It’s been a while hasn’t it? All this trip report nonsense getting in the way of my pure gold blog posts every week. Welcome back. What on earth can I talk about now and will anybody care? Well, on the basis that hardly anyone will be reading this, we start with a rant….
So Facebook….it’s great isn’t it? It’s free, and ideal for keeping in touch with old friends, the sharing of vague emotional status updates, false bragging about how great our lives are and generally just seeking attention. That’s what it is intended for and I do most of those on Facebook on a regular basis, as we all should. More than anything though it gives you a clear idea about which of your Friends on there might struggle to get themselves dressed of a morning.
Dear Facebook friends, I beg you to use the sense you were born with, the nouse you use in everyday real life when you are online. You would not act this way in real life.
Please, stop sharing right wing, made up, over sentimental, scam shite all over the internet. For example, you will often see….
Some school has banned the nativity due to nasty foreigners or people of a different colour being offended, share this to express your indignation. Firstly, no they haven’t and even if they had what good is you clicking share going to do? Also, the old favourite…..
Someone is offended by a poppy…..again, no they aren’t. But then again I’m offended by a lot of things, like stupid Facebook stuff and Coldplay yet I don’t feel the need to start a Facebook meme about it that everyone then sees in their feed seventeen times an hour. Then we have…
For every share and like some company will donate some dollars…nope, they absolutely will not. Stop it immediately. Or maybe…
Facebook is trying to take this photo down, share it now. If Facebook cared about that photo enough to distract them from counting their money, then you probably wouldn’t see it in the first place…..do not click that shit! One of my all time faves is….
Any post that ends with “and you won’t believe what happened next”. This translates to…this is click bait shite, please click onto this page and the other 100 pages you will be asked to click through to in order to generate a load of ad views/impressions on my advertising account…kerching. And I think we can all say Amen to….
Here’s a distressing photo of a sick child or abused animal…if you scroll down you are heartless. Type Amen. Sigh…really….just because some photo exists and someone has added some inciteful text to entice you to comment, like or share does not make it true. Facebook is not the news or some absolute source of truth. It’s social media and any idiot can post any sort of shite on it. Look, I’m doing it right now!!
Oh and those quizzes, like, see what kind of twilight character, squirrel or baked confectionery you are….well, that’s just you telling someone all your preferences and character traits so they can spam and annoy you with more ads. Your call!
If Zuckerberg is reading this (and he does most weeks) my one request for new functionality would be a “For all that is holy NEVER show me this again in my feed” button for that hilarious photo/meme or inspirational quote over that lovely scenic photo that I have already seen more often than my wife and kids.
Anyway, I know that 99% of my friends won’t read this, but please copy and paste it onto your foreheads because if you don’t, somewhere a small puppy will burst into flames due to ISIS or some other bogey man that triggers an irrational fear.
and yes…I’m OK hun! 🙂
Till the next time…..