Time, they say, is a cruel mistress, a double-edged sword, a swirling maelstrom of contradictions, a thing that can feel the opposite at the same time. OK, I made the last couple up, but time is a strange thing. Not as an abstract concept, but more of a thing that can feel to pass so slowly, and yet in the blink of an eye all at the same time.
The last few weeks have edged along at a pace not seen since I last tried to run anywhere. With “issues” to resolve, the pace at which the world responds to my efforts to do so has been painful to say the least. I look into next week and see half a chance of finally sorting stuff out from a work perspective, and also with more than a mild feeling of trepidation that it will somehow be ripped from my grasp at the last moment, and I’ll have to wait yet more time to feel some sort of relief.
On the other hand, time on a grander scale seems to flash before my eyes as if it were nothing but a few seconds. Two things this week have made think this way.
Firstly, Rebecca has entered the workforce. It is, in the scheme of things, in a small way, but nevertheless, on Saturday she emerged from work beaming from ear to ear clutching the first £16 she had ever earned and feeling like a millionaire. She has got herself a Saturday job in a hairdressers. Said hairdressers is owned by my cousin, and she spent her first day at work shampooing, brewing up and cleaning the loos, thankfully not concurrently.
She seemed to enjoy herself, and was to be seen constantly looking at the sparkly money in her purse for the rest of the day. But never mind that, how did it come to pass that my little girl became old enough to go into the working world?
This thought had been reinforced by the second point I am making, which is that we are in the process of clearing out all of our cupboards and drawers of all the accumulated pap that we have shoved into drawers and cupboards since we moved in ten years ago. Much of what we are finding is photographic evidence that I used to have hair, Louise once had a really bad bubble perm and the kids grew up sometime in the last ten minutes to be nearly adults.
Packet after packet of photos bring back to life different stages of our lives, and along with that wistful smile that memories bring (or is it wind?), it has reminded me that I seem to have blinked and missed a decade or so.
I haven’t of course, I was just busy in that decade working hard, and planning for some big thing that never seems to arrive or happen. At the risk of getting too clawingly sentimental, smelling a rose or two along the way sounds like a plan, until life happens, and the roses whizz by the car window as you drop the girls off at another party or school event for which we are always late, and having a row as we have had to do something at the last-minute as the girls failed to mention that they needed those ingredients, that T-shirt or their PE kit.
Such is life I suppose. So now I share my house with two almost adult girls who still call me Dad, and when the need arises still rely on me to sort stuff out, but they certainly won’t be going on my shoulders anytime soon, and won’t be needing me to put that stupidly small dress onto their Polly Pocket for the sixth time this hour.
Time is relative. Immediate issues that need addressing, like my current ones, feel like you are wading through a swamp with lead boots on, and no matter how hard you try, time drags on. A bit like watching your countdown tick by till your next holiday.
The big picture stuff, which sees you changing nappies one day, and having yours changed the next is something akin to how you find yourself sat on the tarmac in Orlando waiting to head back to greyness and crap weather seemingly about seventeen minutes after landing there in the first place.
Ah well, my latter point proves that I shall no doubt look back on the dark times in the right now, as a small pot hole on the outside lane of life’s motorway when I look back on photos of us now, and remember what was going on. Then I’ll ask one of the girls to take me to toilet again, and soil myself just before we get there out of spite.
So as you may guess, I am still somewhat in limbo, as my maudlin ramblings above may suggest. Progress is slow, and very distracting, but as mentioned earlier, next week suggests that (to quote Lilly Allen) there may be a tunnel with some light at the end, or something like that. I hope so, as these last few weeks are not ones that I wish to repeat at any time in the future.
Forgive me again for the elusive nature of this here post but I strongly believe that jumping any guns here would jinx the small amount of progress made so far, so, you shall have to return to later bloggings to be bored to tears by the full story, and be very let down by its mundane nature…so it’ll be like every other week’s blog then!
In other news, Oli continues to become fluffy again after his hair cut when it was back in the spring (or was that summer). He is a cutie.
We also went to the cinema today for the first time in ages. Men in Black III was the film of choice, and we enjoyed it. There were no great surprises, but I wasn’t expecting any, just a good entertaining family film, and that was what we got. The real surprise of the trip was that for some reason I did not get any Pick n Mix, and instead got a small (yes, I said a small!) popcorn instead.
I tell you, all this stress and bother is causing me some obvious issues. Fingers crossed that this time next week I can tell you of some resolution and a return to normality, not some crazy world where I order a small of anything. Madness!
Till the next time……