The Ump Me, Do You Need A Wee Tour 2024 – Day One Tuesday 15th October

Hello again, for yet another trip report. I have to admit that I have really wrestled with the dilemma of whether to do this one or not. Even on the holiday, finding time to write notes for each day proved to be a challenge and my motivation to then find time every week to craft a post about each day has been severely tested. Life is busy right now and it’s going to be a struggle but in the end, the capturing of what we did to look back on in years to come won out and with scant regard for what will be a thrown-together and low-quality effort, here we are.

The first thing to address and explain is the title. It will mean nothing to anybody not on the trip, so that sounds like a good choice for a title doesn’t it? But, I choose titles from things that mean something for each trip and this is what stood out this time.

Each morning as we left the villa community we had to pass through a gate which opened automatically as we approached. We told the boys that they had to command it to open and from way back in the rear of the SUV, two voices duly obliged. However, Dougie couldn’t quite manage the “Open Sesame” that Freddie was using to open the gate and instead, we got “Ump Me!” at full volume and it always made us smile.

The other theme of the trip was Freddie’s constant denial of needing a wee, which then often presented itself as a problem deep into a queue or halfway through an attraction. I shall save the most innovative solution to that problem somewhere in the very long wait for Smuggler’s Run, for later in the report.

The trip officially started the evening before our flight when we took some “by the door” pics of the boys…

And it continued at 4.30am, with Louise negating the need for the 5 am alarm I had set, with the hair dryer. She had it on, she didn’t hit me with it. I slowly gathered the will to rise and went down to let the dogs out before a quick shower and putting some clothes on. Most airlines insist I find.

As you do in the early hours pre-holiday flight, I undertook some routine household maintenance by pouring some drain unblocker down our shower as I noticed whilst showering that all of my hair must have been starting to block the drain.

We finished the packing without a jot of care for the weight of the cases, being Premium elites, and we loaded the cars and rolled off the drive by 6.10am. The traffic, especially around the unfit-for-purpose M60 was as bad as expected but we arrived at the airport an hour later. We dropped the cars off and left our keys at the overly complex key drop-off thing. The TUI check-in opened literally as we arrived at it, but the Premium desk was operating at less than a Premium speed and we waited a good fifteen minutes to get served.

After a trip to the oversize drop-off place with the car seats we went through security with little bother, other than Tom getting his usual extra special attention. This would continue at every theme park for the entire trip. Ryan the rucksack was diverted for an extra inspection but when the chap brought it forward and looked at the x-ray he said he had no idea why it had been held and handed him straight over.

We wandered through the shops mainly just following the signs for the super swanky lounge we had access to courtesy of our Premium status. We got to reception at 8.15 and we were kindly admitted a full fifteen minutes early simply because I am such a nice chap.

We were guided to some tables and then let loose on the breakfast buffet. That was more than fit for purpose, so I had two lots.

It was very lovely, despite an overly long wait to get a coffee from the self-serve machine as someone had seemingly volunteered to get one for the entire flight.

With food in our bellies, Freddie took it upon himself to use the camera, apologies for a rare appearance by yours truly.

There were less successful photos too.

Thankfully the camera was back in the hands of a professional before too long….

Whilst I had my traditional post-breakfast airport poo, with limited success, everyone else wandered the shops until I caught them up. With all the snacks and things bought we went back into the lounge for a bit and just had a drink.

Hopes that the boys would behave for the next nine hours were stretched….

But with time pressing on we moved down to the gate via the longest airport walk since the last time we walked to a gate at Manchester airport. I needed a third breakfast to replenish the calories. Gate 202 was not only in the next county, but also cramped and busy due to the ongoing works at the airport. We struggled to find a seat.

We boarded when called unusually, mainly as we were in Premium and were one of the first called onto the plane. We then spent about ten frustrating minutes standing on the stairs down to the plane.

Due to our later upgrade to Premium, we weren’t all sat together, with Louise sat with Freddie and I behind them.

The plane pushed back at 11.40, followed by a smooth take-off. As Louise and Freddie started to use their seat back TVs they turned in frustration that they couldn’t hear anything. A brief investigation found that Louise had plugged both their headphones into the power sockets.

Rebecca, Tom and Dougie were sat to the side of us, in the middle.

Drinks came first, along with a menu with a few choices for food.

I had Chicken with Jasmine rice which was very good.

About two hours in I watched the three available episodes of Two and a Half Men, again. After that, I swapped seats with Louise to play cards with Freddie. Louise, not being an anti-social freak like myself, made immediate friends with Gavin who I had been sitting next to for two hours, discovered he was TUI crew off on his holidays and then chatted to him for the rest of the flight.

After cards, Freddie watched Storks and I watched Oceans 12, again. Dougie had a sleep and was generally fantastically behaved despite all our fears in the build-up to the trip. He was intrigued by the seat belt and that pretty much kept him occupied for most of the flight.

Afternoon tea was a sandwich and scone.

After about eight and a half hours we landed.

I have not witnessed any human being more excited and more verbose than Freddie was on that descent into Melbourne. We chatted all the way down during which he asked me questions such as “Is it the clouds that move or the world?”. I somehow avoided displaying my stupidity by changing the subject.

As we were getting our stuff together to disembark, Freddie got hold of the camera and took yet more candid behind the scenes shots.

Once into the airport all of our cases were off very quickly but the two car seats took a frustrating age. After about fifteen minutes we were into and through immigration within a few minutes and off to pick up the car.

A painless experience other than me forgetting to take Tom to the counter with me to add him as the second driver, but we sorted that later in the holiday.

We walked out to the car park and picked up a stunning Jeep Wagoneer.

Here it is a few days later. It easily took all of us and our cases and was a fantastic drive too.

I connected Car Play and fired up the Waze app which was clearly broken as it said it would take two hours to get to the villa.

It took us along the 192 for 90% of the way and most of it was fine, but as we got to Kissimmee the traffic built up and we were crawling through endless traffic lights for what seemed like forever. We made a pit stop to get Louise a drink and it did take the full two hours and a bit more to get there. That last half hour was incredibly frustrating with the boys understandably keen to get to where we were going and there may have been a slight sulk overtaking me.

Traffic issues would be a theme of the trip. In all our years of visiting, we have never seen traffic like it. It’s probably been a couple of years since we stayed anywhere that needed regular use of the 192 and I4 but I don’t what happened in that time, but it was a nightmare.

Upon arrival. we went to the guard house first to get our dashboard pass thing and then drove over to the villa, feeling very happy to finally be there.

The cases were dumped and Rebecca and I drove to the Publix on the US27 to stock up.

There was mild panic as we checked out with three hundred dollars worth of groceries when my credit card was declined. Thankfully, my UK debit card, linked to my Apple wallet on my phone worked so we didn’t have to put it all back. I have no idea why that happened as we had no issues anywhere else all holiday apart from having to be dragged from the table at multiple meals to enter my pin into the payment thing.

Back home we had a sandwich and some crisps before falling into bed around 11pm.

I took some random pictures of bits of the villa.

I don’t know why, but I was very tired.

Till the next time……