A Ranting Return

It’s been a while hasn’t it? All this trip report nonsense getting in the way of my pure gold blog posts every week. Welcome back. What on earth can I talk about now and will anybody care? Well, on the basis that hardly anyone will be reading this, we start with a rant….

So Facebook….it’s great isn’t it? It’s free, and ideal for keeping in touch with old friends, the sharing of vague emotional status updates, false bragging about how great our lives are and generally just seeking attention. That’s what it is intended for and I do most of those  on Facebook on a regular basis, as we all should. More than anything though it gives you a clear idea about which of your Friends on there might struggle to get themselves dressed of a morning.

Dear Facebook friends, I beg you to use the sense you were born with, the nouse you use in everyday real life when you are online. You would not act this way in real life.

Please, stop sharing right wing, made up, over sentimental, scam shite all over the internet. For example, you will often see….

Some school has banned the nativity due to nasty foreigners or people of a different colour being offended, share this to express your indignation.  Firstly, no they haven’t and even if they had what good is you clicking share going to do? Also, the old favourite…..

Someone is offended by a poppy…..again, no they aren’t. But then again I’m offended by a lot of things, like stupid Facebook stuff and Coldplay yet I don’t feel the need to start a Facebook meme about it that everyone then sees in their feed seventeen times an hour. Then we have…

For every share and like some company will donate some dollars…nope, they absolutely will not. Stop it immediately. Or maybe…

Facebook is trying to take this photo down, share it now. If Facebook cared about that photo enough to distract them from counting their money, then you probably wouldn’t see it in the first place…..do not click that shit!  One of my all time faves is….

Any post that ends with “and you won’t believe what happened next”. This translates to…this is click bait shite, please click onto this page and the other 100 pages you will be asked to click through to in order to generate a load of ad views/impressions on my advertising account…kerching. And I think we can all say Amen to….

Here’s a distressing photo of a sick child or abused animal…if you scroll down you are heartless. Type Amen. Sigh…really….just because some photo exists and someone has added some inciteful text to entice you to comment, like or share does not make it true. Facebook is not the news or some absolute source of truth. It’s social media and any idiot can post any sort of shite on it. Look, I’m doing it right now!!

a meme

Oh and those quizzes, like, see what kind of twilight character, squirrel or baked confectionery you are….well, that’s just you telling someone all your preferences and character traits so they can spam and annoy you with more ads. Your call!

If Zuckerberg is reading this (and he does most weeks) my one request for new functionality would be a “For all that is holy NEVER show me this again in my feed” button for that hilarious photo/meme or inspirational quote over that lovely scenic photo that I have already seen more often than my wife and kids.

Anyway, I know that 99% of my friends won’t read this, but please copy and paste it onto your foreheads because if you don’t, somewhere a small puppy will burst into flames due to ISIS or some other bogey man that triggers an irrational fear.

and yes…I’m OK hun! 🙂

Till the next time…..

Cut, Thrust, Stab.

It has been a week of offers, counter offers, industrial espionage and daring do, of the likes not seen since Gordon Gekko bought a new pair of braces.  Yes, that’s right, we have been embroiled in the cut and thrust of property sales and purchases this week.

gordon gekko
Not a penny under the asking price, and the lounge curtains are non negotiable!

Following our viewing last Sunday, the working week began with an offer, the obligatory derisory sneer from us at such an offer, and from there a spiral of further offers, poker faces and letting folk sweat, until at some time on Wednesday we received an asking price offer.  This is not the glorious victory it may sound like as we had reduced said asking price by a chunk in previous weeks, however, a win is a win as they say.

We were glad our viewers were able to get there financially as they were lovely, and we will be delighted, should the next couple of rocky months deliver us closure, to see them live in “our house”.

For our part, we have had our house picked out for, well, a couple of decades really.  The house we want has been in Louise’s family for nearly thirty years, and my Mum and Dad have lived next door to it since 1984, so we are quite familiar with it.  We offered, and it was accepted.  All very painless really, mainly as we’d agreed the price with Louise’s family member up front, but again, I’ll take a win where it comes.

Following the abject horror of discovering the full extent of the legal costs in simply buying some bricks and roof, I recovered enough to instruct someone to handle it.  For the prices involved, I expect him to rebuild it brick by boring brick to ensure it is fit for purpose.  The bank have agreed the mortgage in principle, that principle being that I will continue to be their bitch until I am close to death, and so we have the wheels in motion.

So with all that admin and faff complete literally by 5.30pm on Thursday, we could no more as Easter arrived to shut everyone down.  Whether we now wait six weeks or twenty-six, is now in the hands of a lawyer I found on the internet and some call centre mortgage clerk just outside of Birmingham.

To celebrate spending large amounts of money, Louise and I went out on Friday night to, quite aptly, TGI Fridays.  It is the closest dining experience to the US we have in the UK, whilst at the same time being so far away from it, as to remind you why you want to go back so much!  Upon arrival, it was busy, and we were handed a vibrator and told to go to the bar.  I’ve heard about these types of drinking establishment, but haven’t yet visited one.

A tenner’s worth of wine and diet coke later, and we are soon seated.  The food is good, there is no denying, although the waiters all seem a little forced, rather than the natural good moods and charm of their US brethren.  However, as I drove home on the receiving end of Cheesy Nachos, a Chicken Fajita Salad and Cookie Dough Cheesecake, I certainly felt full enough to imagine I had just eaten US style.  The only difference being that on holiday in the US, I would be doing all that again within a matter of hours.

The long weekend is doing us nicely, with not a lot going on beyond planning stuff for the (hopefully) new house, with even the girls getting quite excited about the prospect of their new rooms, and the sheer volume of expensive tat that they can procure to, as Louis Walsh might say, make it their own.

Every year, pre Easter, our house echoes with the cries of “Girls, you’re not going to get as many eggs this year as you are too old now”.  This is all in vain, as now, there is so much chocolate in the house, I’ve had to hire a couple of oompa loompas to stock pile it.  We usually find a couple of Emily’s eggs down the back of her wardrobe just before Christmas, whereas if Rebecca’s make it to Tuesday that will be a new record!  Dad might just have to help out a little I suppose!

Before I get back to my restful long weekend, I need to express my thanks for everyone who has taken the time to “Like Me”.  This is not an outward expression of my neediness,  no, I keep that to myself mostly, but more a recognition of all those who gave a toss enough to get over to Facebook and like my new Mkingdon page.  I still don’t know really what will happen there, but we seem to have had fun this week??

mkingdon fb
122 Likes!!

Finally, we’ve had a make over here at mkingdon.com.  I don’t mean that I have parted my hair on a different side, although I might!  Instead, I have changed the look and feel of this here blog, as it had been the same for ages.  I hope you like it, but if it gets the same sort of reaction that a change to Facebook gets I expect to receive the parcels of dog poo through the letter box shortly.  The internet is odd like that.

I hope you all enjoy the break and love eggs.  Wait, no, love eggs is something altogether different and in no way related to Jesus.  Still, whatever floats your boat.

Till the next time……