”.

Today is my turn to settle him in, so I have booked a day off work. It is amazing how something as simple as that can change your whole Sunday!! The retribution for that is on Tuesday in the form of a flying visit to London for a meeting. Yes, four hours on a train, for one meeting….at 4pm!!

I shall leave you with even more Oli, this time in video form. I will warn you that my camera technique may leave you feeling sea sick, and our decking is a wet mossy mess! Enjoy

Till the next time…..

A bit of blog for the (WDW) Dads

18/09/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon, Walt Disney World

Final preparations continue for the new arrival. This week we erected Oli’s crate, and sacrificed half of the kitchen to accommodate it. We are all quite excited about our new family member, mixed, certainly in my case, with a fair bit of trepidation. For the girls of course all they can see are the good, fun bits, but although it is a while now since we had a puppy in the house, I can still remember how hard it is. Louise said tonight that it will be like having a new-born baby in the house again. However, they can wear nappies!!

As much as the week just gone must have dragged for the girls as they countdown to this arrival, it passed me by in a blur of constant and perpetual motion. Being busy does make the time fly, which is a bonus when it is time at work.

Outside of work this week, I found another outlet for my written ramblings. For reasons that I cannot explain, a Disney website by the name of WDW Dads have added me to their roster of writers. I have been billed as “International writer”, which is perhaps the most exotic way in which I have ever been described. If you so wish, feel free to have a virtual wander over there. My first offering can be found by clicking this piece of text.

It is a fairly simple view of how a trip to WDW differs when you live on this side of the Atlantic. Now if you were all to make your way over there, and leave highly complimentary comments on that article, well who am I to try to stop you???

After the first article of course, I now have to think of stuff to write about in future, plus come up with someone to waffle about here, and finish the trip reports. Luckily, work is a dream and is not taking up any of my time currently!!

At home, yet another weekend has rolled by where I have been unable to mow my back lawn, and by that, I do mean the grass behind the house and nothing else. We have had a week of relative dryness, so I was hopeful that I would be able to tame the wilderness out there one last time before the ravages of winter roll in, sometime in early October. I haven’t had a mower on it since just before our holiday which is going on for six weeks now. Since our return, a mixture of a little bit of apathy and a whole lot of rain has denied any reduction to the green stuff.

Thinking this weekend would be the time, as I lay in bed early on Saturday yet another tropical style storm paid us a visit, and pretty much hung around all weekend. The lawn is wetter than the Total Wipeout course, and so it stays wild another week. Maybe it is possible to mow a lawn whilst it is covered in frost? I am not lay awake at night worrying about this, but I do fear for young Oli. We may lose him forever in the knee-high jungle that is our back lawn. Is it just a sign of old age to believe that every summer is worse than the last, and the only decent one we have ever had was in 1976? Perhaps, but I can’t remember a wetter one than this year.

Now that I have dazzled you with exciting lawn news, I could perhaps tip you over the edge with excitement, by dropping in that I have also got a new pair of slippers. Does anyone know where I can buy a pipe?

So to balance this level of banality, next week, rather than go to work, I am off to Rio, with Keith Richards and half a ton of Class A drugs. Maybe not. However, if the mood takes me I may lob my PC monitor out the window of the office, which would be very bad news for the swans and Canadian Geese that swim past my window all day. Salford Quays is an exotic place!

Don’t worry, next week I with fill this space with multiple puppy photos and tales of naughtiness and puddles on the floor. This has got to be an improvement on rampant lawns and slippers?

Till the next time…..

Two and a Half Men and a Dog.

12/09/201112/09/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

How quickly we move from summer straight into winter. This isn’t really a comment on the atrocious state of the weather, as talking about it will only encourage it. The noticeable gear change from the theme of summer happens more or less overnight, as soon as the kids go back to school. (Apologies to those North of the border who operate in a whole different term time universe).

The programming on our TVs is the biggest indicator of this change, with the rolling out of “the big guns” like Strictly Come Dancing. The mere appearance of this in the listings brings sundown forward by at least an hour.

It was but five minutes ago that we were bathed in late April, early May sunshine, thinking this would mean a summer of hose pipe bans, frying eggs on car bonnets and water fights in the streets. Well, I suppose the rioting in early August qualifies as the water fights, and maybe the torching of several cars was just someone getting the egg frying terribly wrong? No doubt a hose pipe ban was in place at one point or other, which would explain why Cameron refused to roll out the water canons to disperse the rioters!

george michael — A worrying recurring theme

So we’re into the next regimented phase of the year, which for me means I’m back to making packed lunches every day for me and the girls. For a task that takes about two minutes I cannot begin to express my hatred of it. Well I did just begin, but you know what I mean?

Inevitably, folks now are mentioning Christmas, and it will only be a few short weeks until we hear the unwelcome strains of the usual crowd; Slade, Cliff, East 17 and George Michael. Hmm, why do all my blogs reference George Michael???

Both Louise and I, feeling the groundhog nature of the festivities would love to go away for the whole thing, just to do something different. We have done one Xmas overseas, and that was back in 2005/6, when we went to Florida (shock horror!) just after Christmas and stayed into the new year. It was brill.

It is a very different holiday in some respects to a summer jaunt, with evenings being downright chilly, but the “magic” is tenfold if that is possible, with the decorations and lights being simply second to none, apart of course from that one house we all have locally who turn their semi into a fairy light filled grotto for two months every year!! Classy.

With this distinct plunge directly into winter from summer, do not pass Go, do not collect £200, comes a very significant event of course on the 20th of September. It is an event that has caused great excitement in our household, and there will be much happiness and merriment upon that day.

Yes, the new series of Two and a Half Men is shown on Comedy Central. Sure, Charlie Sheen is no more, and it could all be pants with such a major change in the cast, but I have enjoyed all of the previous episodes so much that I am ever hopeful that it will continue to be genuinely funny, perceptive, filled with smutty innuendo and at times nice and silly too. Of course, with Ashton Kutcher now in the show, getting any and all of the females in the house to watch it with me should not pose a problem.

Oh yes, our new dog, Oli, comes home on the same day too!!

So all this talk of Xmas holidays is not a pre-amble to me announcing a surprise trip to Orlando for Christmas. Imagine for a second I had somehow embezzled or borrowed the required funds, then we have the fact that within a matter of days now, our family will be swelled with the arrival of Oli the Old English Sheepdog. Running off on holiday weeks after his arrival would be downright bad form, but hey, it doesn’t stop me dreaming.

However, dreams for next summer are absolutely valid and are in full swing! Oli will be housed with some willing (or unwilling) volunteer I’m sure.

The girls are now fully embroiled in the new school year, with Emily getting to grips with being treated quite differently now she is in sixth form. She has study (free) periods in her timetable, and the teachers seem to be treating them like the mini-adults they are I suppose.

Not having to wear a uniform now, has of course meant a minor shopping spree to increase the collection of jeans and tops so that she fulfills her required level of coolness. Readers of my trip report will not have missed that we spent fortunes in Hot Topic a month ago, but still it seems more clothes were required.

Rebecca is still trapped within her uniform, and like most pupils is trying everything she can to push the boundaries on what is acceptable whilst avoiding punishment!!

So with Oli’s arrival on the horizon it feels very much like the calm before the storm, with last week being quite uneventful really. It contained lots of work of course, in which I still have pretty much no interest other than how long it is until pay-day (too long is the answer). I know I am doing a really bad job of hiding my resentment that I have to spend so much of my time doing things I don’t want to.

This plethora of work is also impacting the old trip reportage with progress quite slow, and when I do get to sit down and do one, my brain feels worn out from all the stuff I don’t want to do, which is maybe making them not all they could be. C’est la vie. Folk are still leaving very kind comments, and when I look at the number of people reading them it is a little mind-blowing. If only they all paid a pound each????!!!

So a wandering, non event of a blog this week, no doubt a symptom of the current malaise, which is a state of mind, not a salad dressing. Next week will be the last blog pre Oli, and after that it will be chock full of mischief, cute photos and messy floors, and I’m sure the dog will feature too!

Onwards and…..well onwards really.

Till the next time……

Wham Bam….

05/09/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

This new stuff at work is proving to be fun. If nothing else it is reinforcing my theory that is absolutely possible to be really, really busy and bored out of your head at the same time. If anyone reading this does something for a living that they are truly interested in, and/or enjoys, then you are lucky.

Not having any real interest in what you do for a living is, I guess, a curse brought on by not having any sort of career plan whatsoever at any stage, and just sort of stumbling my way from thing to thing over the years. Beyond wanting to be a pop star, I had no specific ambitions to be honest, and this has resulted in me doing stuff which just best pays the bills over the years.

As the often prophetic George Michael once said many years ago…

“Do you, enjoy what you do? If not just stop, don’t stay there and rot!”

Alas it is not that simple my hirsute Greek friend.

This lack of burning career ambition and direction has also resulted in never really feeling properly qualified as “anything” in particular either. I hate being asked what I do for a living as I have no idea what to reply. A good all-rounder, or jack of all trades master of none are both suitable answers, which leave me with a constant feeling of just being about to be “found out” for the charlatan that I am.

All this woe is me stuff can easily be dismissed of course with a counter argument about earning “good money”, and not having to do anything like proper work, involving manual labour, cold weather and getting my hands dirty, all of which is true. I just wouldn’t mind getting up each morning to do something that I have a remote interest in, beyond hoping the job is still there so that we have somewhere to live, and holidays to go on.

This thinking is why I am in no way concerned about the girls’ life choices. Emily’s choice of A level subjects have almost entirely been driven by what interests her, and not what might take her to some career or other. She is doing Media Studies, Film Studies, Photography and English Literature. What she ends up doing next, I’m not too bothered, but hopefully it will be something that fits with her interests.

Rebecca too, having just selected her GCSE options, has chosen stuff that the fellows at Oxbridge may not deem to be academically “on message”. With Drama, Dance (yes there is a dance GCSE), Art and Music, at least half of her lessons will be things that she enjoys, which will surely help her get through the must haves such as Maths, English and Science etc.

Louise too is thinking of a career change, with a possible return to study at some point in the near future. All I need now is someone to match my current salary in return for me writing pithy, moany blogs and tweets, whilst travelling the US on some sort of eternal travelogue. Surely this isn’t too much to ask??

Until that happens, the charade of interest continues, attending meetings I don’t want to go to, talking about stuff that I’d rather not talk about, in places I don’t want to be. It’s all a bit of a game really, and one I don’t particularly care if I win or lose, as long as the salary hits the bank each month.

So yes, this (if you had not noticed) is the inevitable and annual return to work after holiday blues blog. A few more weeks of drizzle, crap traffic, and working weeks will have me re-conditioned back into the swing of normality again I’m sure. Until that time I reserve the right to be maudlin, gloomy and aggrieved.

Louise feels much the same I know, as she posted this morning her unbound joy of a wet, grey miserable Monday morning on the way to Rochdale to take pictures of stranger’s boobs. Nothing against, Rochdale or the boobs of strangers I’m sure.

I suspect we are not alone in our thinking, as any cursory glance at Facebook or Twitter of a Sunday evening/Monday morning will see a procession of protestations around the inevitable and unavoidable bill slavery that befalls many.

I shall take my half empty glass now and spare you any more of this self-pitying tosh, and hope that by the next update here I have something more jolly to share with you. I never said these would always be pretty….did I?

What did George Micheal know anyway, he also said…Do you love your monkey or do you love me?

I am ambivalent to my monkey George.

Till the next time…..

No, No, No, No, No….oh alright then Yes.

28/08/201128/08/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

So I picked up my glasses on the way home from work on Friday evening. After a very tough week, with some (even though I say it myself) pretty spectacular political shenanigans from me to save one of my team’s job, (they will never know how much they owe me!!), I did what is termed an “early dart”, and was back in Bolton for 5.30, without any form of guilt at all.

Having paid a whopping £2.60 for an hours car parking, I was in the shop for around twenty-seven seconds and back at my car throwing away the ticket, and trying not to be too angry at the vast loss of earnings.

I then spent all evening at home, waiting for someone to notice my change of eye attire. They didn’t. Should I commit such a heinous crime when Louise has three hairs dyed a half-tone lighter, and I am on tongue and cold shoulder for the next three weeks. The reason Louise didn’t notice was that she was stamping her feet, and berating me to get her own way. This was not for the granting of bodily pleasures, even though Lord knows they are worth berating for, but rather a new dog.

You will know of our Henry and how we said goodbye just a few weeks ago. So we have been enjoying a little less stress in our lives, as much as we miss the old bugger, and so the thought of a new puppy and all that entails did not strike me as an attractive option. However, to add complexity to this situation, this new dog request is fogged with the air of guilt, as we (for that read Louise when tipsy) promised Emily a dog if and when she did well in her exams.

It was just my luck then, that this week brought results day, and one way or another, Emily getting the results she needed to get into the sixth form at her current school, to do the A levels of her choosing. Drat and double drat. The nerves felt on Wednesday night and on the way to school on Thursday were palpable, and Emily was a little jumpy too. She didn’t break any records with her results, and didn’t pass her Maths, but this is a Williams family tradition as we’ve all had at least two goes at that one. But come September, she will start four A levels, Media Studies, Film Studies, Photography and English Literature, whilst re-sitting Maths soon. Those A level choices will give you a hint at Emily’s strengths, which like mine, are some several miles away from Maths!!

All this cleverness and success meant that we were sort of backed into a corner dog wise. However, my objections, based on wee, poo, stress and in no small way expense, were aired all Friday evening, and we went to bed agreeing to disagree. By that I mean Louise and I, who wants a new dog more than Emily!!

There was a nice break from hostilities on Saturday as we cleaned for a good few hours in the morning, in preparation for some guests for the weekend. Steve and Di, my oft referenced DVC friends, and colleague (Steve, not Di) were coming over. We had a lovely time, with a lunch at home, with lots of chat around our recent holiday, and Di’s upcoming one, followed by what I believe is termed as a “run out” in the car.

We drove to Whalley, where we had posh coffees in Benedicts, and then allowed Louise and Di to wander the many posh frock shops. Purchases were made, the full extent of which I am too yet fully appreciate. It was on this wandering of Whalley that I saw for the first time, the full extent of my new reactor lenses. I know that sounds all James Bond like, but I had opted for some new fandangled lenses in my specs which turn all dark when the sun shines.

I am yet to be convinced of their aesthetic value, although the lack of squinting is appreciated. Having seen myself in a shop window, I was a little taken aback, as I do look a little…how can I say…..mentally impaired. I hope I can get used to it.

Later in the afternoon we had a drive to a local country pub called The Strawberry Duck for beers, wines and shandys, as this was a watering hole that Steve and Di frequented before they defected to North Yorkshire at the turn of the century, and is pretty local to our house. A lovely day all round. Now what could possibly improve a day like this? Well, food! We ventured to a Greek restaurant in Horwich called Sokrates. Louise and I had a Mezze, which consisted of lots of little bits of lots of things. After a lovely meal, with great company, we headed home, and promptly when straight to bed!! Rock and roll!

So after a lot of sleep we all eventually woke up, and wandered to a local Deli for brunch. Yep, more food.

Steve and Di left us at around lunchtime, when Louise immediately resumed the head pecking about the dog. Now, you know I wear the trousers, am boss of the house, say what goes, and absolutely would not bow down to this childish miethering.

So, meet Oli, our new Old English Sheepdog puppy.

Oli the Old English — You had me at peeing on the carpet

It is all against my better judgement, but after foolishly agreeing to just go and look, it was no shock to see us leave with one reserved, and a new arrival at the Williams household in about four weeks, once he is old enough.

Emily has chosen the name Oli (after Oli Sykes, who is some tattooed screamo bloke). Promises have been made about looking after it, and all that stuff, and we will see of course. Emily also said she’d help!! I have my “I told you so ” face readied with a smug rating of 100.

We went to a breeder near Barnoldswick, and spent a good few hours, first getting to know the Grandad (of the puppy), who is HUUUGGGEE, but lovely, and then playing with the last two brothers of a litter of eleven. The Mum made an appearance too, and we had a long chat with the breeders, to the point that we were happy with them. Emily eventually made the selection from the two, and I drove home with happy females in the car. It’ll never last.

So we’ve had a busy old few days, with GCSE results, glasses, visitors and silly decisions to buy a puppy, so this will explain partly why there has been little or no trip report action recently. I hereby promise to do one tomorrow with not being at work and stuff.

Our eating has not improved in any way this week, with a meal out on Thursday to celebrate Emily’s success, and weekend of indulgence with Steve and Di. Must do better.

Till the next time…..

Glee, Glasses and Gluttunous Guzzling

21/08/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

So the first week back at work is over, and we are all agreed that we desperately need a holiday. The seemingly unending monotony of real life stretching out before me is proving a large mental hurdle. This was not helped by yet more changes at work upon my return which means now I have even more to do and more folk to “look after”. Naturally a mahoosive pay rise was also forthcoming you say? Alas, no.

So I was quickly plunged straight back into normality, when all I was hoping to do this week was concentrate on sucking my belly in, clearing my Inbox of the shite it attracted whilst I was away, and hatching a plan for the swiftest return to Florida possible .

We are all simply missing Florida a lot.

I have, as you probably know written a few days up of the trip report, and bloggage shall remain brief whilst that continues, as one thing I am not blessed with right now is an abundance of free time. The girls are, and they have remained more or less nocturnal since our return, with their bodies seemingly stuck on US time, or maybe it is just normal teenage behaviour?

For some reason, two out of three females in the house have changed their hair colour this week. Louise started the trend with a visit to the hairdressers to pay a no doubt scandalous amount of money for the priviledge of going brown again. Rebecca soon followed, but thankfully, with a home made effort. She has also made a move back towards her natural colour, which is a relief in some way, as the upkeep of the blonde look was financially painful. I have no idea how long this look will last, and no doubt this will make Emily want to make a change too!!

Beyond the horrors of work, I have not a lot else to report for this week. After two weeks away, and having not cooked once during that time, apart from the odd piece of toast, I do feel slightly guilty at the amount of takeaways we have done this week. I always give us at least one week post holidays to allow our bodies to acclimatise to a more normal level of calories per day, so the week ahead shall be a little better, I hope.

Oh yes, a major breakthrough last week. After around six weeks of trying, three false starts and a lot of moaning, we finally got a plumber to the house to undertake some bits and bobs that have been outstanding for ages. Our drips leak and moistness are hopefully a thing of the past.

This weekend has been chock full of not a right lot really.

On Friday evening, the girls went to see Glee 3D, so Louise and I went out for tea, as cooking has not been high on our lists this week. We visited Spice Valley in Bolton, and very nice it was. We could tell that we have just come back from our holidays for a couple of reasons.

1. I was expecting regular and free refills on my Diet Coke.

2. As always we over ordered, but managed to eat the lot without too many problems.

Heeding the adverts advice, today I have indeed been to Specsavers to select a new pair of glasses, and have my first eye test for over five years. I felt it was time! No massive changes in my blindness, and the new set are ready next week. Next, on the clean up of things that should have been done ages ago is the trusty Mondeo getting a service next week.

This is like a lifestyle spring clean in August!!

Lord knows what next week will bring at work, and I have to say, that my level of enjoyment, and excitement at the prospect of work has moved down a notch or two further if that were in any way possible. I suspect this is much to do with the return from holiday, but not wholly. Next Thursday is GCSE results day for Emily, and I’m sure things are unlikely to be straight forward. I’ll be taking her to school to get them to offer praise, congratulations, advice, and condolence in whatever measure required.

I should also offer a thank you to all the folks who have recently started to follow me on Twitter. I surged majestically past 300 followers in the last week, which is both brill and incomprehensible.

Till the next time…..

The world can’t end till we’ve been on holiday.

24/07/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

Some weeks it can be difficult to find topics of sufficient interest to document here. You will no doubt have noticed such weeks!

This week has been different for two reasons –

1. This week has lasted about seventeen years

2. It has been a week full of quite incredible world events including corruption, massacre and self-destruction.

To address point 1 first. My God, last week at work dragged. I discovered that it is indeed possible to be both busy and bored out of your skull at the same time. Towards the end of a countdown to a much longed for break, the final throes can be wearisome, whatever you are doing I suppose. The fact that I don’t like what I was doing made it much worse.

Rebecca finally finished school on Friday, and she too can be bored at home alongside Emily, who has been doing that more or less since May. Speaking of Emily, this weekend saw the celebration of her imminent sixteeness with a gathering of friends who got together to make my living room look untidy for a while.

The chosen theme for the celebration was Laser Quest. A little odd for your typical sixteen year old girl, but I suppose she isn’t really. So Saturday afternoon saw two jam-packed cars make the journey to the Trafford Centre, where we deposited them for a couple of games whilst Louise and I wandered picking up those last-minute essentials. For me, this meant underwear. I apologise for those having eaten recently, or intending to do so ever again, but this needs covering (I mean the topic!!).

Now, when you are forty and flabby, and you need under garments where else would you go other than good old M&S? Me too, but despite several trips around the mens department, I left empty-handed. Not one pair of attractive briefs could I find. So we wandered, a lot, to other fine establishments only to be denied by a total lack of undies, undies that were simply ridiculous thongs or those overly tight trunk things, or sheer expense. Only two people alive see my underwear so anything costing more than roughly a pound a pair is simply a crazy extravagance.

We left the place sans briefs and Louise got me some from Asda later that day.

jason bateman — I bet he buys briefs from Asda too.

Whilst we sought underwear, and other bits and bobs, the girls shot at each other, and we met them at 5.30 to take them back home so they could take over our house. Takeaways all round, and we left them to it whilst we went to the pictures with my brother, sister and law and niece to watch Horrible Bosses. It is very much in the vain of Hangover and Bridesmaids so I was looking forward to it. Plus, Louise fancies Jason Bateman, so it was a simple choice. I enjoyed it, and it is entertaining enough for a Saturday evening. And yes, Pick n Mix happened.

We returned around 11pm, did the birthday cake thing and then fell into bed, and listened to the girls make too much noise until the early hours. This is a tradition on these birthday sleepovers.

Candles — A little less sixteen candles....

Along side all this business, we have completed other pre-holiday essentials, such as cleaning the oven, mowing the back lawn (not a euphemism), and this evening I shall be cutting my toenails. No stone is left unturned in our preparation and planning. We have even had Louise’s mum round for tea tonight, so we’ve been busy. This is a good thing, as time has moved along nicely. I fear Monday and Tuesday at work may not. In those two remaining work days for me, I have checked my diary, and it seems that out of two full days at work, I am not in meetings for just over 100 minutes. So add-on a few minutes to neck a sandwich and I am in one big meeting until I finish for holibobs. I can’t decide if this is a good or bad thing. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

On to point 2 (remember?). Wow, what a week. It does seem that the world is quickly crumbling around us. Everything and everybody is corrupt, and because of that papers like the News of the World are no longer around to report upon the absolutely atrocious events in Norway over the past few days. However what is totally incomprehensible is that the death of a drug and drink addict, at her own hands, supersedes all these events on the news and in the newspapers!! Have we really elevated so-called celebrities to such exalted heights that this is acceptable.

Some smacked up singer takes one shot too many, and finally fulfills her destiny, and over 90 kids getting massacred is relegated to the middle of the paper? Really? Are we happy with this? My ghast is completely flabbered at this, and as this blog isn’t meant to deal with the heavy stuff, I’m not going to go into this any further.

Finally, in a week of head shaking, and wondering what the world is coming to, I was contacted by a fellow Dibber, Emma Smith, and asked if I could help spread the word about a special cause. Whether it is a pitiful attempt by me to somehow try to compensate for the absolute and unending decay of civilisation, or just something any decent person would do, I’m not sure and I don’t care. I could not say no, so I hope you don’t mind me pushing this here.

So, as this thread explains, Emma needs help to raise £2000 for treatment for her baby Max. The fact that she is having to raise this cash for this treatment, rather just get it on the NHS is another ghast flabbering body blow. Please, take a moment to read the thread, and if you can, donate at the just giving page.

As my ranting seems to have reached new levels both here and via other social media outlets, it prompted someone to say to me on Twitter, that it sounds like I really need a holiday. I’ll second that. So Tuesday is special in the week upcoming. My eldest daughter turns 16, and we’ll have a small family gathering to mark the occasion. Secondly, it marks me finishing work, and the start of our next adventure to the US. A good day all round. I would advise anyone to stay clear of the bright red Mondeo heading from Salford Quays to Bolton at around 6pm on Tuesday. I will be taking no prisoners!!

So it is farewell for now. We have a long journey ahead of us this week, and we should be stateside sometime on Thursday barring disasters and delays. You are spared further rantage for the short-term!! I hear you sigh collectively. However, there may be a little Twittering so if you don’t already, you could follow me were you to be clinically insane and in need of vitriol and bile via your computer.

Till the next time…..

It was The Antiques Roadshow that made me do it m’lud.

17/07/2011 by mkingdon, posted in mkingdon

You may well have witnessed me rant on several occasions (I could stop this sentence right now and it would be true but I shall clarify further), about the insulting nature of mass market Saturday night TV. Fear not, I am not going there again. Nope, instead I balk today at the insulting nature of mass market Sunday night TV.

I am couched at this very moment wrapped in the cloying banality of The Antiques Roadshow. If television were a pair of corduroys then this programme would be them…..in beige. It is the epitome of middle class, Sunday evening, have a small sherry, Daily Mail reading, cardigan bedecked, tartan slipper wearing (checks own feet, it’s ok mine are blue), Giles Brandreth liking niceness that is served up every week, all year round it seems, to remind everyone that the weekend is nearly over, and we are all about to be hurled back into the hell of a new working week.

Preceding this, Songs of Praise is about as enjoyable as Aled Jones is svelte. Not very. I haven’t looked but I will bet my love handles that later on ITV will be some retro fitted milder than Korma storylined dross set somewhere oop north, starring someone who used to be in Eastenders. Nope, I lie, it is on NOW!!! The Royal. This is the bastard love child of Nick Berry and Tricia Penrose, and is about as intellectually challenging as a Rubik’s cube with all the same coloured stickers on it.

Please, Mr TV executives, let’s shake things up a little. We don’t HAVE to vote for things on a Saturday, and we really, really don’t have to be averaged to death on a Sunday night either. If it were not for Sky+, I would be roaming the streets of Bolton with a sawn off shotgun taking people out for watching Countryfile.

That said, if you didn’t know, in just over a week, I will be subject to American TV for just over two weeks. This parade of adverts, separated by the odd punchline or news story is quite novel for someone like me, visiting for a short while. I suspect if I lived there, I would be roaming the streets of Orlando with a sawn off shotgun taking people out for watching the Appliance Direct advert.

So has there ever been a more tenuous set up to get onto the subject of my holiday? Probably, about this time last week.

Preparations continue, most come with a cost, namely Louise braving the Trafford Centre on a very wet and windy Saturday which meant that everyone within a fifty mile radius of the place had decided to do the same. She returned with some clothes, which will now mean that we can go the entire holiday without looking at or purchasing any further items of clothing right?? Right???

This weekend I have gotten my planning folder out (yeh, like you don’t have one too) and been through everything from where we are sat on the planes (all four of them) to doing a Google streetmap view of our Travelodge hotel near Heathrow. Worryingly, it isn’t actually finished on the street view thing, but I am hoping things have moved on since then!!

Regular readers of this and the oft referred to trip reports will know that I undertake a strict health regime prior to holidays to ensure I arrive in the sunshine state with a body like Ricky Martin. No, sorry I meant Rick Waller.

This year, I am shredding. I am spending twenty minutes every day with Jillian Michaels in my bedroom, and at the end of it I am sweating and out of breath like you would not believe. I’ve been at it now for over twenty days, and as you can probably envisage, I am ripped and toned in a way you can only dream of.

This DVD is a toughie. It isn’t one of your Davina (insert any other minor celeb DVD released each January) put one foot in, one foot out type namby pamby nonsense. No this is hardcore torture, so much so that I have been limping for the best part of two weeks having done untold damage to my left ankle on about day five. Being ever so slightly OCD about doing this every day for the thirty days required, I have somehow soldiered on with a mix of determination, grimacing, ice packs and ibuprofen.

The injury is getting better now, and I’ve able to give it full welly again.

So, I enter my final full week at work. It is funny that having endured so long since booking, these final few days feel like a lifetime. Up until now the remaining days have nothing silly in them, like trips to London or other such strange places. They are just filled with the usual mixture of banal meetings, and regular disasters to resolve.

How I shall feel a week on Tuesday at around 6pm as I drive home I cannot put into words. If you hadn’t guessed this is when I finish. It is also Emily’s sixteenth birthday, so a double celebration will be had that night.

So next Sunday shall be last bloggage for some time I suspect. With the writing of trip reports to get done on my return, I may suspend bloggage for a time so that I can get that done as quickly as possible. We’ll see how that works out I suppose.

I’m off now to put my foot through the TV before Fiona Bruce gets any more smug.

Till the next time…..

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: